Does anyone else feel like you’re stuck in limbo?

[inmyhead]

I tried to OD a few weeks ago, it was impulsive and pointless. A failed attempt and I called the paramedics myself.

Now I've decided on partial hanging. I have the rope. I still need to do a couple of test runs but my mum is retired and pretty much always in the house. So I have to wait around and plan accordingly for when she won't be around. She's out tomorrow so I am intending on doing trial runs then. She's also out all day on Tuesday which is the day I plan to do it.

But while I'm waiting I feel just sort of…. stuck. Friends want to meet, and I don't because I can't muster the energy to go out and put on a mask when I know I am going to CTB this week.

I first tried to CTB when I was 11, I am 31 now and have had non stop suicidal thoughts for almost a year. I'm so tired of fighting. And I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to go.

Does anyone else have this stuck in limbo feeling just waiting to CTB?

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly feel trapped here, I hate how risky and complicated suicide is in this repulsive world, I wish that there was some acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wishes to endure this futile process of slowly dying, the thought of being gone is the only comfort as in death nothing can concern us.

 

[TheAntithesis]

I'm relieved someone else feels the same. Ever since my breakup, and ever since the night I originally planned to throw myself off a roof, it feels like my life ended then. From how amazing my life was before, it all feels like some distant dream now, and this is purgatory, that'll continue to raise the temperature until its no different from Hell.

I hope that you won't be disappointed by tomorrow's trials.

 

[Hollowman]

Been in limbo for many years, I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[inmyhead]

I certainly feel trapped here, I hate how risky and complicated suicide is in this repulsive world, I wish that there was some acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wishes to endure this futile process of slowly dying, the thought of being gone is the only comfort as in death nothing can concern us.

Exactly. It's so frustrating. I wish I was born in the 1940s so barbiturates were easier to come by. Even then it seems to be getting harder and harder with each passing year. If I'd known about SN I would have done it a long time ago, but I only found out about it this year just too late.

I'm relieved someone else feels the same. Ever since my breakup, and ever since the night I originally planned to throw myself off a roof, it feels like my life ended then. From how amazing my life was before, it all feels like some distant dream now, and this is purgatory, that'll continue to raise the temperature until its no different from Hell.

I hope that you won't be disappointed by tomorrow's trials.

Thank you so much. I know exactly what you mean. I guess it's nice to know we aren't alone! It's also like, I don't want to make any long term goals, I don't want to try and lose weight or get healthier. What's the point? I don't plan on being here!

Been in limbo for many years, I wouldn't recommend it.

I know what you mean. It's so hard.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I tried to OD a few weeks ago, it was impulsive and pointless. A failed attempt and I called the paramedics myself.

Now I've decided on partial hanging. I have the rope. I still need to do a couple of test runs but my mum is retired and pretty much always in the house. So I have to wait around and plan accordingly for when she won't be around. She's out tomorrow so I am intending on doing trial runs then. She's also out all day on Tuesday which is the day I plan to do it.

But while I'm waiting I feel just sort of…. stuck. Friends want to meet, and I don't because I can't muster the energy to go out and put on a mask when I know I am going to CTB this week.

I first tried to CTB when I was 11, I am 31 now and have had non stop suicidal thoughts for almost a year. I'm so tired of fighting. And I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to go.

Does anyone else have this stuck in limbo feeling just waiting to CTB?

Yes,: I have been this way for many years now.
I feel like a rat in a maze, where all the exits are blocked. Or the hamster on a wheel, running round perpetually, yet going nowhere

 

[bluebird16]

Me too. I'm on meds but they don't really help. Every day is like ''maybe today I find SN'' mood. Can't find it anywhere so I feel like a cornered animal. And then the realization that I will probably have to go by drowning if I don't find SN. Every day is like this.

 

[ANTALWOODA]

I don't remember having suicidal thoughts for most of my teenager years, i was about 16 when i first thought about it and i did lots of research but it passed, then i moved to USA far away from my country overseas and that's when it hit me really hard, maybe I've been depressed al lot before but i had friends and they meant so much to me, i couldn't do it, I've contemplated so many times that more you are attached to things and people in life harder it is to let go, at age of 18 i was absolutely obsessed about suicide until this very day i am 27 and i said to myself so many times next year i will have courage but in reality i am coward and very sensitive to such matter, afraid of pain etc.. i don think my suicidal thoughts ever going away, and in way that i sometimes find comfort in contemplating it, i have this obsession that i cannot die in house to avoid inflicting any damage to people who are close to me as my mother sister and even my grandmother, i think i will go someplace far from them and then if i get courage i will end my life

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I didn't have any suicidal thoughts for most of my lifetime, only in the past years they are becoming real. It was always clear to me that in certain cases an exit must be acceptable when there is no other way out. Somehow for me it's time to go because I do not see any chances to be able to reach the goals i had in my life which I have not reached yet. And this makes mit not only depressed, it's an agony every day for me on top.

I feel trapped not being able to CTB freely because especially my mum wouldn't get over it and probaly die because of this. And although I'm desperate it looks like I'm not desperate enough to just CTB regardless any other losses :-(

 

[inmyhead]

Yes,: I have been this way for many years now.
I feel like a rat in a maze, where all the exits are blocked. Or the hamster on a wheel, running round perpetually, yet going nowhere

That's a perfect analogy. The rat one. I feel exactly like that and I am just ready to stop fighting. So much.

Me too. I'm on meds but they don't really help. Every day is like ''maybe today I find SN'' mood. Can't find it anywhere so I feel like a cornered animal. And then the realization that I will probably have to go by drowning if I don't find SN. Every day is like this.

Yeah I'm pretty heavily medicated but it's not really helping me at all. I'm just taking it to sleep.

I don't remember having suicidal thoughts for most of my teenager years, i was about 16 when i first thought about it and i did lots of research but it passed, then i moved to USA far away from my country overseas and that's when it hit me really hard, maybe I've been depressed al lot before but i had friends and they meant so much to me, i couldn't do it, I've contemplated so many times that more you are attached to things and people in life harder it is to let go, at age of 18 i was absolutely obsessed about suicide until this very day i am 27 and i said to myself so many times next year i will have courage but in reality i am coward and very sensitive to such matter, afraid of pain etc.. i don think my suicidal thoughts ever going away, and in way that i sometimes find comfort in contemplating it, i have this obsession that i cannot die in house to avoid inflicting any damage to people who are close to me as my mother sister and even my grandmother, i think i will go someplace far from them and then if i get courage i will end my life

I hope you find peace whatever happens. I know what you mean.

 

[outrider567]

Yes,: I have been this way for many years now.
I feel like a rat in a maze, where all the exits are blocked. Or the hamster on a wheel, running round perpetually, yet going nowhere

Yes, exactly

 

[savoytruffle]

i feel like a horse in the race track that didn't ever begin when the gun fired and the rest took off on their laps, and the crowd is staring at me while i just stand there with no escape

 

[picklemick]

Letting my life deteriorate because I committed to ctb. But can't . It's impossible.

 

[enough of this]

I tried to OD a few weeks ago, it was impulsive and pointless. A failed attempt and I called the paramedics myself.

Now I've decided on partial hanging. I have the rope. I still need to do a couple of test runs but my mum is retired and pretty much always in the house. So I have to wait around and plan accordingly for when she won't be around. She's out tomorrow so I am intending on doing trial runs then. She's also out all day on Tuesday which is the day I plan to do it.

But while I'm waiting I feel just sort of…. stuck. Friends want to meet, and I don't because I can't muster the energy to go out and put on a mask when I know I am going to CTB this week.

I first tried to CTB when I was 11, I am 31 now and have had non stop suicidal thoughts for almost a year. I'm so tired of fighting. And I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to go.

Does anyone else have this stuck in limbo feeling just waiting to CTB?

Yes. I have the same stuck in limbo feeling and just want to CBT. It's been going on for some time now - most of my adult life, really. I've tried counseling, but when my counselor told me of the mandates she has to follow if someone intends to CBT, it kept me from telling her what I really want to do. If I don't want to be turned over to authorities who are just going to put me in some ward and pump me full of drugs, I have to keep my mouth shut. It feels like I don't really have anyone to talk to.

I go to a 12-step meeting, ACA, but it's hardly a social club. I don't even feel free to talk about it there. So, I'm just in a place of not knowing what (else) to do.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Absolutely!

Im utterly convinced im stuck in the lobby room in a dream state awaiting the day when i finally i down the...

Elixir of Freedom

I shall get my own personal sandbox of peace and calm for eternity. Free from other human beings and worldy constructs.