Do you self-harm? And if so, why do you think you do that?

[Tower]

self-harm is anti-suicidal for me, it keeps me alive. it's hard to explain but as a borderline i have split-off parts that are often not in agreement, so sometimes one sub-part is telling me to kill myself, and another is telling me to save myself. to the extent that my ego complex identifies with the saving angel and not the murdering devil it will sometimes enter into a "compromise" with the devil: instead of killing myself, i will get as close as possible and hope that satisfies the devil long enough to let me live another day. it works, which is why i keep doing it. all of this fucking sucks obviously, and i try my best not to kill myself AND not to harm myself, but sometimes it really comes down to the wire and cutting is actually my best option.

 

[meltskelt]

I've been doing it since 2022 I guess and at first sh made me at peace, but after some time it just stopped working and now I do it more for confort and like " at least I'm part of something"