Do you resent your parents for bringing you into this life?

[DanielDanDean]

If you don't want kids, you probably should be very clear with her about that. If you don't want to be with her (assuming with your quotation marks around gf), u should be clear about that as well so you don't waste either of your time.

Here's how it works :
- She wants something and I don't want me
- She berates me / treats me poorly until I cave in
- If I don't cave in she'll be increasingly angry and she'll continue to insist
- If I cave in she's "happy" and things go back to "normal"

Now in the "I want kids" idea from her she asks me every month because she says she doesn't have much time left to give birth and just wants to have the option to have kids if she wants.
I don't fucking want that but I can't leave her, it's an horrible situation where I'm mentally coerced into staying with someone I'm afraid of.

 

[sanction]

Here's how it works :
- She wants something and I don't want me
- She berates me / treats me poorly until I cave in
- If I don't cave in she'll be increasingly angry and she'll continue to insist
- If I cave in she's "happy" and things go back to "normal"

Now in the "I want kids" idea from her she asks me every month because she says she doesn't have much time left to give birth and just wants to have the option to have kids if she wants.
I don't fucking want that but I can't leave her, it's an horrible situation where I'm mentally coerced into staying with someone I'm afraid of.

How long have you been together? Are you guys married?

My opinion is to not have the kid. It simply won't end well, if you didn't even want it in the first place, amongst manyyyyy other factors

It is a 80 to 100 year game (life span). The kid may be on this earth past the year 2100 (next century). Long after you both are gone, he / she will still be around

Also, considering you are on this site, and even on this thread / topic, I think its an extra hint the cons have huge chance of outweighing the pros. I actually just shared the link below earlier, where regretful parents share their stories:

I Regret Having Children

I Regret Having Children. 61,695 likes · 4,046 talking about this. TO SUBMIT YOUR STORY ANONYMOUSLY: Send us a PRIVATE message with your story. Make sure to leave out any identifying information, and...

www.facebook.com

From that page, I've heard many similar stories of your's before, just to be regretted 20 years later

I assume you are working 1 job. Think of having a kid as it increasing to 2-3 jobs. Unless it is being born for the correct reasons, thoughtfully planned out, with many hints pointing it to be a successful path for the next few decades, then it may carry a risk

What if it ends in divorce and child support?? These outcomes are soooo common. This is life. A cruel world. Don't be blinded by fairytale stories

Anyways, not to sound negative. But I rather be blunt, with good intentions only. Of course, I could also be 100% wrong, so just a quick second opinion only. All the best!

 

[Darkover]

in a world that doesn't owe me anything, you have no guarantee of health, safety, food, shelter, happiness, love, or anything else.
why would i come alive then

 

[DanielDanDean]

How long have you been together? Are you guys married?

My opinion is to not have the kid. It simply won't end well, if you didn't even want it in the first place, amongst manyyyyy other factors

It is a 80 to 100 year game (life span). The kid may be on this earth past the year 2100 (next century). Long after you both are gone, he / she will still be around

Also, considering you are on this site, and even on this thread / topic, I think its an extra hint the cons have huge chance of outweighing the pros. I actually just shared the link below earlier, where regretful parents share their stories:

I Regret Having Children

I Regret Having Children. 61,695 likes · 4,046 talking about this. TO SUBMIT YOUR STORY ANONYMOUSLY: Send us a PRIVATE message with your story. Make sure to leave out any identifying information, and...

www.facebook.com

From that page, I've heard many similar stories of your's before, just to be regretted 20 years later

I assume you are working 1 job. Think of having a kid as it increasing to 2-3 jobs. Unless it is being born for the correct reasons, thoughtfully planned out, with many hints pointing it to be a successful path for the next few decades, then it may carry a risk

What if it ends in divorce and child support?? These outcomes are soooo common. This is life. A cruel world. Don't be blinded by fairytale stories

Anyways, not to sound negative. But I rather be blunt, with good intentions only. Of course, I could also be 100% wrong, so just a quick second opinion only. All the best!

Let's be real I know all of that, I don't want kids, don't want to force someone to live, don't want the extra responsabilities, don't have nearly enough money to insure my children has a good life and not a shitty one like mine.
I don't want to live anything that I'm currently living, and don't want to force my child" to live like this (or worst because the world is a neoliberal dystopia).

 

[davidtorez]

My father regrets having children, at least he's honest about it. Noone thinks about the consequences of their actions until it's too late.

 

[sanction]

Let's be real I know all of that, I don't want kids, don't want to force someone to live, don't want the extra responsabilities, don't have nearly enough money to insure my children has a good life and not a shitty one like mine.
I don't want to live anything that I'm currently living, and don't want to force my child" to live like this (or worst because the world is a neoliberal dystopia).

Ok good. Trust me. I've heard many of these stories. Imagine this. 15 years later, you and her argue one evening, after the kid went to bed

You can tell she regrets the decision too, but instead, she now blames it back on you for not stopping her 15 years earlier, because as a real man, you should known how to take the lead properly, so its your fault

And then you go to the bathroom, Google on your phone "best way to shoot head with shotgun", while you also need to be at work in just 6.5 hours from now, so you go sleep on the couch, while she takes the bed

Don't let that be you lol

 

[todiefor]

Here's how it works :
- She wants something and I don't want me
- She berates me / treats me poorly until I cave in
- If I don't cave in she'll be increasingly angry and she'll continue to insist
- If I cave in she's "happy" and things go back to "normal"

Now in the "I want kids" idea from her she asks me every month because she says she doesn't have much time left to give birth and just wants to have the option to have kids if she wants.
I don't fucking want that but I can't leave her, it's an horrible situation where I'm mentally coerced into staying with someone I'm afraid of.

Well why r you wasting her time if you don't want to have kids, when she clearly wants to have kids? You make her sound like the bad actor here, when it sounds like you have been the one too cowardly to confront some things and now actually doing both of you a disservice? Yes women have a biological clock, you are unfairly taking up her time and life if you are lying to her about your intentions.

You sound like you are in danger of becoming one of those bad fathers…having kids should be something you want to do, a responsibility you would like to take on, something u see yourself potentially enjoying. If not, then don't have kids, because you will be resentful, your partner will be resentful toward you, and your children will bare the negative consequences.

Having kids shouldn't be something you just get pushed into, there are real consequences for the child.

 

[lawlietsph]

Yes absolutely. Even if I am fully aware that they are just victims of life as anyone else. They didn't know better.
But it doesn't make me less angry.
They were absolutely hating each other from the start. I have an older sister, they only ever got married because my mother got pregnant. Despite the fact that both were miserable (my mother physically abusing my sister, my father being a narcissistic abuser to my mother), they STILL decided to create me. I was brought into a deeply abusive, toxic, unhappy, mentally ill shitshow.
They couldn't even take care of themselves, but they created 2 little girls to suffer.
Where are we now?
My sister has borderline personality disorder, she's unpredictable, manipulative and just as abusive to her little daughter as my mother was to her. She had multiple ctb attempts, and continues to live in a narcissistic state of mind due to bpd.
As for myself, I became a deeply depressed, anxious, unemployed, untalented, self hating, overweight piece of crap who wants to ctb 24/7.

I am a female btw, and sometimes I feel like I am slowly developing instincts and the need to be a mother myself. Yeah, sometimes I deeply crave to be a mother.
But I'll NEVER EVER bring another creature to this horrible world. Even if I think I could do so much better, and I would sell my soul just to make my child happy - I'll never ever have a kid. To bring him/her into a world like this? With the chance of him/her turning out to be just as mentally ill as me and my family? No, never.

 

[DanielDanDean]

Well why r you wasting her time if you don't want to have kids, when she clearly wants to have kids? You make her sound like the bad actor here, when it sounds like you have been the one too cowardly to confront some things and now actually doing both of you a disservice? Yes women have a biological clock, you are unfairly taking up her time and life if you are lying to her about your intentions.

You sound like you are in danger of becoming one of those bad fathers…having kids should be something you want to do, a responsibility you would like to take on, something u see yourself potentially enjoying. If not, then don't have kids, because you will be resentful, your partner will be resentful toward you, and your children will bare the negative consequences.

Having kids shouldn't be something you just get pushed into, there are real consequences for the child.

Because when I say no to anything I'm bullied into saying yes?
She KNOWS about my opinion about the subject and she knew for a long time.
Taking up her time? Hell yes she's not taking any of mine be coercing me into a relationship for numerous months!
She's the one threatening me to "ruin my life" If I try to leave (which I already did try to) and using ctb as a threat ?

I don't want kids and I will not be bullied into having kids, but she tries hard.
Stop assuming shit about people's life.

 

[pariah80]

Not only did they bring me here, but they abused me and had no intention of actually raising me right or teaching me anything useful. I was a tax credit to them.

 

[tenshi天神]

why have children you're incapable of loving and taking care of? it's cruel

 

[holdont1llmay]

No, well sorta more leaning towards no
My parents have never loved each other, never really loved me either because of it, I look like my dad and act like him too so I don't think my mom cares about me that much.

My moms told me she doesn't care if I live or die, my dad hes not in my life anymore - but I know they used to love me, despite everything wrong with me thats linked to their actions. They wanted a healthy son, and they got me instead so I resent myself

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I definitely resent my parents for having me. My mom was 20. They were basically hippies living in the woods. They were never married. They separated shortly after I was born and handed me off at phases in my life. They both did drugs and drank a lot. They were clearly not prepared or willing to be parents.

Once when I was around 9 I asked my mom why she didn't abort me. I still wish she would have.

 

[Moniker]

I don't resent my parents for conceiving me. Even as an anti-natalist, I understand that few people ever encounter the questions regarding the morality of having kids. How could they have known better?

I resent my dad because I still remember how he treated me after I was born. I could never forget the beatings, the yelling, my own crying, and more. Mom let him do it despite claiming to be against it. I was afraid of my parents until I was around 18.

Here's the funniest thing: I'm their favorite child. I kept it to myself that I hate my dad. Now that he's dead, I get a nice fat inheritance. Adios, twat. Thanks for your money!

 

[MyaMia]

Yes, they had kids when they couldn't afford to because that's what you do when you get married. I know they tried their best but it doesn't change the fact that they also have medical conditions that me and my siblings will inherit.
Surely if you know dementia runs in the family you wouldn't have kids who will eventually get it and suffer?!

 

[Fuko1]

In my case it is ironic, they did not want a child and they brought 4 into this world.