Do you ever feel like your life isn’t that bad?

[sserafim]

Sometimes I feel like my life isn't actually that bad. I don't want it to get worse from a failed attempt. That's the main reason why I haven't ctb yet. I don't want to fuck me, myself and I up. I don't want to fuck my life up either. This fear is keeping me here

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Sometimes I do when false hope kicks in.

 

[sserafim]

Sometimes I do when false hope kicks in.

My life seems fine on paper apart from my failure to launch into adulthood and the fact that I have ASD. If I attempt ctb, I'm risking permanent damage. It's a big risk for me. I would hate to try just to fail

 

[iloverachel]

It depends I guess. I think my depression and negative mindset makes life seem worse than it really is.

Its all relative too. My life might seem shit to me, but some one in a third world country who is disabled might look at my life and think its paradise, because i have parents, not disabled, not homeless, access to internet etc.

I think the true key to enjoying life is just being content with what you have and making the most of it, which can be very hard.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Objectively my life isn't that bad but subjectively it's terrible. I can't do anything but rotting away alive at home.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My life is probably awful for most people but for me its a huge step up from my childhood so in that respect I almost don't feel like I should ctb either. I think that if I wasn't in pain I wouldn't think about it as much.

 

[iloverachel]

Objectively my life isn't that bad but subjectively it's terrible. I can't do anything but rotting away alive at home.

I can so relate. Today I did nothing but rot at home, playing video games, browsing this forum, doing anything to keep my mind from my dark thoughts

 

[Darkover]

i enjoy life has a kid it's just turned to shit when i hit 18

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

It often happens to me. I haven't lived a life too "tragic" to think about CTB every day.

I'm always told that things will get better and that the world won't end, but I don't think it even changes my mind.

It's not so much about my own life, but about society. I don't feel so comfortable living in a society that can't understand those who think differently. Having ADHD has been challenging for me, and honestly, I don't like having to deal with my mind. Sometimes I think it's better to have my mind permanently shut off.

On the other hand, I have uncertainty about the future, and sometimes I think the chances of me going one way (Recovery/CTB) are 50/50.
Another thing that comes to mind is that I've been thinking about CTB when I'm 30-40, since I'll probably be "independent" by then and no one will stop me, so it's more likely that I'll consider CTB in 10-20 years. Although, of course, I might do it earlier because of my impulsiveness...

 

[Forveleth]

It depends I guess. I think my depression and negative mindset makes life seem worse than it really is.

Its all relative too. My life might seem shit to me, but some one in a third world country who is disabled might look at my life and think its paradise, because i have parents, not disabled, not homeless, access to internet etc.

I think the true key to enjoying life is just being content with what you have and making the most of it, which can be very hard.

I think this is it. It's unique for each person and relative to that person's view. It also changes over time for that person as their mood/life circumstances change.

I'm planning to ctb but this past weekend life was pretty good and I was happy for a bit. However, overall I have more sad than happy in my life.

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

Pretty much all the time, it makes me feel even more guilty for wanting to CTB because my life isn't objectively bad per se; it feels so invalidating and exhausting; I feel as though I'm merely faking all my problems; maybe I am; I don't even know myself...

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I feel that if I could get left completely alone, no regular doctors visit to micromanage (because they fuck up alot), no "treatment plans", no one expecting me to be anywhere and if I could function at least somewhat to be able to handle my own errands, I'd feel like it wasn't that bad. It happens sometimes for brief moments before reality kicks in..

 

[sserafim]

I can so relate. Today I did nothing but rot at home, playing video games, browsing this forum, doing anything to keep my mind from my dark thoughts

That's what I do too, but I enjoy it. I don't want to have to work for a living just to survive. Work is modern day slavery.

Pretty much all the time, it makes me feel even more guilty for wanting to CTB because my life isn't objectively bad per se; it feels so invalidating and exhausting; I feel as though I'm merely faking all my issues; maybe I am; I don't even know myself...

I don't feel guilty for wanting to ctb, but I just feel like maybe I wasn't grateful for what I had. I also don't want to be worse off if I fail ctb, and I don't want to be reincarnated into an even worse life. The grass isn't always greener on the other side

 

[rozeske]

Enjoy your life however way you can until you decide you wouldn't want to be part of it anymore. My life might not be called horrible but it kind of is an aimless depressing going no where mess even others would wonder why I haven't ctbed yet. I was stubbornly exhausting any and every possibility until now.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I wouldn't consider my life that bad, which is what makes it hard for me to learn to understand that my own feelings and pain is valid. As a result, I've spent a lot of time suppressing my feelings and part taking in self-destructive behaviours. It's only now that I'm trying to learn to properly learn to cope with my pain and I'm still having a lot of trouble with it.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

My life is good in general and that's all due to my own hard work over the years. I accomplished what I wanted and the things that make my life worse (family who doesn't care about me, no friends, isolation) are things more outside of my control. I can't control others.

Even so, I can't be happy with what I have, it's not enough, my loneliness crushes me and feeling like people that should care about me, don't, don't help. I'm also stuck in a past that was happier. Constantly mourning the people that cared for me but are no longer here - my mom, my grandma and my cat. Life is too lonely and I'm not missed by my family, everyone forgets about me. I'm in my own corner, always needy, sucking all my needs from my boyfriend while he is also lonely with no friends. We only have each other and is not enough.

 

[sserafim]

Enjoy your life however way you can until you decide you wouldn't want to be part of it anymore. My life might not be called horrible but it kind of is an aimless depressing going no where mess even others would wonder why I haven't ctbed yet. I was stubbornly exhausting any and every possibility until now.

I don't want to be part of life anymore, but the fear of failure is keeping me here. I don't think that adulthood is worth living. I would hate to become a slave just to survive. Honestly, I didn't even want to live past 18. I never wanted to be an adult. However, I didn't do anything about it. I'm stuck in this purgatory between life and death

 

[rozeske]

I don't want to be part of life anymore, but the fear of failure is keeping me here. I don't think that adulthood is worth living. I would hate to become a slave just to survive. Honestly, I didn't even want to live past 18. I never wanted to be an adult. However, I didn't do anything about it. I'm stuck in this purgatory between life and death

Ya it's hard to just go through the suffering if you get nothing enjoyable out of it. Failure and injuring would definitely make it a 1000× more.

 

[sserafim]

i enjoy life has a kid it's just turned to shit when i hit 18

I never wanted to live past 18. Adulthood sucks and is not worth living to me

It often happens to me. I haven't lived a life too "tragic" to think about CTB every day.

I'm always told that things will get better and that the world won't end, but I don't think it even changes my mind.

It's not so much about my own life, but about society. I don't feel so comfortable living in a society that can't understand those who think differently. Having ADHD has been challenging for me, and honestly, I don't like having to deal with my mind. Sometimes I think it's better to have my mind permanently shut off.

On the other hand, I have uncertainty about the future, and sometimes I think the chances of me going one way (Recovery/CTB) are 50/50.
Another thing that comes to mind is that I've been thinking about CTB when I'm 30-40, since I'll probably be "independent" by then and no one will stop me, so it's more likely that I'll consider CTB in 10-20 years. Although, of course, I might do it earlier because of my impulsiveness...

Same. I have ADHD too (as well as Asperger's aka autism level 1), and the world just wasn't built or meant for us. Society will never understand us, and therefore, I see no point in participating in it. Life for me is a sunk cost fallacy

Ya it's hard to just go through the suffering if you get nothing enjoyable out of it. Failure and injuring would definitely make it a 1000× more.

Yeah. I would hate to fail ctb and be left with permanent damage. In that case, it would have been better to never have attempted at all. The thing I hate is how I can't predict the outcome beforehand. If I knew I was going to succeed, I would 100% do it. However, nothing in life is guaranteed. There's always a chance of something going wrong

 

[Chronosphere]

Yeah, same. So I need something to provoke me and give me enough motivation to overcome this fear.

 

[onbekend]

When I look at it from a distance, I don't live a terrible life. That doesn't make me any less suicidal or make me feel any better at all though, In fact sometimes It makes me feel even worse.

 

[divinemistress36]

My brain is an asshole and tells me life is worse than it really is

 

[Ambivalent1]

Aspects are nice like food and reading.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Never. My life is bad .

imo life is bad for every sentient animal.

The defining characteristic of life is that the unbearable pain or suffering can be
so bad it makes everything else meaningless .

None of pleasurable crap is worth going through even just a few hours of the worst constant pain possible

what am I , a trillion cells , "oh so fun carrying around these cells this chunk of meat every where I go always trapped in the same meat bag'" no it's not fun . Plus u have to constantly feed, Clean it and clean everything. I hate work , chores , problems

 

[Argo]

It's easy for me to imagine people whose lives are worse than mine. But there's something that can be hard to understand about what we mean when we say "worse". There's the external description of things, so... one example of that could be someone stuck in one of the worst prisons on the planet, regularly abused there, surrounded only by genuine psychopaths and so on... (life can be "worse" this way)

and then there's the internal description of things: What is it like to be any given person? (imagine having the opposite environment of the first example, but suffering ten times as much-- life can be "worse" this way). Those two things just don't match up in any clean way.

But what we do is we form these really simplistic stories about the world, ourselves, others, and assume they must match. That's why poor people imagine rich people lead great lives. Or why people who have never had a relationship imagine that is the magical solution to their unhappiness. That's not the case though. You can suffer incredibly while "in theory" your life looks good on paper. It's the deeper, finer details that really hammer out the quality of the life. What is the mind like? How much suffering is there? Why? Is there a solution to this? Those are examples of crucial details, and they just aren't that obvious, they're not sitting on the surface usually but they are buried deeper.

So with that in mind, I think my life is definitely not that bad. I'm not being tortured at this moment. My stomach is full. Things are relatively peaceful and I'm not in a war zone. Those are all pretty good and way better than many people have had. Are they ideal? Of course not, and even though a lot is missing, some very fundamental things aren't missing. But as far as the finer details, you can't really find yourself on a suicide website without there being some genuine problem. Even if you're just very confused, that... is a genuine problem. It could sound like a paradox but it's just the stupidity of how the words come together.

 

[restless.dreams]

I have everything a normal person would need to be happy. My life isn't bad at all. It's me, I'm the problem (:

 

[BlendedHeart]

My brain is an asshole and tells me life is worse than it really is

Exactly this. My mind is f***ed up beyond repair.

By certain standards, I have a good life. A job that gives me enough to live and to save. A decent family. Relatively good health. I should be happy, right?

My mind constantly reminds me of what I don't have: Friends, a partner, a future, any important or valuable achievement within my existence. It reminds me that my emotions are feelings are worthless. Maybe if I could detach myself from all those concepts I could go on without feeling miserable most of the time, but then, I'd be a robot.

 

[tbroken]

My life is really bad and it is even worse because I'm a positive person.

 

[Callie Arcale]

No, my life is that bad. The only people who probably have it worse are patients with very severe ME/CFS and quadriplegics.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

My life isn't the worst. A normal person could probably turn it around and be content. The problem is ME. The inability to fit in and enjoy social interactions