Do you feel hate/resentment towards your parents?

[NoYam88]

For me I resent my father greatly. Instead of staying with his first wife and 3 kids, he instead left her to marry my mom who is 10 years younger than him which I became the result product of their everlasting love bullshit.

We have never seen each other eye to eye, every time we talk which is maybe once in 5 months, its always this awkward feeling between us. I know he knows it too. He has been a terrible father ever since I was young. Constant yelling, scoulding you if you did anything wrong, throwing ice cold bucket of water at you if you start crying, and many more...

Sometimes I get a feeling of PTSD just seeing him and hearing his voice, it pisses me off so much I just want to shoot my head.

I never hated anyone more than him in my life, its all because of him I am here questioning my existance everyday.

Fucking asshole.

 

[Superfluous]

I also hated my father. I broke all contact with him over 30 years ago so no longer think about him.

I feel for you. I understand, at least in part, what you're going through.

 

[Weems]

No, my parents were great. I feel horrible for what I'm going to do to them.

 

[Jean Améry]

Hate no as this would imply (at least according to Nietzsche) one still has some respect for the person but resentment hell yes.

I believe the act of procreation is selfish and unethical in any case but when one has major problems of one's own it's downright evil as it's highly unfair to burden others with one's own problems.

I had the grave misfortune that both my parents are losers and personality wise unfit to raise children: my mother's a depressive alcoholic with a defaitist personality and my father a classic narcissist. Oh what joy to be raised by such scum.

The upside to this is that I won't feel one shred of guilt towards them when I leave. I'm still not sure whether I'll write them a report card so to speak and show them in minute detail how badly they managed to fuck me up.

Anyone who thinks about having children would do well to ponder this very deeply: life is unavoidable suffering and death is not only guaranteed but quite possibly very painful and gruesome and there's a chance you'll get to see your child's death happening. Do you really want to gamble with such high stakes on someone-else's dime?

 

[ExitTheDay]

I haven't had any contact with my father for many years until recently, it is pretty awkward seeing him and what not, but deep down inside I can see he's trying to make up for all the years of not seeing me and I geuss I can appreciate that although I do still feel a little bit of disappointment

 

[Coolchicka]

Hey, I'm sorry about this. It really sucks that you had to go through that. I don't hate my parents because I know that they're good people and they did their best in raising me. I just know that I'm a piece of shit daughter. I feel horrible that my parents were cursed with having a daughter like me. I've fucked up so many things and they've suffered so much because of it.

 

[Final Escape]

Not as much now. It doesn't matter anymore. It's not like I can undo the damage and go back in time.

 

[LaBrava]

Both parents and my step parent are bad to varying degrees. My stepfather is a monster, almost certainly has some kind of personality disorder or profound mental illness - mentally abusive, incredibly domineering and controlling, prone to rage, unstable, incredibly egotistical, infantile, also sexually abused my sibling, for which he eventually went to prison. My mother enabled all of this, and relocated to another part of the country with him after he got out of prison. She is obsessed with him, very delusional, and was always emotionally distant and never gave me any support, love or attention. My father is relatively inoffensive, but he's also distant, largely unsympathetic, ineffectual and not very smart and somewhat selfish. I wouldn't judge him so harshly except that he has tended to have expectations of me to achieve things in life he can brag about and make up for his own lack of achievement, when he never gave me the support I needed. He doesn't see any of this because he's just oblivious to most things. He's very old and becoming confused now, so that's that.

 

[dandan]

For me I resent my father greatly. Instead of staying with his first wife and 3 kids, he instead left her to marry my mom who is 10 years younger than him which I became the result product of their everlasting love bullshit.

We have never seen each other eye to eye, every time we talk which is maybe once in 5 months, its always this awkward feeling between us. I know he knows it too. He has been a terrible father ever since I was young. Constant yelling, scoulding you if you did anything wrong, throwing ice cold bucket of water at you if you start crying, and many more...

Sometimes I get a feeling of PTSD just seeing him and hearing his voice, it pisses me off so much I just want to shoot my head.

I never hated anyone more than him in my life, its all because of him I am here questioning my existance everyday.

Fucking asshole.

yeah, fuck him.... plus we could've been millionaires but he instead just humiliate me, said crap about me.... fuck him....

but what now? okay we hate them.... so?
are we getting our life back?? we neeg to get on with our own lives

I need to at least

I need to work something out

 

[Jen Erik]

I did, for a long time.

Somehow it's dissipated over the last 10 years, in a very organic way, it's not something I deliberately set out to do, vis-à-vis that whole 'letting go' cliche.

If I had to conjecture why or how it happened, I would think my subconscious somehow decided it was not a productive use of my emotional bandwith?

But what I think is notable is that now that I am free of that hate and resentment – which is basically centered on the past for me – I am all consumed with terror about my future. So I am definitely winning at life now, for sure.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I do not feel any hate or resentment towards my parents.
They were people with lives before I came along.
I imagine they view me like a really shit mobile phone contract.
Nice new phone, 18 year contract, broken in the first week with no upgrades available.
They kept me because they had to, could have been better, but could have been worse.
Being the stupid child I was, ironically I'm surprised they didn't put me in a bag and toss me in the lake, might have been better for all in the long run.
Sorry to hear all the tales of parents fucking up lives, I sincerely am.
DBD

 

[First loss]

I hate both of them. I fucking can't stand them. I hate them for fucking me up the way they did. If I had better parents, I wouldn't be thinking about ctb.

 

[Soul]

I never knew either of them, but I get irked sometimes at how frivolous they were, having children they weren't at all interested in. She was focussed on him, and he was focussed on his dangerous adrenaline-laden career. What the hell did babies have to do with that?

 

[RainAndSadness]

They gave birth to me, did a bad job raising me, neglected me in my early childhood, divorced when I was 6 years old, which resulted in me being involved in their following divorce and custody battle for the next 10 years - so yeah, I judge them. They did all the bad stuff parents can possibly do.

They're not the reason for my suicide ideation. But they made sure I would start this game called 'life' with a very shitty deck.

 

[Username786]

Yes and no.
In my core, emotionally, absolutely 100% I hold resentment.

When I'm able to distance myself from it all and step back though, I know most of the bullshit they did (and do) is a result of their own stunted, emotionally neglectful upbringings. They're ultimately decent people trying to do their best, but they have a lot of their own problems and shitty thought processes they never grew out of. Between Mormonism, American culture, ruthless capitalism, constant propaganda, and the myriad of other issues life imposes on people, it isn't really fair to expect them to fix EVERY bullshit thing they were raised to believe. I'm in my 30s and my head is still cluttered with tons of nonsense I was taught, either implicitly or explicitly.

I often think humans were never meant to be raised by just two people. For the majority of human history, we were probably raised by a community. How can two people meet all the needs of a growing child, especially if that child isn't like them? Coaching taught me very quickly and harshly that what worked well for me doesn't come close to working for everyone else, and that was just learning a damn sport a few times a week, not constantly raising a fully functional and emotionally secure human being.

 

[Severen]

Of course. Yeah, I know my father can't help but be a sociopath. I know my mother can't help but be a puppet for sociopaths because she has a brain similar to a vegetable. But still...

 

[N-IsMyHope]

I hate everyone in my family, but I hate my mother the most.

 

[throwaway777]

sometimes i hate them bc they made me .. even tho i realise its not their fault bc they ve been brainwashed by religion since they were born

 

[Trainstation]

Yes. My father is very weird, manipulating, violent person. Untill age 8 I lived at home. I was only allowed to play\talk with one friend, his name was Boy. With others I wasn't allowed to talk\play. One day Boy came to play at my home. We were playing in the living room, with some toys, we were making war noises. My father was sitting in the sofa and didn't like this apparently, he started making weird noises, heavily coughing\blow\gesturing with his head no, all weird behaviour (very much like Mr Bean) indicating that we had to be quiet. There were more of these weird situations like these

I also remember how one day I saw him almost kill my mother. I was age 5\6. I was standing in the living room, I probably heard them fighting when I was upstairs. My mum was sitting against the wall with my father over her, he had his on her troath and he repeatedly said 'mary me or I kill you' (he had visum problems, marriage would solve it). At one point he noticed me..he said 'Train go to your room' ..I didn't went, I just stood there and watched the whole scene. Then at one point it did look like he was gonna kill her. I jumped on his neck, pulled his hair, screamed loud. He stopped it. After that I remember it vaguely, remember my mother's dad was in the garden shouting at him. And that we were locked outside of the house. The living room window is big and he was sleeping on the sofa on purpose Infront of the window so we could see it.

They always drunk alcohol and fought my parents. And after the fights my father behaved weird. He wouldn't talk at all for like a week or so..not that he talked much anyway. I remember he would come home from work sit in the sofa..with mad gesture..hand under his head. And when it was dinner time he would sit like that on the dinning table.. very weird non communication behaviour. It was just total silence for a week, no1 spoke not even 'hey or bye' . I had to do weird things as well, like when my mother went to the toilet, he encouraged me to open the door with a knife, I remember doing that and running away hard to him, and then he would laugh about it childish. He named and called my mother 'belly belfo' . Just all very weird behaviour.

Also very violent.. On Saturday I always went to get the newspaper for him, at the newspaper store. It was like 5 minutes walk, behind our house is a very small park. I went running to the newspaper store.. Because of the running the money felt out of my pocket in the park..I searched everywhere, couldn't find it..went eventually home. And he beat me up like a mad man.. his hands were all red afterwards from beating me, like it was like he was possessed or something with tongue out of mouth almost biting on it and a red face and beating me like that. For one coin I lost..worth 2,5 euro at the time.

Eventually I was taken from home by child protection at age 8. But as a result of those 8 years at home I'm totally isolated now and no social skills. I really hate my father, my mother not so much, but she was also violent towards me. It's like building a house it starts with the bottom\frame work. If it's build wrong eventually you will have problems later on. Sorry for the long post

 

[LastFlowers]

For certain things, yes. Including how they've dealt with or reacted toward my issues. And their part in allowing some of them to become problems in the first place.
Unfortunately my resentment towards them lies in the major things affecting my life, rather than the minor.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

No.

My mother's is quite the extreme alcoholic, and has been since before I was borne. Her own parents didn't even want her when she was borne, so someone else took her, who I grew up most of my life believing was my real Nana. God, I can't imagine what that was like for her when she was told that her mother wasn't her real mother... She cheated on my father when I was too young to remember. Took some abusive prick over my father, I don't know why. I don't know what regrets she has nowadays, if any, but she's a really nice person, and cares about me. Although we live far away from each other, so I can't see her much.

My father, well, he's a good man, but he's been through hell and back raising me, my brother and sister. Struggling to pay for bills and food, he used to work his ass off just to keep a roof over our heads. It was just him, mother was all the way where she was, and couldn't do much. My father didn't hold no grudge on my mother for what she did, and he knew the importance of us being able to see her. He tried to get us over to her whenever he could.

I've seen him lose about 3 partners, each for stupid reasons that weren't his fault, that tore him apart. His second partner, when he lost her, I remember he laid down on the road to try kill himself by car. I was so confused by what he was doing. I was a child; I didn't understand the concept of suicide. But I was panicking, trying to get him to get back up and off the road. I obviously didn't want my father to be hit by a car... The road was quiet though. He eventually got fed up with waiting, got up, and went to sit in his truck.

Later on in my mid teen years, he met someone else. Who he's been clinging on to, and is still with now, because "I don't want to be alone". She's um... Not the best. She started out ok, but the more I got to know her, the more I learnt what a shitty person she is. My father can't see it. He's blinded because he doesn't want to be alone.

But with everything that's been said and done, I don't hate them. My mother does stupid things sometimes, but she's shown that she loves and cares about me a lot. And I'm just surprised that my father with all he's been through is still alive. I think me, my brother and sister kept him going.

 

[throwaway123]

Wow I' m amazed at peoples ability to write about this sort of stuff. I can't, don't want to and never will talk about this. All I want is to go my own seperate path away from these bastards. My so called "family". I don't want to waste another thought about this.
What I truly want is to get as far away from this place as possible. Be it trough CTB or moving into another country. At the moment it's looking like CTB is the only option.

 

[Vegrau]

I dont resent and no I dont hate them. Since none of it is within our control.. But I do resent it when they act as if I am hurting them or betraying them. The moment I was born they lost that right. They should ask themselves why they gave birth to me in the first place? I can assured you its not purely out of love. Their obliviousness towards their own sins is abhorrent. All she said to me was "what about me" as if I still care about you mother. When those words left your lips. Everything had ended.

 

[Soul]

I apologise for posting this here - I didn't have the heart to post it in the thread where the post was made; it's not the fault of the person who posted it ... but going through life hearing how mothers treasure their offspring, seeing this "special bond" sprayed all over the media, drenching our culture with the notion that every mother is a loving mother ... but mine wasn't. She felt no bond. Her children didn't matter to her. She never should have had us. I was absolutely not her pride and joy; just the opposite, according to her death certificate.

Just know from a Mother's perspective... you are probably her pride and joy, there is no other bond like a mom and child. ... Please know you matter. Especially to her.

Sorry. I feel childish letting that post trigger me but evidently the stoic façade can still crack every once in a while even after all these years.

 

[LaBrava]

I apologise for posting this here - I didn't have the heart to post it in the thread where the post was made; it's not the fault of the person who posted it ... but going through life hearing how mothers treasure their offspring, seeing this "special bond" sprayed all over the media, drenching our culture with the notion that every mother is a loving mother ... but mine wasn't. She felt no bond. Her children didn't matter to her. She never should have had us. I was absolutely not her pride and joy; just the opposite, according to her death certificate.



Sorry. I feel childish letting that post trigger me but evidently the stoic façade can still crack every once in a while even after all these years.

As I've mentioned in this thread my own mother showed no love or care for me, so I understand why you feel as you do; it pains me to see other who have what I never had. I don't think badly of you for feeling that way, nor do I think badly of the person making the comment - I think it's just very hard for those who have those maternal feelings to understand someone who has none at all. You're both good folk, like pretty much everyone on here.

 

[Orin]

I have a deep, seething hatred for my father. He has been cheating on my mother even before i was born; even gave her several STDs. My mom had to get a hysterectomy due to this and had to borrow money from me for the operation.

He is one of the most evil and selfish people i know, and a liar. He claimed that he could no longer pay for the mortgage of our house, and thus it got foreclosed. But years later i found out he COULD have paid for it, but just let it be taken by the bank in order to kick my mom out. But of course this meant me and my siblings became homeless as well.

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

I've mostly let it go. None at all for my mother, as she was a saint the entire way through. My father was not ready for kids and somewhat abusive, but I don't blame him for the state I ended up in. He's suffered enough as it is.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Just a little.

 

[No_more]

I'm angry with my parents for breeding. It's cruel and selfish. Why do I have to be burdened with life? It's confusing wondering why I've had this awful thing called life inflicted on me.

 

[thesongbird]

Yes, and the same hate for all child-creating parents (non-exceptioncal cases). I had always thought I would graduate from college with their last we-pay-half currency assistance, expose to them how much I've hated every fucking second of being near them, hearing their TV-and-Religion-distributed opinions, watching them harm their other kid, being told to say I LOVE YOU, ect, and that somehow it would make this whole pardicament worth it, just to let it out and remove them from my life for good. Or prehaps not even tell them anything, just to cut them off. But nothing better comes afterwards, death is personally preferable to endless work, constant self-hate, and an inability to achieve worth-while interaction with others. Now I just need to actually fucking go through with it.