Do your past happy memories kill you inside?

[Roberto]

My demos are aggressive situations with my ex-wife, or at work, or friends. Provokes me anxiety.

 

[gnrluver0105]

Every... Fkin'... Day, that sometimes make think, "well, you lived happy memories, it's not going to get better from here, let's ctb"..

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

Very much so. In some ways I wish I didn't remember any of my happy times because it's hurts so much more now realizing everything I lost and how my life should have been.

Same. Mostly I'm thankful for my happy memories, I suppose, but they are such a source of pain. I remember when I first saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" wishing that was something I could have done (wiping my mind of painful memories). It's like a torture sometimes remembering those happier days and when my life wasn't a total hell and I still had SOME degree of hope and possibility.

yes they keep haunting me everyday…. i feel like im Living in the past… i cant ever be the Person i used to be and yet i wish i could make it so... some happy memories come to me as some Kind of "Flashback" and it is really horrible to compare them to reality… also in my dreams i am constantly haunted by the past…:(

I so relate to this. The continual, constant comparing of my life now (and for the past 20+ years) to what it once was (though, really, my life has never been 'great' even at the best of times) is terrible. I try to not compare but it's near impossible not to. And it leaves me feeling a soulcrushing combination of sadness, anger, and hopelessness.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Yeah it kills something in me but not me. It kills my control and I get angry that I can't relive those memories ever again, so I make new "happy" memories by stepping outta my shell man doing things that I was too big a pussy to do, it's weird stuff but I gotta say it does work!

 

[Ether]

Yeah they do, but I'm not good at putting things into words do I'll share my favourite poem instead:


"Into my heart on air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again."

By A. E. Housman

 

[mattwitt]

It's my bad memories that are literally killing my insides on a daily basis. To counter them I try and be thankful for what I presently have and try not to think too far ahead into the future.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Being engaged, being pregnant, being published, etc. Everything I've had in the past that went away, reminders of my potential to be happy, just make me hate myself and my current life situation even more.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

My memories in general do. I still have old unprocessed heartbreak, and I also grieve for the old me, before I became chronically ill. I have the feeling that I won't ever be totally normal or healthy again, or completely mentally sound. It's difficult to imagine me making a turnaround and being back to the way I was. I keep feeling like the best part of my life is over. That's a tough feeling to process when you're still quite young.

 

[Jolene40]

The memories of being well, having hope I may get better and being with and playing with my son. They torture me as I can no longer do this. It is very cruel to be tortured by your memories. Happy memories only make me sad as it's a reminder always of what has been lost.

 

[Extremly kind <3]

I know mine do. Hurts too much

Hurts a lot :(

 

[Morphinekiss]

I keep feeling like the best part of my life is over. That's a tough feeling to process when you're still quite young.

This. So much this. I'm only 32 but my physical health keeps getting worse and worse and I'm just pissed with my body.

 

[toolateforme]

They used to. Shit is long gone now

 

[BipolarExpat]

Yes, they're particularly painful and often flood my mind mixed with regretful behaviors, poor decisions as well as the most useless ruminations lacking in any benefit whatsoever.

I tend to combat them with never ending movies, youtubes and forum posts until I must sleep.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Yes. Everyday

 

[Lush_nova]

Happy memories? Let me google the meaning a mo..
Seriously though even some of what should have been My happiest memories have been tarnished, my wedding day went viral, but it soon took a nasty twist, for one example. The birth of one of my children. Born not breathing..(he was brought back finally but still).. it goes on.

So no happy memories don't destroy me, I'm already destroyed by the moments

 

[Sailfisher]

Memories, pictures, random items, etc.

 

[Thorn]

Strange, but I only mostly remember pain. I do have positive memories somewhere, but they are like code locked.

 

[AngelGirl]

I don't recall anything happy

 

[Thorn]

I don't recall anything happy

Some have claimed they can plant positive memories, hypnotherapy and that kind of stuff, if you are otherwise well. Maybe they actually can, depending on the person, but it is unknown how long these will last.

 

[Halo13]

I don't really have any. Not just saying that - physically/mentally abusive childhood, growing up too fast to take care of myself, completely independent by the time most still have some help and support. While it's arguable I did well being on my own entirely for the majority of my life, I can't remember a time past I wasn't worried about bills and feeding myself coupled with chronic pain, zero family, friends came and went because they'd rather be having fun than dealing with reality (i.e. no, I can't blow $40 on the movies or my electricity will get shut off, etc). Almost all of my collective memories are of myself alone. It'd be comforting to have something pleasant to reminisce about when the time comes.

 

[Empty Smile]

As always, my happy memories are when I was a kid. The world was my playground.

It's when I got older that I learned the world was my enemy.

 

[Extremly kind <3]

As always, my happy memories are when I was a kid. The world was my playground.

It's when I got older that I learned the world was my enemy.

How old are u if u dont mind telling...?

 

[Empty Smile]

How old are u if u dont mind telling...?

49

 

[Extremly kind <3]

49

At least u almost reached 50, I'm CTBing at 34 and I am forced to do so :(

 

[Empty Smile]

At least u almost reached 50, I'm CTBing at 34 and I am forced to do so :(

I was supposed to this past New year's, but was caught before I could follow through with it. I have tried numerous times before but failed.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I'm CTBing at 34 and I am forced to do so :(

Can you tell us why?

 

[Extremly kind <3]

Can you tell us why?

I have left my previous job due to the pressure of a manager who was under trial, he wanted to prove to the management that he was capable by any means, I resorted to finding another opportunities, I found one with like a 70% salary increase but ended up in a very toxic environment reporting to a worse manager, I am jobless with deep debts now, I've never imagined this to happen:(

 

[Empty Smile]

I have left my previous job due to the pressure of a manager who was under trial, he wanted to prove to the management that he was capable by any means, I resorted to finding another opportunities, I found one with like a 70% salary increase but ended up in a very toxic environment reporting to a worse manager, I am jobless with deep debts now, I've never imagined this to happen:(

As always, life fucks us one way or another.

 

[Orin]

Past happiness does provide the contrast to make my current situation seem shitty.

Though I do the opposite to remedy this..... i subject myself to MORE suffering in order for my current situation to not seem so bad at all (ex. fasting for 16-24 hours, endure the cold by not turning on the heater, deny myself internet/TV/entertainment,etc.)

 

[BipolarExpat]

I am jobless with deep debts now, I've never imagined this to happen:(

I'm sorry. Debt is a brutally heavy burden to carry. I've got plenty of it.