Do you feel sad about CTB being your only option?

[venin]

All the research I've done on the "death" experience, tells me your real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self WON'T die. EVER! I realize it's hard to impossible for most people to get that, being the only experience of life they've had is linked to their physical being. But your consciousness, your spiritual being-ness, isn't physical, and continues after the death of your body. (PM me for references, if you like.)

Your real, authentic self is 100% of who you are. We experience a very small fraction of that (0.005%) while we're in body. But that small fraction is believed to be and taken as all we are. If we were exposed in physical, time/space reality to the totality of all we are, it would just be noise. We wouldn't be able to focus on one thing at a time or discern one thing from another. The brain and all of your senses are filtering devices which allow you to focus. When your body dies, you still have your identity, and are able to focus on the totality of your being-ness and all it contains, all at once, since there is no time or space in non-physical reality to impede your consciousness.

I agree with you, that you see thing the way you do because of your depression. When someone transitions to non-physical reality, all negativity and concerns are left behind. All they feel is pure, unconditional love, joy and happiness.

(By the way, none of this has anything to do with religion. Atheists have exactly the same death experience as religious people. "Death" is simply a corridor from physical to non-physical life experience.)

Oh, how I wish it were something like this

I mean this in the most endearing, positive way possible.

This sounds like complete and utter nonsense, and I love it. It's extremely comforting.

If i could function as I did previously before my mental issues started I definitely would live.
But it is so difficult for me to function. I tried so many medicines to fix my adhd but none helped.
Also some aren't available in my country. It feels that whatever good there was in me left me long ago and what is left isn't good enough.

Do you think a certain moment when they start exists? Cause if I look throught my life there've always been stuff in the back of my mind, slowly growing like a snowball. Of cours I can pinpoint the moment when major depression started, but still

It's bittersweet really. Since what led me to this choice is the fault of a controlling narcissistic father. 15 years as i stated in your previous thread i also tried to get better. But even before, i knew i would cbt just a matter of when amd how. So I'm mostly sad that i couldn't do some things i could have. But not sad that cbt is the only option.

Also had a great dad I always say that the nazis were more humane with the jews than he was with me

it's bittersweet. there's nothing to be done anymore, i just want to rest. but i still wished deep down to be able to live a happy life for the longest time, and i still wish i could've had a better life even if that's something that can't be changed.

I really want to rest too…

There's a great video on yt regarding assisted death and the girl is saying the exact same thing.

This is the Link

I watched it again and again when I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore. Even before going to sleep on my birthday…

Yes. I know that I'll eventually have to CTB as time goes on and because I won't be able to live like this(No job, can't drive, zero talents, no relationship or spouse)It's sad because I wish there was some other way, but there isn't. Deep down there's still a part of me that wants to be loved by parents, make people proud, live for myself, become confident, do something meaningful but I know that'll never come true. Unfortunately, dreams don't come true for people like me.

I'm sorry it's the way it is

Sadly, some of us are just born into prisons we can't escape from…

I definitely feel sad, because I know I had potential. But I wasted it. I was too prideful to ask for help and too stubborn to admit that I had a lot of weaknesses, that I alone wasn't going to improve. I know there were a lot of things stacked against me, but I just wish I could've gotten through it somehow. Ultimately, I also have to realize, that I wasn't that powerful either. Lots of people made me go through some shit. It broke me in a way it didn't break other people. But it doesn't matter now. My life is now going downhill and unless I wanna see how deep rock bottom really is, I have to ctb.

Guilty as charged

I'm sad that my ill body leaves me no other choice. I've accepted it now, it is just bad luck. However, sometimes feelings of sadness and envy still show up.

It's really basically just bad luck ‍

I do feel sad that suicide feels like the only end I have.

However, the idea of forcing myself to continue living makes me even sadder than that.

I'm terrified of dying but even more scared to keep living when I know there's only guaranteed pain in the future.

It's all relative.

I don't know which one terrifies me the most .

 

[Darkover]

i drop out of school at an early age,got into trouble with the police at an early age, i got addicted to weed and waste a few years also leading to a brain injury from headphones they damaged both ears,, i've done something possitive in life by learn programming and hacking mmo games creating bots and selling items had over 100,000downloads made 10,000£, i just wish that i could go back to 2013 and change everything or maybe even 2005 at 18 its sad my life has to come to end due to a injury i could of made something people played a mmo game

 

[venin]

i drop out of school at an early age,got into trouble with the police at an early age, i got addicted to weed and waste a few years also leading to a brain injury from headphones they damaged both ears,, i've done something possitive in life by learn programming and hacking mmo games creating bots and selling items had over 100,000downloads made 10,000£, i just wish that i could go back to 2013 and change everything or maybe even 2005 at 18 its sad my life has to come to end due to a injury i could of made something people played a mmo game

I also have tinnitus from listening too loud on my headphones. What happened with the brain injury? if it's ok to ask

 

[Whole-Ad]

I feel sad that time after time, I'm always brought back here. Thinking that my only option is ctb. Nobody in my life understands it, not even me. Sometimes it's just fleeting thoughts of suicide and sometimes its a deeper feeling of knowing that I either won't be here much longer, or that I'm not supposed to be here. I'm also not wrong. I never do, or say the right thing. I have no friends. I find myself relying on weed to keep me happy. I say happy but, really its kinda like existing somewhere else for a few hours if that makes sense. I am diagnosed with Autism, there is no support for it, and I just mask everything until I can't anymore. Honestly, I just can't wait until I'm done. I was sectioned for a year and a half which started in May 2021. Came out in December 2022. I take meds which I don't want to take, I don't even think they work to be honest. But my mother insists I take them.

I don't know where I took the wrong turn in life. I don't feel sad for myself, that I will die. It's the other people in my life that will have to live with what I've done. There's nothing I can do to lessen their pain and some things are just inevitable. Even if I didn't ctb any time soon, I know for a fact as soon as my mum passes, I'm gone.

 

[front of me]

I have mixed feelings that I can't really describe, between excitement, sadness, happiness, depression, fear, boredom anxiety and others

 

[tpboy]

"In a happy home
I was a king, I had a golden throne
Those days are gone
Now the memory's on the wall"

SHM

 

[Agon321]

Not completely. We're all going to die sooner or later, and I'll have at least minimal control when that happens. I don't want to grow old or wait for him to get seriously ill or anything like that. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid of death, but I won't miss it anyway. I just hope that my CTB will be successful and I won't be tortured forever on the other side.

 

[venin]

"In a happy home
I was a king, I had a golden throne
Those days are gone
Now the memory's on the wall"

SHM

I hope heaven's got a plan for you

Not completely. We're all going to die sooner or later, and I'll have at least minimal control when that happens.

Good point

 

[tpboy]

Not completely. We're all going to die sooner or later, and I'll have at least minimal control when that happens. I don't want to grow old or wait for him to get seriously ill or anything like that. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid of death, but I won't miss it anyway. I just hope that my CTB will be successful and I won't be tortured forever on the other side.

Why would you be tortured?

 

[Agon321]

Why would you be tortured?

I don't know if google translate did it right. I mean, I don't know what happens after death and I don't know what to expect. I'm not a religious person and I don't believe in any God, but I'm open to options. I don't think that there are any unpleasant surprises waiting for us on the other side, but as I wrote, I don't want to rule out any option.

 

[josephk]

No I'm not sad about it. I'm sad that it's so difficult to do. Hanging seems the only way for me but I'm scared to commit in case I balls it up. It's also the mess I'd leave behind. If I could get my hands on nembutal though I would just do it

 

[venin]

No I'm not sad about it. I'm sad that it's so difficult to do. Hanging seems the only way for me but I'm scared to commit in case I balls it up. It's also the mess I'd leave behind. If I could get my hands on nembutal though I would just do it

that's just awesome

 

[jemetire]

Ahhhh I just feel so sad!!!!!

 

[numbed one]

I feel sobsad that i have to waste m'y life on ctb

 

[drennedrat]

I'm sad. I've had things really good before. A bright future, lots of friends. Now I'm a shell of the girl I used to be. Bipolar has ruined my life twice and I refuse to let it do any more damage.

 

[venin]

Ahhhh I just feel so sad!!!!!

I'm really sorry…

I feel sobsad that i have to waste m'y life on ctb

Life's just too cruel to some…

I'm sad. I've had things really good before. A bright future, lots of friends. Now I'm a shell of the girl I used to be. Bipolar has ruined my life twice and I refuse to let it do any more damage.

I've had it pretty good myself at some point. Now I feel like I'm a useless corpse

 

[ChantDuCygne]

I feel more guilty than sad. People keep telling me I could do this or that with my life. I feel like such a failure. I could have been so much more. I also feel guilty because I know the people who actually cared about me will be sad. I know it hurts because my father caught the bus. Nevertheless, I can rejoice in the thought that I will see him again.

 

[venin]

I feel more guilty than sad. People keep telling me I could do this or that with my life. I feel like such a failure. I could have been so much more. I also feel guilty because I know the people who actually cared about me will be sad. I know it hurts because my father caught the bus. Nevertheless, I can rejoice in the thought that I will see him again.

I am sorry for your loss…

I also feel guilty that way, now that you've said it

 

[Borderline]

I wish I could have a happy life but suicide is the only way out.

 

[Already Gone6]

Yes but only because it's so hard to find a method that actually works.

 

[venin]

I wish I could have a happy life but suicide is the only way out.

I wish we could all SS-ers have the lives we want. These people deserve so much more than the things that I read everyday…

Fucking hell

Yes but only because it's so hard to find a method that actually works.

I'm sorry your situation is that bad

I wish I could feel just sad about it, tbh I feel just pain and anger at this point that I have to endure all of this shit for no reason

Those two are bonuses

Even though I'm so run down that usually I cannot even get angry at stuff anymore.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I'm asking because I sometimes feel a very intense sorrow, pain, sense of regret regarding what could've been if the things that tore me apart didn't happen. I still have some hope, and I still haven't given up and I hate that. I hate hope, I hate the what ifs, I hate the maybe ifs.

I've fought really hard and for a long time now but I still can't say I've wasted all my options. I still have some options left although I don't them. I don't wanna try anymore. I just want everything to end. I am tired of existence. Of my existence. Of the person that I am because of what happened to me. Of everything.

I like myself. My real, authentic, free of trauma and lack self. I don't want that to die.
I'm scared of that dying. Even though it's like 2% of the individual that I am right now, I still don't want that to end. It would be such a waste of potential. But then again the chances of me really recovering, the way I'd like to, and living the life I yearn for are slim to zero.

Maybe I see things this way cause I'm depressed af right now and the meds aren't doings shit for me. You know?

Idk.

Sorry for digressing.

What's your answer to the question in the title?

How we have reached here might be different , but I feel the same as you . Everyday I think about how my world would have turned out if I didn't have this damn physical ailment which just gets worse . I have been to tons of doctors (spent a lot of time and money) and have no options left, they simply don't have a solution . I am in my 20s and have so much to offer to the world but life has been too cruel to me. I am still holding on for my dear life but one day I will have to let go off the ledge .

I am sad to hear that you are in a similar mind space as me. I won't wish it on my worse enemy . All I can say is you are not alone , I feel the same way .

 

[Anon7b8]

Also had a great dad I always say that the nazis were more humane with the jews than he was with me

Funny thing is, they don't seem to know they're the cause of the majority of our trauma. Or refuse to acknowledge it.

 

[ablationaaa457]

Personally I've become incredibly ambivalent about suicide being my only option. It's become increasingly clear to me that I should have just exited this earth years ago, and I don't really care anymore what others think of my own choices. The main thing for me to do now is to find a good method and use it.

 

[MrSpaghetti]

Of course, I dont want to leave my family or friends but seeing as how nothing else ive done has made me stay better i feel like this is the only option im left with

 

[enough of this]

I mean this in the most endearing, positive way possible.

This sounds like complete and utter nonsense, and I love it. It's extremely comforting.

I can certainly understand how this sounds like complete and utter nonsense. It did to me at first, also. But not anymore.

 

[Sapphire]

Yes. I'm sad that it has come to this. I don't hate life itself like some people on here do. I would rather live if there was a way that it was possible.

 

[Scythe]

I'm still sad at times, but I have accepted that suicide is the best way for me. The other option is accepting society and I just can't bring myself to do that. I don't like society I don't want to be a part of it and I'm better off dead.
Like others here, I believe I still have popential, I don't know how much, but I have potential. However, I am involved in the arts, and I do not have the talent to beat the advancing AI so I am better off dead. I am also not interested in seeing whatever the fuck the fallout of AI will look like.
Life is a drug I am addicted to for me. It has its highs, but it's caused me great harm and I have to quit it. I do wish things can be different, but I have wholeheartedly accepted death.

 

[butterfly3]

yeah I want a better life and I have tried but al my efforts seem so futile. it's like as I run toward my desired they also run from me. It's so unfair how some people on the world have everything they couldn't possible want and need but the rest of us just have to struggle

 

[Nezumi04]

When I think about wanting to ctb... I do get sad about how things have turned out the way it did to push me so far.. and I get sad about the people who may be affected badly by my death. But, I think everyone will eventually be able to move on in time... just like they have already when I'm still alive. So, it's a mix of sadness but also it would be a huge relief for me to finally feel at peace... I'm pretty disappointed with the person I've become, and I want to end the constant negative emotions/thoughts that torture me (and also how I've treated others because of it).