Discussion Do you really want to die?

[wezel]

Y

I definitely don't want to die, just feel like i've run out of options. Have had cancer twice and now a bone marrow transplant before 30. Just completely worn out and worried about impending GVHD that will completely ruin me, I don't want to live with that. Have struggled with chronic depression and anxiety for 12 odd years, and now after transplant everything is just far too hard. Sometimes I wish i'd just had a terminal fast type that took me in a few months, so I didn't have to go through all of this.

I am so sorry to hear this. Having to go through all this...nobody should have to endure that. My own worries are very different, but somehow pale in comparison....

 

[Tinkerbell]

Honestly? No but I can't bear to live anymore. My existence is empty and pointless and I really don't think that will change

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Not really.
Just feels like I ran out of options. Each happening in itself trivial, just accumulating over the years. Illness robbing me of having children, then of quality sleep and activities away. Mental health issues thrown in for good measure.
Then being seriously injured, losing the ability to regulate my emotions because of PTSD, and encountering a chimaera during my recovery finished crushing my hopes and will to soldier on. Am feeling empty, spent and useless every day.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Everything that happens in life is just a huge inconvenience and I'd rather not be a slave to destiny.

 

[RacilyDank]

No, I don't want to die, but I can't live like this either. It's torture and there's no sign that it will ever change.

It gets to a point where I don't even remember what it is to be 'well'. Even if I could get there again, which will take a long long time, I can't cope with it another day until that happens and I will be destitute before then.

So yeah I don't want to die, but in this state I can't live anymore.

 

[wagram]

Yes.
100% sure.
Come october or november and I'm gone.

 

[skitliv]

I want to die, that doesn't mean I'm not afraid though

 

[LifeSick]

Not really, I just want to forgive her so we can both be happy together again.

 

[Endless]

Not particularly, but it's something we all have to do sometime and im convinced that suicide will most likely be how I go one day!

 

[wagram]

110%

 

[Susannah]

Yes and I'm sure. I had some good years in my life, but it's 27y ago, and ever since, I've tried my best to act happy now and then. It's very exhausting to pretend in the long run. But also damn hard to take the grand step towards the unknown death.

 

[hunter_lewis]

I desperately don't want to die, but my suffering is so great that I just can't really bear it.
Either the afterlife is like in the NDEs and God is true and loving or there is eternal nothingness.
Both are all right.
So death to me is a great consolation.

 

[Mr2005]

Do you really want to die, or just want the suffering to end, and death seems like the only way out? I often feel this way. Had my circumstances been different, maybe I'd actually want to live.. but that's just wishful thinking. I'm planning to ctb very early Sunday morning. I have everything setup, just can't help but feel sad.

It's not something I want to do it's something I have to do. When I think about how my life could have been based on one key decision it pains me and it always will. It's best I just get it over with

 

[scissors]

I want to die but I don't want to have to kill myself. It would be great if it could just happen by accident.

 

[wiIIow]

it's complicated. it is more about wanting the agony and the suffering to come to an end, I'd much prefer to be alive in a way that's tolerable, rather than just.. not exist. I don't want to go through the process of dying, and I don't believe that there's anything after we die, so that's a bit bleak. however, I also have felt for a long time that I am going to kill myself someday, that that is inevitably the way I'm going to go. i even fantasize about dying.

so I guess, i don't have a solid answer here.

 

[wiIIow]

also the thought of absolute nothingness is both terrifying and comforting to me

 

[Trashcan]

It's more so that I just want to escape some things about this life and death is the only way to escape it. I think I'm more scared of the dying process than being dead and the survival instinct is also making it hard to do anything.

 

[Jaded]

Yes! My suffering will be over. I don't have to be fake or pretend like I care about life and don't find it pointless. I wouldn't have to deal with anything.

 

[StillWaiting]

I wish I dont even exist. But currently the closest thing to that is death so yes. I dont see myself being capable to do something simple anymore because of how broken I am now. So this is the only way to be put out of my misery.

 

[Steve]

I was a person who lived a great life until 4 mo ago. I never even thought I would commit suicide ever. Now I do because I need to escape my pain and end suffering but I wish I had my old life back

I understand your situation. I got harmed by another drug, called a benzodiazepine. I had no clue and I thought it was some safe sleeping aid. After the withdrawal, I'm left with brain damage. Constant screeching noise all the time and another very life altering function.

I wish I had my old life back too.

 

[Shay]

I understand your situation. I got harmed by another drug, called a benzodiazepine. I had no clue and I thought it was some safe sleeping aid. After the withdrawal, I'm left with brain damage. Constant screeching noise all the time and another very life altering function.

I wish I had my old life back too.

I know. I had a bad reaction to a benzo the year before. I never should have allowed a doctor to bully me into any meds after what i dealt with

 

[Nem]

Benzos did me in too! A coworker offered me valium when I made the mistake of mentioning that I was dealing with depression/anxiety. I should be said thanks but not for me and stupidly I took one, got a headache and should've thrown the rest out but I ended up trying another one a month later...Dr ended up putting me on something else and then he prescribed the valium. He kept me on it way too long and I ended up taking myself off due to ringing in the ears, tapered a month but this wasnt long enough and got delayed withdrawals. Didnt realize it was from stopping the valium and Dr put me on alprazolam and got worse quick and then he prescribed a dangerous combo of meds that did me in. There should be an absolute law that benzos cannot be prescribed longer than 2 weeks...we'd be okay right now. Fuck do I ever regret taking those things, stopping them was bad too. That's what makes dying difficult, but it seems necessary in my case. Sorry to hear you two are in the same boat

 

[asiansouljah]

I think the main thing that is holding a lot of us up is FEAR. Fear of the unknown. Death is final. We take a lot of things for granted in our lives. No matter how miserable our lives may be, once you CTB, that's it.

No more eating your favorite food. No more listening to your favorite song. No more watching your favorite TV shows. Those of us who are lucky enough, no more sex.

 

[Steve]

Benzos did me in too! A coworker offered me valium when I made the mistake of mentioning that I was dealing with depression/anxiety. I should be said thanks but not for me and stupidly I took one, got a headache and should've thrown the rest out but I ended up trying another one a month later...Dr ended up putting me on something else and then he prescribed the valium. He kept me on it way too long and I ended up taking myself off due to ringing in the ears, tapered a month but this wasnt long enough and got delayed withdrawals. Didnt realize it was from stopping the valium and Dr put me on alprazolam and got worse quick and then he prescribed a dangerous combo of meds that did me in. There should be an absolute law that benzos cannot be prescribed longer than 2 weeks...we'd be okay right now. Fuck do I ever regret taking those things, stopping them was bad too. That's what makes dying difficult, but it seems necessary in my case. Sorry to hear you two are in the same boat

I was done in by 2 weeks of benzos!

Acute withdrawal lasted 2 months and even then I still had tinnitus. 5 months later I got "locked out" of sleep which triggered seizure-ish episodes that caused some sort of permanent damage.

That stuff is poison. It's been around for 50 years, big pharma and doctors are just turning a blind eye to this. Psychiatrist are being brain-washed into thinking it's safe.

 

[deadinwaiting]

not really

 

[zadig777]

I was done in by 2 weeks of benzos!

Acute withdrawal lasted 2 months and even then I still had tinnitus. 5 months later I got "locked out" of sleep which triggered seizure-ish episodes that caused some sort of permanent damage.

That stuff is poison. It's been around for 50 years, big pharma and doctors are just turning a blind eye to this. Psychiatrist are being brain-washed into thinking it's safe.

what are ur problems atm
what benzo u took?

 

[MisarableCock]

Suicide is a bother, i would take the life if i could set the conditions but of course it is absolutely better to never have been.

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear that Steve! Do you have a lot of regret about taking meds in the first case? Before this regret wasn't high on my list but now it's right at the top unfortunately

 

[Sharethepain]

As stated before, I also believe nobody wants to truly die. Its just that we all crave a change that is sometimes impossible to achieve in our current lifes, therefore making us want to end it.
If we could have an endless supply of cash, no pain, no sadness, no worries, many people would probably think otherwise, although I also understand that for some people all of that has no worth, because in the end, it is meaningless. Some people simply cannot find happiness no matter how far and wide they search, and on the other side, there are people who get happiness from every little thing. It really is kind of unfair.

 

[pro suicidal]

yes I really want to die

gidday iane been trying to join the group without sucess, i have reset my password and i hope that works, can you please email me an let me know how to start a new thread have looked evrywher and have no idea, thanks ,steve
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