Do you feel sorry for yourself?

[easypeasy]

do you think that you feel sorry for yourself? Do you think that if you do, it plays a major role in why you want to ctb?

There's a few values I've lived by most of my life. One being, "don't feel sorry for yourself".

I'm testing the waters to see what other people think.

 

[TBONTB]

Yes I do!

And maybe a little role, most of it is wanting to avoid the financial mess that's coming.

 

[idiotmother]

Yup. I feel sorry for myself and my family for having this curse put on me that's pushing me towards my grave. I'll ruin everything for everyone but I'm suffering so much. I wish so badly that circumstances were different .

 

[MyShadow]

do you think that you feel sorry for yourself? Do you think that if you do, it plays a major role in why you want to ctb?
There's a few values I've lived by most of my life. One being, "don't feel sorry for yourself".
I'm testing the waters to see what other people think.

Defining what I feel is difficult in terms of "feeling sorry for myself". I will admit that I hate it when people say that because while feelings aren't tangible but they're no less real when it comes to sorting out things that have an emotional impact.

I think that my thoughts of suicide are more related to circumstances but the emotions behind them only reinforce those thoughts.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Not really, no. I really have only myself to blame for most of the things that contribute to the way I feel

 

[MissAbyss]

Sometimes, for the things I could have achieved if things were different but overall, no. I accepted it for what it is.

 

[divinemistress87]

Yes, I have a victim mentality I cant get over

 

[atlanticus0_0]

i feel sorry for myself but i want to die regardless.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I think some elements of my life were ojectively speaking, fairly tragic. I realise I could have done better at getting over certain things though. So- it's a mixture really. I feel pity for some things, I took responsibility for others, I failed to take responsibility for some.

A friend once asked me: Do I believe in luck or, do I think people make their own luck? That stayed with me and, I tried to make opportunities for myself- with varying success.

I feel like I'm at a weirder stage though where I'll say: This about my life was tragic. This is where I tried to get over it. This is where I didn't bother so much.

But- to the pep talkers who insist we need to take responsibility and quit feeling sorry for ourselves, I would say: You can't shame me for the not bothering bit because- I'm not asking for sympathy for one.

Plus- it's a decision now- more than anything else. I probably don't value life the same way you do so- I don't see so much point in fighting. I'll simply accept that my decision to be inactive means I will stay where I am- stuck being held back by certain things.

If they found that their fight yielded good enough rewards- that's great but, it can be a conscious decision not to fight just as much as a pitiful withdrawal from doing so.

In terms of suicide though- no. That's a reasoned decision for me. I could stay here and fight more. I doubt it would have a massively positive affect on my life. I've fought fairly vigorously in the past. It just brought more problems into my life. What would I be fighting for anyway? Life? I want to be rid of life! Why would I fight for it?

Maybe feeling sorry for myself hasn't done much good. But, neither has believing I could overcome everything and live a 'normal' life. The closest I got to a 'normal' life wasn't particularly satisfying! A reward has to be good enough to put yourself through discomfort to achieve it.

I feel sorry for every other living being that suffers too. I also believe we can do things to either improve our situations or, make them worse. I think the 'improvement' road can often be more challenging.

I think you can do both though- feel pity for yourself but also think- that's happened now- what do I do next to get over it? I don't think one excludes the other.

I don't think suicide is necessarily a declaration of defeat either. I think it can equally be a f*ck this! I'm not playing this pointless game anymore- so- a declaration of defiance too. Why play a game that's rigged from the start? Why go along with positive affirmations if you don't believe that what they are presenting as your 'reward' is worth fighting for?

 

[Forveleth]

I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim of anything. Life unfolds how it unfolds. My being here is a combination of conscious choices I have made and the way that others have acted towards me. I know that if others had acted differently towards me, I might not be here, but that is just life. Some people have a good and some people do not.

 

[kopebaldy]

No, not really.

There are some external factors but ultimately, I am my own downfall.

I made the choices, I pay for them. It's fair. I'm not worth being sorry over.

 

[Off_Switch]

Sorry that I unlucky eough to be born. Which is justified because I didn't choose to be here.

 

[telekon]

do you think that you feel sorry for yourself? Do you think that if you do, it plays a major role in why you want to ctb?

There's a few values I've lived by most of my life. One being, "don't feel sorry for yourself".

I'm testing the waters to see what other people think.

oh absolutely and if i didn't feel sorry for myself, i.e., if i blamed myself, i would have caught the bus already

 

[easypeasy]

Yes I do!

And maybe a little role, most of it is wanting to avoid the financial mess that's coming.

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate so much. Big hugs. Thanks for sharing that with me x

oh absolutely and if i didn't feel sorry for myself, i.e., if i blamed myself, i would have caught the bus already

I think the idea that someone is to blame is a losing game. There are millions of tiny decisions, some within, and some outside of our control.

It's also important to frame things the right way. I'm accountable for my choices but "blaming myself" is punishing yourself for an outcome you didn't want. That's like doubling down on the negativity.

I've made lots of choices I regret but I don't deserve to be shamed for it by anyone else, let alone myself. Just an opinion. I'm really glad you shared your perspective with me. Thank you

No, not really.

There are some external factors but ultimately, I am my own downfall.

I made the choices, I pay for them. It's fair. I'm not worth being sorry over.

That's a healthy outlook. You're worth all the stars in the sky. But feeling sorry for ourselves is a surefire why to stay upset.

Feeling sorry for ourselves is damaging (and indulgent). I think you're very smart for thinking how you do.

I also don't think it serves others to feel sorry for them as it's not empowering. Anyway, I liked reading your reply. Thanks :)

Sorry that I unlucky eough to be born. Which is justified because I didn't choose to be here.

Maybe you could try not feeling sorry for yourself that you exisiting and see if that changes how you interact with the world and how you feel day to day. Like an experiment?

I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim of anything. Life unfolds how it unfolds. My being here is a combination of conscious choices I have made and the way that others have acted towards me. I know that if others had acted differently towards me, I might not be here, but that is just life. Some people have a good and some people do not.

Love this

Yup. I feel sorry for myself and my family for having this curse put on me that's pushing me towards my grave. I'll ruin everything for everyone but I'm suffering so much. I wish so badly that circumstances were different .

i feel sorry for myself but i want to die regardless.

That makes sense. I believe that self pity leads to depressing thoughts.

 

[kyuuketsuki]

i suppose so, yes. my life has been full of injustices against me. i would say my life itself is an injustice. although i don't really like the term "feel sorry for yourself" as i find it often used by people who try to manipulate your emotions or invalidate your reasons for feeling the way you do, whatever the cause is.
i think i have a natural reaction to the things i've been put through. i find it extremely upsetting i have been traumatized and abused the way i have and that those who did it get away with it and live normal lives. my life has been destroyed by the actions of such selfish people permanently altering my brain in my youth, resulting in multiple severe mental illnesses down the line.

 

[Fresh Soju]

I used to, but I feel more anger than anything now at how broken this world is.
Countless of other people in situations like mine, all of which could've been avoided, but we simply aren't cared for, and often actively "discarded" when trying to improve our lives because we don't fit into the system.
I see how everything is illogical, how everything is broken and runs on a lot of bullshit and fakery. People who can barely do their jobs get hired because of bull on their CV and resume, whereas me, who might even have a passion for what they're doing won't ever get hired or even a chance because or a wrong name or skin color or lack of experience or connections or whatever the fuck.
Even things like how everyone has to go to and from work at the exact same time, causing huge congestion on the roads, whereas instead we could stagger things more to up the flow, as you could travel for 30 mins or wait 1h+ in traffic.
Or all the time waste at work, when you could work less and just be productive vs pretending you work just to clock in those hours etc etc.

I used to feel I was the broken one, and while yes, those thoughts still come up, I feel I've just woken up and see the bullshit for what it is — that the world itself is broken, not me.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I do. But then my circumstances are suited for it. Others feel sorry for me as well.

I think it's a fine line between realistically acknowledging things really are bad, feeling too sorry for myself or reasoning away my pain because others have it worse.

 

[Alexandra_]

Yes, my suffering is simply unbearable

 

[easypeasy]

Yes, my suffering is simply unbearable

I'm sorry man, that sucks xox

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

Sorry for myself? Not really? In what way? I feel sorry for the human population in general, it will only get worse from here on out, I feel sorry that they are such unempathetic animals and I do feel sorry for the child self that I was at one point because no child deserves to this fate.

 

[easypeasy]

Sorry for myself? Not really? In what way? I feel sorry for the human population in general, it will only get worse from here on out, I feel sorry that they are such unempathetic animals and I do feel sorry for the child self that I was at one point because no child deserves to this fate.

Not in a specific way. Just in general. If I find myself feeling sorry for myself, I notice how bad I feel. So I made it a personal value to not feel sorry for myself. That's all.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Absolutely. It's incredible that life is such that anybody could even be born into the life of sanity-shredding misery that I have been forced to live. I've always been furious over how miserable I am in comparison to everybody and how absolutely unfair it is that my life is so horrid. I grew up in severe poverty (including near-homelessness), both of my parents are mentally ill beyond words (the fact that I'm a 2nd generation immigrant doesnt help btw), I grew up in the worst ghetto in my entire country, I have severe autism and ADHD, basically been severely mentally ill ever since I knew where my nose is, I had to drop out of HS, I started balding at 13, I have many physical ailments I've inherited especially from my mother (including a severe hunchback that made me the object of much bullying; my spine is medically fucked and I suffer from constant back pain), I have no friends and I'll never be able to ever have any, the list goes on. I have never met a single other person who has had to experience the gut-punch-after-gut-punch that has been life for me. Even in mental health communities the response from people is usually "holy shit, and I thought my life was horrible". It's literally inconceivable to others how horrid my life is. There are many times where I have sincerely wondered if I was some kind of evil genocidaire in a past life and that my only purpose in this life is to be driven into nothing but the utmost suffering by some evil demiurge, because it wants to see me either spend the rest of my life in misery or drive me to suicide.

 

[StoneBridge]

I feel very sorry for people around me, worse still, I'm unable to do anything to help!

 

[Kitsuné_]

1% sorry because i had potential. But then i think about Kensington Av, fent, and how ppl with much potential than me is now 6 feet under so at the end no, i dont feel sorry. I wasted all the potential, all my life treated ppl like they were objects because im narcissistic. No matter what bad things happen to me, screw me

 

[ih34rty0u]

of course i do.

 

[fallendevil]

Everyone does it's literally biology and it's nothing to be ashamed of, we are all self centered

I don't think things like the "victim mentality" or whatever exists and is just a way to gaslight people into not revolting about their life circumstances likely caused by systemic factors and instead making them blame themselves and divide communities

And before anyone says "what about people who use their trauma as an excuse to be a shit person" they're just entitled and mean and probably need help and guidance and not judgment or to "try harder and stop with the victim mentality" especially if they're a child

 

[kunikuzushi]

Yes of course. And everyone has the right to feel sorry for themselves in this terrible existence.

 

[lotus11]

Yes, the reason being because I think that I am genuinely a really good person. When I was bought up, my family was Catholic, we we to church every sunday, Catholic camp in holidays, my school was also Catholic, we did prayers every morning. From a young age I was always taught that the most important thing in life was to love people, to treat them right, to be honest etc. And I really believe my entire life i have been a really good person. This is in a very real an honest way. Yes I have lived my life well in many ways, I have spent time doing things some may label bad such as drugs/ alcohol/ stealing etc....but people can do those things and still be inherently good i believe. I think with things that really matter, I have always been 'good'. I don't think I know anyone in my life who has treated me well enough back. In the real world these type of people get troddon on. In the real world good doesn't win. But that is why I feel sorry for myself, because in my mind a good person doesn't deserve to be here, if I thought I was bad or evil I wouldn't feel sorry for myself.

 

[fallingbehind]

Of course I do. For some reason, I was born wrong. I didnt ask for that. My mother didnt want to have children but she did it anyway, I didnt ask for that either. Im a misanthrope with an inability to trust other people, whilst everyone else is able to make actual connections. Why me?

I know it should be wrong. I know I should feel pathetic for my "victim mentality", so I never allowed myself to illustrate how I felt before I set a CTB date, but now, Im going to dedicate my last few months to being honest about everything I feel.

I feel very sorry for myself. I dont believe in a higher power or the afterlife. This is the only existence Im going to get, and its awful.

 

[Kurwenal]

I guess I feel sorry for myself in that I'm sorry I have made my own misery. I feel sorry that a painfully strong part of me actively wants me to fail in everything, and I feel sorry that being self-aware of this fact doesn't actually give me the power to change it. I'm the victim and the perpetrator in one, I suppose. It's sometimes hard to feel sorry for myself, though, because given that I am the architect of my own sorrows, it's ultimately my own fault.

If anything, I feel more sorry for the people I've interacted with throughout my existence, and most particularly those still stuck with me. Technically, you could argue it's the fault of my parents for bringing me into this world. But I don't think they expected to bring an abomination into their lives, one that would cast its horrid shadow over them for decades to come.