Discussion Do You Ever Wish For Bad Things To Happen To You?

[Ociv]

Do you ever wish for bad things to happen to you?

Often I will be laying in bed thinking, daydreaming, and a scenario pops into my head. Something horrible. My mom's back surgery is botched and she dies on the operating table. I get cancer from my coworkers secondhand smoke. Me and my friend are walking at night and we get mugged. she is shot and killed in front of me. I mess up some maintinance at my work really bad and get fired.

I have these thoughts and they put a smile on my face... It is completely instinctual, they just make me feel happy.. warm.

I want these things to happen, and I don't really know why. I have the desire for some terrible tragedy to befall me or someone I care about. It sickens me to think about. I am not an overly sympathetic person in general, but the idea of wishing for something bad to happen to someone I love makes me feel horrible, but it is the truth.

Is it because I secretly believe I deserve it? I am not ususally prone to such illogical thoughts. I see no reason that I would "deserve" bad things to happen to me.

Is it mental self-harm? I have never cut myself or anything like that, and I dont know what pushes people to do things like that. is it completely without reason? if so, wishing mental anguish upon myself without reason could be a form of self-harm, right?

Maybe it is a way to justify my suicidal ideation. I have felt suicidal for a while now, though i feel like, on most accounts, I dont have a very strong reason for it. I have a good life. If i told my friends that I was suicidal, they would be completely shocked, I guarantee it. perhaps though, if some horrible life-altering tragedy were to happen, it would push me even deeper into depression, and I would feel that my suicidal thoughts were more justified, more correct. people would be less suprised to hear about it. A tragedy could be a springboard to push me to CTB when I would be to cowardly to do otherwise.

If this is the case, it is completely subconcious.

Last week, I tried smoking cigarettes for the first time (I like the flavor but I dont really get the hype). If anybody found out, there would be severe consequences. pretty much everybody I know would look down on me for it. even so, I took pictures of myself doing it. theyre still in my camera roll now. I didnt really know why I did that at the time, but now I know. I took those pictures to create a possibility for tragedy to befall me, didnt I. I took them with the hope that by some fluke, somebody would discover those pictures and I would be fucked. maybe i would even develope an addiction, or worse yet, cancer. I can only admit, the idea of such a thing excites me. I find myself wondering how else I could set myself up for disaster.

Has anybody else ever experienced such a strange urge?

[Edit] Another Idea - I often put on a brave face when it comes to the things that make me feel pain. it can be tiring, but I think that by keeping my suffering in check, I can help the people around me some way. It could be that this urge is a subconcious desire to drop the "tough guy" act. If something so horrible happened to me that there was no way I could hide my sadness, There would be no need for the mask anymore... its worth thinking about.

 

[iloverachel]

I only wish for death to happen to me

I always dream of being struck by lightning, or hit by a truck or something like that

 

[TheGoodGuy]

No, bad things has happened to me for most of my life now so I would just like a break like a holiday off from all my suffering both physically and mentally that is what I need.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't. I'm suffering more than enough already, why would I want more bad things to happen to me? I want to be dead so that I avoid any bad things from happening to me in the future such as being forced to wage slave. I don't hate myself and I want peace for myself... I don't want anything that would inflict more pain on to me

 

[Ociv]

I only wish for death to happen to me

I always dream of being struck by lightning, or hit by a truck or something like that

Longing for an accidental death is definitely common for me too, though the feeling I am talking about is different. its not the desire to die, but more the desire to suffer, to anguish over some tragic event.

No, I don't. I'm suffering more than enough already, why would I want more bad things to happen to me? I want to be dead so that I avoid any bad things from happening to me in the future such as being forced to wage slave. I don't hate myself and I want peace for myself... I don't want anything that would inflict more pain on to me

as strange as it is, logically, I completely agree. I want to be at peace, I want to find a way to be happy with life, but for some reason, this urge exists regardless at the base of my soul, leagues beneath what I can control or even understand.

 

[leloyon]

Honestly? I often downplay my suffering or what has happened to me, so sometimes I almost wish that worse things happened to me just so I could justify how I feel.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I never wished for bad things to happen to me. However more or less bad things happened to me and made me suicidal in the end.

Sometimes I wish to die while I'm asleep - naturally - but that's not wishing for sth bad!

 

[heisenberg]

i have the same thoughts. they started when i was younger and me thinking i wish i could break my leg or arm and have escalated as i've gotten older. i think about more severe things happening to myself or others now.

 

[Ociv]

i have the same thoughts. they started when i was younger and me thinking i wish i could break my leg or arm and have escalated as i've gotten older. i think about more severe things happening to myself or others now.

Do you have any Idea why you think these things?

Honestly? I often downplay my suffering or what has happened to me, so sometimes I almost wish that worse things happened to me just so I could justify how I feel.

yeah that makes sense. that kinda lines up with one of the theories i had in my post about justifying the way I feel. maybe it is because I too downplay my suffering. maybe I am tired of acting like I am okay, and I want something to force me to drop the charade

 

[xinino]

Yes, I am experiencing morbid fantasies, all kinds of stuff you can imagine. I don't want to elaborate more because I don't want to be double-banned. Also, there is a logical explanation; these thoughts are seductive but irrational.
This is the best explanation I found.
"Nick Land's "The Thirst for Annihilation" explores the concept of a human inclination towards chaos and dissolution, as reflected in Georges Bataille's philosophy. The book suggests that there is a deep-seated impulse in humans to escape the constraints of modernity and rationality, which can manifest as a desire for annihilation This is not necessarily a literal longing for destruction but can be understood as a yearning for a state beyond the limits of the self and the social order. Land's work is a complex examination of these themes, engaging with Bataille's ideas on a profound level"

 

[alivefornow]

Yes. Maybe I want others to pity me, or maybe I want an excuse to feel like this. At this point I just hurt with no reason for it. I have become chronically depressed, or maybe I've always been. My life is not that bad from the outside, but I feel sad and there is a pain in my heart that does not go away. My dream is to die.

 

[Ociv]

Yes, I am experiencing morbid fantasies, all kinds of stuff you can imagine. I don't want to elaborate more because I don't want to be double-banned. Also, there is a logical explanation; these thoughts are seductive but irrational.
This is the best explanation I found.
"Nick Land's "The Thirst for Annihilation" explores the concept of a human inclination towards chaos and dissolution, as reflected in Georges Bataille's philosophy. The book suggests that there is a deep-seated impulse in humans to escape the constraints of modernity and rationality, which can manifest as a desire for annihilation This is not necessarily a literal longing for destruction but can be understood as a yearning for a state beyond the limits of the self and the social order. Land's work is a complex examination of these themes, engaging with Bataille's ideas on a profound level"

that actually sounds kind of convincing. Maybe Ill look into that book

 

[heisenberg]

Do you have any Idea why you think these things?

i think when i was younger i thought about it so people would give me the attention i didn't get from my parents, i just wanted to feel cared for. this is somewhat the same reason now, but i also think it's a form of distraction or even mental self harm now. when i think of an incredibly anxious/depressing/embarassing/etc situations or situations that i know are going to be any of the above, i think of myself or others in extremely cruel scenarios as a way to avoid those feelings.

 

[Ociv]

i think when i was younger i thought about it so people would give me the attention i didn't get from my parents, i just wanted to feel cared for. this is somewhat the same reason now, but i also think it's a form of distraction or even mental self harm now. when i think of an incredibly anxious/depressing/embarassing/etc situations or situations that i know are going to be any of the above, i think of myself or others in extremely cruel scenarios as a way to avoid those feelings.

I could be doing something similar and not realizing it, but I dont really find myself craving attention or the feeling of being cared for. though what you describe does sound a little similar to something I used to do a while back. When I first started getting really depressed and suicidal, I would try really hard to banish any uncomfortable thoughts from my head. I would usually do this by imagining something extremely painful. Physically, like being stabbed or shot, or emotionally like having a friend or family member die. I remember my friends being confused when they saw me staring off into the distance then suddenly flinching like i got stabbed lol.

 

[voidstar]

My old therapist once explained to me that thoughts can count as self harm as well. I had different but similar thoughts myself before.

 

[LevUwU]

Constantly. I'm no pain fanatic or masochist but I often daydream of any horrid torture ending my sinful and picayune life - It's what I deserve deep down

 

[momento.mori]

I always wish for my death to come everyday! I don't wish harm, pain, suffering or death or anyone else. I think once you start wanting to see harm and suffering towards others have crossed a line that psychiatrist would love to table you with a fancy name. I just want to go in peace and I agree with you on that part.

 

[Ociv]

I always wish for my death to come everyday! I don't wish harm, pain, suffering or death or anyone else. I think once you start wanting to see harm and suffering towards others have crossed a line that psychiatrist would love to table you with a fancy name. I just want to go in peace and I agree with you on that part.

What I'm feeling is certainly different. The urge I'm describing is not to die, but to suffer.

Constantly. I'm no pain fanatic or masochist but I often daydream of any horrid torture ending my sinful and picayune life - It's what I deserve deep down

Same here. It seems like what I'm experiencing is different from the usual longing for death, as what I'm feeling is a strange longing for tragedies in life

 

[momento.mori]

What I'm feeling is certainly different. The urge I'm describing is not to die, but to suffer.

Do you want to suffer to feel pain? Like do you want to feel something? Are you completely numb? I'm trying to understand

 

[Ociv]

Do you want to suffer to feel pain? Like do you want to feel something? Are you completely numb? I'm trying to understand

No, not nessicarily physical pain. A better word would be hardship. Mental pain. And I don't think simply "wanting to feel something" is it either. I already have bad things happen to me that make me feel plenty depressed, so there's no lack of "feeling something" in my life.

 

[momento.mori]

No, not nessicarily physical pain. A better word would be hardship. Mental pain. And I don't think simply "wanting to feel something" is it either. I already have bad things happen to me that make me feel plenty depressed, so there's no lack of "feeling something" in my life.

I'm sorry I don't understand

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't need to wish.

 

[Red Moon]

I don't wish bad things to happen to me but it happens and I don't have any control over it.

 

[xinino]

I'm sorry I don't understand

I believe I have the same urge as him. I guess it embodies a soldier who fights for his country and who experiences suffering with resilience and resoluteness with adrenaline rush, "which explain the ecstasy feeling that skims the boredom.". He can also indulge in a sense of power and control to some degree because he fully exhibits himself without social constraints, but we, on the other hand, don't have causes that enable us to express such tendencies.

 

[untothedepths]

i definitely dont. all my life has been nothing but abuse and misfortune that Im so sick of it, I'm sick of living. The only bad thing I want to happen to me now is some accident to kill me.

 

[momento.mori]

I believe I have the same urge as him. I guess it embodies a soldier who fights for his country and who experiences suffering with resilience and resoluteness with adrenaline rush, "which explain the ecstasy feeling that skims the boredom.". He can also indulge in a sense of power and control to some degree because he fully exhibits himself without social constraints, but we, on the other hand, don't have causes that enable us to express such tendencies.

I hope yall thoughts don't turn into a reality, they seem pretty dark. But I'm in no position to judge.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, in my case I'm the opposite, I don't want to suffer in this repulsive, evil world where there is endless potential and harm and cruelty. In my case I don't wish to be conscious and aware, I don't want to experience anything at all, instead I only wish to permanently cease existing, I just wish for this existence to be forgotten about. Human existence is an abomination to me and I find it disturbing how there's no limit as to how torturous existing can get, existence truly is so undesirable to me and more than anything I wish I never existed at all.

 

[Ociv]

I'm sorry I don't understand

I'm sorry I can't explain it better. It's a very obscure feeling that I don't even understand myself. All I can call it is a longing for misfortune. I don't really know why I feel this way. There is no logic to it. At least none that I can figure out.

I believe I have the same urge as him. I guess it embodies a soldier who fights for his country and who experiences suffering with resilience and resoluteness with adrenaline rush, "which explain the ecstasy feeling that skims the boredom.". He can also indulge in a sense of power and control to some degree because he fully exhibits himself without social constraints, but we, on the other hand, don't have causes that enable us to express such tendencies.

That's definitely a pretty romanticized way to put it, but that could very well be an accurate description. Maybe I am like a soldier, longing for an enemy to fight against. Like an adrenaline junkie looking for the next thing to stimulate his fight or flight response.

 

[mtoro998]

I wish that I would just suddenly die all of the time.

 

[Unknown21]

Yes, sometimes I wish misfortunes would happen to me for burial or trigger me to CTB ( There are indeed many misfortunes, but I hope that some of them will drive me to commit suicide so that I can overcome the survival instinct)