Discussion Do caring words help?

[Forever Sleep]

Both from people you know and, more or less, strangers? Obviously, it's nice when people express concern and care. Better than being insulted or ignored! Does it really help though? I think it helps most when it feels genuine. A really genuine concern that a person is struggling and an intention to help them.

One of the most profound conversations I had was with a friend of my Mum's. During a brief conversation, it was like she had me all figured out. She also gave me enough space to be me unapologetically. That it was understandable and ok that I was struggling. It helped me so much.

I suppose back then, I was open to 'recovery' and being helped. The negative to that was that I so badly wanted to latch on to a person that offered me help but, I quickly worked out people don't want to provide that much support. I don't blame them either. It's hard to live carrying another. But, it was in words this came out.

The same person I mentioned got in touch later on and, from what they wrote, it was obvious they hadn't remembered what we talked about. Not that I should have expected them to but, it made me realise: Words can make it seem like you mean so much to a person when the reality is different. I guess it's like that phrase: 'Talk is cheap.'

I guess also, even when you know they're genuine, they don't always help. My Dad is very appreciative and affectionate in his language- which is lovely- of course. Again, much nicer than being abused! He'll try to make me feel appreciated and of value. It's an odd response I feel now though. It's a reminder of a relationship I need to honour. It's not entirely true though for one. I'm by far, not the greatest daughter. We are both pretty selfish in our own ways. Plus, while it's a sweet sentiment, it doesn't help me live. It only ties me to life with just a few words as support.

So, it's a question I suppose of how truly loving and caring it is. It's more of a warning in a way. As in- you're of value to me so- don't take that away. Whatever you're going through- my needs are greater. So, that isn't really giving love. It's more of an insistant/ imposed need. So, the words become in equal part manipulative as they are appreciative.

But then, is it ok to insist we need someone? Maybe. It's honest I suppose but, it doesn't consider them so much.

 

[Daphne]

Same. I'm ND and take words at their face value. I've been fooled a lot in life.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Caring words feel hurtful to me. I've learned not to trust anyone. People lie all the time without even realizing it. I figure they're trying to manipulate me or are indirectly telling me how stupid I am. Thankfully, it's extremely rare that I need to deal with this.

 

[Hollowman]

No

 

[FoxSauce]

Depends who's telling you I would say. Cuz if its my mom for me feels weird and off.

If its another person I care about then yeah

 

[Grog]

If there is actual care and love behind the words, then yes, caring words do help.

 

[Rynalia]

Nope. Caring words don't exist to me, and it's 100% my fault.

I don't trust anyone, and it goes doubly so for things they say. My brain refuses to acknowledge that anyone is being genuine, even though they might actually be.

It's not a them problem, it's a me problem.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I think, as FoxSauce said, it depends on who's saying it. Although, I also think that intent matters a lot, but this is very subjective since what's comforting at one moment may not be comfortable the next. What you consider caring also factors into the words' helpfulness

For instance, if someone's caring to me out of a belief that it will dissuade me from wanting to CTB, then it won't help because it ultimately feels as if they're not taking my emotions, or me, seriously. They just see me as someone to be pacified so that I won't do something they are uncomfortable with. Meanwhile, if someone caring to me simply because they want to allay some of the negative emotions I feel, then their words will help since they're not trying to push me to do (or not do) something, if that makes sense

 

[Anonymousa]

For me yea caring words do often have short-term beneficial effect tho often negative thoughts or if I do something wrong or hurt someone or especially when someone leaves me will make me discard what was said about me as I feel like that isn't the truth and that I am actually a worse person. However having so much repeated caring words from people here has slowly made me feel better about myself in general in time tho there has been still been big dips down in self-esteem still when I do eventually hurt others but overall I would say this place has made me value myself with what has been said about me more than before I got to the site. Times where I find caring words totally fake is from my parents when they say they love me even tho they created me and prevent me from dying when I want to die. Or also from people I am paranoid about how they actually feel about me as I feel like i have done something wrong and they shouldn't be liking me but should hate me.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

I dont hear alot caring words directed into me and mostly say them myself and those words should be personal with depht into them. "It gets better" and stuff like that is nothing and will hold untrue to most, instead of saying something like it will for sure happend i prefer saying maybe,hope,wish and also telling the person that they deserve happiness. This world is cruel and those who deserve happiness the most often times suffer the most so all i can do is hope that it gets better for them ;).

When i hear caring words they mean nothing to me, im dead set on suicide and words dont mean much to me. I cant trust people anymore and those caring words that are supossed to help just feel like a trap that is supossed to make me vent so they can later on use my insecurities and my vulnerability against me.

I know that not everyone will use them against me because i myself dont use those things against others but trusting someone is a risk and im not willing to take anymore risks in my life anymore.

Much love to everybody here and sorry for my little rant

 

[Pluto]

 

[Galam]

I use perplexity.ai for this, because I have nobody on my side. And yes it let me feel better, because it speaks mostly for me not against me. Thanks to perplexity I could write my complains easly, because it offered the help to write it for me and gave me the adresses where I can send the complains to. So it is not just warm words, the AI does practical work in my favor and this is what I need in my life.

I would also like a Markus (Detroit Become Human) for that reason too, this robot could replace friends, family I never had. It can help me to be escorted save outside, is my bodyguard and so much more. I am sad that such robots don't exist, I was always lonely. I hope other women who have it bad as me will have access soon to such technic. We are just left alone as scum or abused. I just hope I can CTB soon.