Do you ever feel like you’re defying life for no reason?

[sserafim]

My mom calls me stubborn and set in my ways. She says that it's hard for me to change my mind once I make it up. I refuse to ever work for a living as I believe that work is modern day slavery. Society is something that I never want to be a part of. However, sometimes I wonder if I should just be a sheep and do what the normies do. Ever since my nihilistic awakening, my attitude towards life has become one of defiance. Maybe this isn't the best way

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't believe any of your decisions are wrong and you're more interesting and likeable than majority of adults.

Some people can't work, anyway. You didn't ask to be brought into this world.

 

[iloverachel]

My mom calls me stubborn and set in my ways. She says that it's hard for me to change my mind once I make it up. I refuse to ever work for a living as I believe that work is modern day slavery. Society is something that I never want to be a part of. However, sometimes I wonder if I should just be a sheep and do what the normies do. Ever since my nihilistic awakening, my attitude towards life has become one of defiance. Maybe this isn't the best way

I agree that society sucks and i never want to be apart of it. Well I did at one point, but its clear it will never happen so i shut myself off from the world instead. I think you should do what you feel is right, and not worry about being a sheep or conforming to fit in

 

[sserafim]

I agree that society sucks and i never want to be apart of it. Well I did at one point, but its clear it will never happen so i shut myself off from the world instead. I think you should do what you feel is right, and not worry about being a sheep or conforming to fit in

I've shut myself off from the world. I've been a hiki ever since graduating college. I just have no desire to participate in society or go out into the real world. My parents view me as a failure because I failed to launch into adulthood and the workforce, but I didn't even want to launch anyways. However, the most successful people seem to follow this pipeline (of school to work). I don't know if they're sheep or conforming to fit in, but I would say probably to an extent. I think that they make the system work for them. I'm gaming the system right now but I don't how long it can continue for. Deep down, I want to be successful too, but it just seems like so much work

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I've shut myself off from the world, I've been a hiki ever since graduating college. I just have no desire to participate in society or go out into the real world. My parents curw me as a failure because I failed to launch into adulthood and the workforce, but I didn't even want to launch anyways. However, the most successful people seem to follow this pipeline of school to work. I don't know if they're sheeps or conforming to fit in, but I would say to an extent.

I think that's fine and it should be perfectly normal for someone if they desire that.

The way my childhood and C/PTSD went I did pretty much the same thing after uni, and mostly only kept online connections.

 

[INTJme]

My mom calls me stubborn and set in my ways. She says that it's hard for me to change my mind once I make it up. I refuse to ever work for a living as I believe that work is modern day slavery. Society is something that I never want to be a part of. However, sometimes I wonder if I should just be a sheep and do what the normies do. Ever since my nihilistic awakening, my attitude towards life has become one of defiance. Maybe this isn't the best way

The reason you have a phone/computer, food on the table, and many of life's luxuries is because someone succumbed to "modern day slavery" FOR YOU. Now you might argue that you didn't consent to being born; it seems like the go-to rhetoric for all the kids. Guess what? Ghosts can't consent because they don't exist!

Your parents had the choice of doing much worse than feed you, care for you, educate you and love you, even if they had their shortcomings. Besides, nobody is stopping you from ctb-ing either. Most people here are just too lazy to do anything about their lives. I've seen only a handful of people here who actually have exhausted all their options and ctb remains their last.

^You is generalised here, and not specifically you.

I wish I had a fair opportunity at life. Not only did I develop depression prenatally, I had to drop out of school when my dad developed cancer. It meant I could never attend engineering school and do what I was passionate about. But I didn't give up. I toiled and toiled to make something out of myself, using my own money while constantly battling depression and the desire to ctb.

And while I managed some success professionally, my personal life always sucked. And so my brain never got the opportunity to heal. I would die to be in most of you guys' positions and have a fair chance at life right from being born.

 

[sserafim]

The reason you have a phone/computer, food on the table, and many of life's luxuries is because someone succumbed to "modern day slavery" FOR YOU. Now you might argue that you didn't consent to being born; it seems like the go-to rhetoric for all the kids. Guess what? Ghosts can't consent because they don't exist!

Your parents had the choice of doing much worse than feed you, care for you and love you, even if they had their shortcomings. Besides, nobody is stopping you from ctb-ing either. Most people here are just too lazy to do anything about their lives. I've seen only a handful of people here who actually have exhausted all their options and ctb remains their last.

^You is generalised here, and not specifically you.

I don't want to ctb because there's a risk involved. I don't want to be left even worse off if I fail. The fear or failure is stopping me from ctb. I just don't see the value in working or contributing to society. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless. Even if you work your life away, you'll still die eventually. Everyone dies in the end. Why should *I* have to succumb modern day slavery? Other people can if they want to. There's really no difference if I die now or die in middle/old age, and one will have meant that I was a slave to the system for my whole life. I would rather die now, but it's hard and risky to die

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

There are reasons: I am tired of it. All that meaningless futile grinding, fear, anxiety, betrayal.

 

[INTJme]

I don't want to ctb because there's a risk involved. I don't want to be left even worse off if I fail. The fear or failure is stopping me from ctb. I just don't see the value in working or contributing to society. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless. Even if you work your life away, you'll still die eventually. Everyone dies in the end. Why should *I* have to succumb modern day slavery? Other people can if they want to. There's really no difference if I die now or die in middle/old age, and one will have meant that I was a slave to the system for my whole life. I would rather die now, but it's hard and risky to die

You think your fear of failure is stopping you from ctb-ing. From my professional experience, I can tell you that your fear of failure is what prevented you from launching right after college. You say a lot of things but the truth is that you lack self-esteem and you'd rather not run the race instead of coming dead last. There's still some dignity in running the race and coming last but there's none in not even trying, as harsh as it may sound.

 

[sserafim]

You think your fear of failure is stopping you from ctb-ing. From my professional experience, I can tell you that your fear of failure is what prevented you from launching right after college. You say a lot of things but the truth is that you lack self-esteem and you'd rather not run the race instead of coming dead last. There's still some dignity in running the race and coming last but there's none in not even trying, as harsh as it may sound.

I guess. My whole life has been me feeling like I'm not good enough and also opting out. I'm a perfectionist and I want to meet the high standards that I set for myself. "Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well." If I don't think that I can do well or succeed, I'll try for a bit and then just give up. I want to be the best of the best in whatever I do. Why do you think that I lack self esteem? I don't believe that I do. I don't want to come last in the race. I view that as shameful and I can't stand that. I'd rather not even try at all

 

[INTJme]

I guess. My whole life has been me feeling like I'm not enough and also opting out. I'm a perfectionist and I want to meet the high standards I set for myself. "[] is an art, and like everything else, I do it exceptionally well." If I don't think that I can do well or succeed, I'll just give up. Why do you think that I lack self esteem? I don't want to come last in the race. I view that as shameful and I can't stand that

I'm the same. Heck, I'm a 153 Enneagram - triple competency (look it up). A lot of my issues arise from my obsession with perfectionism but... it also helps me be extraordinary. Despite all the challenges I faced in life, I can assure you most people can't even come close to having the kind of achievements I earned and people respect me for that.

Not trying is failing anyway. Being obsessed with perfectionism isn't a bad thing as long as you realise nothing in nature is perfect and, if anything, only practice can make someone get close to it. And nobody practiced anything lying in their bed, wasting their life away.

 

[destinationlosangel]

I guess. My whole life has been me feeling like I'm not good enough and also opting out. I'm a perfectionist and I want to meet the high standards that I set for myself. "[] is an art, like everything else, I do it exceptionally well." If I don't think that I can do well or succeed, I'll just give up. I want to be the best of the best in whatever I do. Why do you think that I lack self esteem? I don't believe that I do. I don't want to come last in the race. I view that as shameful and I can't stand that. I'd rather not even try at all

I understand well what ur about. You have an all or nothing approach to life. Either ur doing really well OR you dont even want to participate. And that's just ur brain chemistry i think. There's nothing wrong in it. U dont lack self esteem.

 

[sserafim]

I'm the same. Heck, I'm a 153 Enneagram - triple competency (look it up). A lot of my issues arise from my obsession with perfectionism but... it also helps me be extraordinary. Despite all the challenges I faced in life, I can assure you most people can't even come close to having the kind of achievements I earned and people respect me for that.

Not trying is failing anyway. Being obsessed with perfectionism isn't a bad thing as long as you realise nothing in nature is perfect and, if anything, only practice can make someone get close to it. And nobody practiced anything lying in their bed, wasting their life away.

I guess that not trying is failing. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I've achieved some things in life as well. I went to an elite college, but failed to launch afterwards. I think I'm also in a state of autistic burnout though. How do you become less obsessed with perfection?

I understand well what ur about. You have an all or nothing approach to life. Either ur doing really well OR you dont even want to participate. And that's just ur brain chemistry i think. There's nothing wrong in it. U dont lack self esteem.

Go big or go home is my philosophy

 

[destinationlosangel]

I guess you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I went to an elite college, but failed to launch afterwards. I think I'm also in a state of autistic burnout too

Go big or go home is my philosophy

Your philosophy is my philosophy !! :D

 

[INTJme]

I guess you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Exactly. And the reason I say you lack self esteem is because you're afraid of coming last. Those with high self-esteem always take it in their stride, learn from the mistakes/experience, and come back stronger. They're not ashamed of coming last, they're just afraid of not giving their 100%.

It's always easy to do nothing and you'll find hundreds of enablers who're on the same boat justifying their decision to be lazy. But you'll never experience life and fulfilment being a keyboard warrior and pulling an all-nighter being your only life accomplishments.

Ultimately, it's your choice what you want to do.

 

[sserafim]

Your philosophy is my philosophy !! :D

It's also a kpop song

 

[destinationlosangel]

It's also a kpop song

Lol i had no idea.

Ok tell me this tho. Being a Kpop star, is that something you think u would work hard for? I am only asking cuz for a lot of Gen Z ppl, I've noticed how they want whatever is literally at the top of the hierarchy and dont care for anything less than that.

Nice song btw. Very Robyn S style. Very early 90s clubby vibes

 

[INTJme]

How do you become less obsessed with perfection?

By being deliberately imperfect with things that don't matter too much. Normalise imperfection. For example, when I cook, I don't measure the ingredients and just wing it. It results in inconsistency but that's unimportant as long as the food is edible and I'm well-fed. Focus on getting the job done instead. You don't get bonus points for being perfect.

Rationality is your friend. Realise that perfectionism doesn't exist in nature and shouldn't be expected out of yourself or anyone else.

 

[sserafim]

Lol i had no idea.

Ok tell me this tho. Being a Kpop star, is that something you think u would work hard for? I am only asking cuz for a lot of Gen Z ppl, I've noticed how they want whatever is literally at the top of the hierarchy and dont care for anything less than that.

Nice song btw. Very Robyn S style. Very early 90s clubby vibes

Sometimes I have dreams and fantasies about being a kpop idol, but I'm too old for that. I'm 23 and people start training like when they're 13. They debut at like 18 maximum. I would have worked hard for it if I could go 10 years back in time. I like singing enough to do it for a living, but I hate performing in front of people (cuz of stage fright lol). I also don't want my image to be everywhere. I do want whatever is literally at the top of the hierarchy and don't care for anything less than that. I don't settle for less. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and that's the only thing I would have done in the medical field.

There are reasons: I am tired of it. All that meaningless futile grinding, fear, anxiety, betrayal.

I see the capitalist rat race as pointless and meaningless. The daily grind, and for what? It just doesn't seem worth it to me. Meaningless futile grinding is something that I never want to take part in

 

[destinationlosangel]

Sometimes I have dreams and fantasies about being a kpop idol, but I'm too old for that. I'm 23 and people start training like when they're 13. They debut at like 18 maximum. I would have worked hard for it if I could go 10 years back in time. I like singing enough to do it for a living, but I hate performing in front of people (cuz of stage fright lol). I also don't want my image to be everywhere. I do want whatever is literally at the top of the hierarchy and don't care for anything less than that. I don't settle for less. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and that's the only thing I would have done in the medical field.

I see the capitalist rat race as pointless and meaningless. The daily grind, and for what? It just doesn't seem worth it to me. Meaningless futile grinding is something that I never want to take part in

Ok I'll say this. Based on what I know about u from our brief interactions here. U should probably try again to become the best in whatever field it is that u wanna shine in. Cuz i see a lotta potential in u. If being a doctor seems boring to u, its not too late to try something new. I see 2 choices in front of u - 1. Changing ur area of interest and trying to become the best in that. Its gonna be a lotta work for sure but if its gonna give u that ultimate dopamine hit, why not. Maybe something music related if that's ur thing 2. Of course SaSu is here and we know our options available to us here.

I have always been an all or nothing guy. This is the reason why I've been reading about reincarnation and shit so I could try n reincarnate into something much better if i do end up ctb ing.

 

[sserafim]

Ok I'll say this. Based on what I know about u from our brief interactions here. U should probably try again to become the best in whatever field it is that u wanna shine in. Cuz i see a lotta potential in u. If being a doctor seems boring to u, its not too late to try something new. I see 2 choices in front of u - 1. Changing ur area of interest and trying to become the best in that. Its gonna be a lotta work for sure but if its gonna give u that ultimate dopamine hit, why not. Maybe something music related if that's ur thing 2. Of course SaSu is here and we know our options available to us here.

I have always been an all or nothing guy. This is the reason why I've been reading about reincarnation and shit so I could try n reincarnate into something much better if i do end up ctb ing.

I don't know which field I want to shine in. The world is your oyster, and there are so many options. I don't know how to pick the best one. What if I make the wrong choice? I don't like commitment. I prefer to keep my options open in case something better comes along. I've been reading about reincarnation and shit as well, but I have fear that I'll reincarnate into something much worse. This is making me not attempt ctb yet because I have no idea what my future life will be like. What if it's even worse than this one?

 

[destinationlosangel]

I don't know which field I want to shine in. The world is your oyster, and there are so many options. I don't know how to pick the best one. What if I make the wrong choice? I don't like commitment. I prefer to keep my options open in case something better comes along. I've been reading about reincarnation and shit as well, but I have fear that I'll reincarnate into something much worse. This is making me not attempt ctb yet because I have no idea what my future life will be like. What if it's even worse than this one?

well ur gonna have to pick one that u want really badly. im sure there's one. it is probably one that u think is never going to be possible. what u think is impossibly difficult. thats the one.

about reincarnation, check ur DMs

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Your parents had the choice of doing much worse than feed you, care for you, educate you and love you, even if they had their shortcomings. Besides, nobody is stopping you from ctb-ing either. Most people here are just too lazy to do anything about their lives. I've seen only a handful of people here who actually have exhausted all their options and ctb remains their last.

^You is generalised here, and not specifically you.

I wish I had a fair opportunity at life. Not only did I develop depression prenatally, I had to drop out of school when my dad developed cancer. It meant I could never attend engineering school and do what I was passionate about. But I didn't give up. I toiled and toiled to make something out of myself, using my own money while constantly battling depression and the desire to ctb.

And while I managed some success professionally, my personal life always sucked. And so my brain never got the opportunity to heal. I would die to be in most of you guys' positions and have a fair chance at life right from being born.

If I understand your post correctly: what you are saying is that you wish you had a fair start in life that others have had, because you yourself did not due to developing depression among other issues. But how do you know that "most" of the users that you refer to have not experienced the same? How do you know that they do not have depression just like you? Mental health issues can affect anyone regardless of upbringing, and what you call "laziness" could be really be a lack of energy due to a depressive episode, or something else. I am not trying to invalidate your experiences of suffering, but also think that you should not turn it into a competition of who has the fairer life. Remember: even if others have had a better start in life than you, it does not mean that they cannot have awful, painful things happen to them, or that depression will affect them less than you.

You should not wish to be in their shoes, because you really do not know what they have gone through anymore than they know what you have gone through.

 

[INTJme]

If I understand your post correctly: what you are saying is that you wish you had a fair start in life that others have had, because you yourself did not due to developing depression among other issues. But how do you know that "most" of the users that you refer to have not experienced the same? How do you know that they do not have depression just like you? Mental health issues can affect anyone regardless of upbringing, and what you call "laziness" could be really be a lack of energy due to a depressive episode, or something else. I am not trying to invalidate your experiences of suffering, but also think that you should not turn it into a competition of who has the fairer life. Remember: even if others have had a better start in life than you, it does not mean that they cannot have awful, painful things happen to them, or that depression will affect them less than you.

You should not wish to be in their shoes, because you really do not know what they have gone through anymore than they know what you have gone through.

I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's experience here, merely adding to what the OP has said themselves. For example, the title of this post, "Do you think you're defying life for no reason" and another one of OP's recent post, "Do you ever feel like your life isn't that bad" speaks volumes about how OP sees their life. And when you read the posts themselves, among other correspondence you have with them, you see they haven't given life a fair chance and they're struggling with self-esteem and perfectionism tendencies among other things.

As for how I know most users haven't faced the same issues I have? Genetic depression only accounts for 30-40% of all depression cases. And even among those, not everyone has those genes expressed right off the bat, which I surely did.
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9232544/

Also, I used to be a life coach; it's in my nature and habit to try and motivate people even if I'm down in the dumps myself. It was not a competition about who has a fairer life but an attempt from my end to empower OP to give life a fair shot.

 

[sserafim]

I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's experience here, merely adding to what the OP has said themselves. For example, the title of this post, "Do you think you're defying life for no reason" and another one of OP's recent post, "Do you ever feel like your life isn't that bad" speaks volumes about how OP sees their life. And when you read the posts themselves, among other correspondence you have with them, you see they haven't given life a fair chance and they're struggling with self-esteem and perfectionism tendencies among other things.

As for how I know most users haven't faced the same issues I have? Genetic depression only accounts for 30-40% of all depression cases. And even among those, not everyone has those genes expressed right off the bat, which I surely did.
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9232544/

Also, I used to be a life coach; it's in my nature and habit to try and motivate people even if I'm down in the dumps myself. It was not a competition about who has a fairer life but an attempt from my end to empower OP to give life a fair shot.

I didn't have a fair chance at life either. Even though I was born to a well-off family and had a good education, I have Asperger's aka autism level 1 which has made life infinitely harder for me. Being on the spectrum is like living life on hard mode. I also have ADHD and social anxiety. These are all clinically diagnosed by the way. I think that I have undiagnosed depression as well. I think that I'm facing many obstacles in becoming successful (the main one being ASD). I've been burnt out ever since graduating college, and I don't know if I want to try and make something out of myself. There's really no point in living if I'll just have to mask for the rest of my life, and buy into a system that was not built or meant for me. I don't want to participate in society

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

not trying is failing

Not at all.

 

[INTJme]

Three years ago I tried to do something ambitious.
I had a channel on one social network and I really wanted to gain a lot of subscribers to become popular.
At some point, I did become relatively popular. In a small circle, but still. But then events happened that made subscribers disappointed in me, I received a lot of hate in my address and had to delete the channel because I couldn't cope with the situation.
To some extent, I myself was to blame for this, but my haters were extremely immature and unaware people, so now I don't even feel the guilt I had in the beginning. In fact, I suffered mostly because I was too weak. I always thought I was strong, but I never had the chance to test it. So when a situation came up where I could use my strength, I just gave up by deleting the channel. That's what killed me the most. The fact that I overestimated myself and was unable to deal with hate and other people's opinions. I fell into a long depression because of it.
Did I regret starting a channel at that time? Millions of times. I thought of that saying - "it's better to try and lose than not to try" and realized that in my case it made no sense at all. I would have been an infinitely more mentally healthy person if I hadn't tried it. Of course, I didn't know how it would turn out. So it's not my fault.
And maybe another person in my shoes would have reacted differently to the situation. But that's just the way I am.
By the way, I have now emotionally recovered from that incident, especially since life has punished enough those who bullied me (when I found out about it, I experienced genuine gloating for the first time in my life). And I am here now for other reasons.
I just want to say that everyone is different, and this approach doesn't work for everyone.

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience; must've been terrible. But this isn't a fair comparison tbh.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

And while I managed some success professionally, my personal life always sucked.

Same here.

 

[INTJme]

I didn't have a fair chance at life either. Even though I was born to a fairly well-off family, I have Asperger's aka autism level 1 which has made life infinitely harder for me. Being on the spectrum is like living life on hard mode. I also have ADHD and social anxiety. These are all clinically diagnosed by the way. I think that I have undiagnosed depression as well. I think that I'm facing many obstacles in becoming successful (the main one being ASD). I've been burnt out ever since graduating college, and I don't know if I want to try and make something out of myself. There's really no point in living if I'll just have to mask for the rest of my life, and buy into a system that was not built or meant for me.

I know this about you and I know how difficult it is. Actually, I don't, but I know that there are extremely successful people with Asperger's like Elon Musk. And I know you have other challenges too but you know as well as I do that after graduating college, you didn't give yourself a fair shot at success even though you were ambitious at one point.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I suspect people would say your viewpoint isnt well thought out and that you should get a job that's tolerable or somewhat meaningful as in you're providing a service that impacts other lives in a good way. But you hate people so that wouldn't be much of a motivator. Getting a job would allow you the money to travel. I know a lawyer who hates her job but her motivator is being able to travel a lot.

Why not try a job and see if you fail and/or hate it before failing by not trying?