Do your past happy memories kill you inside?

[Extremly kind <3]

I'm sorry. Debt is a brutally heavy burden to carry. I've got plenty of it.

I am counting on Karma to revenge from those ppl, I have never harmed anyone n c what has happened to me !

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I think about them every so often. I appreciate that I did have good times. Now it's like night and day...I barely feel anything anymore

 

[mathieu]

Yes, I'm always thinking back to when I was a teenager going clubbing every weekend. I had so many friends, knew so many people. Those were the days..

 

[Severen]

In the beginning, they make me happy but then...the opposite... Because I'm reminded of what I've lost in life. Then I feel like shit for awhile.

 

[not_a_robot]

No. I don't really have any happy memories.

When I run out of weed, I cry thinking of all the beautiful weed I used to have before I smoked it up.

 

[Midnight]

Not really ... very rarely had any memorable/genuinly happy times in all my years.

My brain torments me daily with random thoughts from the past though but only with bad memories. It's like a nightmare tornado ... Scooping shit up along the way and throwing it arround.

 

[JoeFailure]

Oh yea. I've been a pretty happy guy most of my life. But I had a completely warped sense of what life was. I just never grew up. All because something happened when I was young and I have no sexual attraction to human gentilia.

Unless a miracle comes along, I will never have a wedding or a kid. I've had 2 relationships in my life, both that ultimately broke because at some point a woman expects sex.

I'm the Godfather to my best friends baby and I have no idea how I'll possibly keep my shit together when they have it, knowing I will likely never have that moment for myself.

I'm really not bitter at the world. Those kinds of moments really are beautiful. I'm just devastated I didn't fit in with all of it and that I won't experience it.

 

[Loli]

Oh yes. Memories of my small group of friends that were like a family to me. Or nah, they were family. Home.
They eventually drifted away. But I have never felt so calm and happy like during that short period of time when four of us were really close.
Those memories are far more painful than all the memories of my traumas brought together. Yes, I'm emotionally retarded.

Fuck, wish I could CTB already.

 

[AhG]

Every. Damn. Day.

 

[thiswillkillme]

yes they keep haunting me everyday…. i feel like im Living in the past… i cant ever be the Person i used to be and yet i wish i could make it so... some happy memories come to me as some Kind of "Flashback" and it is really horrible to compare them to reality… also in my dreams i am constantly haunted by the past…:(

So true. The present sucks so much that I live in the past. The future seems inseparable from the present and the present is painful beyond solace.

 

[Sayo]

The few happy memories I have hurt the most. And of them, even fewer can be remembered without drawing forth some sort of latent sadness in the memory.

 

[vulturecyclop]

Not too many genuinely happy moments I could think of...and at this point I'm so depersonalized I'm almost completely devoid of any normal human emotions.

 

[aquariusgemini]

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts in a bottle, all in a row
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts in shards, all over the floor

 

[been_there]

Used to. The memories lose their lustre.

Everything fades with time, bad and good.

 

[Allpainnogain]

Absolutely. Especially because I ruined a perfectly happy life

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

all day everyday

 

[Scribble Fan]

Almost. I have a few that were more than nice but they're something I usually put away in a box. Probably to preserve my own mental sanity... or, well, at least I tried. Reminiscing then resurfacing is devastating.

Though I hated my life as a child, I am kept awake by memories. Just not the good kind.

 

[inconsequential]

I'm genuinely grateful that I have a few happy memories peppered into a lifetime of sexual abuse and physical torture. Sometimes there's a glimmer of light within the compost pile.

 

[bayarea]

Sometimes but there's too many bad memories from the past, I do miss my grandparents and friends though
It seems like the friends you miss the most always are moving somewhere else...

 

[andy69]

Yes. They happy memories are reminders that the future will never be as good and that I screwed things up very badly. They drive me to want to kill myself.

 

[Allpainnogain]

Yes. They happy memories are reminders that the future will never be as good and that I screwed things up very badly. They drive me to want to kill myself.

Same here :(

 

[Kaput]

Absolutely. Especially because I ruined a perfectly happy life

Are you me :/

 

[Allpainnogain]

Are you me :/

I'm sorry you are in the same boat. It's wretched

 

[Kaput]

I'm sorry you are in the same boat. It's wretched

I would have never imagined. Not in my worst nightmares. Can't make this shyt up.
Fwiw, sending you hugs.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

Mine are unbearable, theyre the only reason Im going to CTB. Counter intuitive i know

 

[not_a_robot]

Yes, they're particularly painful and often flood my mind mixed with regretful behaviors, poor decisions as well as the most useless ruminations lacking in any benefit whatsoever.

I tend to combat them with never ending movies, youtubes and forum posts until I must sleep.

Similar. Weed and endless comedy movies, tv audiobooks and podcasts. Can't fall asleep without something on otherwise some shit-memory pops in and wakes me up.
If I turn off the comedy, I end up yelling out at people who aren't there who've abused and manipulated me over the years. No thank you. Would rather laugh.

My neighbors all know I'm in here beating up the walls. Even my laughter sounds angry.

 

[Theon]

They do kill me inside. 'Cause they remind me of all I lost and all the shitty choices I made that got me into this position.