Discussion Do you remember how old you were when you lost all hope?

[Drogon]

39

 

[theendoftheroad]

Ever since I was a kid, about 10 or 11 I always felt that this life wasn't worth living, the amount of effort I had to put in wasn't worth what I got back. When my dad hung himself a year later that completely cemented things and it just became a matter of time. At 15 my girlfriend of 2 years who was the whole reason I had made it that far suddenly had to move because of her crazy mom and we had to upkeep a long distance relationship. It was fine at first but it clearly wasn't working and decided to "take a break", with my fully expecting to get together with her again when things got better. A little while later after sparse communication I found out she was in an abusive relationship, had lost her virginity, and barely thought of me anymore. At that point my whole world crumbled. At 16 I moved to my childhood house with my dad's side of the family because I knew there was a bridge nearby and planned on using that. Except it wasnt as near as tall as I remembered, and it overlooking water and dense woods was a problem as there was no guarantee I wouldn't just survive the drop into the water or get impaled on a tree and die slowly like that. At 17 my cat of 3 year who id nursed since a kitten unexpectedly died and that was the final nail in the coffin. I no longer had any attachments to this world and officially gave up and became a shut in neet for 3 years

 

[idfwlnh]

I believe I started to hate this world since I was 7, long story short I was mentally and verbally bullied at school, therefore isolated. At the same time, my ignorance of the internet also led me to be, idk how to put this, lets just say kept being pursued by perverted weirdoes kept sending nudes for a while. Now and then hope appears then dissolves in a second, so i completely lose it at 13 14 or so

 

[SDB]

At 49 something permanently broke in me. The only way I'm surviving is through my moms support. I should be really embarrassed but I'm so checked out I can't care. The only treatment is death.

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

 

[TAW122]

I would say sometime during my adolescent years, after realizing what reality was and growing up to be an adult. Childhood life sucked and adult life mostly sucked, with some moments where it is enjoyable, but not enough to outweigh the long term suffering and permanent issues that I face. I believe I'm just biding my time until the right circumstance and timing comes along and then I would have made my move towards CTB'ing.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

My brain is fucked I can't handle life. I should've ctb 35 years ago.

I'm 45 can you elaborate on what you mean?

 

[singingcrow]

this year tbh so 26….

but for some silly reason i'm still trying, applying for jobs, working out, ect

 

[meiherasayuri]

I lost hope at 17 years

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Yes, 60

 

[SilentSnowfall]

It's kinda hard to pin point the exact moment I felt it. Feels like for most of my life I've been chugging along for no other reason than that promise people made that it will get better, but it never did. I guess I never fully gave up as I am still here, but it's difficult when things just get worse and worse.

Closest approx would be when I was 12, that's really when all happiness got sucked out of me.

 

[GoGoTornado]

Longer than I remember, but I think it had to have been maybe 5 or 6. I don't remember the exact words but I was told something along the lines by my mom, "Don't ever try and be something, because you're nothing and everyone will be better than you, you'll never make something of yourself"

 

[tomame]

despite how positive i appear .. my first suicide attempt was 14.

i knew then life wasn't shit— or rather .. i wasn't.

 

[CharlieTHEGoose]

After experiencing so much stress, despair, and misery, you may reach a 'point of no return'. You may start to think that things are never going to change, and that it will always be this way. The harsh truths of this world might become more apparent than ever.

Spoiler: Story you don't have to read, but it's here if you want to

In my case I've been depressed for a very long time, literally half of my entire life, but throughout my late teens and early 20s I remember I was still hopeful I could turn my life around, that it will get better - that someday I'll have my breakthrough moment - and it'll be one very lucky day/week/month where everything will work out in my favour, my life will lighten up, and I will be able to fully overcome my depressive, negative thoughts and go on to live a fulfilling, prosperous, worthwhile life. That thinking is perhaps a bit naïve, but it's something I held on to when I was younger.

I think that started to change around 2024. It's like... I felt a mental 'shift' in my mind. I remember saying to myself "Damn, I'm still depressed over the same things I've been depressed about since 2018, 2019, 2020, etc" Despite sinking into depression further around this time, I was still holding onto those tiny twinges of hope.

But I think just now at almost 28-years-old the realisation is starting to fully dawn on me that it is extremely likely it will always be like this. Once you realise that most of life is repetition, and things become more 'set in stone' the older you get, it's like... I'm starting to think to myself, if I've been depressed and suffering for the past 14 years, why would it ever change? I still hate wageslavery, I still have no friends and no social life. Probability trends would tell me that if I still hate working after doing it for the past 6 years, and if I still have no friends and no social life after 28 years, then I think it's safe to assume that this is what the rest of my life is going to be. I will always hate working, and I will never have friends or a social life. If there is any likelihood of this changing at all, it's near non-existent.

I can say for myself that, after 27 years and 11 months of being alive, I have pretty much lost all hope. I think I will officially raise the white flag on my 28th birthday. I'm done. I'm done trying and hoping that my life will get better. I'm not going to CTB (at least not just yet), but after I turn 28 I'm just... not even going to try anymore. I'll continue to exist, but over time, my mind, body and soul - my enthusiasm for life - will just slowly, slowly, wither away.

How about you? Obviously it's different for everyone but yeah, I think some people just get to this point after being alive for a certain amount of time, and... it breaks you. Many might start to feel this way in their 20s, maybe some might not get to this point until their 30s, 40s, etc. I don't know if it's something that can be treated

I started hating the world at 11 and started hating myself at 12.

 

[kouna]

This year. 43

 

[dearlydeparted44]

41. I think once you reach your 40's, it becomes apparent that life just isn't worth living anymore. When you're younger, you look at the world through the lens of hope, optimism, and possibility. When you get older, you view it through the lens of experience, wisdom, and reality. So, it's hard to muster the same enthusiasm for life at 40 than it is at 20. Even if life has gone relatively well for someone.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm 18 and I still haven't unfortunately. It's unfortunate because I have a life long mental disorder that feels agonising.

 

[ruggatt]

17

 

[tomame]

14 was my first suicide attempt.

i knew that young

 

[6486159051]

Lost 80% of hope around 25–27. Losing the final chunks now.

 

[itsgone2]

This thread is so sad. So many are young. Some with serious health issues. Why? Why this completely dark side of life?
I'm part of it but older.
Being here sucks.
I know plenty of people enjoying the wonders of life, Rich, happy, healthy
I hate being on this side of it

 

[Macedonian1987]

My depression and suicidal thoughts started when I was 16, but I lost all hope when I was in my 30s. Now at the age of 39, my suicide is certain as things are getting progressively worse with each passing year.

 

[PanaxMan]

After experiencing so much stress, despair, and misery, you may reach a 'point of no return'. You may start to think that things are never going to change, and that it will always be this way. The harsh truths of this world might become more apparent than ever.

Spoiler: Story you don't have to read, but it's here if you want to

In my case I've been depressed for a very long time, literally half of my entire life, but throughout my late teens and early 20s I remember I was still hopeful I could turn my life around, that it will get better - that someday I'll have my breakthrough moment - and it'll be one very lucky day/week/month where everything will work out in my favour, my life will lighten up, and I will be able to fully overcome my depressive, negative thoughts and go on to live a fulfilling, prosperous, worthwhile life. That thinking is perhaps a bit naïve, but it's something I held on to when I was younger.

I think that started to change around 2024. It's like... I felt a mental 'shift' in my mind. I remember saying to myself "Damn, I'm still depressed over the same things I've been depressed about since 2018, 2019, 2020, etc" Despite sinking into depression further around this time, I was still holding onto those tiny twinges of hope.

But I think just now at almost 28-years-old the realisation is starting to fully dawn on me that it is extremely likely it will always be like this. Once you realise that most of life is repetition, and things become more 'set in stone' the older you get, it's like... I'm starting to think to myself, if I've been depressed and suffering for the past 14 years, why would it ever change? I still hate wageslavery, I still have no friends and no social life. Probability trends would tell me that if I still hate working after doing it for the past 6 years, and if I still have no friends and no social life after 28 years, then I think it's safe to assume that this is what the rest of my life is going to be. I will always hate working, and I will never have friends or a social life. If there is any likelihood of this changing at all, it's near non-existent.

I can say for myself that, after 27 years and 11 months of being alive, I have pretty much lost all hope. I think I will officially raise the white flag on my 28th birthday. I'm done. I'm done trying and hoping that my life will get better. I'm not going to CTB (at least not just yet), but after I turn 28 I'm just... not even going to try anymore. I'll continue to exist, but over time, my mind, body and soul - my enthusiasm for life - will just slowly, slowly, wither away.

How about you? Obviously it's different for everyone but yeah, I think some people just get to this point after being alive for a certain amount of time, and... it breaks you. Many might start to feel this way in their 20s, maybe some might not get to this point until their 30s, 40s, etc. I don't know if it's something that can be treated...

I was 7 when I experienced it and it kicked in during my teenage years in middle school

 

[disabledlife]

When I'm 3 old, bad birth, disabled, rotten parents, rotten body, rotten country, rotten school, rotten city, no support, hateful peoples... I ask my mother (whan I'm 3 old) why I'm born? Why suicide is forbidden, punished...? My mother answer because of religion, God, ..... stupid paradise because this world and universe is a true hell.

 

[tonicer]

I was born in 83 and i lost all my hope when i was around 12-15 when saw other boys having girlfriends and all i ever got from girls were looks of disgust of how gross and ugly i am. Now at 43 i look worse and worse with each passing year so my low chances of finding love and romance sunk into the negative percentages. I remain a KHHV until my suicide in maybe 10 or so years after my parents die of old age or sickness. Each day is a drag and without distractions like anime and computergames i have no idea how survive that much longer but i can't bring myself to hurting my mom by doing it while she is still alive.

 

[SDB]

41. I think once you reach your 40's, it becomes apparent that life just isn't worth living anymore. When you're younger, you look at the world through the lens of hope, optimism, and possibility. When you get older, you view it through the lens of experience, wisdom, and reality. So, it's hard to muster the same enthusiasm for life at 40 than it is at 20. Even if life has gone relatively well for someone.

This

this year tbh so 26….

but for some silly reason i'm still trying, applying for jobs, working out, ect

Are you applying and finding nothing?

My brain is fucked I can't handle life. I should've ctb 35 years ago.

how old are you now?

 

[Dejected 55]

I just turned 56 a couple of weeks ago. I've been depressed most of my life. I never was suicidal until a couple of years ago. I knew some people who had killed themselves many years ago. I always wondered what was different about them than me, because I was often quite miserable and yet never thought of suicide as something that made sense. I just kept enduring, some part of me buying into the "it gets better" mantra that society tries to sell you. And, I guess for some people it can and perhaps does get better... or maybe they just stop caring and just go through the motions?

In any event, I was broken over the last couple of years... and for the first time in my life suicide became the only thing that does make sense in this world. An end to suffering, an end to worry, an end to being hurt over and over and over again. But suicide isn't easy, especially if you're trying to do it without pain as much as possible. And each failure at an attempt drains in ways you don't fully anticipate.

 

[gardenoflonely]

Honestly I think I lost hope in 2020 and have been in denial ever since. People are unbelievably selfish but this is just human nature. I'm no better than anyone else and I'm tired of it.

 

[Nikkra]

depression hit me at 13, i also naively thought it would somehow all work out and kept going through the motions throughout my early twenties. I don't get how people can be depressed and they still have relationships and make friends. For me i have only lost friends throughout the years and become more withdrawn, despite forcing myself to do normal things that other people do.

Now at 28 i am so small i am basically non existent. I always knew things would only get worse but never allowed myself to believe it. Even though i haven't given up completely yet, the depression has made it so it is physically difficult to survive, i struggle to find employment as i am so withdrawn. Making friends is literally unthinkable to me my only goals are survival. After multiple false starts i am still living in my mums house, i have decided to move out again for good by next spring, best case scenario i will find a job and make enough to buy a car and live in it, otherwise i will be under a tarp, and i doubt anyone will employ me so it will probably be latter. Suicide really seems more and more like the logical choice as time goes on and i cant avoid it anymore