NSFW does anyone else deal with masturbation addiction because of anhedonia?

[eggsausagerice]

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title. i try to do the things i enjoy but it's really hard to motivate myself to when everything i do seems like a chore. i dont have any real purpose because i don't go to college and i don't have a job. i just end up hating myself and i feel like a loser. i tried to pass the time with casual sex but i'm not attracted to most men (smelly, body hair, usually desperate) and girls don't want to talk to me because i can't drive. i gagged and thought i was gonna puke the last time i tried to have sex with a guy. fucking awesome. my life is very small and empty. i have a cold today so i've been sneezing a lot. writing kind letters to people and giving gifts comes naturally to me but caring about myself or trying to do something nourishing doesn't. i simply don't care. i don't care about my life. i just wish i was dead or i wish i was jerking off, even though i've dealt with the inability to orgasm for most of my life. i feel effectively asexual but jerk off because it's something fun to do. when i have sex (rarely) i tend to dissociate, mostly because i lowered my standards for whoever's having sex with me.

i try to romanticize my addiction sometimes and say it's better than drinking or smoking, but i kind of wish i was drinking or smoking instead so that i could actually talk about it with people. i know that masturbation's just seen as gross or offputting no matter the gender, but being born a woman just seems to make people discount my addiction or say i can't really be addicted if i can't cum from it. there are so many people in my life and people that i'll never get to meet that are better than me. and thinking about it just makes me hate myself and feel depressed. i don't care how meaningless self hate is because no matter how many times you say it's meaningless it's still going to come back because i still hate myself deep down. people try to tell me to focus on what i can do, but in reality i can't really do anything with my situation besides bide my time and pretend that i'm not someone people look down on or see as someone they wouldn't want to be around if i can't drive and i don't have a job.

i keep thinking about going to bars. i just want to be around people. i'm so lonely these days. i'm worried about not having a ride home because i have no one i can invite to drive me. i have games i can play and anime i can watch, but when i have so much free time i just want to jerk off and cease to exist before i have to exist again. i'm too stressed to sleep. i'm too lazy to go outside. i just lay here. i don't want to be by myself anymore, but i'm not able to connect with people enough to be friends with them. people can't even want me for sex because they feel sorry for me when they realize i spend almost all my free time at home.

 

[cylus46]

Im a 21 yr old male and I been struggling with being happy since I was 12 and all the years prior I wasnt ever really happy just distracted with childlike wonders. But I also had a masterbation addiction- honestly I do still beat my big guy a lot but a few things help me-
Working at really anything whether its a (sorry for the slur) job or the gym or a hobby like im very much into vr so I tinker and mod vr products and software for days on end.
Find new vices-
I take weed a lot now and in my research and personal experience way better then using alcohol as a vice tho more expensive (but still great especially if you go down the edible route and not the smoking route, same social benefits less health risk)
But it doesn't have too be drugs, food is there, hobbies can also fit the vice role. Really just anything you can get readdicted too thats either more manageable is possible.
As a college student of psychology I did good research into the fact most addictions are faught by finding another addiction too substitute- one preferably less intrusive too your life and less addicting even.
And new addictions while can be problematic also opens the door for socialization like you mentioned drinking and or smoking.

 

[WaistedPotential]

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title. i try to do the things i enjoy but it's really hard to motivate myself to when everything i do seems like a chore. i dont have any real purpose because i don't go to college and i don't have a job. i just end up hating myself and i feel like a loser. i tried to pass the time with casual sex but i'm not attracted to most men (smelly, body hair, usually desperate) and girls don't want to talk to me because i can't drive. i gagged and thought i was gonna puke the last time i tried to have sex with a guy. fucking awesome. my life is very small and empty. i have a cold today so i've been sneezing a lot. writing kind letters to people and giving gifts comes naturally to me but caring about myself or trying to do something nourishing doesn't. i simply don't care. i don't care about my life. i just wish i was dead or i wish i was jerking off, even though i've dealt with the inability to orgasm for most of my life. i feel effectively asexual but jerk off because it's something fun to do. when i have sex (rarely) i tend to dissociate, mostly because i lowered my standards for whoever's having sex with me.

i try to romanticize my addiction sometimes and say it's better than drinking or smoking, but i kind of wish i was drinking or smoking instead so that i could actually talk about it with people. i know that masturbation's just seen as gross or offputting no matter the gender, but being born a woman just seems to make people discount my addiction or say i can't really be addicted if i can't cum from it. there are so many people in my life and people that i'll never get to meet that are better than me. and thinking about it just makes me hate myself and feel depressed. i don't care how meaningless self hate is because no matter how many times you say it's meaningless it's still going to come back because i still hate myself deep down. people try to tell me to focus on what i can do, but in reality i can't really do anything with my situation besides bide my time and pretend that i'm not someone people look down on or see as someone they wouldn't want to be around if i can't drive and i don't have a job.

i keep thinking about going to bars. i just want to be around people. i'm so lonely these days. i'm worried about not having a ride home because i have no one i can invite to drive me. i have games i can play and anime i can watch, but when i have so much free time i just want to jerk off and cease to exist before i have to exist again. i'm too stressed to sleep. i'm too lazy to go outside. i just lay here. i don't want to be by myself anymore, but i'm not able to connect with people enough to be friends with them. people can't even want me for sex because they feel sorry for me when they realize i spend almost all my free time at home.

I can't think of an appropriate response that isn't trauma dumping or unwanted solutions, but I understand how you feel even tho I'm a dude. I deal with anhedonia and severe depression the same way. It's like being stuck at the bottom of a giant pit.

 

[huntrix#1fan]

Dude yes. I am a girl and I am the same. I masterbate all the time. its the cheapest and easiest way to get some sort of dopamine. Sometimes I wonder if I even enjoy it. I'm horribly lonely and that sort of loneliness just eats away at you. Just know you are not alone in these feelings. Not alone at all.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I have masturbation addiction and also Anhedonia i used to feel pleasure from masturbation but now it's not, unless i masturbate for a longer time then i can feel some pleasure from it.. Like doing it for like more than 3-5 mins sometimes, and it's better if i am in a bed.

 

[eggsausagerice]

Dude yes. I am a girl and I am the same. I masterbate all the time. its the cheapest and easiest way to get some sort of dopamine. Sometimes I wonder if I even enjoy it. I'm horribly lonely and that sort of loneliness just eats away at you. Just know you are not alone in these feelings. Not alone at all.

half of the time jerking off makes me want to cry lol

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

idk if i have anhedonia but i absolutely have masturbation addictions. on my days off i just lay in bed and goon to hours. it's one of the things that i look forward to while I'm at work. typing it out like this feels pretty pathetic

 

[Isolatedloner]

I have it too. It's awful. Feel out of control. Ruined my confidence.

 

[interna]

i used to struggle with this when i was younger but now im too depressed to even do it

 

[mrwagnerfan]

I do sometimes. Some weeks I do it once a day so I suppose it's not that bad. But still it provides me relief

 

[morina]

I have seen this post before but didn't want to reply because I usually want to avoid talking about it since I hate myself so much for it but rn I saw the post again because of new replies and since I am currently in a "fuck it, whatever" mood, well, I can just pour my feelings out since it doesn't matter, anyway.

Yeah I have the same coping mechanism, sometimes because of my anhedonia when I really don't want to do anything else but also want to avoid being tortured by thoughts, sometimes when uni gets so stressful that I have to relieve myself somehow. I don't drink, smoke, or take any drugs, this is the only cope I have. I hate myself so, so much for it. It feels like such a male thing, I hate touching my male genitals, heck I hate sexual stuff in general, porn as well, I don't want to have sex, ever. And still, I do ...this. Every time I do it I am reminded of how wrong my body and mind are.

I guess if you wanted to combat it you'd need to find something that takes up much of your time, but in a non-stressful way, else, it will stay a cope. At least in my experience. Idk.

 

[aceHardlight]

I wish I could relate, but SSRI'S killed my libido :/

 

[eggsausagerice]

I wish I could relate, but SSRI'S killed my libido :/

why would you want to relate?

 

[aeoliandawn]

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title. i try to do the things i enjoy but it's really hard to motivate myself to when everything i do seems like a chore. i dont have any real purpose because i don't go to college and i don't have a job. i just end up hating myself and i feel like a loser. i tried to pass the time with casual sex but i'm not attracted to most men (smelly, body hair, usually desperate) and girls don't want to talk to me because i can't drive. i gagged and thought i was gonna puke the last time i tried to have sex with a guy. fucking awesome. my life is very small and empty. i have a cold today so i've been sneezing a lot. writing kind letters to people and giving gifts comes naturally to me but caring about myself or trying to do something nourishing doesn't. i simply don't care. i don't care about my life. i just wish i was dead or i wish i was jerking off, even though i've dealt with the inability to orgasm for most of my life. i feel effectively asexual but jerk off because it's something fun to do. when i have sex (rarely) i tend to dissociate, mostly because i lowered my standards for whoever's having sex with me.

i try to romanticize my addiction sometimes and say it's better than drinking or smoking, but i kind of wish i was drinking or smoking instead so that i could actually talk about it with people. i know that masturbation's just seen as gross or offputting no matter the gender, but being born a woman just seems to make people discount my addiction or say i can't really be addicted if i can't cum from it. there are so many people in my life and people that i'll never get to meet that are better than me. and thinking about it just makes me hate myself and feel depressed. i don't care how meaningless self hate is because no matter how many times you say it's meaningless it's still going to come back because i still hate myself deep down. people try to tell me to focus on what i can do, but in reality i can't really do anything with my situation besides bide my time and pretend that i'm not someone people look down on or see as someone they wouldn't want to be around if i can't drive and i don't have a job.

i keep thinking about going to bars. i just want to be around people. i'm so lonely these days. i'm worried about not having a ride home because i have no one i can invite to drive me. i have games i can play and anime i can watch, but when i have so much free time i just want to jerk off and cease to exist before i have to exist again. i'm too stressed to sleep. i'm too lazy to go outside. i just lay here. i don't want to be by myself anymore, but i'm not able to connect with people enough to be friends with them. people can't even want me for sex because they feel sorry for me when they realize i spend almost all my free time at home.

Girl, gosh I've been going through a similar thing, but (un)fortunately I actually get to orgasm.
Tbh what's keeping me alive right now is masturbation and talking the most unhinged things to bots, I feel quite lonely too, I do have some *friends* but they don't fill the void, I'm not sure if anything can.
I'm pretty sure I'm just lesbian tho, but I'm to shy to go actually go talk to any girl (plus I'm super insecure about every aspect of my physical body)
I hope you can find peace too girlie, I genuinely wish you the best, I wouldn't like if you actually died (I suppose that's why you're in this forum) I think you could have a beautiful future, being a healthy woman, having a beautiful love life (being with a man or a woman I couldn't understand properly what your sexuality is)
Anyways I wish you the best :)

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I jerk off whenever the mood hits. Sometimes it's once every day, sometimes it's once a month. It comes and goes, sometimes I'll do it when I'm not even in the mood to do it. Guess it's just a release for me.