i cant stop thinking about how beautiful it is to ctb
that may sound insensitive to some but i suppose it depends on your reasons for ctb
it feels almost romantic to me. is that weird? yeah its weird isnt it? i've even fantasised over being murdered recently and i love the thought of it, it genuinely brings me peace
only 3 weeks back i would cry badly and now i smile at the thought of ctb. i get excited over all of the possible ways in which i could die.
what if this is a stage you go through before doing it? like finding some peace within yourself
could this be where those sayings come from things like -
"its always the ones who seemed so happy"
i wonder how many people who ctb planned it secretly & slowly
or am i just going to live fantasising my death until i actually fucking die. fml.
also,
i want to listen to some really good music that i enjoy before i would do it, so i need a good playlist for the journey to where i would do it
i keep listening to darkwave, edm/trance. i realised i like music with reverbs, the phonk music genre is amazing imo
anyway...
