Does anyone else feel like their mind is gone and never coming back? I mean you feel like you have no thoughts left? And you cant think anymore deeply? Like you have no emotions or feelings or thoughts ? I feel like this for a few years now,and really dunno what to do about my life , I've become super numb and apathetic, I don't wanna live like this but also I cant ctb because I don't have thoughts anymore, I don't have thoughts troubling me anymore, I want the thoughts to trouble me like they used to in the past but nothing! Because if the thoughts trouble me then I can for sure ctb , I wanna ctb because a traumatic event happened in the past and it's not normal right now for me to be alive, I should've been dead long ago, now I feel stuck with life and there are no more thoughts to guide me anymore,Anyone else feel like this and/or does anyone know anything about this condition? Is it similar to derealization or depersonalization ?
I have been feeling this way for several months. I think its because of my meds. I had suicidal thoughts, meds reduced them, but it harmed my emotional sphere and thinking ability as well. I cant be concentrated on something, also it's hard for me to read books, cant work, cant study, I really feel like shit.
botanormal
Mage
- Nov 9, 2020
- 546
(Sorry in advance for this giant message, your words have really resonated with me and so I have a lot to say! 
)
I understand what you're going through, I think you've described my thoughts during this past year perfectly. I don't always feel that way, but there have been periods of time (sometimes a few days, sometimes weeks) where I have felt exactly the same. It used to bother me a lot, because I couldn't decide on whether or not I should ctb or try to 'recover', because I wasn't able to have any deep, meaningful thoughts about anything. My mind was simply empty, and I didn't know where to go from there. In a way I still feel that now, even when my anxiety gets completely out of control, my mind still remains empty sometimes and I can't really do anything to process it, I just have to let it pass. It's so frustrating feeling that way, I can't even imagine how difficult is must've been for you to endure this for so many years now. You don't deserve to experience this, and even if you don't feel anything, it's still such a struggle to live that way.
I'm not exactly sure what could be causing this for you, and I'm not an expert by any means so take what I say with a pinch of salt. But you mentioned going through a traumatic event, and I have also experienced something like that, so it could be possible that it's what's causing you to feel this way. Disconnecting yourself from everything might be your brain's way of trying to cope with it all, I do believe that it's some type of trauma response. If you would like to know more, it might benefit you to go and talk to a doctor/therapist, if it's at all possible for you. They could give you some more insight on why you're feeling this way, and maybe even help you to recover. Of course, if that's not what you want to do, I do completely understand. Just know that, whatever it is you went through, it doesn't take away anything from your value. You deserve to have the life you want, and don't let anyone or anything make you think otherwise. It wasn't your fault, and it doesn't define you.
Everybody deserves the right to choose for themselves, so please don't think I'm trying to sway your opinion on whether or not you should ctb. You should have the opportunity to think about things more clearly, so the position you're in sounds extremely difficult, and I'm so sorry you've been going through that for so long. I will say though, I just hope you know that you are special, and there's nothing abnormal about you getting to live the life you desire. I hope you're able to figure things out a bit more, I'm sorry I couldn't offer any better advice about your condition. It sounds really tough, so I hope you're able to find some answers. Good luck with everything, and know that you can always open up here, about anything you'd like. We're here for you, okay? I'm sending you the biggest hugs right now!
)I understand what you're going through, I think you've described my thoughts during this past year perfectly. I don't always feel that way, but there have been periods of time (sometimes a few days, sometimes weeks) where I have felt exactly the same. It used to bother me a lot, because I couldn't decide on whether or not I should ctb or try to 'recover', because I wasn't able to have any deep, meaningful thoughts about anything. My mind was simply empty, and I didn't know where to go from there. In a way I still feel that now, even when my anxiety gets completely out of control, my mind still remains empty sometimes and I can't really do anything to process it, I just have to let it pass. It's so frustrating feeling that way, I can't even imagine how difficult is must've been for you to endure this for so many years now. You don't deserve to experience this, and even if you don't feel anything, it's still such a struggle to live that way.
I'm not exactly sure what could be causing this for you, and I'm not an expert by any means so take what I say with a pinch of salt. But you mentioned going through a traumatic event, and I have also experienced something like that, so it could be possible that it's what's causing you to feel this way. Disconnecting yourself from everything might be your brain's way of trying to cope with it all, I do believe that it's some type of trauma response. If you would like to know more, it might benefit you to go and talk to a doctor/therapist, if it's at all possible for you. They could give you some more insight on why you're feeling this way, and maybe even help you to recover. Of course, if that's not what you want to do, I do completely understand. Just know that, whatever it is you went through, it doesn't take away anything from your value. You deserve to have the life you want, and don't let anyone or anything make you think otherwise. It wasn't your fault, and it doesn't define you.
Everybody deserves the right to choose for themselves, so please don't think I'm trying to sway your opinion on whether or not you should ctb. You should have the opportunity to think about things more clearly, so the position you're in sounds extremely difficult, and I'm so sorry you've been going through that for so long. I will say though, I just hope you know that you are special, and there's nothing abnormal about you getting to live the life you desire. I hope you're able to figure things out a bit more, I'm sorry I couldn't offer any better advice about your condition. It sounds really tough, so I hope you're able to find some answers. Good luck with everything, and know that you can always open up here, about anything you'd like. We're here for you, okay? I'm sending you the biggest hugs right now!
I feel like im already dead too like a real life zombie
Are you taking or have you ever taken antidepressants? They can make you feel like that while on them.. It can also continue for years after stopping them. Complete emotional numbness like you say, your brain is empty and you can't think anything, this is why I will ctb.. Damage from SSRIs
This is exactly how I feel everyday, I'm just an empty shell of what I used to be.
Mentalmick
IMHOTEP!!!
- Nov 30, 2020
- 2,048
I'm the opposite, I can't stop the thoughts racing through my mind. It's a nightmare, especially at bed time.
Wrennie
-
- Dec 18, 2019
- 1,559
Crazy how many of us there are whose lives were irreversibly damaged by drugs. I feel you 100%.
Yeahp.
My mind is kinda dead but my body insists on living on.
My mind is kinda dead but my body insists on living on.
Puffinz
Member
- Dec 7, 2020
- 94
Don't know anything about this condition but have experienced it myself. I've been depressed for quite a few years but was fairly high functioning until I started smoking weed all the time. Once I became addicted to marijuana even when I wasn't high or hadn't smoked for weeks I just felt like I lost my will to keep struggling. I used to have a dream for a perfect life that I could work my way up to but now it feels like I have no desires. I eat the same food every day, I haven't shaved or had a haircut in months etc. I spend all day watching videos or playing games on my computer just to try and alleviate boredom. Of course this is just anecdotal and there are plenty of people that smoke weed and are massively successful and happy. I'm just waiting on my supplies from amazon to come in so I can ctb.
YukiFox
Pastel demon
- Dec 8, 2018
- 322
I feel the exact opposite. I feel that I have overwhelming info and ideas in my head and don't concretize anything. I want to get empty my head, and put all of that ideas in a gigantic Trello board. Then, an assistant tell me to develop this or that idea or project, specially with the literary ones.
My problem is the procrastination. I procrastinated a lot this year. And too late I decided to fight that. But I'm more close to death than life in this last days.
My problem is the procrastination. I procrastinated a lot this year. And too late I decided to fight that. But I'm more close to death than life in this last days.
issyishere
Goodnight and always remember that’s life
- Nov 5, 2019
- 441
I find I either have no thoughts or Im so in my head Im thinking too much. My memory has also gotten insanely bad, I barely passed this semester.
plough22
Living but not really, just surviving
- May 1, 2020
- 226
I find the thoughts impinging ant heavy headed. Like my head wants to explode
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,541
I'm not saying you are wrong, but I have a question: How do you know the drugs damaged you? How can you tell? Because this is also a very common side effect of severe depression. So is anhedonia. And it can last forever and ever. I see people blame it on meds all the time, but I can't figure out how they know what caused it.
I swear depression makes you stupid. I always have some degree of brain fog now, and I definitely can't think as quickly as I used to before I was depressed. I'm not very funny anymore because things don't come to me fast enough. Simple conversations are a struggle. I have to really work for it. Everything that isn't painful is muted, dull. No memory, no thoughts, no excitement, no real feelings at all. Except hurt. That I feel loud and clear, 100000000%.
I'm on meds, but I felt like all this first. It's why I started them, so I'm pretty sure they didn't cause it. It's much worse now (after trying countless meds), but so is my depression.
Sherri
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- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,802
From the moment I wake up till I fall asleep. Empty, disassociated , live in my little world like a bubble.
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga
Visionary
- Apr 2, 2020
- 2,404
You would not believe the level of dissociation I live with and my attention span is gone.
Dee38
Member
- May 5, 2019
- 29
Yes, I have felt this way for a long time. Just an empty and pointless vessel.
It breaks me every second of every day. I have permanent sexual disfunction from SSRIs.. But the emotional numbness is even worse its evil!! I can't feel anything anymore.. I use to thrive in nature to help me in rough times, now I go to the beach or walk through the woods and it means nothing to me, I also feel nothing towards the people I have loved all my life.. It's very disturbing and has broken my heart and life.
Hey sorry for the late reply I'm been drinking a bottle of rum a day to cover up the pain of my very desperate life.
I never had depression in my life! But have experienced stages of feeling emotionally numb in life. I took antidepressants for anxiety 2 years ago! (only took them for a few months) ! I have had permanent sexual disfunction ever since its called PSSD.. I have numb genitals, and no sex drive.. I was sex crazy before meds and a very emotional and loving person I actually thrived of life (other than the anxiety but It kind of made me a more caring person) . The type of anhedonia I'm talking about that happens from SSRIs is completely different to that of depression.. Its evil.
Its very hard for some people to realise what antidepressants have done to them (because they was obviously suffering with depression/anxiety before meds)
I'm so sorry to hear about what your going through and have been through.. Feel free to send me a private messege anytime or ring me.. I will give you the best advice I can.
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k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,541
Thanks for taking the time to give such a detailed answer. I was genuinely curious about the difference and how it could be pinpointed to the meds, specifically. I'm so sorry you're having to endure all that. I can understand just how hellish you must feel because I do have near complete anhedonia for very long periods where there is no pleasure at all, only pain, but at the same time, what you're going through is on another level I can't fully grasp. I think I understand better now, though. My inbox is always open to you as well.
End Game
Member
- Feb 12, 2021
- 30
I went off my meds after 15 years, sick of feeling numb emotionally. I relapsed hard and have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety like I never knew before. Tried one new medication, that failed, now on a new SNRI. I think it may help, but I can already feel the numb brain and sexual side effects coming on. Numb feels better than the anxiety attacks though. I am lost, feeling like I have 2 crappy choices to choose from to live my life. I used to feel like my depression was a bit of an inconvenience, now it is ruling my life. I also go back and forth in my mind as to if the meds caused further complications, they are wicked hard to taper off of, then the relapse. I feel dependent on them, is it because my condition has worsened or did the meds make me dependent on them?
EmbraceOfTheVoid
Part Time NEET - Full Time Suicidal
- Mar 29, 2020
- 689
I've been like this my entire life and it makes life completely meaningless. It happens to everyone for brief periods when they deal with something overwhelming but it can become ingrained as a coping mechanism when there is no other way to cope. Detaching from your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations is a product of the freeze response. When you have no outlets and no way to deal with your situation then detaching yourself from the situation is all your brain can do. Frankly, it's a shit and worthless coping mechanism that equally causes harm in your life as much as it protects you.