Reason for my CTB is my father. Even animals are far better than him. He never ever was able to achieve anything in life except false pride which his mother (call her bitch) instilled inside him. He knows he got used by everyone and he is not good for any purpose and thus married my mother by cheating and then bought me and my brother into this world to his manhood by abusing us all day and night. He thinks he is able to hide his impotency by this manner.
Just worried about my mom and my brother. Honestly they are best one could get. Best gift the universe has given me. But now my health, internal deterioration has become such that I know if I survive, I will burden them, which in fact still holds true.
No hope, no desire, no purpose, no goal left now. Talking about giving chance to life, I am tired of being backstabbed by it. This is the point where It is Enough. Going back will again be the same stupidity that I am doing since my childhood. I just think now what if I Catched the Bus in 2006? This 20 years did bring whole lot of changes to me but when I Look back, I find the result to be negative. If I did that in 2006, might be saved from the fresh pain that I encountered in this period. Prior to 2006, It was hell again. Yes time has, to some extent, improved but I know it will take not more than a fraction of a second to flip every thing upside down.
My condition is such that neither do I want to nor can I afford to miss the bus. Once a teacher told me, if you settle your deal for less, that is it, do not expect anything worth then. Never settle for less. Don't know what my worth is. I m not God but the mother fucker who is, he is always there to backstab me. Why should I only suffer? Why should I only console myself? What's my fault? Intellectuals might say It's my past karma. What if not? Life is already unjustified and what if universe also remains so? What if I was born in wrong time by sheer bad luck? If this is what life is, I Dont Want it.
Cant miss the bus this time.
Reason for my CTB is my father. Even animals are far better than him. He never ever was able to achieve anything in life except false pride which his mother (call her bitch) instilled inside him. He knows he got used by everyone and he is not good for any purpose and thus married my mother by cheating and then bought me and my brother into this world to his manhood by abusing us all day and night. He thinks he is able to hide his impotency by this manner.
Just worried about my mom and my brother. Honestly they are best one could get. Best gift the universe has given me. But now my health, internal deterioration has become such that I know if I survive, I will burden them, which in fact still holds true.
No hope, no desire, no purpose, no goal left now. Talking about giving chance to life, I am tired of being backstabbed by it. This is the point where It is Enough. Going back will again be the same stupidity that I am doing since my childhood. I just think now what if I Catched the Bus in 2006? This 20 years did bring whole lot of changes to me but when I Look back, I find the result to be negative. If I did that in 2006, might be saved from the fresh pain that I encountered in this period. Prior to 2006, It was hell again. Yes time has, to some extent, improved but I know it will take not more than a fraction of a second to flip every thing upside down.
My condition is such that neither do I want to nor can I afford to miss the bus. Once a teacher told me, if you settle your deal for less, that is it, do not expect anything worth then. Never settle for less. Don't know what my worth is. I m not God but the mother fucker who is, he is always there to backstab me. Why should I only suffer? Why should I only console myself? What's my fault? Intellectuals might say It's my past karma. What if not? Life is already unjustified and what if universe also remains so? What if I was born in wrong time by sheer bad luck? If this is what life is, I Dont Want it.
Cant miss the bus this time.
The thing is even if I again give life another chance, if it again backstabs me, what will I say to HIM? He might say either I am a chutiya or my sufferings were all wrong because I managed to survive. He might ask I have given you the option to CTB and you miss the bus. Because even when he is wrong, I will be helpless.
