Do you think if you looked better you wouldn't be this suicidal?

[carnivalforone]

maybe, ive longed for companionship, genuine care from another, i think my appearance is a big roadblock , i was given bad genes making me short, unattractive features, and idk my whole starting hand was the worst of the worst, had i gotten a different hand i might have had more options or even wildily different outlooks on everything as a whole, i just wish i didnt have to live through this shitty unfavorable situation

 

[BlazingBob]

My best friend told me I'm an aging chad. Mental and physical illness don't discriminate. I'd trade my looks for good health in a heartbeat. One of the best looking, and coolest, guys I've ever known ctb at 27 with a necktie in a closet. I couldn't believe the amount of gorgeous women at the funeral. None of that ultimately matters if your brain is waging war against you.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

Yes, but I would probably still want to kill myself.

I have been told many times that I am ugly. I know people will assume you are less intelligent or less of a decent person the more unattractive you are - there are countless studies on this exact topic. Today relationships are typically determined by how you look (and how you are as a person is only an after thought after the ugly are screened out).

In terms of friendship I'm not so sure if it matters as much. I know it definetely makes a difference, but my personality also probably just sucks lmao. I used to have friends (technically still do) but they have all moved on and its been a while. I've never been able to keep a friendship. I or they have to move away or maybe they get sick of me and move on.

I've wasted every opportunity I've had, and I am now at the end. There is no purpose or meaning in my life - I just waste space, when my slot could have gone to someone else in the world.

And no matter what the pain will always be with me. This November will mark year 9. I think I could get through it before because I had some vague hope of some kind of magical medical break through. Now I know that it will never change.

 

[lament.]

I swear..some people are so incredibly privileged that they think minor pitfalls=disadvantage.

I know this wasn't directed at me but reading this part was kinda irking. I agree with most of what you said but it should go without saying that a minor pitfall for some can be a debilitating problem for another.

 

[LastFlowers]

My best friend told me I'm an aging chad. Mental and physical illness don't discriminate. I'd trade my looks for good health in a heartbeat. One of the best looking, and coolest, guys I've ever known ctb at 27 with a necktie in a closet. I couldn't believe the amount of gorgeous women at the funeral. None of that ultimately matters if your brain is waging war against you.

Who said physical illness discriminates?
(I could debate on the definition of "mental illness" to begin with.)

I'd do the opposite trade.

Being good looking is a massive advantage and mitigating factor. It always matters.
(And just look at the type of people you noticed at the funeral..)
Would you rather deal with being unattractive on top of being ill?

A lot of able-bodied people and wealthy people commit suicide too.
Does that mean that they did it because they were wealthy or able-bodied? No.
But plenty of people commit suicide precisely because they're the opposite of those two things.

I think people are really missing the point here…the question is not "Can attractive people have problems?", so idk why the answers reflect a different question than what was asked.

 

[voyager]

I have never accused anyone of being "jealous" of me, even over things they very well could have been envious about, in a vacuum.
That's an extremely narcissistic way of thinking and conducting oneself.

I swear..some people are so incredibly privileged that they think minor pitfalls=disadvantage.

On a whole, I agree with you, unattractive people have it harder than attractive ones. No doubt. It's been my experience too having witnessed both sides, also in regards to how one is perceived as well. When I was in my prime (don't just mean looks but mental capacity/standing too) had plenty of "friends", when I'd fallen the same people would laugh at me doing a lowly job. Hadn't seen them in years, none of them ever called, and yet they (5-6 guys) literally came by the shop to gloat. Had never done anything to them and yet they took delight at my misfortune.

Jealousy can be a thing. My mum for instance was a good looking woman in her day and was admired a lot. Yes, she can sometimes be a little full of herself in that regard, because it formed part of her identity, but overall, she wasn't arrogant and always a kind person who'd help anyone, not least her colleagues and yet plenty of them backstabbed her without reason. Her female bosses definitely despised her for her looks and competence. She was undoubtedly the most qualified of the bunch and yet they wouldn't promote her time and time again, instead try to demean her in any way they could out of pure spite.

As for "minor pitfalls", she worked for an airline, in sales and as a flight attendant, men would jump into sliding doors with her to rub themselves against her. She could feel them underneath their pants. Other times they'd enter her hotel room and encroach on her to have sex. People in power, like diplomats, would send their attachés to her, treating her like a whore, to come over and have sex with them. Worst of all, a guy stalked her over weeks, following her on the bus. One day he ran up to her at night, covered her mouth, pulled her to the floor and tried to rape her. She managed to fight free. The didn't even punish him for that.

These are not minor pitfalls. People are assholes.

 

[LastFlowers]

I know this wasn't directed at me but reading this part was kinda irking. I agree with most of what you said but it should go without saying that a minor pitfall for some can be a debilitating problem for another.

At a certain point, some amount of objectivity has to come into play or else it's a complete free-for-all as far as defining or measuring anything in life.

If someone said that subjectively, their broken arm felt like it was as painful as someone's description of being disemboweled…
would that not irk you?
(*If you had been disemboweled, it surely would.)

If a "minor pitfall" is debilitating, then it was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.
It also depends on how you're defining the term "pitfall" and in what context.
So you could be thinking about it completely differently than I am.
I'm using it here, in a very specific context.
As an imperfection of privilege, not a pitfall of life in general.

Also, most people don't know what they have until they lose it.
They could consider some difficulty to be "debilitating" while overlooking the fact that if they were without a certain privilege, they would endure a whole other world of debilitating that would make the one before seem almost desirable.



And as a note to anyone else reading:
Contrary to popular belief-or purported belief- being attractive vs unattractive is a readily observable, widely studied dichotomy.
Along with the corresponding benefits or consequences.
One side being significantly privileged over the other isn't really up for debate. Even what the human brain finds attractive aesthetically has a largely universal, timeless trend. Society just celebrates this inherent bias rather than genuinely trying to undermine it. Either way, it unfortunately runs quite deep.

 

[SmollMushroom]

No, I'm pretty decent looking but looks matter only up to a certain point. Especially for males.
I don't think the way I look ever helped my situation. And I still think I'll end up ctbing.

 

[lament.]

If someone said that subjectively, their broken arm felt like it was as painful as someone's description of being disemboweled…
would that not irk you?

No, that example wouldn't irk me. Everyone's perception of pain is different. Much like how everyone's feelings about certain situations, problems and issues are different.

If a "pitfall" is debilitating, then it was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.
It also depends on how you're defining the term "pitfall" and in what context.
So you could be thinking about it completely differently than I am.
I'm using it here, in a very specific context.
As an imperfection of privilege, not a pitfall of life in general.

That "imperfection of privilege" being a minor pitfall to you could be something that completely negates the feeling privilege for another. That doesn't mean the privilege as a whole is gone, but to them it can overshadow the positives.

Also, most people don't know what they have until they lose it.
They could consider some difficulty to be "debilitating" while overlooking the fact that if they were without a certain privilege, they would endure a whole other world of debilitating that would make the one before seem almost desirable.

I agree, but just because someone's current problems may not seem as bad as others in general doesn't mean they don't exist or that to the person with the problem, they aren't hugely impactful. I used to be unattractive, and was bullied for my appearance but ironically that was one of the only times in my life I wasn't suicidal, but that doesn't make me think that you are being over-dramatic or that you would be wrong if you said that being attractive would improve your life, or make you no longer suicidal. Your issues with being unattractive are your own and the severity of them are not for me to decide, nor for me to judge. It's similar to what you said "most people don't know what they have until they lose it", you wouldn't know the problems someone is facing and how badly that is affecting them, if you yourself lack what they have.

 

[LastFlowers]

No, I'm pretty decent looking but looks matter only up to a certain point. Especially for males.
I don't think the way I look ever helped my situation. And I still think I'll end up ctbing.

I think that's how it usually goes though.
When we have something, we rarely think about how life would be without it nor are most people able to gauge how much of an effect something or someone has on their life..until that thing or being is gone or diminished.
Then they realize the full weight, the true significance.

Who do you believe thinks about or ponders food more?
The satisfied or the starving?


A lot of comments here are the result of myopia clouding common sense. Willfully.

 

[Death is my goal]

Like if people enjoyed your company and wanted to be around you and treated you better

what does this have to do with how you look???

 

[loopdaloop]

No. good looks are temporary because of aging and a person can become dependent on "pretty privilege" so having it and then losing it can be detrimental to the mental health of a lot of once attractive people. I think it's best to be average looking and being okay with aging and becoming uglier.

 

[LastFlowers]

what does this have to do with how you look???

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Because if so, you're not alone.
A lot of comments here (and replies to my own comments) are guilty of the same.
After awhile, there's not much point in bothering.

 

[passivethought121]

Maybe. I'd still be bad at socializing, but it might just be seen as cute rather than disheveled, which might make people more likely to stick around. Probably not

 

[Kurai]

No I still want to die

 

[LastFlowers]

No. good looks are temporary because of aging and a person can become dependent on "pretty privilege" so having it and then losing it can be detrimental to the mental health of a lot of once attractive people. I think it's best to be average looking and being okay with aging and becoming uglier.

Oh boy..

Everything is temporary. Even life itself.
So that argument could be used with pretty much anything that means anything to anyone or any benefit..or detriment in life.
Very telling that such unsound points are what are always grasped at when trying to argue that looks are trivial.

Detrimental to attractive people!?
Because their privilege waned?
What about those who were already running on empty their whole lives?
They age too, and become even worse off..without any of the memories or benefits built up from a lifetime of good looks.
They've got less room to decline.
And a whole backlog of suffering..talk about detrimental.

So in the context of say, having guardians growing up, having a roof over your head, food on the table, a pleasant upbringing..
are homeless, starving orphans actually better off than those who grew up with the good stuff, got used to it, and then lost it?

You're saying all those years of privilege and fortune and connection meant nothing and that it would have actually been better to have never had any of that at all, ever?
Or a whole lot less of it?

Because that's the sort of logic that's being utilized here.
It's silly.

(I guess everybody who is good looking better screw up their looks now!
Hurry, before you become too dependent!
And get rid of absolutely everything else that you're leaning on, because one day it won't be there! So why wait? Why not be without for 50 years instead of 15?! /s)

It's better to be the best off you can possibly be, especially if it's all downhill from there.
Especially when you never know what could happen, it's better to have a surplus so that you can afford to lose more than those who started out with less.
Better to have had advantages that allowed for more opportunities early on, which would also better the odds of a favorable future.

 

[loopdaloop]

Oh boy..

Everything is temporary. Even life itself.
So that argument could be used with pretty much anything that means anything to anyone or any benefit..or detriment in life.
Very telling that such unsound points are what are always grasped at when trying to argue that looks are trivial.

Detrimental to attractive people!?
Because their privilege waned?
What about those who were already running on empty their whole lives?
They age too, and become even worse off..without any of the memories or benefits built up from a lifetime of good looks.
They've got less room to decline.
And a whole backlog of suffering..talk about detrimental.

So in the context of say, having guardians growing up, having a roof over your head, food on the table, a pleasant upbringing..
are homeless, starving orphans actually better off than those who grew up with the good stuff, got used to it, and then lost it?

You're saying all those years of privilege and fortune and connection meant nothing and that it would have actually been better to have never had any of that at all, ever?

Because that's the sort of logic that's being utilized here.
It's silly.

(I guess everybody who is good looking better screw up their looks now!
Hurry, before you become too dependent!
And get rid of absolutely everything else that you're leaning on, because one day it won't be there! So why wait? Why not be without for 50 years instead of 15?! /s)

It's better to be the best off you can possibly be, especially if it's all downhill from there.
Especially when you never know what could happen, it's better to have a surplus so that you can afford to lose more than those who started out with less.
Better to have had advantages that allowed for more opportunities early on, which would also better the odds of a favorable future.

You have a really solid argument, ig I thought of it from a standpoint of being scared to grow attached to the advantage but you're right about it that it's still an advantage nonetheless

 

[NeedAnEscape]

If I was a more naturally confident and self-assured person, I would not be suicidal in any way. As soon as I started caring about what other people thought of me, my life started going downhill. I became hyperaware of my faults and felt inadequate. Over the years, this morphed into a general pessimism toward life and indifference towards any of my successes. I lacked a lot of love during the years I needed it most. I still struggle to connect with others, and I cannot comprehend how others can make friends with ease. I experience a lot of bitterness and frustration, wishing that I could have either been born a different person or not born at all.

 

[BlockHammer]

I have no problem with my look, im considered slightly above average. But my depression has nothing to do with my appearence

 

[Le_Dauphin]

People who say being attractive is overrated and complain about being seen as an object got nothing on being actually unattractive. It is one thing to be seen as an object, it is another to have everyone wanting to literally torch you out of this world because of your appearance, because we do live in an appearence oriented world, more than pretty people realize, because they have it all in their favor.

 

[edu0z]

No. Being good looking is overrated. You're always stared at and judged by your said looks i.e. people think of you as an object and think you're thick, cause you can't possibly be interesting and attractive..

I know many girls who are quite attractive and also intelligent and with many passions and interests that are interesting beyond being a "sexual object". Just like I know a lot of girls who might not be considered "attractive" because of their looks and are incredibly interesting and intelligent. It's true that a woman considered attractive from a young age is more likely to grow up extrovert and socially capable (more confident) because of the attention she's used to receiving (that's a fact), but you can't judge an entire society for your mere subjective experience. There are many types of people out there.

 

[BlazingBob]

Who said physical illness discriminates?
(I could debate on the definition of "mental illness" to begin with.)

I'd do the opposite trade.

Being good looking is a massive advantage and mitigating factor. It always matters.
(And just look at the type of people you noticed at the funeral..)
Would you rather deal with being unattractive on top of being ill?

A lot of able-bodied people and wealthy people commit suicide too.
Does that mean that they did it because they were wealthy or able-bodied? No.
But plenty of people commit suicide precisely because they're the opposite of those two things.

I think people are really missing the point here…the question is not "Can attractive people have problems?", so idk why the answers reflect a different question than what was asked.

I think you're missing the point of this forum which is to support and encourage each other. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder by the way you've responded to people's replies including mine. People are just giving their perspectives. My point and others was to say it wouldn't really matter one way or another. Did you expect everyone to say, "Yes, I'm ugly and a victim and if I were better looking I wouldn't be this suicidal"? Quite honestly your response pissed me off. This forum is all some of us have. There are some extremely fragile people on here who are in immense pain. Please be mindful of that when crafting your responses.

 

[Doz]

Looks have never been an issue for me and will never be. I've never focused on or cared about appearance. This isn't to say I'm attractive by any means though; I guess I'm just average looking. Maybe the hair scores me a few points but that's it.

 

[Amyend88]

I know many girls who are quite attractive and also intelligent and with many passions and interests that are interesting beyond being a "sexual object". Just like I know a lot of girls who might not be considered "attractive" because of their looks and are incredibly interesting and intelligent. It's true that a woman considered attractive from a young age is more likely to grow up extrovert and socially capable (more confident) because of the attention she's used to receiving (that's a fact), but you can't judge an entire society for your mere subjective experience. There are many types of people out there.

I know that this is texting, but most people would know that the '..' at the end, implied I was being sarcastic, and that you can of course be both! Hence judging people solely on their looks is a mistake so many of us make. Besides, if you're invalidating my own experience with that of your own, that says a lot about you doesn't it.

I think you're missing the point of this forum which is to support and encourage each other. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder by the way you've responded to people's replies including mine. People are just giving their perspectives. My point and others was to say it wouldn't really matter one way or another. Did you expect everyone to say, "Yes, I'm ugly and a victim and if I were better looking I wouldn't be this suicidal"? Quite honestly your response pissed me off. This forum is all some of us have. There are some extremely fragile people on here who are in immense pain. Please be mindful of that when crafting your responses.

Well said.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Yes, life was easier when I was younger, but always more difficult that taller or fairer or more attractive woman who always had more opportunities given to them by others attractive to their looks. Still, I'd rather have money because then you can afford to pay to look good.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

People who say being attractive is overrated and complain about being seen as an object got nothing on being actually unattractive. It is one thing to be seen as an object, it is another to have everyone wanting to literally torch you out of this world because of your appearance, because we do live in an appearence oriented world, more than pretty people realize, because they have it all in their favor.

It's vinegar vs sulfuric acid.

 

[Sunoo]

No way. Like I'm not a looker, but I don't think supermodel hotness would've saved me.

what does this have to do with how you look???

Sorry I think I've worded my question really wrong. What I meant to ask was: Would life be more bearable if you were more appealing or more socially accepting to people and more confident. Because how people treat me is what makes me think I'm this or that if that makes sense, which leads me to a lot of self hatred over time. I agree that being attractive does not mean it fixes all your problems I was not trying to say that what I meant was that: would it have made a difference in your life if you were considered more attractive? I feel like my question made some people annoyed which was not my intention at all. I'm really sorry I made that post while I was having some breakdown so I was not really giving much thought and process when writing it.

Sorry I think I've worded my question really wrong. What I meant to ask was: Would life be more bearable if you were more appealing or more socially accepting to people and more confident. Because how people treat me is what makes me think I'm this or that if that makes sense, which leads me to a lot of self hatred over time. I agree that being attractive does not mean it fixes all your problems I was not trying to say that what I meant was that: would it have made a difference in your life if you were considered more attractive? I feel like my question made some people annoyed which was not my intention at all. I'm really sorry I made that post while I was having some breakdown so I was not really giving much thought and process when writing it.

English is not my first language too so sorry for any misunderstandings

 

[Division Day]

Oh. I'm sure it would've made a difference. Being attractive makes a lot of things easier (also makes bad things like attracting the attention of pieces of crap easier). I'm just equally sure that my problems are 99% on the inside.

 

[callme]

Maybe. My giant struggle is weight, and way too much of it. I still could be decent-looking if not for fat. In any case, I still wish I was good-looking universally, it's a given and I don't have it. What I have is another reason potentially that could have made me the least bit likeable or of interest by anybody, else than as a low IQ piece of meat lumping around.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I think that's how it usually goes though.
When we have something, we rarely think about how life would be without it nor are most people able to gauge how much of an effect something or someone has on their life..until that thing or being is gone or diminished.
Then they realize the full weight, the true significance.

Who do you believe thinks about or ponders food more?
The satisfied or the starving?


A lot of comments here are the result of myopia clouding common sense. Willfully.

OP asked a personal question: Do you think if YOU looked better you wouldn't be this suicidal?

I think it's quite bold from you to assume that everyone in here who replied with a "no" is delusional, especially considering you don't know the background of them, just like you don't know the background of me.

I said I look "decent", and I'll say that again, if I would have looked better (which is what OP was asking, read carefully) that still would have NOT helped me.
I'm 100% sure about that, knowing MY situation. And I would still want to ctb.

The question wasn't, do you think handsome people have it easier than ugly/unattractive people.
Which seems the way you have interpreted it, judging by your replies to this thread.