Do you miss your old self?

[(Alex)]

I want to hear from others, but regarding myself I really do miss my old self, I miss the energy and the free time I had I had so much freedom, I miss when I was making so much friends, i miss not having any real responsibilities, gosh how I miss my old self now I feel lonely most of the time and I'm always under some pressure I wish time can go back, unfortunately tho now or then I've always been depressed but im pretty sure I was way better then than now, I don't know if I'm the only one who feel that way.

 

[Jadeith]

Not exactly miss my old self as i never liked myself much. It just grew into hatred over time. But, i do miss some things that were associated with my past self. I miss the patience i used to have. Ability to regenerate via sleep because nowadays no matter how long i slumber, will wake up angry and tired. Passion, when i had hobbies i actually enjoyed. Energy and will to do sth, try new things, travel. Now all of those are just a burden or a chore.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

yes

though i have always struggled with self hate and depression it has been worse lately and i think i am less likable now as i try so hard to be who i was before

 

[Exhausted546]

I want to hear from others, but regarding myself I really do miss my old self, I miss the energy and the free time I had I had so much freedom, I miss when I was making so much friends, i miss not having any real responsibilities, gosh how I miss my old self now I feel lonely most of the time and I'm always under some pressure I wish time can go back, unfortunately tho now or then I've always been depressed but im pretty sure I was way better then than now, I don't know if I'm the only one who feel that way.

I do tremendously.

A decade ago I was bright eyed, full of passion and ambition,insane work ethic, becoming a doctor,I was naive enough to even feel like nothing could stop me. I loved who I was actively becoming,I had never felt this alive in my entire life. I had already been through intense hardships that would break most but had come out stronger and more determined than ever....

Then a mix of traumatic events, soul-crushing health issues amplified by severe medication side effects, a sociopathic mother picking that moment of intense vulnerability to do everything in her power to psychologically break you and make your life hell to the point you constantly look like a beaten dog,can't look at people in the eyes anymore,can't study anymore and fail out. All this as a twisted power trip to ensure you don't slip out of her grasp. The moment you're finally broken,your family, satisfied that you failed hounds on you like hyenas, ramping up the toxicity and psychological abuse

By the time you move out,you're not the same anymore,you feel utterly broken and powerless. Try to get back up countless times only to miserably fail countless times. Nightly terrors for years.

You take way too long to recover enough to become functional again (which required colossal amounts of efforts, proper medical treatments,etc). Just as you thought you were finally starting to enjoy life again a decade later and felt hope you hadn't felt in a decade, you're hit many with back to back demoralizing news that show that there will only be more struggle ahead of you for the upcoming years. You're exhausted,on the verge of homelessness and want to end it all for good.

Yes I tremendously miss my old self. There's not a day I don't wish I could wind back time to September 2015 and move out before I collapsed and cut contact with my toxic family until I graduated.

Sorry for the wall of text

 

[Macedonian1987]

I miss my older self (when I was a kid and young teen) Back then I was healthy. I was friendless and without any love life back then too, but that didn't mattered to me at all.

 

[Realgar]

Yes!! Much healthier physically and much sharper mentally. I had friends, fun and adventures--life was good back then!

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Yeah, I undoubtedly miss how I functioned years ago, before I became a pile of worthless trash impaired by ridiculous obsessive thoughts. But at least I've come to accept that I won't go back to that state.

 

[Chronical_Suicidal]

For sure - if I knew my life would become like the way it is, I would've ctbed early.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

Tbh, I havent been mentally well pretty much ever, but still, i miss a younger version of me. Even just a year or so ago, i was in a better place than i am now. i brought all these problems my own way, but I miss the version of me who still had hope and wanted to get better.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, as there's no such thing, I'd never wish for this evil, torturous existence where existing beings are in agony every second, to me existence itself is the true problem and I find it so deeply undesirable, painful and torturous to suffer in this existence, to be conscious burdened with this existence is just always an abomination to me, no matter what this existence should never be imposed. I just want to erase this existence so it's like I never suffered, for me only non-existence could ever be positive, I'd only be glad to never exist ever again, I'd just never miss the dreadful torture and cruelty of existing.

 

[instormdrains]

Everyday I wish I could go back to the past im sure when im 20 ill miss when I was 19 etc even tho im unhappy now

 

[emptymiku]

i miss being a kid and being happy

 

[nitrogenous]

It's a mix for me… I was very successful back then, but this was prior to realising any of the abuse that's been happening. It's not that the abuse didn't happen, but I was normalising it (even though the abuse were straight up illegal) and thought that everyone else had the same experience, so I naturally just didn't put much weight on it. When I'm abused, I just believed that I deserved them. So, despite everything, I was very much functioning in life. In fact, I was that kind of person that everyone envied for having a "perfect life" (a few people have literally said this in the past).

Now, I'm a complete failure, got terminated from my job not once, but twice for my mental health, having problems with even being able to afford my expenses and on the verge of either being on the streets or getting deported. I guess the past was better in that sense, and sometimes I wonder if I didn't have that realisation, I would still very much be that "perfect" person, keep my prestigious high-paying job and afford my living expenses.

 

[Lost Impact]

I've never been in a better place to miss a different version of myself. I've always hated existing. It's never felt right.

 

[itsgone2]

I miss the person i should have been

I was there so briefly. So stupid. Changed. For no reason.

Everything was right. I had everything I wanted. Now everything is wrong.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I miss the motivation I used to have. Life's so much harder without it. But then, that was accompanied by continual pressure to improve, guilt over not working constantly and fear of failure. So, I kind of gained a greater calmness in one sense but then, that's also disturbed by still needing to put the work in but, not having the energy or motivation to do it.

I don't even entirely lament the days I had closer connections to people. Because- ultimately, that ended in hurt.

I suppose in terms of an end game strategy- I'm where I need to be. Partly, it's a relief I suppose- that I feel so few ties to life now. I'm hoping that will eventually make suicide easier.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I relate to that feeling. I often said I have become someone I hate. But these days, I feel like, instead of losing and missing my old self...I am getting to truly know her for the first time.

 

[(Alex)]

For sure - if I knew my life would become like the way it is, I would've ctbed early.

I wish things gets better for you and I'm so sorry that tge world was unfair to you leading you to think about ctb, i love you and i only wish the best to come on your way

I miss the person i should have been

I was there so briefly. So stupid. Changed. For no reason.

Everything was right. I had everything I wanted. Now everything is wrong.

I wish the future enables you to become what you always wanted and im sorry that it went all south but i believe that there is always a way to change things to the better,

 

[thefarter]

no. i was annoying, a disaster, effing things up without even trying to, being way too much, lowkey an addict, lost, lying thru my teeth (constantly), projecting waaaay too much, drowning in shame & guilt.

now im… a little less of all those things. maybe actually a lot less of all those things. and for some of them, im just not like that anymore. idk i feel better about myself but if i get stuck in some crappy spiral i can convince myself im the most evil person to ever walk the earth :3c yaaaaay

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

All the time

 

[neverexistedd]

yes, to some extent

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Yes I do. He was a loving caring person who was loved by his late wife Found a reason to smile Be happy nearly every day. Always was looking forward to what kind of days would lie ahead and the excitement of them. However when I lost her I lost me completely I now feel like I'm just a phantom roaming the earth lost and alone. I don't know what relaxing means and I sure as hell don't know what happiness is anymore. For the past 5 days I've been doing nothing but crying and not wanting to do what I need I would rather just lay in bed and never get out of it ever again. The old me would never be like that He always got up and did what was expected of him. The old Scott was a good guy but he no longer exists

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

i miss my old self a lot. before i did drugs, i was much less depressed. i started doing drugs daily and it destroyed my brain. i'm glad i've quit now but the effects are irreversible and i'll never be the same...

 

[starrypandabear]

Yes so much, even the days before today. Everyday I just feel like I am spiraling into someone I cannot recognize.
But I don't like any of the versions of myself,
So maybe not.
I just feel like a shell of a person.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I hate my younger selves too, but at least I had a chance then. I could have started conducting myself properly. I'm so old now and a succession of bad selves have left me in moral ruin.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes

 

[saikou]

sometimes i wonder what id be doing or what kind of person id be today if nothing ever happened to me

 

[nendn]

yes even if I do not know and sense this old self anymore

 

[XxEstenxX]

I want to hear from others, but regarding myself I really do miss my old self, I miss the energy and the free time I had I had so much freedom, I miss when I was making so much friends, i miss not having any real responsibilities, gosh how I miss my old self now I feel lonely most of the time and I'm always under some pressure I wish time can go back, unfortunately tho now or then I've always been depressed but im pretty sure I was way better then than now, I don't know if I'm the only one who feel that way.

I miss how naive and happy I was as a kid until around fourth grade when my gigi died. I got wooped occasionally and I've always been a lonely kid with only family to keep me company, but still, I miss not having to worry about life and just enjoy what I could before that traumatic event happened and I just broke after that.

I never really missed the person I used to be—just how I used to be. I never really liked myself tbh.

 

[Cepheuss]

in a weird way i miss when i was a drug addict, i was ruining all my good friendships and my relationships with my family plus i felt like shit when i wasnt high but i actually felt like people liked me, mainly because i was befriending other addicts and most of them just used me for drugs because i had the most money. I just felt more likeable when i was high, i didnt have the urge to kill myself constantly i wasnt insanely insecure i was genuinely just happy. Unfortunately wasn't sustainable i dont have the money anymore, my tolerance gets so high so fast now, i started having reactions and tweaking out but mainly i dont wanna put my family through that again.