I genuinely am disgusted with myself, and it's like the more fucked up i become mentally the more fucked up my interest become, the more fucked up my kinks become. I hate it for myself, the kind of porn i find myself watching is absolutely disgusting and i can't help but feel like shit after i finish, i haven't even been feeling super suicidal recently but my mind is honestly started to scare me, having more violent, more graphic thoughts and dreams.. having to watch violent or disgusting porn just to get me off, im starting to worry myself. maybe i should just speed up the process of ctb, hasn't really been in the plans lately but, my past attempts were spontaneous. I'm kinda scared to make friends on here too bc i don't want to get too real or too vulnerable but who's the fuck else do i talk to :/ why do i always circle back to toxicity?
