Discussion Do you want to get better?

[MiMif]

I'm starting to think I don't want myself to get better...I hate myself and maybe I feel I deserve to feel like this

 

[R_N]

It is all the same to me at this point.

 

[Old Friend]

Depends. I wouldn't want to be a different person entirely. Whilst in some ways I envy the sort of normies who have a ton of phoney normy friends because they seem to not have a care in the world, that's not who I'd want to be.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'm not the problem but rather existence is, only death can bring me peace from the curse that is having the ability to exist, the thought of permanently ceasing to exist is all that comforts me and feels ideal.

 

[mob]

I honestly don't know. There's a part of me that wants to get better, but I know for a fact that I'll ctb at some point anyway, whether that be in a year or 20.

Questions like that are quite hard to answer for me. There's still some things I want to experience and see before I die - sometimes I cling to that. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going, yet sometimes I think that if I had the chance to disappear painlessly right now, I'd take it without hesitation. But I know I'm not in a rush, and I can CTB as soon as I feel like I've seen, done, and experienced enough.

So basically, I don't know if I want to get better or not, but it doesn't matter to me. I insist on having control over my own life and I already know that I'll go by ctb.

But you don't deserve to feel like this. No one here does. No matter what you've done or what happened, you don't deserve it.
Your life is your own; what you do with it is your own personal choice.
I believe everyone who says they don't want to get better as much as I believe those who say they do. CTB is a drastic measure and choice, and if there's a tiny spark in you that wants to live, hold on to it dearly as long as it's there. If you're not 100% sure, then don't CTB - leaving with regrets would suck.