echoINTHEMIRROR
Member
- Apr 25, 2026
- 22
Been feeling disconnected from everyone i love lately. i was sick for 2 weeks (RA flare up) and have had very little contact with anyone and nobody's really checked on me to see if im ok
Additionally, I think one of my friend (trans guy like me) doesnt fully see me as valid and its making me feel really awkward bc like.. i get that i use neopronouns. cool. I can't fully see myself as human after years of dehumanization and using it/its is a reclamation.
Also I just dont feel like i connect easy with people anyways. Im autistic and went thru years of isolation (before and during covid) and have extreme interests, so i tend to talk about them often, and people tend to read that as me like.. trying to appear smarter. I just like speaking, I just like sharing my interests. But people think im just a dick and even if i try to engage i think i just come off as a poser. idk. i feel like shit and i feel like my friends all hate me. ik it might not be true but man. i hate the way i feel and i hate feeling like there is a physical barrier between me and literally every human ever. idk if its the years of isolation, social anxiety, autism, or something fundamental within the way i was born, but somethings wrong and its killing me. I want to die bc i feel disconnected and like everyone is annoyed by everything i do and ugh. i just feel othered
idk. I wanna die but i know i cant rn bc ppl are pending too much money to keep me alive for that rn (see: chronic illness) and i dont like wasting people's money. i know it sounds silly but if theres an afterlife i dont wanna deal with the guilt
Additionally, I think one of my friend (trans guy like me) doesnt fully see me as valid and its making me feel really awkward bc like.. i get that i use neopronouns. cool. I can't fully see myself as human after years of dehumanization and using it/its is a reclamation.
Also I just dont feel like i connect easy with people anyways. Im autistic and went thru years of isolation (before and during covid) and have extreme interests, so i tend to talk about them often, and people tend to read that as me like.. trying to appear smarter. I just like speaking, I just like sharing my interests. But people think im just a dick and even if i try to engage i think i just come off as a poser. idk. i feel like shit and i feel like my friends all hate me. ik it might not be true but man. i hate the way i feel and i hate feeling like there is a physical barrier between me and literally every human ever. idk if its the years of isolation, social anxiety, autism, or something fundamental within the way i was born, but somethings wrong and its killing me. I want to die bc i feel disconnected and like everyone is annoyed by everything i do and ugh. i just feel othered
idk. I wanna die but i know i cant rn bc ppl are pending too much money to keep me alive for that rn (see: chronic illness) and i dont like wasting people's money. i know it sounds silly but if theres an afterlife i dont wanna deal with the guilt
