Discussion Does anyone else grieve for the past?

[FadingPossum]

Hey all,

This is something I don't really feel comfortable discussing anywhere else, but I'm still hoping for a bit of perspective and maybe some validation? Virtual hugs? I dunno.

I used to have a fantastic group of friends whom I did things with that made me happier than I may have been since leaving my childhood years. Unfortunately time, life, and my own mental illness ruined it all and though we all still care for each other the excitement and activities we used to do are no more.

It hurts me deeply every time I remember that a lot of this was probably my doing for becoming so mentally ill and being so desperate to maintain my friendships and happiness that I ended up doing the opposite.

Every time my RSD tells me that they're ignoring me specifically or that they dont even communicate as much because of me feels like a knife to the gut.

I read a thing that people with ADHD struggle with grief because they forget it before they process it. My grandma just died and the grief of that combined with the grief of me missing the life I feel like I ruined is incredibly overwhelming at times. It makes me want to CTB just to escape it.

Thankfully it's temporary and I know it'll pass, but that doesn't make the grief hurt any less.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

…
I so miss the days when I felt like people cared. About me. About my ideas. I know that they do care and that I'm being selfish but god I miss the old days.

 

[rosequartzbunny]

Yes! I hugely want to go back I hate time pushing me to growing older pls pm if you wanna talk :3

 

[SpiderLink]

Hey all,

This is something I don't really feel comfortable discussing anywhere else, but I'm still hoping for a bit of perspective and maybe some validation? Virtual hugs? I dunno.

I used to have a fantastic group of friends whom I did things with that made me happier than I may have been since leaving my childhood years. Unfortunately time, life, and my own mental illness ruined it all and though we all still care for each other the excitement and activities we used to do are no more.

It hurts me deeply every time I remember that a lot of this was probably my doing for becoming so mentally ill and being so desperate to maintain my friendships and happiness that I ended up doing the opposite.

Every time my RSD tells me that they're ignoring me specifically or that they dont even communicate as much because of me feels like a knife to the gut.

I read a thing that people with ADHD struggle with grief because they forget it before they process it. My grandma just died and the grief of that combined with the grief of me missing the life I feel like I ruined is incredibly overwhelming at times. It makes me want to CTB just to escape it.

Thankfully it's temporary and I know it'll pass, but that doesn't make the grief hurt any less.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

…
I so miss the days when I felt like people cared. About me. About my ideas. I know that they do care and that I'm being selfish but god I miss the old days.

I have ADHD as well, I feel u

 

[Paradise]

I sometimes in the moment already miss it. It's natural. I noticed I missed times like 2 years ago and 2 days ago. So I still experience memories that I will miss. It keeps me going . Bless you

 

[hwaiting]

I used to have a group of online friends years ago. We were all preteens-early teenagers in difficult situations and going through puberty, so as a friend group it was horribly dysfunctional and there was so much needless drama. But for that period of time of around two years, I didn't feel so alone. Sure, it was somewhat empty because they were online and not in person, but we'd sit in calls for hours and joke around about meeting each other eventually. Eventually, the toxicity of it all made my mental health significantly worse, and I had to leave. But even though I have much healthier relationships now, I still miss it a lot. They were some of the closest friends I've ever had, and it all ended so fast and so messily that I never really got any closure. It affects me much less now, but there's still some nostalgia, the what-ifs, and just missing that innocent feeling of belonging and comfort when I had no one else.

 

[BringMeToLife]

I do, I really do. To be honest, I can't stop living the past. It was just... different, you know? Like different in a nice way.
Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[momdontcryplease]

Yes. I can't stop wasting my time daydreaming about a time machine or a magic genie who would transport me back in time for me to redo my failed life. It's all I dream about.

 

[Octavia]

You are not the only one, I seem to be very prone to nostalgia myself. I miss my childhood friends dearly, I have lost all of them due to frequent school changes and never really managed to make new friends after that. I still remember their faces, and occasionally dream of us enjoying each other's company. I wish that I could stay in those dreams.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

Yes, I know "people with depression live in the past" is a bit of a cliche but for me it's 100%

 

[luminiby]

I always catch myself reminiscing the good things about my past, but I also try to keep in tune with what's in front of me now in the present :) it feels really good too when you meet people with a similar past <3 it brings such a nice sense of comfort

 

[redisblue]

Yeah, I get you :,) I'm here if you ever wanna talk, sending hugs and love <3

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I have ADHD so this may be why but I do the same. I yearn for the past, rather than the present or future more than anything. I would love to be a kid over again, it was much simpler and I was better off mentally. Also, nostalgia is just a pleasant feeling.

 

[jamie_]

every fucking day

 

[Seiko]

I always want to relive the past, and truthfully, I think it's human nature. I have this almost-daily journal I write in with the earliest entry back in 2017, and no matter what year I was in, I was always reminiscing about older times. I think that even if the older times were more difficult, you still yearn for how you felt back then, even if how you're doing today is technically better. And whenever you think about the past, it's probably in rose-colored glasses, and all the pain you felt back then suddenly evaporates once you come back to it in memory. It's such a weird phenomenon.

I also had a group of friends throughout high school that I eventually disbanded from. Even if things were to reignite--it wouldn't be the same. While I still do think about those times, I also think about how in every stage of life, I always wished to re-live the past. This could be a never-ending continuum if you don't live for the moment.

 

[Eschaton]

Hey all,

This is something I don't really feel comfortable discussing anywhere else, but I'm still hoping for a bit of perspective and maybe some validation? Virtual hugs? I dunno.

I used to have a fantastic group of friends whom I did things with that made me happier than I may have been since leaving my childhood years. Unfortunately time, life, and my own mental illness ruined it all and though we all still care for each other the excitement and activities we used to do are no more.

It hurts me deeply every time I remember that a lot of this was probably my doing for becoming so mentally ill and being so desperate to maintain my friendships and happiness that I ended up doing the opposite.

Every time my RSD tells me that they're ignoring me specifically or that they dont even communicate as much because of me feels like a knife to the gut.

I read a thing that people with ADHD struggle with grief because they forget it before they process it. My grandma just died and the grief of that combined with the grief of me missing the life I feel like I ruined is incredibly overwhelming at times. It makes me want to CTB just to escape it.

Thankfully it's temporary and I know it'll pass, but that doesn't make the grief hurt any less.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

…
I so miss the days when I felt like people cared. About me. About my ideas. I know that they do care and that I'm being selfish but god I miss the old days.

Absolutely. I would use a time machine to go back and fix my mistakes that ended things with the love of my life I was set to propose to.

 

[CTB Dream]

All time want time travle

 

[jigsaw_falling]

i understand how you feel. i get upset a lot with thinking about my childhood, because i miss it so deeply. i had a very good childhood and was a very happy, confident and sociable person up until about 13. and my own mental illnesses, that i feel like are my own 'fault' (no external people or traumatic situations caused them, just my own mind hah), have ruined that.

i feel like a very, very different person to how i used to be when i was younger and happy, and it almost feels like i'm grieving someone who has actually died sometimes. i feel so overwhelmed by it too, like you do. i hope you're doing alright, sending love <3

 

[FadingPossum]

Thank you all. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I just took a pretty big hit after reaching out to someone I want to mend things with and getting an answer in response that just really really hurt. Has the thought that I'm simply going to ruin every good thing I've got back on my mind.

 

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Oh hell yes. That's probably the thing I hate most right now. I constantly wish things were the way they used to be over a year ago, before things went to complete shit.

 

[FadingPossum]

Oh hell yes. That's probably the thing I hate most right now. I constantly wish things were the way they used to be over a year ago, before things went to complete shit.

Yep. That's definitely the mood. It was like everything clicked and I had a fantastic group who actually wanted to talk about my ideas and it just made me feel. Wanted. That's all gone now. I mostly just feel tolerated and I don't see that changing any time soon.

 

[Nigh]

I've found myself doing this recently. I've only been watching and listening to music from the nineties and early 2000's because it reminds me of being young. I hated school, but now I even look back with a smile on my face. I feel like I'm stuck in the past at the moment, because life is just so bad, I can't go forward.

 

[Leagueofgentlemen]

Yeah proper. When I was young and normal not a crippled husk living like an old lady. A series of bad decisions led to my condition and I let an abusive friend treat me like dirt, if only I'd never met him. I don't understand why a physically healthy person would want such an extreme outcome as death but everyone is entitled to a choice.

 

[Mr2005]

Hello

 

[Ineedtodie]

I grieve feeling repressed and inferior with no sens of belonging, and grieve having to feel shame and guilt over this, it affected my personality how I express myself in everyway and afraid it's too late to redeem my self.

 

[unplug]

I used to be so much stronger.

 

[NambaSutra]

As a 48 year old, I have a lot of nostalgia for my 20s and 30s when I had more friends, my wife and kids were cuter and younger, I went to many more interesting places. Now I feel really stuck in life, made some major mistakes, don't get along with my family anymore and generally just feel way more depressed than ever before.

 

[watchdog]

Of course. I grieve for my dog 50% of the day. I won't let go, I refuse to.

 

[headinspace]

Hey all,

This is something I don't really feel comfortable discussing anywhere else, but I'm still hoping for a bit of perspective and maybe some validation? Virtual hugs? I dunno.

I used to have a fantastic group of friends whom I did things with that made me happier than I may have been since leaving my childhood years. Unfortunately time, life, and my own mental illness ruined it all and though we all still care for each other the excitement and activities we used to do are no more.

It hurts me deeply every time I remember that a lot of this was probably my doing for becoming so mentally ill and being so desperate to maintain my friendships and happiness that I ended up doing the opposite.

Every time my RSD tells me that they're ignoring me specifically or that they dont even communicate as much because of me feels like a knife

When I still went to therapy (though it was years ago now) i talked to my shrink about relentless, painful, and extremely taxing nostalgia i had before shit hit the fan in my life and she said it was something called Chronic Nostalgia. Said it was very common in people with ADHD, BPD, BipDis, etc.. i havent looked into it since because i didnt wanna fall down that rabbithole but it could be that. sucks all the same but at least there's a name for it

 

[charlotte_]

I feel you so much. I miss the time that I was optimistic. I still miss the old friend group I had in middle school, every single day. The first and also the last friend group I had that truly feels like a friend group. But I ruined it. The group is still hanging out, just without me.

 

[jamie_]

yes, in between that and the c-ptsd