In another thread someone claimed that you need a strong reason and impulsiveness to successfully ctb. What do you think? Is it true that you need to be impulsive to be able to make a successful attempt?
I read about attempts of users here who seem to be very impulsive, whereas other people who are less impulsive, but still suffer for years never even make an attempt. But it also seems many of the impulsive attempts are not successful, because people don't do proper research beforehand / don't plan properly and therefore choose methods that are not lethal and/or are found too early.
So for me it seems that being impulsive probably increases the chance to make an attempt, but it can also makes attempts less successful.
I only know one person (outside of SaSu and other online platforms) who ctb. And this person didn't seem to be impulsive, although I didn't know him that well, so it is hard to tell.
Personally I have never made an attempt despite being suicidal several times in my life, the first time lasting for 3 years straight. And I'd say that I only came close to attempting once when I felt extremely guilty for treating my then best friend badly. And I would say that I am normally not impulsive.
But I recount one really weird experience when coming down from a wild mixture of drugs: With some friends I took DOI (a drug that feels a bit similar to LSD at first, but without the mindtrip and then continues to keep you awake for several days like on amphetamines), "acid", that in reality also was DOI, but we didn't know beforehand, so we had a really high dose of DOI and it was the first time we took it. So it was a lot and we combined it with other drugs (partly because we wanted to do that anyway, but later also to counter the effects of the DOI), so we all smoked lots of weed, took lots of amphetamines, lots of MDMA and to top it off one friend and I also took a few pills of DPH in order to be able to sleep after several days, because we didn't have benzodiazepines. But it only caused us to be more confused and still we couldn't properly sleep. In the end of it all I was by myself at home, had slept only a short time after being awake for 3 days and nights straight and felt completely destroyed from this drug binge. Then I read an email from my boy-friend that caused me to be really upset, because he was angry about something.
And then all of a sudden (and despite feeling pretty good in general during this time in my life!) I had this idea that I could kill myself and that I could actually easily hang myself from the bathfroom door in my appartment. And I just went to a nearby climbing shop and bought a piece of rope I could use and tested the set-up. It was all a joke for me in a way. I wasn't really serious about the whole thing. I don't even know why I did it and it is pretty obvious that I wouldn't have done it without taking this crazy amount of drugs beforehand. But at some point during testing the set up when I stood on a stool and put the sling around my neck I slipped and came off the stool with one of my feet. Although I could get back on the stool I decided that this was too dangerous and stopped trying. Afterwards I could never decide, if this situation felt more dangerous than it was, because of the state of mind I was in or if I actually came close to killing myself without even really wanting it. If the latter is true this would be an argument that impulsiveness is the driving force behind ctb attempts more than anything else. Because the amount of drugs I had taken (and lack of sleep due to the drugs) caused me to be a lot more impulsive than I normally am.
I read about attempts of users here who seem to be very impulsive, whereas other people who are less impulsive, but still suffer for years never even make an attempt. But it also seems many of the impulsive attempts are not successful, because people don't do proper research beforehand / don't plan properly and therefore choose methods that are not lethal and/or are found too early.
So for me it seems that being impulsive probably increases the chance to make an attempt, but it can also makes attempts less successful.
I only know one person (outside of SaSu and other online platforms) who ctb. And this person didn't seem to be impulsive, although I didn't know him that well, so it is hard to tell.
Personally I have never made an attempt despite being suicidal several times in my life, the first time lasting for 3 years straight. And I'd say that I only came close to attempting once when I felt extremely guilty for treating my then best friend badly. And I would say that I am normally not impulsive.
But I recount one really weird experience when coming down from a wild mixture of drugs: With some friends I took DOI (a drug that feels a bit similar to LSD at first, but without the mindtrip and then continues to keep you awake for several days like on amphetamines), "acid", that in reality also was DOI, but we didn't know beforehand, so we had a really high dose of DOI and it was the first time we took it. So it was a lot and we combined it with other drugs (partly because we wanted to do that anyway, but later also to counter the effects of the DOI), so we all smoked lots of weed, took lots of amphetamines, lots of MDMA and to top it off one friend and I also took a few pills of DPH in order to be able to sleep after several days, because we didn't have benzodiazepines. But it only caused us to be more confused and still we couldn't properly sleep. In the end of it all I was by myself at home, had slept only a short time after being awake for 3 days and nights straight and felt completely destroyed from this drug binge. Then I read an email from my boy-friend that caused me to be really upset, because he was angry about something.
And then all of a sudden (and despite feeling pretty good in general during this time in my life!) I had this idea that I could kill myself and that I could actually easily hang myself from the bathfroom door in my appartment. And I just went to a nearby climbing shop and bought a piece of rope I could use and tested the set-up. It was all a joke for me in a way. I wasn't really serious about the whole thing. I don't even know why I did it and it is pretty obvious that I wouldn't have done it without taking this crazy amount of drugs beforehand. But at some point during testing the set up when I stood on a stool and put the sling around my neck I slipped and came off the stool with one of my feet. Although I could get back on the stool I decided that this was too dangerous and stopped trying. Afterwards I could never decide, if this situation felt more dangerous than it was, because of the state of mind I was in or if I actually came close to killing myself without even really wanting it. If the latter is true this would be an argument that impulsiveness is the driving force behind ctb attempts more than anything else. Because the amount of drugs I had taken (and lack of sleep due to the drugs) caused me to be a lot more impulsive than I normally am.
