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StoryDo you feel that your current life is bad?
Thread starterI can't beat it
Start date
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Well, my life actually isn't that bad, my parents still working so i shouldn't worry too much about money. But i do feel worthless, while some of my friend already had a job (even had their own buisness and have a luxury car), i havent had a job yet for 1 year and didn't achieve anything despite already graduate from university 1 years ago
"bad" can be relative. From my perspective aligning with my worldviews, I'd say yes. To the point where getting preached at about how much I have and how ungrateful I am for it angers be to no end Because for some god forsaken reason, despite how much I've had growing up I can't be happy. The "phase" i was supposed to have during puberty wasn't a phase because it never ended. I felt like shit then and I still do now. But i think I understand the concept of "growing up."
It's just being too distracted with having constant shit thrown at you that you stop having the time and capacity to worry about it; you just ceaselessly struggle. That's life and it's so often portrayed in a way where that struggle is supposed to be good and enjoyed but not a single shred of me buys into it. I hate it. I despise it.
I can only describe myself as "lazy" because the dread and anguish I feel every fucking day is followed by it's inevitable reality: my "life." I'm not afraid of the unknown nor am i afraid of the future, no I'm afraid of the mundane. I fear the passage of time and the struggle that it consists of with each passing moment. I cry myself to sleep at night knowing i'll wake up because when I do i'll have work to do. and there isn't a single hell i could imagine worse than reality
I wouldn't say my life is terrible. From an outside perspective, it might seem like I'm successful but mentally, my brain is on fire. The perception of the things that aren't good are extremely magnified by my BPD and bipolar. Everyday is a volatile rollercoaster of emotions and I just want it to stop because I'm constantly in pain. Meds and therapy have not worked. There is no solution.
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