Do you think you'll cry the day of?

[leavingsoon99]

I will probably cry. I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to have a delicious last meal. Then, work up the nerve and pull the trigger. Even when I dry fire, I cry. Because all of the memories of the horror of my life. Asking myself why something played out the way it did. Replaying traumatic events over and over again in my head. Feeling cursed and singled out by the universe. The tormenting and oppressive figments of my imagination. And that it'll all be over once I pull the trigger. I get sad about the hope I had for my life. The lies I believed about life, and how they misguided me into an existence of pain. The feelings of rejection. How I fought, viciously, to live life to the fullest... only to be led to this point.

I'm not sad about leaving, but at the fact that life played me for a fool. I'm sad that I really gave life that many chances. I'm sad that I didn't do this before, when I had access to a relatively sure-fire, painless way.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I will probably cry. I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to have a delicious last meal. Then, work up the nerve and pull the trigger. Even when I dry fire, I cry. Because all of the memories of the horror of my life. Asking myself why something played out the way it did. Replaying traumatic events over and over again in my head. Feeling cursed and singled out by the universe. The tormenting and oppressive figments of my imagination. And that it'll all be over once I pull the trigger. I get sad about the hope I had for my life. The lies I believed about life, and how they misguided me into an existence of pain. The feelings of rejection. How I fought, viciously, to live life to the fullest... only to be led to this point.

I'm not sad about leaving, but at the fact that life played me for a fool. I'm sad that I really gave life that many chances. I'm sad that I didn't do this before, when I had access to a relatively sure-fire, painless way.

Metoo

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, probably. Who will you be crying for though? Will it be all self pity, or, will you also be crying for the people who will shortly find out what you've done? For me- it's a mixture. By the time I go, I will have already waited for the person I think it would really affect to go first- my Dad. I don't really know how it would affect my more distant family and friends. Maybe I'm just projecting when I worry that they'll be upset. Reckon I'll be terrified too.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes, probably. Who will you be crying for though? Will it be all self pity, or, will you also be crying for the people who will shortly find out what you've done? For me- it's a mixture. By the time I go, I will have already waited for the person I think it would really affect to go first- my Dad. I don't really know how it would affect my more distant family and friends. Maybe I'm just projecting when I worry that they'll be upset. Reckon I'll be terrified too.

Myself. I don't care about other people. Terrible I know

 

[unnormal9]

I cried today, right now. i dont know its rare, but something just hit me

I know it was was it was: ryan jordan, the star, again.

 

[sadstuffie]

yes because i deserved so much more out of life. maybe that's selfish idk

 

[Death is my goal]

i can't cry so no

 

[animetal]

I will probably cry. I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to have a delicious last meal. Then, work up the nerve and pull the trigger. Even when I dry fire, I cry. Because all of the memories of the horror of my life. Asking myself why something played out the way it did. Replaying traumatic events over and over again in my head. Feeling cursed and singled out by the universe. The tormenting and oppressive figments of my imagination. And that it'll all be over once I pull the trigger. I get sad about the hope I had for my life. The lies I believed about life, and how they misguided me into an existence of pain. The feelings of rejection. How I fought, viciously, to live life to the fullest... only to be led to this point.

I'm not sad about leaving, but at the fact that life played me for a fool. I'm sad that I really gave life that many chances. I'm sad that I didn't do this before, when I had access to a relatively sure-fire, painless way.

Same here

 

[Deleted User#81194]

I've lost the ability to cry since I was 11, growing up I was always beat as a child and crying was never allowed; it made my heart ice cold. not even when friends/family die, I still can't cry. I just feel indifference towards most things (makes me wonder if I'm a sociopath)

I'm just empty..

 

[Jule_from_Germany]

Yeah, I think when the time is there, I will cry a lot

 

[tiny_dancer]

I have cried and grieved so much already- over my life and the one I was supposed to have, over saying goodbye forever to my loved ones, etc….But the day of I think I will need to not cry, to be mostly unemotional, to be able to follow through.

 

[BloomingRose]

I couldn't really cry for a while now so I don't really know if I am able to or will be able to cry at this time.

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't think so, crying wouldn't achieve anything and I'd be more concerned with the method being successful. Death is a good thing after all, but dying is not.

 

[silent star]

I like yr bio quote. right. soon I will forget this life. Like it never existed.thats the best part. Going back to my previous self.when I was just someone that doesn't exist .that sums up my thoughts about my life now.ill steal it

Thanks but please don't steal it

 

[fkyou]

Thanks but please don't steal it

Haha ok

 

[animetal]

I definitely will cry, I'm a very emotional person and I've been crying every day honestly about all the hope I had for the future and all the memories I had in the past , I think there's so many things that made life memorable but yet I feel like some kind of lost soul, I don't know who I am and everyone expects things out of me that I just can't give anymore :/ I feel so heart broken from myself and the actions that led to this point. Life is going too fast for me to keep up any more.

 

[Kasumi]

Yea, I probably would, not cause of SI or anything, but because I will really miss my best friends.
Whenever I feel emotionally close to wanting to end it and go through how it would be like, what I feel is this sort of calm happiness and sadness at the same time.
Happy cause I'll be free, everything I hate, everything that brings be so much pain and fear every day will finally be over.
And sadness cause I know I'll lose all of the few people that have been good to me.

Like I know I'll be leaving them, but from my perspective I'm losing them.
But no matter how much I don't want to lose them,.. at the same time, this is worse, I really don't want to leave them but if that means I have to suffer for longer then I can't do it,.. that's what makes me so sad about it, that I'd like to stay with them, but I can't.

Some people might say "you can stay with them, you don't have to die".
But I'm sorry, if staying around to see my friends means I have to go through hell for longer, then I can't do it. I'm sorry I'm choosing my own peace and freedom over the only people that have been good to me.

This is what makes me really sad about leaving, because I know what I'm doing to both myself and my friends, I know what I'm losing.

 

[nochu]

Yes, i'm in a position where ctb is my only option and it makes me cry a lot there are people who depend on me, some i actually love but shit happens. I just think of accidents, some people full of joy and desire to live suddenly gone because of a drunk driver etc , but their family and friends can move on so why would it matter for me? I hope the few people i care for can move on.

 

[uguufo]

I did before my past two unsuccessful attempts. Crying can be a good release of various chemicals that can sometimes help with calmness. So long as it's not like ..a panic crying.. those leave me out for a day or so.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

I cry literally all days already

 

[tirednorthernsoul]

I'm a very emotional person, so I definitely will.

 

[Mia11]

I lost the ability to cry for myself but I'll probably cry thinking of what it will do to my loved ones. Crushes my heart to think of the pain it'll cause them but I know I am not able to live much longer.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I will either cry or feel deep sadness inside, unable to cry. I'll be wishing I could've died knowing I was loved, but I know that isn't true for me. No one will care really. I'm not important in this world.