Discussion Do you miss out if you die without having experienced love and sex?

[dogemn]

I've never experienced love nor had sex. Do you think I'll be missing out if I CTB?

 

[Hystearical]

If you wanted to experience those things then yes. That's just the nature of it.

 

[ivetried089]

you'll be missing out on the rest of your life if you CTB. I would say that yeah, you'll be missing out in regards to sex and love, but if you're worried about missing out there are also so many other things you'd never experience that those aren't the only things you should be worried about. If nothing else curiosity about the things you haven't done yet could be a reason to stay around a bit just to see what they're like. Living isn't permanent (you can always decide to die later) but dying is (you can never go back and try those things).

 

[Obliviate]

When you're numb, none of that matters.

 

[Kanoh]

Won't matter in the slightest when you're dead. Don't even sweat about it.

 

[Pale_Rider]

With love, and sex comes arguments, heart break, and venereal disease. Depends on how you look at it. Of course Im being super critical there.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Only if you want those things. And really examine if you do. Because from birth we are indoctrinated to want those things by default without ever questioning whether we really want it. We're just "supposed" to.

But. Loneliness sucks. But romance and sex aren't the be all end all of what life is all about. Just one single aspect of it. You can do pretty okay without it. I do.

 

[otium]

Always wondered if it lives up to the hype. If anyone sees this, does it live up to it?

 

[indiannarose]

Always wondered if it lives up to the hype. If anyone sees this, does it live up to it?

No. It's always limerance and they disappoint you, life's not a fairytale. The point of human attraction is to expand our population. That is now my view as a 30y/o. I am totally dead inside now though.
Looking back on when I thought I was in love, we were either dependent on each other or I was projecting a lot. It feels good in the moment, but it eventually settles into boredom. Love is a serious commitment, not a feeling.

 

[fallendevil]

Love and sex are overrated. They're biological instincts that exist so we can procreate but people try to intellectualize and philosophize it into something a lot more than it is (which isn't a bad thing to cope on this earth and can be beneficial and I like everyone else also want to feel love) but you don't need it and it's not worth feeling like shit over.

Plus it makes people do crazy stuff, people contract STD's and have kids they hate over it and it's not even guaranteed that it'll benefit them in the long term.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine it's like everything in life- it could be really good. Not as good as the hype or, really bad. Without a crystal ball, none of us can really know.

The question I think is more- is the idea/ hope of it powerful enough to make you want to live and try to experience it? Is it enough to put yourself through trying to meet someone, dating etc. even?

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

Value isn't something inherent to objects or concepts; it's something created by our mind. An intrinsic value or meaning does not exist; rather, we attach meaning based on our needs, desires, or fears. Inquiring if something 'has value' implies surrendering our internal freedom, as value conceptualization is solely born out of an inner subjective act, and never, under any circumstances, from an objective truth. Diogenes of Sinope understood this thoroughly, attaining peace while washing leaves in a stream, completely indifferent to Plato's scorn and society's hierarchical value system. In this simple act, he exercised his own measure of value rather than society's dictate, and proved that the dignity or happiness of an action is an idea that exists solely in the mind of the doer.

 

[cowboypants]

it's not like I have a choice. I am adapted to be on my own, which doesn't help

 

[notreallybored]

No. It's always limerance and they disappoint you, life's not a fairytale. The point of human attraction is to expand our population. That is now my view as a 30y/o. I am totally dead inside now though.
Looking back on when I thought I was in love, we were either dependent on each other or I was projecting a lot. It feels good in the moment, but it eventually settles into boredom. Love is a serious commitment, not a feeling.

ב''ה,
I'm basically on board with this perspective, though simultaneously I've had it weirder (don't ask), and the disappointment can come from every direction.

Two notes:

At some point the existence of all the fabled and screamed about "love" emotion is revealed to be about creating the situation of.. let's say, proximity and obligation and all that. Same with, well, lust, unless it truly is just a hookup to expensively get tested after.

Meanwhile, let's say you do care about someone and you're supposedly the more capable one via gender roles or health or youth or everything else. Then actually instantiating that love requires resources - income, living space, etc. - modern society is built to deny almost everyone (though as an *interpretation* of Torah, in my religious background this is why to do it when the past generation is around and suddenly their obligation and instinct to help and cheer on the grandkids will kick in)..

It's kinda fucked. 'Got each other and that's enough' is definitely bullshit, unless you're actually built to survive doing that, possibly without enough to even support one person.

I genuinely have the incredibly fucked 'only exists when G-d wants it to' perspective now, but it *is* a real be careful what you wish for, because, y'know, feeling the emotion maybe feels good like heroin feels good to its fans, but you've got to be able to support the whole scenario and that's bare economics, plus if you're young enough to still be horny there's plenty of opportunities to fight over what y'all get aroused by, bachelor party stuff, etc.

Technically you'd think there's so much in the world that anyone would have a chance to eventually experience this in the lasting supposedly healthy that's life and now you're doing it as a couple until you die way, but somehow it doesn't necessarily go like that, you've got to be more than 110% up to sustain that and most folks aren't and don't even know or care what's involved to even from the romcom level, they're just screaming incel noise or that all men are pigs and every variant in between.. so, you may get lucky if you're not completely destroyed over it, but I dunno.

A strange quirk that not everyone gets is, this also depends on if you can manage both sexual and relationship-cohabitation compatibility with whoever you find and they're not more interested in the fight and the drama than that effort. In US culture throughout history most are also in it *just to have somewhere to live,* so, I suppose if you want to try it get a place and then see if you don't wake up with all your stuff and supposed partner missing someday, etc.

That said if you can have some good flings in, y'know, college or high school before all this kicks in, that's when it even has anything enjoyable before the reality sinks in, and authority may actually do something like require putting half your dorm room back if it goes awry and so on. In the real world it's often just miserable, and if from my religious minority I barely fit into, y'know, you lose all community support forever unless you do marriage first, possibly arranged to not snub the matchmakers and their fees.

No. It's always limerance and they disappoint you, life's not a fairytale. The point of human attraction is to expand our population. That is now my view as a 30y/o. I am totally dead inside now though.
Looking back on when I thought I was in love, we were either dependent on each other or I was projecting a lot. It feels good in the moment, but it eventually settles into boredom. Love is a serious commitment, not a feeling.

ב''ה,
I'm basically on board with this perspective, though simultaneously I've had it weirder (don't ask), and the disappointment can come from every direction.

Two notes:

At some point the existence of all the fabled and screamed about "love" emotion is revealed to be about creating the situation of.. let's say, proximity and obligation and all that. Same with, well, lust, unless it truly is just a hookup to expensively get tested after.

Meanwhile, let's say you do care about someone and you're supposedly the more capable one via gender roles or health or youth or everything else. Then actually instantiating that love requires resources - income, living space, etc. - modern society is built to deny almost everyone (though as an *interpretation* of Torah, in my religious background this is why to do it when the past generation is around and suddenly their obligation and instinct to help and cheer on the grandkids will kick in)..

It's kinda fucked. 'Got each other and that's enough' is definitely bullshit, unless you're actually built to survive doing that, possibly without enough to even support one person.

I genuinely have the incredibly fucked 'only exists when G-d wants it to' perspective now, but it *is* a real be careful what you wish for, because, y'know, feeling the emotion maybe feels good like heroin feels good to its fans, but you've got to be able to support the whole scenario and that's bare economics, plus if you're young enough to still be horny there's plenty of opportunities to fight over what y'all get aroused by, bachelor party stuff, etc.

Technically you'd think there's so much in the world that anyone would have a chance to eventually experience this in the lasting supposedly healthy that's life and now you're doing it as a couple until you die way, but somehow it doesn't necessarily go like that, you've got to be more than 110% up to sustain that and most folks aren't and don't even know or care what's involved to even from the romcom level, they're just screaming incel noise or that all men are pigs and every variant in between.. so, you may get lucky if you're not completely destroyed over it, but I dunno.

A strange quirk that not everyone gets is, this also depends on if you can manage both sexual and relationship-cohabitation compatibility with whoever you find and they're not more interested in the fight and the drama than that effort. In US culture throughout history most are also in it *just to have somewhere to live,* so, I suppose if you want to try it get a place and then see if you don't wake up with all your stuff and supposed partner missing someday, etc.

That said if you can have some good flings in, y'know, college or high school before all this kicks in, that's when it even has anything enjoyable before the reality sinks in, and authority may actually do something like require putting half your dorm room back if it goes awry and so on. In the real world it's often just miserable, and if from my religious minority I barely fit into, y'know, you lose all community support forever unless you do marriage first, possibly arranged to not snub the matchmakers and their fees.

 

[darksouls]

With love, and sex comes arguments, heart break, and venereal disease. Depends on how you look at it. Of course Im being super critical there.

and unwanted pregnancies

 

[Alexandra_]

I am incapable of love. I cannot be in my body. I only regret that I was born. And I want to get out of this world as soon as possible. My life is a daily nightmare

 

[Wolf Girl]

Honestly? If I could, I would go back in time to before I ever fell in love and ctb so I would never experience a broken heart...

It's not worth it. It's just not.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've had sex. Sex for the sake of sex is not worth it. I regretted it every time. Finally I stopped, many many years ago. I wish I had never had the sex I had because it left me so empty. On the flip side it did confirm that sex for sex sake is not of any interest or value to me.

I have loved. I have never been loved. That is what hurts. But I know now it will never happen. I want it more than anything, and it is not something I can ever experience. Nothing else has any meaning to me without even the possibility of being loved.

I am already missing out. I will not miss out more once I'm dead. In fact, at the moment of death I will, by design, stop missing out on everything... forever... and that is the only thing I have left to look forward to in my life.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

It's a yes for me. In my 40s, I'm lucky (and unlucky) to have found the fairy tale kind of love. Lucky because I never knew how to accept love before this person, did not know what it was, or that someone could love me just the way I am, and know me better than I know myself. It's to completely let go and trust in someone to feel the same, to be vulnerable and feel safe because you know love is mutual. Before this sex was nothing, just an act. The other side of the coin is that not being with him kills my insides, it's like a constant tearing apart of two halves supposed to be one. I'm lost and empty, but grateful I've met this person who broke down my walls and showed me what love is. I'm still holding onto a thread of hope for a future, on days when it's a little less dark inside.