Do you feel hate/resentment towards your parents?

[Alchemist]

For my father, not so much, because at least he knew he was a bad idea from the start and warned my mother that he would not be there if needed.

As for my mother, hell yes. She's the prime example of people who shouldn't breed at all.

She's an immature womanchild who just wanted to get her whims no matter who gets hurt.

Anytime I had something going on that I needed she would ruin it with her tantrums.

And most of all, she's the reason I'm stuck in this life.

 

[OmgDudeWhatNoWay]

Both my parents mean well for me. They always have. It's just the methods that they conducted as parents were not always the most ideal. One time, my father pulled out a knife on me. He's much nicer to me these days, much nicer than he's ever been. It's a long story that I've included in my other post, but I'll include a brief summary of what happen below.

Dad yelled at my name to come to the living room. He told me he didn't understand why I was depressed and suicidal. Pretty sure he was also very mad because I was unemployed at the time. Then he told me something along the lines of "you know what, go kill yourself." "That way I can be comfortable and mom can be comfortable." Then he told me to go to my room and pack up my stuff. Mom and dad came to my room few minutes later. Dad was yelling at me to hurry up and leave the house. Dad exited my room, and I heard silverware being rustled around in the kitchen. At the moment, I knew what was happening. He was grabbing a knife. My mom immediately went to the door and tried to grab the knife from him. Dad was yelling at me that he was going to kill me. Mom was basically being a barrier between me and my dad. Dad eventually left. He was crying, mom was crying, and I was crying. I was playing all these scenarios in my head of the suicide by cop method. I was slowly grabbing my clothes from the drawer to pack up, but my mom said that it's okay and to put the clothes back. Dad came to my room and told me to go to sleep, and that he was bringing me and my mom to his work tomorrow. That's pretty much it.

I forgive him.

Update: I also want to mention that I don't know anyone else who is a harder worker than my dad. One day he had a serious heart attack. I called the paramedics, and they were all insisting that he should be taken to the hospital, but he refused and wanted to go to work. He told me and my mom, "you guys don't understand, that I do this for you guys". On that same day, he had another heart attack at work, and he went to the hospital that time. He was out in about 2 days because he didn't like being there doing nothing. Once he left the hospital, he went back to working.

 

[azucaramargo]

Both my parents mean well for me. They always have. It's just the methods that they conducted as parents were not always the most ideal. One time, my father pulled out a knife on me. He's much nicer to me these days, much nicer than he's ever been. It's a long story that I've included in my other post, but I'll include a brief summary of what happen below.

Dad yelled at my name to come to the living room. He told me he didn't understand why I was depressed and suicidal. Pretty sure he was also very mad because I was unemployed at the time. Then he told me something along the lines of "you know what, go kill yourself." "That way I can be comfortable and mom can be comfortable." Then he told me to go to my room and pack up my stuff. Mom and dad came to my room few minutes later. Dad was yelling at me to hurry up and leave the house. Dad exited my room, and I heard silverware being rustled around in the kitchen. At the moment, I knew what was happening. He was grabbing a knife. My mom immediately went to the door and tried to grab the knife from him. Dad was yelling at me that he was going to kill me. Mom was basically being a barrier between me and my dad. Dad eventually left. He was crying, mom was crying, and I was crying. I was playing all these scenarios in my head of the suicide by cop method. I was slowly grabbing my clothes from the drawer to pack up, but my mom said that it's okay and to put the clothes back. Dad came to my room and told me to go to sleep, and that he was bringing me and my mom to his work tomorrow. That's pretty much it.

I forgive him.

Update: I also want to mention that I don't know anyone else who is a harder worker than my dad. One day he had a serious heart attack. I called the paramedics, and they were all insisting that he should be taken to the hospital, but he refused and wanted to go to work. He told me and my mom, "you guys don't understand, that I do this for you guys". On that same day, he had another heart attack at work, and he went to the hospital that time. He was out in about 2 days because he didn't like being there doing nothing. Once he left the hospital, he went back to working.

This is an amazing post. Thank you so much for sharing this with us here.

 

[Alec]

Yes! and it's a father too, mostly. And I totally get the PTSD. It's just hearing or seeing anything that even reminds me of them is just bringing all the shit back and I hate it. The only thing I try to do is tell myself that they don't deserve to have this power and influence over me! And try try and try to not hate them because really, it's just too heavy to hate someone and it's not worth it. They aren't going to change because they don't want to, so what's a point of lingering on them, I try my best to let it go, but it's hard and I'm tired.

 

[blanketyblk]

No, i couldn't of asked for better parents, mine where always there for me when i needed them. Where my shoulder to cry on when something went wrong and where my strength when i needed it. I was lucky on that front. I wouldn't of traded my parents for anything. And that's not just rose colored glasses now that they have passed on. I have always felt I was lucky with my parents. They never strayed from each other. they were together for 47 years.

I feel so sorry for everyone that never had that feeling of being loved unconditionally by their parents. Truly i wish i could just give you all the hugs that i got because it does make a difference in your outlook on the world.

Hugs to all

 

[AlePizarnik]

Hate no as this would imply (at least according to Nietzsche) one still has some respect for the person but resentment hell yes.

I believe the act of procreation is selfish and unethical in any case but when one has major problems of one's own it's downright evil as it's highly unfair to burden others with one's own problems.

I had the grave misfortune that both my parents are losers and personality wise unfit to raise children: my mother's a depressive alcoholic with a defaitist personality and my father a classic narcissist. Oh what joy to be raised by such scum.

The upside to this is that I won't feel one shred of guilt towards them when I leave. I'm still not sure whether I'll write them a report card so to speak and show them in minute detail how badly they managed to fuck me up.

Anyone who thinks about having children would do well to ponder this very deeply: life is unavoidable suffering and death is not only guaranteed but quite possibly very painful and gruesome and there's a chance you'll get to see your child's death happening. Do you really want to gamble with such high stakes on someone-else's dime?

Completely agree with you here. I didn't choose to die, why do I have to be burdened with this suffering through no choice of my own? People are disgusting

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

*cues crazy laughter* yes and yes

 

[dandan]

Yeah I kind of hate my dad for insulting me so much , it's most I remember about him, his insults.

 

[inconsequential]

I feel a horrible mixture of pain, sadness, confusion, and anger. They were both horribly fucked up humans who shouldn't have had a child. My father had children before me and abandoned all of them... but he really loved my mother, but also didn't treat her well. They were both alcoholics. He was autistic & she came from a very abusive home. She was desperate for something to love her unconditionally, even just a friend to have, I think. So they made me.

They both abused me horrifically. It makes me feel very guilty to speak of my mother's abuse because she was my only ally against my father. But if she's in the other room as you scream for help, and later says she believed you were screaming for attention, is that an ally? The guilt of thinking she abused me tears me to pieces. But she chased me with knives, and tore down my intelligence, and blamed me for her marriage to my father. Blamed me for not divorcing him when I was 5.

I just feel confused and lost and I can't grieve.

 

[not_a_robot]

Hate Dad. He did/does things so monstrous that I hesitate to talk about them even here (I've posted some bad shit but barely scratched the surface).
Loved mom, she was basically one of those people God only created to have the living shit stomped out of them. She wasn't weak but her life was just one tragedy after another. She stayed a good person to the end, despite it all.

I resent them both for having me because I shouldn't have been born, but the only one who deserves any hate for it is Dad.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Yes, but i'm aware that resentment is completely pointless since it won't undo my unwanted existence. But it's still hard not to have those feelings towards them.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I feel great resentment towards my father and my mother. I blame them for all of my suffering. Every time we are arguing I make a point of saying that I didn't ask to be born and that they are responsible for everything bad that happens to me. I honestly don't care about how they will feel when I ctb.

 

[not_a_robot]

I feel a horrible mixture of pain, sadness, confusion, and anger. They were both horribly fucked up humans who shouldn't have had a child. My father had children before me and abandoned all of them... but he really loved my mother, but also didn't treat her well. They were both alcoholics. He was autistic & she came from a very abusive home. She was desperate for something to love her unconditionally, even just a friend to have, I think. So they made me.

They both abused me horrifically. It makes me feel very guilty to speak of my mother's abuse because she was my only ally against my father. But if she's in the other room as you scream for help, and later says she believed you were screaming for attention, is that an ally? The guilt of thinking she abused me tears me to pieces. But she chased me with knives, and tore down my intelligence, and blamed me for her marriage to my father. Blamed me for not divorcing him when I was 5.

I just feel confused and lost and I can't grieve.

Same with my mom. Married young out of pure loneliness and to escape a hateful home, ended up somewhere far worse. I think she had me so that she would finally have a friend.

 

[inconsequential]

Same with my mom. Married young out of pure loneliness and to escape a hateful home, ended up somewhere far worse. I think she had me so that she would finally have a friend.

It's so sad to watch that happen in real time. I saw it with some of my acquaintances as I got older; one had two children to both "save her marriage" (it didn't) & to create friends.

My mother suffered a stillbirth and a slew of miscarriages before me; she had me fairly late in life. Maybe she wasn't ready for a friend anymore.

 

[not_a_robot]

It's so sad to watch that happen in real time. I saw it with some of my acquaintances as I got older; one had two children to both "save her marriage" (it didn't) & to create friends.

My mother suffered a stillbirth and a slew of miscarriages before me; she had me fairly late in life. Maybe she wasn't ready for a friend anymore.

A palm reader told my mom as a teen that she would have seven children. She had one boy, five miscarriages, then me.
I was supposed to save the marriage too. Dad told her it would and she complied. Women really believed all that shit about childbearing being their worth. I'm pretty sure she was autistic too and trying to hide away from the world by staying with Dad but I wish to God she would have left him, she tried a few times but had no other options. Then he left her anyway. She was an amazing artist, she could have had a great life if she just could have left him instead of having me.

 

[Egddios]

Ay, my parents. Where would I even start? I have 2 siblings and we all witnessed their fighting, ultimately culminating in my father pushing my mother over a baby-gate and breaking her leg. I remember my sister reaching for the phone to call 911 and my father tearing it from the wall (this was back when people still had home phones like that).

They divorced fairly quickly after and it was hell from that point forward. My mother neglected us, my father disappeared into work and moved out of state, and my siblings and I basically had to fend for ourselves. My brother would regularly beat the hell out of me, my sister (older) did her best to try and look out for me but ended up pregnant herself at 17, which was a miracle in a sense because she was able to get out. Then it was just me, my brother and my absent mother, who has since married and divorced twice and blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. I can't wrap my head around why they thought to have children, why they brought us, or me, into this world. It hurts. I used to think maybe one day there would be some kind of clarity with my mother, but we are now estranged, and I had my number changed to stop her from leaving me vicious voicemails, threatening to have me arrested for crimes I've not committed.

My father, despite his insults towards me, threats, has sort of come around. He no longer drinks, and has mellowed out a lot. He's had a lot of time to reflect on the damage that's been done not only to me, but my siblings. Each one of my siblings and I have either attempted suicide or at least vocalized the desire to die. I'm the youngest of 3 and "the worst" in the sense, I fell apart. After years of dealing with the trauma and abuse through disordered eating, I finally cracked and attempted suicide at 30. I'm now 36, and while it does pain me to know I'm going out before they do (even now, I don't want to hurt them, or cause them grief...though maybe my mother will have a celebration, who knows?), I have love for my father. He lost his own father when he was 10 and never fully recovered from that, and I know deep down he probably hates the things he's said to me and my siblings.

I guess the biggest PSA here is: don't bring children into this world if you don't plan on providing them with love, safety, and guidance. No perfect parent exists but damn, don't abuse your children. I've straight up asked my father "Why did you and mom have kids if you hate us so much?! WHY?"

No answer for that. And I won't ever get an answer. I don't hate my parents, I feel sadness for them and just want to be free.

 

[been_there]

<< She was an amazing artist, she could have had a great life if she just could have left him instead of having me. >>

Look not_a_robot, you'd better not being feeling guilty for that bullshit. What happened to your ambition for the TV interview at 127 cackling about still being there to spite the people that hate you?

 

[RM5998]

I don't know, really. They have their faults, but so do I, and there's that saying about glass houses, so...

I've kinda settled into a life where I don't need to think about them. Going back home in the vacation is a downer, but I don't know exactly who's to blame for the shitshow that I am.

 

[lululoo]

I definitely do. They fucked me up good.

Yet I still feel some guilt, because something tragic happened to them a few years ago and their lives have been sadder ever sense. My death will make it even worse for them.

But I don't want to feel guilty. Say they live another 15 years-- so they have 15 years of a sadder life, whereas I had 35 years of crap and had to kill myself? Logically I should feel more bad for myself.

It's still hard though.

 

[Mljonzy]

I'm dissapointed they thought having kids would work out and that because of them i have to go through life in agony or kill myself. I would say to anyone thinking of having a child think carefully before you do it because you could easily pass your genes onto them and leave them with a life full of pain. I don't hate them just don't understand why they thought having a child was a good idea because i'm the son nobody would want and i don't care either i have no desire to do snything i just want it over with.

 

[mathieu]

I have no ill feeling toward my mother. My father has a mental illness and was not the greatest father because of his mood swings. He can be real nasty in one of his moods. I guess it's not his fault, but he seems to enjoy causing fear and misery at those times so it's hard to forgive entirely. Our relationship is fine but I wouldn't go and visit him for any length of time.

 

[Fatality]

Resent my whole family, because they're the reason I am here.

 

[Numbtopain97]

YES. My mom is a sociopath. My dad is a jesus-freak
Both don't understand how depression works, and no matter how many times I try to explain, they just want me to exercise or find something to motivate me or look to God. It's like they blame my being depressed on my being lazy, and they refuse to believe that it's just as much an illness as a physical illness.

 

[caffeine]

There is immense mutual resentment between us. My parents have never cared for my well-being, they're only interested in their children as trophies to be flaunted in the faces of friends and relatives. My sour personality and amount of income deem me unfit for their trophy shelf. Endlessly, they'll make me feel guilty for being as I am, apparently forgetting it was largely thanks to them and their shit genetics as well as their shit parenting that we're in this situation at all.

Just seeing their faces and being reminded that I'm the offspring of these horrible people makes me want to vomit.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I feel a lot of resentment all day everyday.

 

[Mr2005]

Yes but I don't know if it's justified

 

[Beautifulletdown]

For me I resent my father greatly. Instead of staying with his first wife and 3 kids, he instead left her to marry my mom who is 10 years younger than him which I became the result product of their everlasting love bullshit.

We have never seen each other eye to eye, every time we talk which is maybe once in 5 months, its always this awkward feeling between us. I know he knows it too. He has been a terrible father ever since I was young. Constant yelling, scoulding you if you did anything wrong, throwing ice cold bucket of water at you if you start crying, and many more...

Sometimes I get a feeling of PTSD just seeing him and hearing his voice, it pisses me off so much I just want to shoot my head.

I never hated anyone more than him in my life, its all because of him I am here questioning my existance everyday.

Fucking asshole.

Wow, I so feel you. It's like you can see into my mind. No, you aren't alone about the feelings you have towards your father(noticed I used father and not dad). I'm starting to feel away about my mom too and we use to be so close but she is becoming as terrible as my dad. I'm sorry and here if you want to talk.

 

[Futility]

I feel a fair bit of resentment towards my parents, even after one of them has passed, I have a hard time accepting what they did, or did not.

Today there is no contact at all, even starting to forget my birthday wishes or does it through someone else. Pfft. Yeah I'm mad, I can admit it.

 

[NeilYoung]

Si

Yes, and the same hate for all child-creating parents (non-exceptioncal cases). I had always thought I would graduate from college with their last we-pay-half currency assistance, expose to them how much I've hated every fucking second of being near them, hearing their TV-and-Religion-distributed opinions, watching them harm their other kid, being told to say I LOVE YOU, ect, and that somehow it would make this whole pardicament worth it, just to let it out and remove them from my life for good. Or prehaps not even tell them anything, just to cut them off. But nothing better comes afterwards, death is personally preferable to endless work, constant self-hate, and an inability to achieve worth-while interaction with others. Now I just need to actually fucking go through with it.

I relate man

 

[RoadLessTraveled]

I don't hate either of my parents, but they definitely should have never given birth to me, for all of our sakes. Recently I've been looking at old family VHS tapes and photo albums, and watching my father go from a really happy and engaging parent before his dip into alcoholism and depression as I got older from being a cute and innocent baby. It was really hard to accept and watch. My mom can be insane at times, but I'm just sorry for how she's had to deal with my dad and sister being evil to her. She's confided in me that I'm the only one in the house who doesn't treat her like garbage. I really wish she didn't have to ever see my cold dead body, but such is death.

Thanks for asking this. I hadn't really thought about this much, but it makes me feel good to have that closure.