Do you self-harm? And if so, why do you think you do that?

[Signal]

I have been doing it for a few months now, and i have growing more and more curious about why others people do it.

I started doing it when i was probably at the lowest point i had been in a long time, and i guess it kinda helped me at times, specially seeing the scars that formed on my arm and the fresh cuts helps me calm down in a way, i dont really know why. And so, i want to know what is youre experience like with SH.

 

[unluckysadness]

my cousin does it and she just said me she likes to see his blood flow. she suffers from depression too with suicidal thoughts and isolation (like me). my grandmother had mental problems so i think it's due to bad genes. but i've never self harm myself so i cannot answer properly

 

[failedmind]

i just relapsed today after almost a year clean (before that i was 6 years clean) and i did it because i felt so helpless. i felt the need to hurt myself so i got some blades from the store and now my arm is covered. its a coping thing for me. plus im mad at myself a lot for past decisions and its like taking my anger out on myself

 

[lost_one]

Man, I have a billion reasons.

1. I hate myself
2. I like the pain
3. I like to see the blood
( Its like righteous indignation, you like when you see someone you hate trip and fall. I love to see myself suffer cause I hate myself)
4. It's a simple substitution of pain to a more controlable, simple and manageable.
5. gives me something else to focus on ( the healing and taking care of the wounds)
6. It calms me down.

Go figure, I am insane.

 

[F@#$]

I don't self harm like cutting or burning or whatever. But I do intentionally drink like a motherfucker, smoke and do ridiculously large doses of drugs. Knowing/hoping it can/will kill me. No luck yet tho.

 

[Signal]

Man, I have a billion reasons.

1. I hate myself
2. I like the pain
3. I like to see the blood
( Its like righteous indignation, you like when you see someone you hate trip and fall. I love to see myself suffer cause I hate myself)
4. It's a simple substitution of pain to a more controlable, simple and manageable.
5. gives me something else to focus on ( the healing and taking care of the wounds)
6. It calms me down.

Go figure, I am insane.

Well, i cant say i dont relate to some of your points, specially the first one

 

[flightless bird]

i don't, but there's a part of me that feels like i might as well.

i've discovered that physical pain seems to lessen emotional pain. it feels like a doorway to being free from myself, even if only for a while.

 

[no-hope-no-future]

I have self harmed in the past, I have different scars on certain parts of my body with cutting my wrist being the most painful thing I have experienced from doing it. It was a relief to cut and just released tension every time I did it. The blood does make it a bit messy and keeping the scars hidden can make things a bit tricky but for a short period it helped.

 

[Cauliflour]

It's cool as hell! Self harm scars are like my tattoos except they keep fading and I wish they didn't do that. I love how it feels, how it looks, how it scars after a day or two looking all red. I'm sure there's some sort of deep psychology meaning behind why I do this but essentially: arms for entertainment/style, top of thighs for lust, bruises on the lower legs to calm down. I wish I didn't have to constantly worry about if my sleeves are exposing my scars as I wish people wouldn't think of anything about them and/or see them the way I do. I like to dream about harming myself like by stabbing because I've reached the point where I find enjoyment out of my blood vessels screaming but there's this safety lock thing in my brain that prevents me from causing any actual harm and it's really annoying I wish I knew how to overcome it.

 

[Signal]

It's cool as hell! Self harm scars are like my tattoos except they keep fading and I wish they didn't do that. I love how it feels, how it looks, how it scars after a day or two looking all red. I'm sure there's some sort of deep psychology meaning behind why I do this but essentially: arms for entertainment/style, top of thighs for lust, bruises on the lower legs to calm down. I wish I didn't have to constantly worry about if my sleeves are exposing my scars as I wish people wouldn't think of anything about them and/or see them the way I do. I like to dream about harming myself like by stabbing because I've reached the point where I find enjoyment out of my blood vessels screaming but there's this safety lock thing in my brain that prevents me from causing any actual harm and it's really annoying I wish I knew how to overcome it.

Yeah, having to worry about people seeing your scars is kind of annoying sometimes, lately i have even started having dreams (or nightmares i guess) about people finding my scars and i usually wake up feeling pretty uncomfortable and anxious when that happens. Also, i have never made the connection between cutting myself and lust, as you say you cut your thighs because of that, what is it like?

 

[Cauliflour]

Also, i have never made the connection between cutting myself and lust, as you say you cut your thighs because of that, what is it like?

I've done it twice but there's some sort of psychological thing with me cause the blade is really close that I've always associated cutting there as doing it for the horny although I don't know if it actually does anything special because I suck at both cutting there (never scars, too much meat) and the whole self fucking thing. I imagine the effect is much greater if it's someone else doing it but I wouldn't know because I'm lonely and even if I ever was in a scenario like that, no sane person would agree to do that. So in summary, it just kinda feels like cutting on the arm but sharper. Much sharper, less slice-y more pointy but that might just be my method.

 

[Signal]

I've done it twice but there's some sort of psychological thing with me cause the blade is really close that I've always associated cutting there as doing it for the horny although I don't know if it actually does anything special because I suck at both cutting there (never scars, too much meat) and the whole self fucking thing. I imagine the effect is much greater if it's someone else doing it but I wouldn't know because I'm lonely and even if I ever was in a scenario like that, no sane person would agree to do that. So in summary, it just kinda feels like cutting on the arm but sharper. Much sharper, less slice-y more pointy but that might just be my method.

Hmm, well, i guess i kinda get what you mean, that about the blade being close

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I have been doing it for a few months now, and i have growing more and more curious about why others people do it.

I started doing it when i was probably at the lowest point i had been in a long time, and i guess it kinda helped me at times, specially seeing the scars that formed on my arm and the fresh cuts helps me calm down in a way, i dont really know why. And so, i want to know what is youre experience like with SH.

I do it when I'm splitting, which is when my emotions are so intense I can physically feel them and I can't control them. I either destroy my body or destroy other things to help ease out my emotions. And self harming is the only way I'm currently capable of dealing with my extremely out of hand emotions without anyone around me finding out and thinking I'm a complete nut case.

 

[............]

I used to, just to see if it would do anything for me.

I regret everything it left behind on my skin because it in fact was not for me and didn't do anything, not even emotionally.

 

[pancakelover20]

self punishment when i get real upset with myself over something i did or just who i am in general. or just because i want adrenaline. i used to cut but now i heat up a bobby pin with a lighter then burn myself. something about the burning is more of an adrenaline rush than cutting was for me and it helps to interrupt obsessive or intrusive thought patterns too. tbh ive never felt addicted to it necessarily, i could and can stop if i felt i really needed to. its a choice and it helps when nothing else is getting me.

 

[IThinkIExistWrong]

I haven't SH'd in a few months atp but even when I did I'm not really sure I would've been able to give a reason as to why. I mean It did feel calming in the moment but after a while the paranoia that I might get caught kind of ruined it, there were points when I went months doing it everyday then would stop and start again a few weeks later, started one my inner arm but got caught and the anxiety of having to explain why I was doing it to myself made me start cutting on my upper thigh just so that it could be easily hidden no matter what I was wearing. Not the greatest experience and definitely not a good reason but I have a feeling that if I had nothing else I'd probably go back to it.

 

[33K1LLM3]

I used to do it properly when I was 10-13, I stopped because I was shamed and literally punished for doing it. Ever since I have been 16, I have occasionally done it, but it just irritates my skin now and isn't pleasant. I fantasise lots about self harming by cutting, but also by strangulation, which I know is sick, but it helps me cope with the pain of living. What originally drawed me to sh, was just the taste of blood was pleasant, and when I first did it with a scalpel the blood squirted and drained from my arm and it felt good, then when I looked at how the cuts looked, I liked that also. I'm kinda sad how it doesn't work for me anymore, but I realise how unhealthy it is, especially if done incorrectly, but as I said I do kind of miss it. I really don't want it to be encouraged, but I really really wished it wasn't as shamed as it is in society.

 

[Signal]

I used to do it properly when I was 10-13, I stopped because I was shamed and literally punished for doing it. Ever since I have been 16, I have occasionally done it, but it just irritates my skin now and isn't pleasant. I fantasise lots about self harming by cutting, but also by strangulation, which I know is sick, but it helps me cope with the pain of living. What originally drawed me to sh, was just the taste of blood was pleasant, and when I first did it with a scalpel the blood squirted and drained from my arm and it felt good, then when I looked at how the cuts looked, I liked that also. I'm kinda sad how it doesn't work for me anymore, but I realise how unhealthy it is, especially if done incorrectly, but as I said I do kind of miss it. I really don't want it to be encouraged, but I really really wished it wasn't as shamed as it is in society.

Yeah, at least on the internet, i always see how when a person records themselves in a video and (by accident, on purpose, or just because they don't actively try to hide them) their SH scars are visible people on the comments always react aggressively, insulting the person and shaming them for it, laughing about it and making jokes, it makes me sick. It's not the 100% of comments, but it's always a pretty high percentage, still, i don't know how the average person on real life would react, maybe those people react that way because they're on the internet, but seeing how many are like that, it made me think, that even if for one reason or another, a person discovers irl that you do SH and don't shame you for it and even act supporting, that maybe even if they act like that on the outside, inside of them they are laughing at you and shaming you, and they just act nicely because of the pressure and consequences of being in real life. Still, i don't really know if that's the case

 

[eupdplishlp]

I have been doing it for a few months now, and i have growing more and more curious about why others people do it.

I started doing it when i was probably at the lowest point i had been in a long time, and i guess it kinda helped me at times, specially seeing the scars that formed on my arm and the fresh cuts helps me calm down in a way, i dont really know why. And so, i want to know what is youre experience like with SH.

sense of power and control. I feel I can do this thing no one else can ( no one normal ) . Like I'm super human In a way. It's a skill to me to be able to do somthing that would take normal people an immense ammount fo effort. I'd be a good stunt actor for sure

 

[dead dav]

I punch slap and strangle myself not done it for a few weeks last time I also used a knife to scratch my chest

 

[vira]

I have been doing it for a few months now, and i have growing more and more curious about why others people do it.

I started doing it when i was probably at the lowest point i had been in a long time, and i guess it kinda helped me at times, specially seeing the scars that formed on my arm and the fresh cuts helps me calm down in a way, i dont really know why. And so, i want to know what is youre experience like with SH.

just a hobby. i like seeing my own blood/physical anatomy in real time. if i had the option I'd dissect an already dead animal out of curiosity, i don't have the heart to hurt anyone but myself (at least i know i can handle it).

 

[_Maya]

I used to self harm a lot, but after a while it just stopped doing anything for me.
I liked how the scars looked, but i cover them up a lot because i'm really self conscious. since my old friends and parents called them weird and ugly.
I know i shouldn't be taking peoples words so seriously, but i can't help it.

 

[bruiseviolet]

I have been doing it for a few months now, and i have growing more and more curious about why others people do it.

I started doing it when i was probably at the lowest point i had been in a long time, and i guess it kinda helped me at times, specially seeing the scars that formed on my arm and the fresh cuts helps me calm down in a way, i dont really know why. And so, i want to know what is youre experience like with SH.

it just sorta takes the edge off i guess

 

[tiltedcompass]

Started doing it at around 14 years old because I was depressed + being pressured to get high grades and eventually I was almost hospitalized (everyone thought it was an actual attempt when I only cut my arm like twice, it wasn't even deep...)
I relapsed around 5 years ago, and since then I do it around once or twice a month with different methods.
As for why I do it, it's mostly because the physical pain distracts me from the emotional pain, it makes me feel in control (even if I feel guilty afterwards), and because I like seeing the fresh cuts heal even if they rarely scar.

 

[Eliska]

I think its like punishing myself and its a relief.

 

[westerly_merlin]

It's a distraction and a punishment.

When I get into a downward spiral of negative thoughts and am mentally beating myself up, sometimes the only way to break that feeling of being overwhelmed is to hurt myself.

I then feel ashamed of the scarring and know that anyone seeing it knows I have "once again hurt myself". What they don't get is that I have managed to break a cycle that could have ended with me ctb and so it was a small price to pay.

 

[FoxSauce]

Hmm well i stated at 19 but ive always did in other i didnt knew moslty cutting now. If i do somwthing wrong i do it as a punishment or just self regulate.

In other times is too feel something and in other casses i csn get too stress or in a priblem and use that to make my the thought that aren't my dialogue shut up.

 

[princexhhn]

I do it because the physical pain drowns out my emotional pain and stupid thoughts. The pain is comforting in that way. I've been self-harming since I was a child.

 

[deep-sleeper]

Because I am mentally ill, and sh is the only way that I have known to control my feelings

 

[avalokitesvara]

I do it because I want to. I like it. I imagine the cuts and the blood. The physical sensation isn't that relevant. I just want the wounds and the scars. I feel good about them. When I see people noticing them, I want to tell them: yeah, it's what you think it is. This is my reality. This is one way that it is to be human. Process that fact.

I've been doing it for over 20 years, with long gaps when I guess I was mentally "healthier".