Discussion Do you believe that getting away from your toxic household would make you want to live again?

[Ghostlights]

Personally... I don't know. While other people at my school dream of traveling and some high income careers, my only real goal in life has always been to move out. This will probably only be possible in three to four years. I'm finishing school in a couple of months and during my apprenticeship I'll not have enough money to move out. From a young age, I considered suicide as a possible way out of here, but there was always this little bit of hope that life could get better if I didn't have to live with my parents anymore.
I'm scared that it won't be that way, that even if I live on my own life is still shit... then I would have no reason to stay anymore.

 

[Macedonian1987]

For some people moving out of a toxic household it might help a lot, but if I move out, it won't improve my situation a lot. My parents are indeed toxic, unloving, cold, uncompassionate and uncomforting parents. Leaving them will ease my situation a bit, but still my chronic pain, depression and autism will follow me even if I move.

 

[darksouls]

no, my toxic family destroyed me

 

[Kamaainakupua]

(Edited)

 

[Ghostlights]

Part of my therapist's devious plan for keeping me alive involves forcing me to set goals beyond our next appointment date, e.g. the weekend after our next appointment, there's a spiritual retreat in upstate New York, sponsored by a veterans' organization, at no additional cost to us. She signed me up, but I think I may have outfoxed her. With Passover coming up, she's going to be unavailable for a few weeks, and I cancelled our next appointment: "I'm going out of town", so after the retreat, think I can catch a bus with a friend, maybe. We'll see.

If you want to try it (life on your own), start playing chess with the suicidal part of your mind, and think three moves ahead. Plan: finish school, get your own place, get a job, get a healthy long-term relationship.

Once you complete the first step in your current plan expand it by one layer, adjusting as necessary when your desires change. Don't get compulsive or obsessed with the planning, these are just directions in which you can travel, a long-term strategy to win the game.

Thank you for your answer! <3 So far I have only planned what I'm going to do job-wise. I have an internship in about a week and I really hope that I'll get to be their new apprentice. The rest is uncertain, but maybe it will change when I've finally left school. I wish you all the best!

 

[Kamaainakupua]

(Edited)

 

[Ghostlights]

no, my toxic family destroyed me

I'm sorry. This is one of my biggest fears... that even if I finally move out, too much is broken to ever be repaired, because its been like that my whole life and especially the things you experience in your childhood can have an impact on you for the rest of your life.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Probably not. I was completely alone for 2 months a few years ago and I still wanted to die during this time. The damage done to my mental health is pretty much irreversible.

 

[neverexistedd]

maybe, I'm not sure
I could move out right now, but then my quality of life wouldn't be as good, I work at minimum wage job so if I ever move out I would spend 2/4 of it on rent, 1/4 on food and 1/4 on my car
but right now even though I have money I don't really do anything with it, and I feel completely isolated and weak, I spend 95% of my life in my room, its like a prison cell
I wouldn't necessarily call my household toxic though, it was way worse before and its fine right now, so I'm not complaining that much

 

[Ghostlights]

Sounds great! Good luck with the apprenticeship. That could be an excellent transition starter with a cacading stream of new opportunities and goals. Best of luck to you, as well!

Thanks! I just have to hope that I'll don't get kicked out, since my parents would not be approving of this career choice, but I still have a couple of months to figure it out.^^

 

[Asya]

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[mushi_tamago]

Short answer: yes.

Medium answer: yes, but with extra steps.

Full answer: yes, it would help me but its not that simple. Due to the way they treated me, I have severe anxiety. I would also need a job: this is really difficult in my country because not only is the economy shit, but its corrupt AF! The anxiety messes with the job search: I had an interview and I flunked it due to a small, silly little error in Excel. Why? Because the day before my parents threatened to send me to the psych hospital for crying, because our house is literally a mess due to the previous tenants fucking things up.

So not only do I need to get a job, but I would also need treatment for my anxiety and depression. Because we lost like 90% of our money, this is almost impossible. My parents would have to sacrifice a lot but they will also use that to manipulate me. I have no wish to partake in their economic suffering nor do I wish to be manipulated.

If I did get a job, it would be really hard to sustain myself bc it would probably be minimal wage, and due to an influx of refugees due to the war in Ukraine (from UKR & RU) the local landlords have gone bananas and set insane rents. Its like London but without Big Ben, if you get me.

I would not be bale to afford rent + utilities + food + medication + therapy.

I'm sorry. This is one of my biggest fears... that even if I finally move out, too much is broken to ever be repaired, because its been like that my whole life and especially the things you experience in your childhood can have an impact on you for the rest of your life.

I get you, but consider this: isn't there a small part of you that still wants something good or to enjoy the things you have always wanted to enjoy? If that's the case, then you can recover. I can't speak for how much or how far because every circumstance is unique.

 

[mushi_tamago]

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I hope this comes true for you.

 

[Asya]

I hope this comes true for you.

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[3/4Dead]

Unfortunately, I don't know that it has worked for me. I've been moved away from my lousy parents for about two years now and I do not feel much better lol. It's probably because there's something wrong with me but I have no idea how to fix that.

 

[darksouls]

I'm sorry. This is one of my biggest fears... that even if I finally move out, too much is broken to ever be repaired, because its been like that my whole life and especially the things you experience in your childhood can have an impact on you for the rest of your life.

I wish you lots of strenght and hope you will have a better future,
you deserve love and happiness

 

[Ghostlights]

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I really wish for you that someday you can experience living in a place where you feel more at peace, somewhere quiet. Do you have any "escape plans" for the future, besides leaving this earth forever? I mean some plan on how you could move out?

 

[Asya]

I really wish for you that someday you can experience living in a place where you feel more at peace, somewhere quiet. Do you have any "escape plans" for the future, besides leaving this earth forever? I mean some plan on how you could move out?

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[Ghostlights]

Short answer: yes.

Medium answer: yes, but with extra steps.

Full answer: yes, it would help me but its not that simple. Due to the way they treated me, I have severe anxiety. I would also need a job: this is really difficult in my country because not only is the economy shit, but its corrupt AF! The anxiety messes with the job search: I had an interview and I flunked it due to a small, silly little error in Excel. Why? Because the day before my parents threatened to send me to the psych hospital for crying, because our house is literally a mess due to the previous tenants fucking things up.

So not only do I need to get a job, but I would also need treatment for my anxiety and depression. Because we lost like 90% of our money, this is almost impossible. My parents would have to sacrifice a lot but they will also use that to manipulate me. I have no wish to partake in their economic suffering nor do I wish to be manipulated.

If I did get a job, it would be really hard to sustain myself bc it would probably be minimal wage, and due to an influx of refugees due to the war in Ukraine (from UKR & RU) the local landlords have gone bananas and set insane rents. Its like London but without Big Ben, if you get me.

I would not be bale to afford rent + utilities + food + medication + therapy.





I get you, but consider this: isn't there a small part of you that still wants something good or to enjoy the things you have always wanted to enjoy? If that's the case, then you can recover. I can't speak for how much or how far because every circumstance is unique.

I wish I could give you some sort of advice, but there is probably nothing you haven't thought of yourself. This world is absolutely f...ed. Sending you virtual hugs!

 

[Forveleth]

I used to think getting away from my abusive husband and not helpful parents would give me a chance to serve anew. However, I am now just so damn tired of life that I do not care anymore. Even if I were to get away from them, I would very likely still kill myself. I am just so damn tired.

 

[mushi_tamago]

I wish I could give you some sort of advice, but there is probably nothing you haven't thought of yourself. This world is absolutely f...ed. Sending you virtual hugs!

Thank you, that's very kind of you.

I used to think getting away from my abusive husband and not helpful parents would give me a chance to serve anew. However, I am now just so damn tired of life that I do not care anymore. Even if I were to get away from them, I would very likely still kill myself. I am just so damn tired.

I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

 

[Ghostlights]

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I'm sorry to hear that. I knew that the current situation with social programs in America is bad, from what I've heard on the news here in Europe, but not exactly how bad... do you at at least have access to some kind of professional help regarding mental health issues?

 

[Asya]

I'm sorry to hear that. I knew that the current situation with social programs in America is bad, from what I've heard on the news here in Europe, but not exactly how bad... do you at at least have access to some kind of professional help regarding mental health issues?

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[Ghostlights]

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I hope you still have someone to talk to if you should really decide to quit therapy. Maybe someone online, who you can trust. Doesn't have to be some sort of professional, just someone who's there. Of course it is your decision, but I believe that things get much worse when you have no contact to people you like. Sending a virtual hug over the Atlantic Ocean

 

[misanthropist]

I'm going through something like this currently.

I have trauma from multiple, close family members. We haven't had many major incidents recently- however, when I was living with them, I realized I was always on edge, always scared, paranoid, waiting for something to happen. It makes total sense whenever you grew up in chaos, it's a trauma response.

I planned on CTB at home, but I just moved out, and now am trying to get my own place.

It's weird. My quality of life has improved in some places, but some things have stayed the same. Like- I'm out of the toxic environment, I have more freedom- great, but I still have the trauma. I still have the same struggles with my mental health.

At times, I feel like "I could make it out here".
Then it's "but it's only a matter of time until I hit a low again".

To be totally honest- I've been feeling torn about my plans to ctb. I SEE the potential to have a good life, but I genuinely don't think I can "get better", and I'm still unenthusiastic about life. I don't want to ctb in a rush or when the times not right- so I'll probably end up pushing it further back.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Burning_soul]

It's hard to say- I've had some distance from them for some time but still have to visit multiple times a year and my experience is the treatment I faced ingrained the way I think in a way I don't feel could ever be reversed. I always hear my mother screaming and criticising me over small situations even when she's not with me. Also their financial support being fully lost would probably make this whole situation worse. At the same time, the extremity of my emotion has improved since I've gained more distance and I have less anxiety with the fear of coming home to an unstable household. Still, the lasting effect has completely rewired my ability to emote and think forever to a point the world and my identity is permanently intolerable. The amount of work to repair the damage is overwhelming and would likely outlast how long I'd live anyways, and I don't think (in my experience with therapy and meds) that I could even repair the worst effects of my upbringing with any sort of help. Also lots of why I want to CTB comes out of my internal calling beyond environment.

 

[sourcherry]

ive been away from my homelife a couple of times but i still felt damaged. like everyday stresses were suddenly lower but i still struggled in other ways. it was almost even more depressing to realize how much i was still being controlled even while far away?