discussing suicide with a psychologist

[shotgunshellz]

i've been realizing more and more that i should probably be seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist for my mental health issues. i want to die, i have a semi-concise plan, i would consider myself actively suicidal but i want to see, as a last resort, if maybe there could be something i could do to alleviate the pain while i'm still alive. the thing is, if i talk about how much i want to blow my brains out, they'll just lock me up in the ward and i can't afford that and don't really want that. thankfully the hospital is free in my country but i can't afford to not go to work. i also can't afford to pay rent for an apartment i wouldn't be staying in for the time i'd be in there, it would just be throwing money away. i'd have to stop uni and lose my tuition money. i'd probably lose my job too. the only thing keeping me going is living with my boyfriend but even then i feel like our relationship is splintering so i don't have much to look forward to. i either have to suck it up and endure the horrific pain everyday or to finally hang myself and get this over with.

i wish i could find a psychologist who wouldn't put me inpatient immediately for expressing my desires to commit suicide. it makes me want to kill myself without even trying to see if it can get better. what's the point if i'm just going to walk straight into a trap to get me inpatient? all in the name of "harm reduction" or "suicide prevention"; it's literally nonsensical. i feel like i can't talk to any professional about how bad it really is without fear of being locked in a sterile white room for 2 weeks.

i wonder how i can go about finding a mental health professional who won't lose their shit if i talk about suicide, or if there's even any.

anyone have any experience with sharing your suicidality with psychologists that ended well?