I sort of "woke up" and realised that I messed up the past twelve or so years due to a lack of confidence, depression and social anxiety that has just gotten worse and worse and which was unnecessary if I had done things which I wanted to do but was too afraid to. I didn't realise how toxic my family was for me.
So now I have a long and shit degree with shit grade, never had a job, I had to move places and experience culture shock, I have agoraphobia and severe social phobia, and I cant get a job. I need to move away from family but I cant even if I get a job because it most likely won't pay enough to let me live in non shitty accommodation in my city. So IF I can somehow get a non dead end job right now or try to work towards programming then I could MAYBE be able to move out in a year or two at the very best?
But to top it all off I took one pill of an antidepressant a few months ago which has given me severe fatigue. Doctors have been utterly useless. So I am just sitting at home all day everyday with zero energy plotting my death because its been too long, there have been too many mistakes and I feel hopeless.
I think I owe it to myself to try getting a job and do things to try to lift my fatigue. Give it one last shot. Otherwise I'm done and I have a near guaranteed method. But honestly I'm just too tired now and I dont know what to do. Rents keep rising here while wages are still stagnant. Hiring is still extremely competitive due to covid.
What about you? What circumstances have brought you to this point?
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