do u think u were meant to ctb?

[ayla]

i ask myself this a lotttt. from a young age ive felt like i was meant to die because how could my life just suck so much?? idk almost like my life is a lesson so i could prosper in the next and i don't take things too seriously for that reason.

sometimes though i do think if i blocked everything out and did take things serious id be more than just a lesson but there's no point in dwelling on things lol. I don't know if I truly believe in reincarnation and what not but I like the idea, life is shit now so its just bound to be amazing in my next one right hahah its silly but it makes the idea of suicide feel like a warm hug

 

[hell toupee]

While I haven't felt this way my entire life, I do believe that I'm weirdly being driven to ctb.

After my wife passed away last year, I wanted nothing more than to join her. I then became crippled and had even more reasons. This lead to me losing my business and my income.

I've been trying to stick it out for my mother because I don't want to break her heart, however, every time I tell myself to hold on, something else happens that just seems to drive home the point that I no longer have any use for this existence. And I don't mean that lightly, literally when I tell myself to hold on, something will happen that just drives home the point that I can't keep sticking around.

I believe that life is more akin to a classroom than a courtroom, so if you can continue to look at it that way, that is an incredibly mature and introspective way to look at things. No matter how miserable things are, it's no secret that dwelling on it is just going to make things worse. If you can extract some kind of meaning to your suffering, it is my belief that this is why you decided to incarnate in the first place - it represents an accelerated learning opportunity. Easier said than done, I know, but I really, honestly believe the following:

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.

 

[LastLoveSong]

yes, and every action in my life is just delaying the inevitable, my purpose.

 

[w1ngedpearl]

I'm very sorry that you're feeling this way. I can relate. My life as a kid wasn't bad objectively but I started to feel wrong at young age too and it keeps getting worse every year. Life and fate aren't fair to everyone — you can do everything and still get nothing; you can get a mental illness and be unable to do shit; you can get nothing because you were unlucky to be born into good conditions; you can have everything and lose it. There are so many hard turns life can take. It will sound terrible but maybe some people are really meant to CTB. At least I don't have any other explanation. For me, right now existence feels like I'm postponing inevitable suicide.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

from the start I knew i was destined to kill myself, if I wasn't such a pussy though

 

[Forveleth]

I do not believe in destiny or fate. There is no higher power that dictates the path our life takes only the choices we make and the environment around us. My life does not have an overall plan. It is unfolding as it happens moment by moment.

 

[lawlietsph]

i'm not sure about ctb specifically, but i feel like i'm REALLY not meant to be alive.
my body is telling me for a long time that it's not strong enough to go on with this life. my brain is the same, i am just not strong enough to live. if we were in nature, i would be dead for sure

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not really. My very earliest potential was probably for me to live happily. I had loving, kind parents who likely would have treated me well. My genes aren't amazing but, they're not terrible either.

It was more a combination of unpleasant fate- multiple close family members dieing plus, decisions by others that set me on the wrong tac early on.

Even then though, I made decisions on how best to cope with my life. Overall, they were better decisions than I could have gone with. I became 'addicted' to my career rather than more harmful substances. But, I've willingly become maladjusted and now, the coping mechanism itself is failing.

So, I only really believe in the effects of determinism/ fatalism up to a point. Yes- we can be prone to certain things. Yes- circumstances beyond our control can push us certain ways. Ultimately though, we still make choices throughout. We often knowingly make what we do know are bad choices because they are easier. (I'm including myself in that criticism.) So, I don't think it's always inevitable as such but, it can be very likely. Or rather- it can seem amazing some people don't in fact take certain paths. But, there we go- they don't all so- there must be exceptions.

 

[Irisse]

Not destined, but weirdly inclined to ctb, yes. I started to feel depressed at 5 and suicidal at 12. And each year it gets worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

The peace of non-existence truly is all I'm meant for, I could never be meant for something as torturous and futile as existence that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

For me non-existence is just all that's desirable and is the only relief, it's all that's positive for me, I'll always see existence as a mistake and I see it as the most terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed, all I want is to never suffer again and simply just existing is enough to make me wish for peace, I'd never wish for the dreadful, cruel abomination of existence no matter what.

 

[hmnow]

Fore me it comes and goes but is still constantly there

 

[IDCAAEBM]

I didn't understand why I hated being alive so much when I was a child, but making it to 37, I finally figured it out.

My family is literally stupid. My mother divorced my father when I was 3, and then married a misogynistic man and together they shoved christianity down my throat my entire childhood. Luckily, my father wasn't far away, and taught me what reality is. It's just working and eating and shitting and sleeping. My older brother is a jealous little boy, even past 40 years of being on this planet.

I realized, these people are fucking miserable, and they just keep on doing it! My mom has been verbally assaulted by my stepfather the past 3 decades, and continues to stay loyal at his side. My brother is divorced as well, mommy passed that curse down by hand. I'd rather die than follow in those footsteps.

And that brings me to my conclusion. I am too intelligent to stay alive. I would rather CTB than get a job, get married, have kids, go on vacation, eat food, and continue pretending this world hasn't gone to shit.

Watching these fools continue suffering makes me suffer and makes me angry. The solution is clear.