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Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
- Apr 13, 2021
- 7,081
I'm more angry with myself than strong. I'm sick of being afraid of pain. No pain, no gain...I admire your sstrength. Not all of us are this brave.
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I'm more angry with myself than strong. I'm sick of being afraid of pain. No pain, no gain...I admire your sstrength. Not all of us are this brave.
I am not condoning any kind of violence, but you ought to take a look at the life of French mathematician André Bloch:Mine is a mental institution for the rest of my life.
I know some of you find the idea of imprisonment horrible. To me it would feel like a relief if I willingly chose to do so.
Clever cuntI am not condoning any kind of violence, but you ought to take a look at the life of French mathematician André Bloch:
"Bloch killed three of his family members, for which he was institutionalized in a mental asylum for 31 years, during which all of his mathematical output was produced."
I used to think that!I find kind of comforting that life will eventually end. No matter what we do. It seems some of you believe it will last forever
If you have the finance, buy a motorbike. The kind of things I get up to on mine are only gonna end one way. DEATH!!!
This is my deathtrap
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My desires for life are similar. I want money for surgeries.My alternative is that someone steps in and gives me the things I need to be successful in life. My surgeries and companionship. That has about as much of a chance happening as a fart surviving in a wind tunnel though. I am now less than 90 days from my date. Nobody really cares.
It's actually harder to live after you habe that realization.Theoretically, I could become One With the Universe (TM) during a mushroom trip in India.
Realistically though, more of what I'm doing now - alcoholism + video games.
You already are one with it, a mushroom trip won't evaporate youTheoretically, I could become One With the Universe (TM) during a mushroom trip in India.
Realistically though, more of what I'm doing now - alcoholism + video games.
I feel you, it sucks to want to have something or to have something that isn't going to be stable. It all feels fake. It's all unsafe. A bit of a fix so that you can fall back into the abyss from a higher level. If life is abyss then it's not worth to live in it. I just wish it wasn't so hard to kill yourself. Even life itself is fleeting.No matter what I refuse to die of old age and disease. That's all I'm gonna say. All I ask is for a quick peaceful end to this pathetic life I'm living. I don't want fame, love,fortune or any of that fleeting bullshit. Just give me the Death in the most painless way possible.
I'm also paranoid. And I have debilitating social anxiety. I think people have a hard time understanding the emotional and mental turmoil that brings to one's life, unless they've experienced it themselves. I'm sorry it's so hard for you.I could quit my current career path, withdraw from society entirely, and live out of a tent by the nearby river like I've noticed a few people are doing I guess. It's the only realistic alternative to suck it up and live my current life or ctb because my main problem is extreme social and performance triggered stress and whatever other job that I get, no matter how simple, is eventually going to give me just as much anxiety as the one I currently have. If it was financially possible to be an American hikikomori I'd consider it (I'll try anything at this point) but my relatives don't really have the finances to fully support my terrified and paranoid ass and it would be rude to even ask.
Thank you past me for encouraging meWe exist , then we don't . On the positive side there are many creative outlets. Drawing, writing , painting, programming, excercise. And if you really want to feel again psychedelics are an incredible aid.
The solace I find is in potential, even if it's wasted . There's no rush :)
This is why I want to seppuku. Don't know if I'll gather the will though.Fuck alternatives to suicide. Fuck them with an iron poker. If children are successfully ctb, I know I can do it too! I'm sure as hell not gonna spend the rest of my days suffering in vain & whining about being afraid that killing myself will be incredibly painful - let it be painful, let it hurt like a son of a bitch!!! What's a couple of hours of even the most horrific stress & physical pain compared to an eternity of FREEDOM from this pathetic, meaningless bullshit?? I refuse to be life's cowardly bitch.
It's not a bad idea to die "naturally" in a distopia alongside other people. That would be a solution to my procrastination.To keep basement-dwelling and making failed attempts at leaving the NEET life until something dystopian or unexpected happens that forces my hand to suicide or kills me outright.