Do you feel sad about CTB being your only option?

[venin]

I'm asking because I sometimes feel a very intense sorrow, pain, sense of regret regarding what could've been if the things that tore me apart didn't happen. I still have some hope, and I still haven't given up and I hate that. I hate hope, I hate the what ifs, I hate the maybe ifs.

I've fought really hard and for a long time now but I still can't say I've wasted all my options. I still have some options left although I don't them. I don't wanna try anymore. I just want everything to end. I am tired of existence. Of my existence. Of the person that I am because of what happened to me. Of everything.

I like myself. My real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self. I don't want that to die.
I'm scared of that dying. Even though it's like 2% of the individual that I am right now, I still don't want that to end. It would be such a waste of potential. But then again the chances of me really recovering, the way I'd like to, and living the life I yearn for are slim to zero.

Maybe I see things this way cause I'm depressed af right now and the meds aren't doings shit for me. You know?

Idk.

Sorry for digressing.

What's your answer to the question in the title?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Just referring to the headline of your thread and I also replied in one of your other threads before. No, I wouldn't feel sad or being unhappy about me CTBing if I only had the support from my closest family and them understanding that this is the only suitable option for me and the one and only real relief from this tortuorus life.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm not that sad.. I know that ctb is my only option, I have known this for a decade so far and i'm not sad about it. I'd rather live than die but I have no hope for my future and I can't be helped. I'm also lazy so I can't have a good future anyways, even if I try.

 

[Anon7b8]

It's bittersweet really. Since what led me to this choice is the fault of a controlling narcissistic father. 15 years as i stated in your previous thread i also tried to get better. But even before, i knew i would cbt just a matter of when amd how. So I'm mostly sad that i couldn't do some things i could have. But not sad that cbt is the only option.

 

[Unattainable666]

Yes, I'm sad and I'm pissed off. This world is so fucked up that I see no alternative. I've struggled to maintain who I am as a person in a world that discounts people like me. I am invisible, I dont matter. I dont't want to be in a world that treats me so badly. It's a decision I've made after a very long time.
Yes, I'm sad and I'm pissed off. This world is so fucked up that I see no alternative. I've struggled to maintain who I am as a person in a world that discounts people like me. I am invisible, I dont matter. I dont't want to be in a world that treats me so badly. It's a decision I've made after a very long time.

 

[wristcutangel]

it's bittersweet. there's nothing to be done anymore, i just want to rest. but i still wished deep down to be able to live a happy life for the longest time, and i still wish i could've had a better life even if that's something that can't be changed.

 

[venin]

Yes, I'm sad and I'm pissed off. This world is so fucked up that I see no alternative. I've struggled to maintain who I am as a person in a world that discounts people like me. I am invisible, I dont matter. I dont't want to be in a world that treats me so badly. It's a decision I've made after a very long time.
Yes, I'm sad and I'm pissed off. This world is so fucked up that I see no alternative. I've struggled to maintain who I am as a person in a world that discounts people like me. I am invisible, I dont matter. I dont't want to be in a world that treats me so badly. It's a decision I've made after a very long time.

What do you mean by people like you? If I may ask

 

[bloodblacknothing]

i've actually been writing about this exact issue pretty extensively in my goodbye note, so i'll just repeat what i say in that:

"i feel homesick for places i've never been, and experiences i've never had -- it's like i'm mourning a life unlived, or the life i could have had, unhindered and unshaped by my trauma."

i won't mourn myself as i am, nor my life, but i will miss who i could have been. there's nothing left for me to do, so while ctb may be my only option, at least i'll be free of this painful version of myself; that alone gives me some bittersweet relief.

 

[venin]

i've actually been writing about this exact issue pretty extensively in my goodbye note, so i'll just repeat what i say in that:

"i feel homesick for places i've never been, and experiences i've never had -- it's like i'm mourning a life unlived, or the life i could have had, unhindered and unshaped by my trauma."

i won't mourn myself as i am, nor my life, but i will miss who i could have been. there's nothing left for me to do, so while ctb may be my only option, at least i'll be free of this painful version of myself; that alone gives me some bittersweet relief.

This is it

 

[Parnate]

If i could function as I did previously before my mental issues started I definitely would live.
But it is so difficult for me to function. I tried so many medicines to fix my adhd but none helped.
Also some aren't available in my country. It feels that whatever good there was in me left me long ago and what is left isn't good enough.

 

[Gaga786]

Yes. I know that I'll eventually have to CTB as time goes on and because I won't be able to live like this(No job, can't drive, zero talents, no relationship or spouse)It's sad because I wish there was some other way, but there isn't. Deep down there's still a part of me that wants to be loved by parents, make people proud, live for myself, become confident, do something meaningful but I know that'll never come true. Unfortunately, dreams don't come true for people like me.

 

[conejo triste]

At the moment I do feel sad about it. I genuinely wanted to live and do something with my life and maybe make a name for myself but for every good moment there's 2 bad ones. Things aren't getting better and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse. Even if it feels like CTB is my only option, I don't see it as a bad thing. It's the ticket that'll leave to my peace.

 

[Anon7b8]

i've actually been writing about this exact issue pretty extensively in my goodbye note, so i'll just repeat what i say in that:

"i feel homesick for places i've never been, and experiences i've never had -- it's like i'm mourning a life unlived, or the life i could have had, unhindered and unshaped by my trauma."

i won't mourn myself as i am, nor my life, but i will miss who i could have been. there's nothing left for me to do, so while ctb may be my only option, at least i'll be free of this painful version of myself; that alone gives me some bittersweet relief.

That's very beautiful. Well said.

 

[venin]

At the moment I do feel sad about it. I genuinely wanted to live and do something with my life and maybe make a name for myself but for every good moment there's 2 bad ones. Things aren't getting better and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse. Even if it feels like CTB is my only option, I don't see it as a bad thing. It's the ticket that'll leave to my peace.

I wish I could see it that way. I mean I also see it as gaining peace but I'm really sad about doing it.

" Cause I've got too much life, running through my veins, to go to waste "

 

[Aloneisbestforme]

I use to feel alot pain and sadness from it.

After about a year or so of thinking it's what my end has to come to.
I am slowly becoming numb to it and accepted that this is how I am gonna die and it's for the greater good.

If I fight for a better life I would be wasting my time and everyone else's time for those who are gonna help.

I really wish it didn't have to be this way because ik life can be great to a certain level and I wanna live that but well what can you do.

 

[venin]

I use to feel alot pain and sadness from it.

After about a year or so of thinking it's what my end has to come to.
I am slowly becoming numb to it and accepted that this is how I am gonna die and it's for the greater good.

If I fight for a better life I would be wasting my time and everyone else's time for those who are gonna help.

I really wish it didn't have to be this way because ik life can be great to a certain level and I wanna live that but well what can you do.

It's great that you've reached that point

 

[XenoPyo]

After all Ive been through and the constant pain Ive caused, it seems very freeing.

 

[Unattainable666]

What do you mean by people like you? If I may ask

I'm an empath. I have empathy for everyone and thats how people have fucked me over by using this against me. I can't change who I am, but I don't belong in this world anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

Never, death comforts me and it's the only relief, if I had the option of a guaranteed, peaceful and reliable way to leave this world I would feel so incredibly relieved, I only desire the eternity of non-existence, there's nothing desirable about suffering here.

Instead what makes me sad is how suicide is purposely made so difficult, it's very sad the thought of potentially being trapped here for decades just decaying from age, in fact the thought of suffering for that long in this harmful existence is terrifying. Death brings freedom from all the sadness, there's nothing sad about sleeping eternally, the thought of such a thing is the only comfort.

 

[404]

i guess i kinda feel a bit sad since (i think) the thing that can give me the motivation to live again is very simple yet i can't have it

i already accepted a long time ago that CTB might be my only option for relief if things go wrong again so there's no reason to be depressed about it

 

[jar-baby]

Yes, I relate. It's not so much that I see death as an inherently bad thing— I just wish I could've done something worthwhile with this existence before leaving. I don't want it to end like this. But I'm pretty sure it's going to.

 

[kindalone]

I definitely feel sad, because I know I had potential. But I wasted it. I was too prideful to ask for help and too stubborn to admit that I had a lot of weaknesses, that I alone wasn't going to improve. I know there were a lot of things stacked against me, but I just wish I could've gotten through it somehow. Ultimately, I also have to realize, that I wasn't that powerful either. Lots of people made me go through some shit. It broke me in a way it didn't break other people. But it doesn't matter now. My life is now going downhill and unless I wanna see how deep rock bottom really is, I have to ctb.

 

[Zegers]

I would have wished for a good life, perhaps in afterlife. Under this circumstances i am done of such a limited and miserable existence.

 

[venin]

After all Ive been through and the constant pain Ive caused, it seems very freeing.

Glad it's this way 4 u

 

[Glandular]

I'm sad that my ill body leaves me no other choice. I've accepted it now, it is just bad luck. However, sometimes feelings of sadness and envy still show up.

 

[venin]

I'm an empath. I have empathy for everyone and thats how people have fucked me over by using this against me. I can't change who I am, but I don't belong in this world anymore

Me 2. This world is not for us. For psychopaths on the other hand

Never, death comforts me and it's the only relief, if I had the option of a guaranteed, peaceful and reliable way to leave this world I would feel so incredibly relieved, I only desire the eternity of non-existence, there's nothing desirable about suffering here.

Instead what makes me sad is how suicide is purposely made so difficult, it's very sad the thought of potentially being trapped here for decades just decaying from age, in fact the thought of suffering for that long in this harmful existence is terrifying. Death brings freedom from all the sadness, there's nothing sad about sleeping eternally, the thought of such a thing is the only comfort.

It really feels like a trap. Like purgatory. You can't live, but you can't die either, so…

SUFFER!

i guess i kinda feel a bit sad since (i think) the thing that can give me the motivation to live again is very simple yet i can't have it

i already accepted a long time ago that CTB might be my only option for relief if things go wrong again so there's no reason to be depressed about it

Can I ask what that is?

 

[Takamagahara]

I do feel sad that suicide feels like the only end I have.

However, the idea of forcing myself to continue living makes me even sadder than that.

I'm terrified of dying but even more scared to keep living when I know there's only guaranteed pain in the future.

It's all relative.

 

[venin]

Yes, I relate. It's not so much that I see death as an inherently bad thing— I just wish I could've done something worthwhile with this existence before leaving. I don't want it to end like this. But I'm pretty sure it's going to.

I just saw your profile pic awww, Truman

Yes. I also feel this. It's like a dagger in my heart to think it would end this way… FUUUUCC

I would have wished for a good life, perhaps in afterlife. Under this circumstances i am done of such a limited and miserable existence.

I hope you find peace

 

[enough of this]

I'm asking because I sometimes feel a very intense sorrow, pain, sense of regret regarding what could've been if the things that tore me apart didn't happen. I still have some hope, and I still haven't given up and I hate that. I hate hope, I hate the what ifs, I hate the maybe ifs.

I've fought really hard and for a long time now but I still can't say I've wasted all my options. I still have some options left although I don't them. I don't wanna try anymore. I just want everything to end. I am tired of existence. Of my existence. Of the person that I am because of what happened to me. Of everything.

I like myself. My real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self. I don't want that to die.
I'm scared of that dying. Even though it's like 2% of the individual that I am right now, I still don't want that to end. It would be such a waste of potential. But then again the chances of me really recovering, the way I'd like to, and living the life I yearn for are slim to zero.

Maybe I see things this way cause I'm depressed af right now and the meds aren't doings shit for me. You know?

Idk.

Sorry for digressing.

What's your answer to the question in the title?

All the research I've done on the "death" experience, tells me your real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self WON'T die. EVER! I realize it's hard to impossible for most people to get that, being the only experience of life they've had is linked to their physical being. But your consciousness, your spiritual being-ness, isn't physical, and continues after the death of your body. (PM me for references, if you like.)

Your real, authentic self is 100% of who you are. We experience a very small fraction of that (0.005%) while we're in body. But that small fraction is believed to be and taken as all we are. If we were exposed in physical, time/space reality to the totality of all we are, it would just be noise. We wouldn't be able to focus on one thing at a time or discern one thing from another. The brain and all of your senses are filtering devices which allow you to focus. When your body dies, you still have your identity, and are able to focus on the totality of your being-ness and all it contains, all at once, since there is no time or space in non-physical reality to impede your consciousness.

I agree with you, that you see thing the way you do because of your depression. When someone transitions to non-physical reality, all negativity and concerns are left behind. All they feel is pure, unconditional love, joy and happiness.

(By the way, none of this has anything to do with religion. Atheists have exactly the same death experience as religious people. "Death" is simply a corridor from physical to non-physical life experience.)

 

[Takamagahara]

All the research I've done on the "death" experience, tells me your real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self WON'T die. EVER! I realize it's hard to impossible for most people to get that, being the only experience of life they've had is linked to their physical being. But your consciousness, your spiritual being-ness, isn't physical, and continues after the death of your body. (PM me for references, if you like.)

Your real, authentic self is 100% of who you are. We experience a very small fraction of that (0.005%) while we're in body. But that small fraction is believed to be and taken as all we are. If we were exposed in physical, time/space reality to the totality of all we are, it would just be noise. We wouldn't be able to focus on one thing at a time or discern one thing from another. The brain and all of your senses are filtering devices which allow you to focus. When your body dies, you still have your identity, and are able to focus on the totality of your being-ness and all it contains, all at once, since there is no time or space in non-physical reality to impede your consciousness.

I agree with you, that you see thing the way you do because of your depression. When someone transitions to non-physical reality, all negativity and concerns are left behind. All they feel is pure, unconditional love, joy and happiness.

(By the way, none of this has anything to do with religion. Atheists have exactly the same death experience as religious people. "Death" is simply a corridor from physical to non-physical life experience.)

I mean this in the most endearing, positive way possible.

This sounds like complete and utter nonsense, and I love it. It's extremely comforting.