hwid
Member
- May 15, 2026
- 7
Sometimes I will have a really good dream and waking up from it is like a massive punch in the stomach or extreme whiplash. These good dreams make me question how my own depression works and my own reasons to CTB. It is very frustrating. The better the dream, the harder it hurts when I wake.
For years I have been either miserable or depressed. I have accepted that depression is just a part of how my brain works and that I've lost my capacity to feel happiness. Yet these dreams kind of ruin that because I am reminded that I am actually capable of feeling happy, but not from any realistic scenarios. Like my whole reason to CTB was because my brain chemistry is fundamentally incapable of feeling happy in the environment I live in and my powerlessness to change that.
This is less a question and mainly me just seeking validation that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
At this point I'd rather just have horrible nightmares. I don't really have any PTSD from any major event in my life so they never tend to linger. I get over them much faster.
For years I have been either miserable or depressed. I have accepted that depression is just a part of how my brain works and that I've lost my capacity to feel happiness. Yet these dreams kind of ruin that because I am reminded that I am actually capable of feeling happy, but not from any realistic scenarios. Like my whole reason to CTB was because my brain chemistry is fundamentally incapable of feeling happy in the environment I live in and my powerlessness to change that.
This is less a question and mainly me just seeking validation that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
At this point I'd rather just have horrible nightmares. I don't really have any PTSD from any major event in my life so they never tend to linger. I get over them much faster.