Discussion Does anyone else feel the urge more as their birthday draws near?

[ikadasui]

I always get more emotional on my birthday since it's just one giant reflection of "WOW! I haven't accomplished a single note worthy thing in another 365days worth of time!". Not only that, but it's basically also just been the very same bday on repeat for years, no celebrations, only friend hangout( bless em for that I sure as shit don't deserve it), and sadness since I wanna say middle school lmao. Only thing that really changes each year is my homemade meal from mom! No cake as I'm allergic to all those sugary calories so it's pretty barebone dry and boring

 

[Euthanizeme]

Yes, i was once advised to commit suicide on my birthday so that my family will only have to mourn my pathetic life once a year, not twice.

 

[ikadasui]

Yes, i was once advised to commit suicide on my birthday so that my family will only have to mourn my pathetic life once a year, not twice.

Okay this gave me a laugh I'm sorry but that's clever and true

 

[Iwishiwasafrog]

my birthday is in 3 days and I don't think I've ever felt worse lol. it's my party and I'll cry if I want to

 

[FuneralCry]

My birthday is just another day really. I do not particularly like that day though, as it is supposed to celebrate an existence I do not want and did not ask for. My birthday was the day when all the suffering started. I would actually like to ctb around my birthday, as I do not particularly like that time of year. My life is very depressing and I do not want any more birthdays. I only want non existence.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Once I entered double digit age, everyone including myself stopped caring about or even remembering my birthday. Sometimes I'll register on a site with my real birthday by mistake and suddenly I'd find a lone message on my birthday from a bot, like "Hello randomuser762632, on behalf of thatshittyforum.com we wish you a happy birthday" and I'd be like "oh right that's today" and click "Unsubscribe" at the bottom. Lol.

The only problem with this is that, whenever a form asks for my age I need to calculate it all over again every time.

But that said, yeah it'd have been nice to ctb on my birthday this year. Close things off nice and round. But sadly I missed my mark thanks to COVID, and I can't wait for another whole goddamn year so now that's out too.

 

[fatefulstillness]

I dread my birthday. I feel dangerously suicidal every time and the reason why I never attempt is because no one will leave me alone for enough time. It's violent, primal and I cry until I can't feel a thing. I always try to skip it somehow, but the problem is I don't have to celebrate it to feel awful. I wish people didn't call me, they really don't know the harm they're causing me.

 

[whywere]

When I got into my 60's, birthdays just were another day by myself. Especially after being laid off every March on that day, it is a huge ho hum to me.

Walter

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I get extremely suicidal as my birthday approaches. It fucks up the entire season for me.

 

[summertimestars4]

yeah, my birthday and major holidays like christmas and new year make me so sad. it's just another reminder of time gone by and wishing things were different.

 

[justtiredofit]

I know they say birthdays and holidays are the busier times of the year for suicides, becasuse they remind people of what they don't have or lost, but I can't say I feel a bigger urge during those times. My urge is there everyday.

 

[demuic]

"WOW! I haven't accomplished a single note worthy thing in another 365days worth of time!

That's why it makes me feel like shit. And just the expectations surrounding the idea that a birthday is supposed to be a day of celebration for yourself or whatever just makes me feel even worse since I spend it the same as I do ever other day. Mine just recently came and went for me. Never had any birthday parties or anything as a kid, not like I had any friends that would go to them. I still can't believe I'm as old as I am now. I regularly forget how old I am like I'm geriatric. The years have passed by so quickly while I rot away in the dust, unseen and unheard. I should have died years ago.

 

[astroworld]

Not really sure if I feel more of an urge, but I do know that I feel quite a bit more upset and am way more judgmental about myself.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'd say this definitely applies to me. My birthday is in 8 days and my suicidal feelings are ramping for seemingly no reason. Hopefully this will be the last time I suffer through a birthday because I plan to CTB sometime between June and October.

 

[Hurt]

That happens to me every year. As birthday approaches ctb thoughts become stronger. Many of us experience this since birthday is exactly the opposite of what we want.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Yep, not a fan anymore and it's in two weeks. This year will be a particularly hard one too so I'm really not looking forward to that. I was going to go to the aquarium or something that way it would at least be a fun distraction I could take my son to, but I'm still not vaccinated so apparently can't do that now because it's a requirement. Oh well.

 

[speck]

Okay this gave me a laugh I'm sorry but that's clever and true

Bro same- I also laughed but I was like hmmmmmm

 

[whywere]

I'd say this definitely applies to me. My birthday is in 8 days and my suicidal feelings are ramping for seemingly no reason. Hopefully this will be the last time I suffer through a birthday because I plan to CTB sometime between June and October.

At the ripe old age of 65, almost 66, I have a decent idea where you come from. BUT I always love your posts, thinking and how nice and kind you are to everyone, and I cannot even think about not having you here, as you are a great friend to me, and you help make the pain filled days so much better for me.

Sending you lots of hugs, caring and the knowledge that you are very important here.

always my best to you!!

Walter

 

[LastFlowers]

Yes, always, especially if it's a milestone birthday.

 

[Ada]

It used to be that way. I planned my first suicide on my birthday, it's probably a selfish thing to do, because you feel lonely or something. I never did it, and then a few weeks later, I just tried to strangle myself to death. Ended up in a hospital. It was a pretty dumb thing to do. Now I don't care that it's my birthday. That day means nothing to me.

 

[TheWood]

I don't even think about my b-day. I haven't celebrated it since childhood, in my case it's a day like any other and I'm ok with It

 

[LoneMisery]

I always get more emotional on my birthday since it's just one giant reflection of "WOW! I haven't accomplished a single note worthy thing in another 365days worth of time!". Not only that, but it's basically also just been the very same bday on repeat for years, no celebrations, only friend hangout( bless em for that I sure as shit don't deserve it), and sadness since I wanna say middle school lmao. Only thing that really changes each year is my homemade meal from mom! No cake as I'm allergic to all those sugary calories so it's pretty barebone dry and boring

Yes very very much. I absolutely hate my birthday. I plan on ctb at 35 (33 now) cuz thats the age my dad ctb. If i cant get my life in any sort of order in the next year and a half i will go through with my plan. I also may meet that plan before the year and half is up. I actually have to get to walmart soon to find the right material and hopefully not get caught trying out certain fabrics of ropes in the aisle. But then again nobody notices me any way.

 

[OldDrummer]

I love other peoples' birthdays, but hate my own. Was originally planning to cbt on my forthcoming b'day, but logistically might not be possible as I need to get a few issues in order first. Screw it, it's just one arbitrary day out of 364.

 

[ShadowsFall]

Negative memories of events from a few years ago on my birth date. Plus I will be turning 40 later this month, so yes...

 

[Ratcycling]

Yup. Mine's in about a week and a half. I had been doing okay the last couple of weeks but as it gets closer I feel the urge more. I think its partially the idea that if I did it on my birthday people would only have to think about me once a year. It's also partially that every year older I get I realize that I'm running out of time for anything to get better. As I get older I realize that I won't ever feel the happiness that other people have, I won't ever have someone love me, I won't ever stop being abandoned and kicked when I'm down. Every year that passes is just one more year of misery and one less year of happiness.

 

[castlebravo]

I've tried to schedule dentist appointments on my birthday. I want it to be meaningless, but I try and make it uncomfortable as well. Not sure I'd kill myself then. Maybe it's just not my style.

 

[nifii]

Yeah mine is in february, i will turn 24. I really wanna go before that. I can't believe i'm already almost 24 and my early 20s are over. I completely missed out on them and i don't wanna continue living. A birthday for me is a reminder again of how i'm not really living life

 

[Unending]

I hate any day that is specifically intended for celebration. It just seems sort of arbitrary and puts pressure on me that I don't want. Also, I think that at least as far as my life goes, birthdays would be much more appropriate as a day of mourning than celebrating. If i was born with the mind of an optimist, I'd see it differently but oh goodness, birthdays symbolize something very dark in my eyes.

 

[rpxrpl]

Birthdays are a reminder for me that CTB needs to happen ASAP or else I'll just suffer more.

 

[Venus13]

Absolutely. I hate my birthday more than anything and this one is going to awful.