Do I deserve to feel suicidal?

[sorrowfullyliving]

My life seems pretty great compared to other suicidal people. I have a loving family, although they're economically unstable, they've tried their best to provide for me since I was little. I'm quite introverted and don't have a lot of friend, but the friends that I do have are very reliable.


I considered myself of average intelligence. When I was in middle school, I'd get straight As, but gradually my grades began to drop when I entered high school, from straight As to average. I don't even know when it all went down hill. I remembered the first time I got a 70 in a test, I felt like a disappointment. Maybe because I am. Now entering college, I'm scared that my academic performance will drop even lower. I'm really afraid I might not graduate or not get a job after graduating. The job market is pretty rough right now, not to mention inflation. My parents gave me everything they have to pay for my education, I can't disappoint them anymore.


I feel like I'm not ready for the future. I think I've fallen so far down that no amount of trying will get me back where I was. That's why I've been thinking, if you don't exist, you don't have to worry about anything. But isn't this kind of pathetic reason to die? Some people have actual good reasons to commit suicide, but here's me not getting the grades that I want and disappointing my parents.


Note: Please forgive me if there's a grammatical error, English is not my first language

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I literally just made a post like this lol. I also feel like my reasons to die aren't good enough. I'll be honest, unless you're going into something like a super difficult STEM field or something similarly competitive, companies usually just care that you have a degree and some internship experience. What school you go to doesn't even really matter. However, it's valid to feel hopeless about the job market. People now entering the job market have an extremely hard time getting one and having a college degree doesn't guarantee you one either. Hell, just getting a job at Starbucks was difficult for me. I think what you're feeling is a sort of existential depression. A depression brought on by societal factors rather than personal. I experience this myself and often wonder "What's the point of all of this? Even if things are going good, it doesn't really seem to matter". So I understand how you feel.

I would say give life a chance since grades are the only thing that's dragging you down. Cs are perfectly acceptable in most degrees. But I also understand your worries and if you choose to CTB, that's your choice to make and no one can take that away from you.

I hope you find peace with whatever you decide