Maripoosa
Mariposa
- Sep 15, 2026
- 3
Can we talk about how hard it actually is to commit suicide? Not because of a fear of pain or death, but because of the people we leave behind.
For months, I've been researching more and more methods and ways to make things less painful for the people I love. Yet, I can't even bring myself to write letters because I simply find them absolutely ridiculous right after I write them. It's pathetic, it almost feels like a joke, but I'm genuinely starting to compare my suicide plans with other people's.
Others think of everything: they write beautiful letters to their loved ones and make sure they can afford a hotel room to do it in, so the survivors aren't permanently traumatized by the scene of the death. And here I am, planning kill myself in the middle of the night at my parents' house (the only place I can be without arousing any suspicion) without leaving behind even a single letter.
I feel like a failure, a half-assed loser who can't even get planning a suicide right. It's ridiculous; I'm ridiculous.
For months, I've been researching more and more methods and ways to make things less painful for the people I love. Yet, I can't even bring myself to write letters because I simply find them absolutely ridiculous right after I write them. It's pathetic, it almost feels like a joke, but I'm genuinely starting to compare my suicide plans with other people's.
Others think of everything: they write beautiful letters to their loved ones and make sure they can afford a hotel room to do it in, so the survivors aren't permanently traumatized by the scene of the death. And here I am, planning kill myself in the middle of the night at my parents' house (the only place I can be without arousing any suspicion) without leaving behind even a single letter.
I feel like a failure, a half-assed loser who can't even get planning a suicide right. It's ridiculous; I'm ridiculous.
