My take on this... I am okay with couples having children, but only if they commit to support their creation. They should help their child to find a purpose that makes all the suffering worth going through - whatever age that might be (it's not the same for everyone). Preferably, they should even help out until the body/mind is too weak - it should be a lifelong commitment.
I had to become independent around 13/14 and the relationship with my mother turned into a roommate situation. It didn't feel like I got any emotional support and she didn't tell me that she loved or appreciated me. Now I am in my 30s and having the worst time of my life and she told me she can't help me at all.
My father is out of the picture since I was 4. My parents got divorced and I was visiting him every other weekend, but I don't cherish those days. He was a heavy smoker and I had (still have) an extrem reaction to the smell. I know that I told my mum that I hated it and that it made me sick. She tried to relay that message to him, but he wouldn't stop. He didn't care about me being sick and I was too young to refuse to go until I wasn't and then I simply didn't go anymore. He was angry (not violent but he was trying to gaslight, saying it's stupid and not his or the cigarettes' fault) but seriously, I didn't care and just ignored him. We never did anything on those weekends except sitting in his tiny apartment, watching tv and he was just consuming one cigarette after another.
There was also a financial dispute going on between him and my mum, it lasted until I was 18. The alimony payments were irregular which caused my mother to fall into debt and me and my brother had to suffer the consequences...
Thanks dad for supporting your offspring. Fucking hell.
I was not moved when I learned that he died of cancer 3 years ago. (Funny enough, it wasn't lung cancer though, it was something related to the stomach).
Anyway, my point is... I resent them (and especially my dad), because I don't understand how you can make the decision to create a human and then completely distance yourself (like my mother) or harm them knowingly (like my father).
For me it hurts even more when I hear about people that have good ties with their parents. I don't know what it's like to have someone in my life that loves and supports me unconditionally.
And I feel really bad for those out there who have even worse parents than I have. My experience is mild compared to others. I know it's stupid to compare myself, but I can't help it. Your experience must have been even harder and more traumatic than mine and I feel very sad about you had to go through.