SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
361
Personally, I want to get better, but I know I can't. It sucks being powerless over my life, when it's mine in the end. I would rather the pain stop, than continue to suffer, but some things in this world can't be changed by one person, I wish the world was more kind. It sucks being stuck, with no way out. The only escape I have is to go to sleep and hope I don't have a dream/nightmare. Often they feel very real.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,422
No, because it wouldn't be under the desired circumstances. At best, I could "cope" and it just isn't worth it.
 
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UninformedLover

UninformedLover

If you see me active on here...its gotten worse...
Nov 12, 2019
265
I ping-pong back and forth from wanting to get my life together and want to kms. It's frustrating.
 
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unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,139


Thrice a thread like has appeared. these already discussed thread will pop up beforehand. to prevent clutter and constant reiteration.
 
SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
361


Thrice a thread like has appeared. these already discussed thread will pop up beforehand. to prevent clutter and constant reiteration.
I didn't just ask if u want to get better..
Data-gather #2
What do u mean?
 
SentimentalTrip

SentimentalTrip

Member
Mar 30, 2023
49
I ping-pong back and forth from wanting to get my life together and want to kms. It's frustrating.
Same here. I know that realistically my life is fucked up beyond repair and that I will never be happy, yet every now and then I find myself thinking "Maybe I can fix my life."

It must be part of our genetic wiring wanting us to survive.
 
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SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
361
Same here. I know that realistically my life is fucked up beyond repair and that I will never be happy, yet every now and then I find myself thinking "Maybe I can fix my life."

It must be part of our genetic wiring wanting us to survive.
Yeah, there's always that hope deep down in us, making us doubt ourselves. It sucks when I'm "given" the tools on how I can "fix" my life yet it isn't helpful, and I'm being told I'm not trying hard enough. It's so frustrating, and some of these r coming from professionals too
 
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UninformedLover

UninformedLover

If you see me active on here...its gotten worse...
Nov 12, 2019
265


Thrice a thread like has appeared. these already discussed thread will pop up beforehand. to prevent clutter and constant reiteration.
only one of those threads are similar to this one and its over a year old... op making this thread is like a non-issue and isn't cluttering up anything...
 
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unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,139
I didn't just ask if u want to get better..

What do u mean?
Look, you may not be ill-intent, by the constant repeated threads is...
Nevermind. Just forget it.
only one of those threads are similar to this one and its over a year old... op making this thread is like a non-issue and isn't cluttering up anything...

It is, and there way more like it that were recent too and shit.
 
SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
361
only one of those threads are similar to this one and its over a year old... op making this thread is like a non-issue and isn't cluttering up anything...
Thank you
Look, you may not be ill-intent, by the constant repeated threads is...
Nevermind. Just forget it.


It is, and there way more like it that were recent too and shit.
You're not a mod, just let me speak please. I can't even get people to hear me out outside of here.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,422
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Ontwon

Ontwon

Searching for wholeness
May 4, 2023
49
Good question. I think I do but by my actions I'd have to say no. Life is painful and to try, really try to make things better is painful indeed with no garentee of success. In fact the only thing that is for sure is death...
 
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SpiderLink

SpiderLink

they/them
Apr 3, 2023
361
Good question. I think I do but by my actions I'd have to say no. Life is painful and to try, really try to make things better is painful indeed with no garentee of success. In fact the only thing that is for sure is death...
I 100% agree with u
 
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leftdreaming

leftdreaming

I should’ve been a house cat
Apr 28, 2023
170
I don't want to get better, because then I'll just prolong my suffering and when I get worse again I'll just be kicking myself.
 
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wanttodie

wanttodie

Enlightened
Apr 19, 2018
1,805
I don't want to get better, i want to die
 
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ikadasui

ikadasui

Arcanist
May 29, 2018
466
I think you may find better conversation in the recovery threads if you are aware of those. Just trying to point out there is a section more suited to this type of thing
 
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E

enditall222

Member
May 20, 2023
46
I wish I could get better, but its impossible. Death is the only option
 
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bugfart

bugfart

12x mental hospital stays
May 21, 2023
11
Personally, I want to get better, but I know I can't. It sucks being powerless over my life, when it's mine in the end. I would rather the pain stop, than continue to suffer, but some things in this world can't be changed by one person, I wish the world was more kind. It sucks being stuck, with no way out. The only escape I have is to go to sleep and hope I don't have a dream/nightmare. Often they feel very real.
If things could be the way I need them to be in order to be alright, then yes. Absolutely. But that will never happen. I'd need a completely new brain and new life and new personality
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,545
I would like to get better but I've almost given up. It's an unbreakable downward spiral.

No success (with business/financial/life -> existencial crisis) -> depression -> new trial -> hope -> no success --> deeper depression and so on ... and so on.

No hope to escape this anymore, no energy left, only CTB is the solution to end this downward spiral I'm in since years now.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,885
To really 'get better' I would need to face the things that REALLY frighten me in life- I'd need to tackle my crippling lack of confidence coupled with social anxiety. I'd really rather not! I think that's the 'problem' with recovery- it surely takes so much will power and effort and resilience- and I'm just tired and want to give up.
 
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The anhedonic one

The anhedonic one

Dead inside
May 20, 2023
1,070
I have been strong for far too long.
My fight is over.
I don't want to get better, because then I'll just prolong my suffering and when I get worse again I'll just be kicking myself.
Yes. We are like hamsters on a wheel. Nothing really changes. Just going from one form of suffering to another.
I would like to get better but I've almost given up. It's an unbreakable downward spiral.

No success (with business/financial/life -> existencial crisis) -> depression -> new trial -> hope -> no success --> deeper depression and so on ... and so on.

No hope to escape this anymore, no energy left, only CTB is the solution to end this downward spiral I'm in since years now.
Me too. Been fighting way to long now. I'm too tired and old for this. There is no fight left in me.
 
Last edited:
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ForeverLonely82

ForeverLonely82

Student
Dec 22, 2021
157
I think plenty of people want to have a better life, but what is failed to be mentioned is most of us won't. Fate has already been predetermined. Some of us have tried very hard to better our situation and do anything and everything to improve life, but nothing ever happens no matter. Some give up. I am in that spectrum. Life and it's hardships just constantly find a way to keep me down, so fuck it..I'll stay there because I am old, tired, worn,bitter,cynical and jaded from everything that has been dealt upon me and life as a whole. Wonder if I was just a terrible person in my previous life (if I had one) something had to transpire for getting emotionally wrecked, heart ripped to shreds and getting hurt. Just want it all to be over and done with. The hell with this planet, the people and the existence. Tired of crying, Tired of wanting something that will never be mine regardless of the steps I take. It's a lonely, sad and depressing existence. I didn't ask for this and don't want it anymore. Getting older and morbidly obese. Just let me DIE.
 
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The anhedonic one

The anhedonic one

Dead inside
May 20, 2023
1,070
I think plenty of people want to have a better life, but what is failed to be mentioned is most of us won't. Fate has already been predetermined. Some of us have tried very hard to better our situation and do anything and everything to improve life, but nothing ever happens no matter. Some give up. I am in that spectrum. Life and it's hardships just constantly find a way to keep me down, so fuck it..I'll stay there because I am old, tired, worn,bitter,cynical and jaded from everything that has been dealt upon me and life as a whole. Wonder if I was just a terrible person in my previous life (if I had one) something had to transpire for getting emotionally wrecked, heart ripped to shreds and getting hurt. Just want it all to be over and done with. The hell with this planet, the people and the existence. Tired of crying, Tired of wanting something that will never be mine regardless of the steps I take. It's a lonely, sad and depressing existence. I didn't ask for this and don't want it anymore. Getting older and morbidly obese. Just let me DIE.
I can relate to this on every level: been a good person all my life, yet treated like dirt for no good reason. Everything I try fails, for no logical reason. Tired of trying, wanting, needing, hurting. Yet nothing ever changes for the better.
I don't believe in curses, but it often makes me wonder if there is such a thing. Cursed at birth by whatever being created us.
So sorry you are going through this too.
 
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charlotte_

charlotte_

Arcanist
Mar 12, 2023
435
I'm not too sure. I'm quite split on this one to be honest. Part of me just want all this shit to be gone and be happy again, but part of me craves the feeling of pain and suffering. It's like I want to feel sad even though I don't...? The thought of getting better is great but at the same time rather superficial. Besides, for some reasons, I can only feel good when I harm myself, physically or mentally. Hope that makes sense lol.
 
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blue_muse

blue_muse

Mage
Jan 31, 2021
552
The cons of continuing to live with my health condition outweigh the variables of getting better.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,945
The question makes little sense to me as wanting to leave this world isn't an "illness", the problem will always lie in existence itself and the fact is that wishing for ctb is a perfectly logical response to being trapped in this world, I know that in my case I could never be delusional enough to wish to exist here as I have awareness that existence is nothing more than an unnecessary harm.

To exist means to be a slave, we are slaves to our suffering and our decaying flesh prison where all that is inevitable is even more suffering, loss and decay, it's irrational to want to exist in this hellish world where there is unlimited potential to suffer and where we are destined for nothing but to be tormented by old age, existing truly is so futile and undesirable. I know that existing could never appeal to me, there is nothing to be gained from this process of slowly dying, the reality is that the existence of life is just a horrifying mistake and to die would solve what the true problem is which is existence itself.
 

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