Do you resent your parents for bringing you into this life?

[Fractal]

I don't know. They were killing me by neglecting my type 1 diabetes from the age of 4 (my diagnosis) until 10. After that I continued doing the same until now at 27. So did that neglect cause me to not care about life at a very early age, and did that fry my brain so much that I couldn't even keep track of my disease, nor care too? If the answer is yes then I resent them. At the same time I made a choice to ignore my illness and continue my horrible habits that they allowed me to have as a child. So I just don't know really. It's imppssible to know what would, or wouldn't have happened if my blood sugars weren't extremely uncontrolled for the developing years when they had full responsibility over them.

 

[Exact Change]

I'm a parent and feel some guilt for bringing children into the world. I didn't know how to be a parent. I love my kids so much and it hurts to see that they are struggling to get established. Both are in therapy. One is very troubled. The fact my country is so screwed up makes it so much worse.

 

[matt1968]

What do you mean? Would it still be *you* though?

Why do you believe that you chose your parents and major experiences in life? I heard a theory that everyone chooses their parents and life before they're born…

I guess it's the idea of something - some part of consciousness - surviving from another life - I don't know how much conscious choice there might be in the choosing of parents - that's a difficult one to really know how that might really work pre-birth.

Yes, I think you'd still be 'you' and that's always developing - that can be growth through others including parents or in opposition to what parents are doing. I am resentful that they do not offer conversations about what happened or really share memories about us as a family. They have shut themselves off and it's all about them - which makes me suspect that's what it was in the first place.

 

[Shrike]

Not really. They're just cogs in the system doing what cogs do, it's not something they register enough for me to assign enough agency for resentment.

 

[Let Me Go]

Yes, very much so. They had too many kids. We were emotionally neglected, to say the least.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Not exactly resenting - just pity them for not having any plan.

 

[KafkaF]

I voted "yes" but it's honestly more complicated than that.

I resent my parents for emotionally abusing me. And in that sense I wish my parents hadn't been my parents.

I also resent my parents for not being super attractive so that I could be very attractive too. Because I have body dysmorphia and for me this really hurts my mental health a lot. Because if I'm not beautiful I feel that I'm worthless and unloveable.

So I certainly resent them for the circumstances of bringing me into this world. And I resent them for what they did to me after. But I actually have mixed feelings on being born.

My life has been largely pretty shitty. But there have been a few happy or beautiful moments that I was happy to be around for.

I think my biggest problem with being alive is actually death. I know I have to kill myself and that I have to die. But I am also very scared of it. And I know that this wouldn't be a problem if I had never been born. Then I would've never had to fear non-existence. I always would've just not existed and wouldn't have felt any way about it.

So I guess I resent them somewhat for that too. The fact that being alive you have to deal with death sucks. It's probably the worst thing about life, imo.

So, idk, it's complicated.

 

[sserafim]

I think my biggest problem with being alive is actually death. I know I have to kill myself and that I have to die. But I am also very scared of it. And I know that this wouldn't be a problem if I had never been born. Then I would've never had to fear non-existence. I always would've just not existed and wouldn't have felt any way about it.

So I guess I resent them somewhat for that too. The fact that being alive you have to deal with death sucks. It's probably the worst thing about life, imo.

So, idk, it's complicated.

Same, there's a saying called "better never to have been". Personally, I think that all of this could have been prevented if I just didn't exist and my parents didn't have me.

 

[UKscotty]

A lot of parents are lazy and don't raise their kids to be happy and a part of society, these are the ones who tend to struggle with MH issues.

 

[heisenberg]

I don't resent my parents. My mom and dad both immigrated to the US from other countries to have a better life. They deserved a kid better than me though, I feel guilty for all the issues with my mental health they had to deal with when I was growing up. Although I don't think there's anything they could have done to prevent this.

 

[squidman117]

Yup. Even though I love my parents a lot, they shouldn't have had me. I was a fuck-up from the start.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

Absolutely! Not only did these rotten breeders force me into existence to satisfy their selfish whims, but they abused and neglected me since toddlerhood. All because I wasn't the perfect, normal prize that pleased all their expectations and demands.

 

[leloyon]

Yes.
Both my parents had very traumatic childhoods and shitty parents of their own, as a result both of them have been diagnosed with depression and they each have other mental health problems. On top of this, they had my older brother on purpose while I was conceived accidentally, and if I recall correctly they even had to move house due to having me.
There were so many chances for them to realise what would happen. For them to see that I wouldn't have a good life. They had a child already, one they intentionally had, he should have been enough for them. But no, don't undo your accident, just force your accident to live. Force it to live a life of misery and hurt that you could have seen coming, that you should have seen coming. Pass your shitty genetics onto them, your pain onto them.

 

[sadcausebad]

I only resent my mother, my father is al kind and understanding man but my mom ruined both of our lives with her selfishness.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not really, because if it wasn't me then it'd be some other sap. I'm not so lucky, or unlucky that my birth was unplanned. Unfortunately I was fully intended and welcomed upon birth meaning I'd have to work a little harder to undo my own birth.

On the other hand, my own future unborn children have likely been screwing with my present just to prevent themselves from being born. I don't know the specifics of time travel but I must have done something to them to cause them to resent me so much that they're doing all they can to make sure I never meet anyone that could potentially be their mother.

 

[HiImMisanthrope]

Personally I don't. But the trauma was really unnecessary

 

[VoidedExistence]

i resent them for being shit ass parents

 

[R_N]

It's pointless now.

 

[SoulCage]

My take on this... I am okay with couples having children, but only if they commit to support their creation. They should help their child to find a purpose that makes all the suffering worth going through - whatever age that might be (it's not the same for everyone). Preferably, they should even help out until the body/mind is too weak - it should be a lifelong commitment.

I had to become independent around 13/14 and the relationship with my mother turned into a roommate situation. It didn't feel like I got any emotional support and she didn't tell me that she loved or appreciated me. Now I am in my 30s and having the worst time of my life and she told me she can't help me at all.

My father is out of the picture since I was 4. My parents got divorced and I was visiting him every other weekend, but I don't cherish those days. He was a heavy smoker and I had (still have) an extrem reaction to the smell. I know that I told my mum that I hated it and that it made me sick. She tried to relay that message to him, but he wouldn't stop. He didn't care about me being sick and I was too young to refuse to go until I wasn't and then I simply didn't go anymore. He was angry (not violent but he was trying to gaslight, saying it's stupid and not his or the cigarettes' fault) but seriously, I didn't care and just ignored him. We never did anything on those weekends except sitting in his tiny apartment, watching tv and he was just consuming one cigarette after another.
There was also a financial dispute going on between him and my mum, it lasted until I was 18. The alimony payments were irregular which caused my mother to fall into debt and me and my brother had to suffer the consequences...
Thanks dad for supporting your offspring. Fucking hell.

I was not moved when I learned that he died of cancer 3 years ago. (Funny enough, it wasn't lung cancer though, it was something related to the stomach).

Anyway, my point is... I resent them (and especially my dad), because I don't understand how you can make the decision to create a human and then completely distance yourself (like my mother) or harm them knowingly (like my father).
For me it hurts even more when I hear about people that have good ties with their parents. I don't know what it's like to have someone in my life that loves and supports me unconditionally.
And I feel really bad for those out there who have even worse parents than I have. My experience is mild compared to others. I know it's stupid to compare myself, but I can't help it. Your experience must have been even harder and more traumatic than mine and I feel very sad about you had to go through.

 

[MadAna]

Oh for sure... They weren't capeble to be decent parents... And this world is too shitty to be worth to live... Actually I don't know what I'm waiting for...

 

[cece3535]

not inherently, I just feel bad for letting down two people who wanted to share a happy life together and create a happy family, i could not be who they wanted me to be, and i feel ashamed

 

[MadAna]

I'm a parent and feel some guilt for bringing children into the world. I didn't know how to be a parent. I love my kids so much and it hurts to see that they are struggling to get established. Both are in therapy. One is very troubled. The fact my country is so screwed up makes it so much worse.

At leat you are able to understand your limits and your faults.. And this is huge.. I would love to have at least one parent that is able to acknowledge his/her limits... So... Good job for now... The important thing is acknowledging your limits.. Sorry for my English in case...

 

[Ambivalent1]

I hate them with all the milligrams of fiber in my being.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

Gotta say the poll results annoy me. It's not your parents fault they weren't well acqauinted with anti-natalist beliefs before they had you.

I don't resent my parents for having me because they thought they could provide me with a good life, and they actually did, but my issues would have occurred with or without abuse/bad parenting.

I think some of you are being stupid. If your parents were abusers/neglected you and weren't prepared for you then I can understand resenting them for that, but anyone who hates their parents simply because they had kids are being silly. They may simply have not known any better. Many of your parents never had access to the level of internet and info we have now.

If your issues aren't being caused by your parents then your resentment towards them is unjustified. Life is life, people have the urge to fuck and have kids. And don't say "my issues are caused by them because without them I'd not be here suffering". No.

It was absolutely possible that maybe you'd have a better life than you do now. Not everyone has a shit life. Again, if your parents abused or neglected you, resenting them is reasonable. But if they did not, then your resentment is unwarranted, and you need to get over your victim mentality.

Anyone here who thinks they're a victim simply for being born is a whiny child. Grow up. If you want to kill yourself then that's up to you, don't blame everyone else for your predicament.

Boo-hoo. The world is full of adverse opinions and you seem less prepared for the hostile world than anyone else here. I mean, they may be as immature as they want, but getting hurt over people's experiences is a low no one here fell on. ;)

 

[Malaria]

Both of my parents were abusive and neglectful towards me, and I'm talking both physical and emotional abuse. Plus, I was an accident, they never were planning to have me to begin with.

I have a complicated relationship with my mother, but I loathe my father. He was an abusive awful person with a history of knocking up various women and then beating and abandoning his kids, I just happened to be one of them. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that. I just wish my mother aborted me.

So yes, I resent them for having me.

 

[tbroken]

I love my parents they made some little mistake and give birth to me in the worst place of the world, with the worst people(i'm not the only one to think this, so it's True).

 

[sleepyaddy]

I resent them with all my heart. I want them to know how much pain they put me through by bringing me into this world. I want them to take accountability for not thinking of all the possible problems that I have to endure and go through in the upcoming years ahead. That they are so shortsighted. That they are psychopaths who doesn't care for anyone else but themselves. They shouldn't be inflicting their burdens onto me, and they shouldn't have children when they can't even solve existing problems in the first place. They are people who should never have children at all. I want them to know they are ignorant, naive and the stupidest bunch of species I have ever known.

 

[R_N]

Both of my parents were abusive and neglectful towards me, and I'm talking both physical and emotional abuse. Plus, I was an accident, they never were planning to have me to begin with.

I have a complicated relationship with my mother, but I loathe my father. He was an abusive awful person with a history of knocking up various women and then beating and abandoning his kids, I just happened to be one of them. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that. I just wish my mother aborted me.

So yes, I resent them for having me.

I try not to judge harshly but when I see cases like this it just annoys me. My parents divorced when I was two but I was not abused at least.

I am sorry you went through all that as a child and I can't grasp how can someone go around creating lives without any care for them or responsibility. It just creates so much pain in a human being that often lasts for a lifetime.

 

[ThymeToLeave]

No. Not for being born, but for being raised wrong (or so people have told me).

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Absolutely. I could't think of two people more poorly suited to take care of anyone. My mother got repeatedly knocked up, and my dad was an unemployed loser. I was always motivated to do better to escape their legacy but think all my mental health genes came from these losers and I am glad they're both dead. I don't know if i can escape their burned of cursed genes. But I'm glad both of them are gone. Other than one family member i will be able to CTB whenever I want and not having to live for them makes me happy