Do you consider yourself fortunate?

[noalarms]

This post might seem a little strange, given the purpose of this forum, but would you say that you have been lucky in life?

Despite my desire to CTB, my life is fairly easy. Most people would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I live in a developed country. I've never experienced war, disease, or poverty. I have no diagnosable mental or physical illness. I am reasonably intelligent. The only things I struggle with are social anxiety and self-imposed isolation.

And yet, despite all of these advantages, I still intend on CTB. It seems cruel, to a reject a life that so many others would gladly accept.

What about you? Do you feel that you have genuine reasons for wanting to CTB?

 

[RichardFirst]

Objectively, I am fortunate. I've never been abused. My parents, whilst they are no longer together, raised me and my brother well, and my financial situation was, until recently, solid. My desire to CTB is down to my own failings as a person. I've caused a lot of harm to many people, and I am constantly riven with guilt for this.

 

[Huntfish34]

Not strange at all, thanks for sharing this. I think I am fairly fortunate in numerous ways, But sadly my damn anxiety, depression, self worth/ hatred, job, resentments..... are enough for me to Highly consider wiping myself off this Fckn forsaken planet.

 

[noalarms]

Objectively, I am fortunate. I've never been abused. My parents, whilst they are no longer together, raised me and my brother well, and my financial situation was, until recently, solid. My desire to CTB is down to my own failings as a person. I've caused a lot of harm to many people, and I am constantly riven with guilt for this.

Guilt is what is pushing me towards CTB too. I have already disappointed so many people and embarassed myself so many times. I know that I will keep continue to disappoint in the future. It is better for me, and everyone around me, that I CTB.

 

[RichardFirst]

Not strange at all, thanks for sharing this. I think I am fairly fortunate in numerous ways, But sadly my damn anxiety, depression, self worth/ hatred, job, resentments..... are enough for me to Highly consider wiping myself off this Fckn forsaken planet.

Very wealthy and seemingly successful people have CTB in the past. Depression, if one has never suffered it, simply is incomprehensible. My own father never understood why I was depressed, and he would become extremely angry when I had breakdowns. Simply put, the despair that pushes someone over the edge has little to do with material circumstance.

 

[LocalAngel]

I'm fortunate in some ways- i have wonderful computer equipment that allows me to enjoy my hobbies, for example. I have a nice bed, i have a roof over my head... But then i also have severe trauma, epilepsy, autism, trans and a bunch of mental illnesses. Alongside chronic pain.

I guess, if i've gotten to the point where writing all my reasons for my unfortunate circumstances results in a 300 word response... then yeah, i'm unfortunate. I try to see the good in my life. I try REALLY hard. Every time i use my computer, at least once a day, i appreciate it for what it's given me.

But all of it isn't enough. The balance heavily leans unfortunate.

 

[noalarms]

I guess, if i've gotten to the point where writing all my reasons for my unfortunate circumstances results in a 300 word response... then yeah, i'm unfortunate. I try to see the good in my life. I try REALLY hard. Every time i use my computer, at least once a day, i appreciate it for what it's given me.

But all of it isn't enough. The balance heavily leans unfortunate.

Gratitude is something that has always been difficult for me. It is easy for me to acknowledge that I have been lucky in life, but no matter how hard I try, it doesn't inspire me. Thinking of all the little ways that I am priveliged just makes me even more depressed.

 

[Interloper]

I am very fortunate too. Supportive (albeit extremely coddling) parents, shelter, food, welfare income, other points you've mentioned, ... I already do the bare minimum while others around me pick up the pieces, and it's still just too much work and effort at times. I've been running away from my responsibilities for over a decade now but they will catch up eventually. And I don't want to be there when that happens. But the fact that people around me remain delusional and don't see me for the net negative I am, it only worsens the guilt... but I just don't want to get better. Actually living is too tiring. And I'm not a very good person.

 

[FuneralCry]

No. I believe that only the non existent are the ones who are fortunate. Just being brought into this world in the first place is something that I see as being incredibly unlucky, existence is both an unnecessary burden and is something that is so incredibly harmful. I see it as being a curse being conscious and having the ability to suffer. Existence is the real problem and I view it as being something that should never be glorified.

 

[noalarms]

I am very fortunate too. Supportive (albeit extremely coddling) parents, shelter, food, welfare income, other points you've mentioned, ... I already do the bare minimum while others around me pick up the pieces, and it's still just too much work and effort at times. I've been running away from my responsibilities for over a decade now but they will catch up eventually. And I don't want to be there when that happens. But the fact that people around me remain delusional and don't see me for the net negative I am, it only worsens the guilt... but I just don't want to get better. Actually living is too tiring.

I don't think the people around us will ever accept that they are better off without us. The bond between us and them is too strong. My family like to joke about kicking me out, but I know they would never do it unless I put them in danger in some way. I just hope they will come to understand my decision.

 

[Findog]

To the outside world I am fortunate but no one knows the trauma I have endured. No one knows how I find merely getting up in the morning and doing seemingly boring stuff, completely exhausting. Everything is difficult, nothing comes easy. My children have had to witness me as a miserable, non active, depressed person for most of their lives. It's an unbearable guilt I carry for not being the mother they need.

 

[outrider567]

This post might seem a little strange, given the purpose of this forum, but would you say that you have been lucky in life?

Despite my desire to CTB, my life is fairly easy. Most people would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I live in a developed country. I've never experienced war, disease, or poverty. I have no diagnosable mental or physical illness. I am reasonably intelligent. The only things I struggle with are social anxiety and self-imposed isolation.

And yet, despite all of these advantages, I still intend on CTB. It seems cruel, to a reject a life that so many others would gladly accept.

What about you? Do you feel that you have genuine reasons for wanting to CTB?

Quite fortunate.......until 1/24/22

 

[noalarms]

No. I believe that only the non existent are the ones who are fortunate. Just being brought into this world in the first place is something that I see as being incredibly unlucky, existence is both an unnecessary burden and is something that is so incredibly harmful. I see it as being a curse being conscious and having the ability to suffer. Existence is the real problem and I view it as being something that should never be glorified.

I think there are people who are glad to exist despite the suffering life entails. I think there are even people for whom life is joyful. The fact there are people who wake up every day thrilled to be alive makes me even more depressed, because it is something that I have not experienced since I was a child.

 

[GasMonkey]

Fortunate to have access to a peaceful, fast and painless CTB method.

 

[noalarms]

Fortunate to have access to a peaceful, fast and painless CTB method.

What is your method?

 

[xzyxzy]

I think I'm pretty fortunate which makes me feel incredibly guilty for wanting to ctb. I grew up in an average household with two loving parents. I do well in school. I didn't go through any trauma. That's why I don't understand why I suffer so much mentally. I feel like there is no reason.

 

[GasMonkey]

What is your method?

Nitrogen SCBA.

 

[RichardFirst]

Fortunate to have access to a peaceful, fast and painless CTB method.

Then you are one of the luckier people here.

 

[noalarms]

I think I'm pretty fortunate which makes me feel incredibly guilty for wanting to ctb. I grew up in an average household with two loving parents. I do well in school. I didn't go through any trauma. That's why I don't understand why I suffer so much mentally. I feel like there is no reason.

In a way, suffering for no apparent reason is itself a valid reason to want to CTB. That's what I tell myself at least.

 

[BrailleTogepi]

I'd put myself in the "fortunate" camp. I'm healthy, able, talented in many ways, I have lots of kind friends, I live in a first-world country, I'm in the development team of a video game, and I have a blahaj.

But my life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I'm trans in a conservative place with no way to get out. My parents and family are deeply religious and they unintentionally verbally abuse me every time I visit them. I can't talk about who I am or what's really important to me, with most people. Despite my talents I can't use them to finish any personal projects worth making. And I've had so many falling outs with friends that I've convinced myself that I'm a social time bomb.

I think choosing your time to die is a fundamental right and should be available to any living being who wants to exercise it. That's why it doesn't matter to me how fortunate my circumstances are or whether joy can be found in my life should I choose to stick around. Life becomes less valuable when you're forced to live it.

 

[noalarms]

Life becomes less valuable when you're forced to live it.

That's definitely true; I think that if I had a peaceful method stored away where I could access it at any time, I would put more effort into life. Knowing that you can always "opt out" makes it that bit more enjoyable.

I'm sorry that you have experienced discrimination. That's another thing that I am lucky not to have faced.

 

[resolutory]

Yeah, I do. I know my life could be way worse and I'm really grateful and know how fortunate I am that my life is so comfy and things have gone the way they are. I don't think I want to have control over my death because of my circumstances in life, merely I have a different mindset and/or logic to pro-life people. Their way just doesn't make any sense to me.

Things could be better of course, and I do believe I'm unable to experience true happiness or get what I want out of life. But I'm still very thankful that I'm able to live as I do as opposed to living in a way worse situation.

 

[Huntfish34]

Very wealthy and seemingly successful people have CTB in the past. Depression, if one has never suffered it, simply is incomprehensible. My own father never understood why I was depressed, and he would become extremely angry when I had breakdowns. Simply put, the despair that pushes someone over the edge has little to do with material circumstance.

Thank you Richard, I certainly appreciate that and agree with you 110% . My Mom and Dad don't get extremely angry .... Thankfully.. But they explain and discuss....... For miles on end with how they are sorry they Failed me as parents and how I'm. ..... basically idk ? They are quite loving / caring in every aspect but maybe I am being too damn sensitive and emotional..... =/

I love how you expressed , " the despair that pushes someone over the edge..... " I think about that Quite often which sometimes turns me into a raving Fckn Mad man. Just filled with toxic hatred, morbid, crazy Bullshit . But slowly I have been more accepting w/ life; Life on life's terms. 1 day at a time... -

Thank you, thoughts and prayers always -

 

[card1nal]

I think from an outsider's perspective, it would seem I have a very fortunate life. I've never experienced starvation, homelessness, lack of education, and have never lost anyone close to me. I'm very grateful that I can at least say that, and I know my life so far could have been much, much worse than it has been. However, my mental health issues are extremely debilitating, and most of my family is emotionally and verbally abusive, as well as neglectful. In that way, I do not think I am fortunate.

Fortunately, I still have people I care about that also care about me. It's the only thing that keeps me going. If I had no one, I would have been dead before 18.

 

[noalarms]

Fortunately, I still have people I care about that also care about me. It's the only thing that keeps me going. If I had no one, I would have been dead before 18.

It is so much more difficult when you have people around you who truly care about you. I wish you the best of luck, whatever path you may choose.

 

[Dyscalculia]

I don't think I am too fortunate given my upbringing, socials and everything else... (But it certainly could have been worse too)
I could never judge others who are in a better position. Why would I? It's not like you choose where you are born, or what family you get etc.
Everyone has the right to feel the way they feel regardless of their circumstances. But also, I would be lying if I said I am not feeling jealous. Having a loving family, or some form of support net? I wish I could have had something like that.

 

[Bitterman1996]

This post might seem a little strange, given the purpose of this forum, but would you say that you have been lucky in life?

Despite my desire to CTB, my life is fairly easy. Most people would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I live in a developed country. I've never experienced war, disease, or poverty. I have no diagnosable mental or physical illness. I am reasonably intelligent. The only things I struggle with are social anxiety and self-imposed isolation.

And yet, despite all of these advantages, I still intend on CTB. It seems cruel, to a reject a life that so many others would gladly accept.

What about you? Do you feel that you have genuine reasons for wanting to CTB?

Yes, but then again my reason for wanting to die is because it's myself. No matter how you polish a turd, it is still a turd. Maybe i didn't do any crime or physically harm someone, but that's not the point. It's still in the level where it's inadequate to be a 'normal' adult. Still a failure of a human being.

 

[SunnysSunset]

Yes. I have suffered a lot of trauma and I have many mental illnesses but at the end of the day, I have a roof over my head, a warm bed, and food on the table. I guess that's enough to be thankful and fortunate for. The guilt of it is crushing me, though. I wish I could give all I have to somebody who actually wants to live instead of me wasting it.

 

[noalarms]

Yes. I have suffered a lot of trauma and I have many mental illnesses but at the end of the day, I have a roof over my head, a warm bed, and food on the table. I guess that's enough to be thankful and fortunate for. The guilt of it is crushing me, though. I wish I could give all I have to somebody who actually wants to live instead of me wasting it.

The feeling that you have wasted opportunities that few people will ever have is soul-crushing.

 

[Source Energy]

There is always someone in worse circumstances than you that can make you feel "fortunate". There are also people who have a lot more than you, and make you feel cursed.

I was both fortunate and unfortunate.
The good: parents that loved me, never abused, always food on the table, roof over the head and everything a child needs. Born in a poor country, but made my way to the US and I do very good. Quite intelligent. Pretty. Healthy physically. Possible ADD and Aspergers, but nobody can really tell, so mental health quite ok.

The bad: the bullying I received since I first been exposed to peers in kindergarten due to low self confidence. Or the low self confidence because of bullying? It destroyed my soul from a young age and developed suicide ideation, misanthropy and isolation.
Unrequited love, being seen like not enough, losing to obnoxious outgoing others. The worse of it all.

Have I been fortunate or not? I say not, fortunate is the semen who doesn't reach the egg. I want outta here.