Discussion Did high school make you more suicidal?

[WornOutLife]

As for me, it did!
I wasn't exactly "bullied" as people in the movies but I was ignored by my classmates. Going to school for so many years made me really suicidal. I was all alone and had nobody to talked to and to make matters worse, I hated my parents, you know, teen stuff, and I spent my days in the most lonely way ever.

I think that's why I've been suicidal since I'm 12.

What about you? Has your school/high school experience made you more suicidal?

 

[Squiddy]

It triggered a few suicidal thoughts from being bullied, but middle school was even worse for me and triggered a lot of my mental health issues (PTSD being one of them)

 

[lofticries]

Highschool was the time where I had the most violent chosen suicide methods/thoughts for myself and the most hate for myself. It was also the time where I self harmed the most. And when my eating disorder began.

After highschool I was still suicidal but less angry. Depression is a terrible enough feeling on its own but mix rage in there and its almost unlivable

Regarding suicidal thoughts I've pretty much had at least suicidal ideation since 6 (wanting to make myself disappear/wishing i could fall asleep and not wake up etc) . And didn't start thinking about the act until 11 (wanting to throw myself under my own school bus). But highschool had to be the worst I felt. I don't wanna sound dramatic but I'm honestly surprised I didn't ctb or make an attempt during that time.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Highschool is what made me go from merely depressed to full on suicidal. If they ever demolish my old school, i'm happily buying a plane ticket to go watch it crumbling down.

 

[Superdeterminist]

For me, suicide wasn't even a consideration at any point throughout high school. I had many horrible experiences in high school, and some (but not as many) happy experiences. Suicide just didn't occur to me at the time, for whatever reason. Even though I'm arguably more miserable now than I was in high school, I would not wish to go back there. Too many embarrassing, uncomfortable, painful, and undignified moments.

 

[nolongerhuman]

Yeah I think that's when they started really kicking into high gear. My previously sheltered and homeschooled autistic ass started going to a physical school and actually had to interact with children my own age for much more extended periods of time, which was not very fun. The panic attacks started then too, and never really went away after that.

My parents pulled me out of school and evaluated me at the hospital, and the hospital put me in some adolescent intensive outpatient therapy. The program was, in my correct opinion, of subpar quality, and after about a week I was basically kicked out under the grounds that the program couldn't handle an autistic person (that's seriously what they said). This experience in my high school years, while only indirectly related to high school, increased the chances of me completing suicide in my lifetime massively because you can no longer talk me out of it by convincing me emergency psychiatric care can make it better, I don't believe the hospital can or will bother to put in the effort to help me with anything.

 

[coldcoldcold]

i think so because while middle school set the stage for a lot of it (like that's when i lost all my friends and started self harming and when my eating disorder became a Thing and spiraled out of control), i genuinely thought things would be better in high school but instead i found friends that secretly hated me and ended up in a very toxic relationship and just a whole lot of things from earlier on snowballed horribly

 

[WOODESITY]

I made friends in school which i still know now, it's best thing that could've happened in school, besides, i was often targeted for bullying, people just hurt me to have a laugh for themselves, some people protected me, overall school was wasted time, i was never interested or wanted to get so educated by this society, i was just forced to go to school my entire life

I was often forced to study and complete my homework which never affected me good, instead I've very strong hate and avoidance towards education

 

[gimme_my_happy_nap]

It contributed but fortunately, I never seriously considered suicide in middle & high school. I was lonely, depressed, and anxious all the time, but I was never bullied. School is strict and mostly about getting high grades in my country, so it wasn't hard to hide in my bubble and watch days go by. Music helped a lot, too.
Still, it sucks to never fit in anywhere.

 

[suicidal_joe]

It was up and down for me, I started having suicidal ideation in 5th grade because of how some of my classmates and even teachers treated me due to my inability to keep up, but compared to that high school was pretty good, although I still had a lot of struggles and problems. I struggle with schoolwork a lot, and no matter how I try concentrate on class I just can't do it most of the time unless I really like the topic or the teacher. (I even end up not submitting work because I get caught up in trying to do it "perfect", sometimes you just gotta submit something even if you think it isn't good, it's better than nothing!)

There were both happy and really terrible moments. And while my last 2 years in HS were nice, the little things that built up over the years, my general inability to keep up with schoolwork, and the pressure of being in what many people consider a top university fucked me up. It didn't help that our school system changed abruptly, grades 11&12 is still new in my country and I'm one of the first students who had to deal with that here. So many schools weren't prepared for it at all, even teachers weren't ready. (School as a system just fuckinf sucks in general)

I planned to kill myself because I almost didn't graduate cuz I neglected one subject, but I was able to fix that in the end. And while I didn't graduate HS with any awards or honors, I'm just glad I was able to graduate in the first place.

I am struggling in college right now though, and I'm just really overwhelmed right now, and I'm definitely gonna spend more than the usual 4 years here, but I'll get through it! no matter how long it takes.

School can be a bitch and I wish you and everyone on here good luck <3, and I support you all

 

[Breakout92]

High school set me on the path to ending up here. I have really poor memory of anything that happened while I was in high school due to dissociation so I can't say for sure what about it made me suicidal but it led me to where i am today. I think that an all boys catholic school will screw up anyone's development though so maybe it's no surprise. at least I'm glad for the one friend that I made back then who's stuck with me until today.

I will add one thing i remember back then was learning what an exit bag was and deciding that that would be the way that i die. I think that was when i was around 15. so I've had that planned for a long time

 

[suicidal_joe]

As for me, it did!
I wasn't exactly "bullied" as people in the movies but I was ignored by my classmates. Going to school for so many years made me really suicidal. I was all alone and had nobody to talked to and to make matters worse, I hated my parents, you know, teen stuff, and I spent my days in the most lonely way ever.

I think that's why I've been suicidal since I'm 12.

What about you? Has your school/high school experience made you more suicidal?

Most of my suicidal-ness came from school tbh, for some reason keeping up with the work was and is still really difficult for me, to the point where I almost didn't graduate HS and now I'm having these same problems in college. Didn't help that back in gradeschool classmates and teachers alike looked down on me because of that. I have other problems of course but I feel school is the biggest one, though I'm doing research in ADHD rn and I suspect I may have it. It definitely explains a lot of things about me, and reading other people's ADHD experience genuinely makes me cry because it really feels like looking in the mirror sometimes. An undiagnosed mental illness/disorder can really mess with one's life, and especially in school and as we grow up. I hope we get the help we need one day, we can get through this (((hug)))

 

[W’ren]

Elementary school was the worst for me. I was bullied badly all the way through. Then it happened that all the high school boundaries changed and i ended up in high school with my bullies.
My first suicide attempt was at age 12 and that was definitely influenced by school situation but it mostly had to do with flashbacks/nightmares and family situations- and mental illness, migraines and of course, knowing i would never belong in this world.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Yup, that was when I realized I couldn't do life, practically had a panic attack every time I entered, the constant adrenaline wore me down and I had to stop going.

Though, it was probably Elementary school that gave me this intense anxiety, that was where I was heavily bullied. Thankfully everyone was mature enough to not bully in the High School I went to.

 

[AnnonyBox]

Yes, definitely. I had depressive emotional swings before high school, but high school ramped up my suicidal thoughts. I planned to die before college.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Most of my experience was fair, though dunior year, things went downhill and was treated differently by peers and teachers alike. And senior year, I was bullied by a guy name Nico. I was pretty much alone as most of my friends either graduated, transferred, and my one friend is in a different lunch period, and when we did have the same lunch, he was often in detention. I didn't connect with anyone besides that, and was ignored most of the time.

The first 2 years, I realized that the peer tutors in gym class were nice to me was because I was in special ed. Had I been in a regular class, it would've been like the later years.

It played a big role in my suicidality.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Was not suicidal in high school.

 

[AntiCycleAN]

Yeah, I would say it somewhat did, but not necessarily the school itself. I was not bullied and had a few friends, so I was luckier than some people, but I still became more suicidal over my teenage years. My depression got horrible in junior year, as my friends drifted away and school work was incredibly taxing. It was most likely the first time I seriously considered suicide, and that I was truly not cut out for this life, and planned to ctb before I went to college. But, my final year of high school was much better, so it did relieve my pain for awhile at least. I am still here sadly, and though my teenage years were awful for the most part, I do sometimes long for that time of lesser responsibility, and the few good times I had.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Yep, high school was a shit show. I basically turned to delusions and daydreams as a coping mechanism for having no friends. Then I had a psychotic break and everyone at my high school believed I was crazy and a psychopath.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Not a moment of suicidal ideation until age 17. Anhedonia and apathy just naturally settled in my head at that point, I rejected all social invitations and girls for no reason to sit in my room and play video games. At the same time I started to frequently take massive psychological damage from others having romantic relationships whilst I did not, since I avoided all social interaction outside of school. *Surprised Pikachu face*.

Then when I left for college I had no will to live and had no psychological fortitude, so I failed at that. Then I failed some more things and now I'm a 23 y/o virgin NEET incel who is actively suicidal.

Guess I never really cared that much about my life, I don't get emotional writing about this. And this is what is supposed to matter to people.

 

[demuic]

High school was awful, being surrounded by a bunch of people I hated/can't relate to.

Life after isn't much better.

 

[Amumu]

Highschool was horrible, people were total retards who didn't give a shit about courses while I was trying to take interest in them, my appearance was a disaster, my only "friends" were also total retards who bullied me and destroyed my self-esteem, and no gf. Fuck that.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I didn't like HS either, it just showed me that I couldn't relate to people and that I had to be fake to fit in somewhat with most of them. I was also extremely traumatized and had no understanding of my real problems at the time so that only made things worse. I had friends but no meaningful friendships and looking back they were all complete normie retards, one was probably a sociopath but at this point I'm inclined to believe that many people lack empathy anyways.

 

[CharlieBrown]

I made it through high school ok. A few problems here and there. I fell apart freshman year of college and dropped out a few days into sophomore year.

 

[Mentalmick]

I wasn't suicidal back then but secondary school made me considerably worse. Couldn't stand it.

 

[Sensei]

I guess I'm lucky because high school was a quite good time for me. I didn't give a shit what other people thought of me and that was very liberating.

 

[Downbylife]

Not sucidial but prety anxious with my psoriasis remissions. Was hard to deal with all the stares while I had itching red face. Yeah, my self esteem was pretty fucked that's why I escaped into video games...

 

[builtwrong]

Highschool was the peak of my life. I had assholes who picked on me, and I didn't respect the education system at all, but I didn't know how bad being an adult would be. The tedium wears on you, I'd rather be given homework than forums to fill out at the DMV, at least you can just ignore the homework. Highschool was also when I did all my drugs, and went to bonfires. I don't have many friends as an adult so any time I roll or trip will certainly be alone now, assuming I ever even get to do it again before I die. I spent my whole time in highschool wishing it would be over, but I should've enjoyed it before everything fell apart as an adult

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No it did not make me more suicidal because I was not at that point yet; in fact I only started feeling suicidal a few years after leaving school. However school made me very unhappy at times, and that did contribute towards my wish to die later on. School did not cause those dark thoughts, but definitely helped to build the path to them; along with many other things throughout life that had build up over time.

 

[boydiablo]

There were two different phases of it for me. First part of high school absolutely made me more suicidal. It was an extremely competitive environment, which I liked, but it also definitely messed me up. I thought that if I didn't manage to make something meaningful out of myself by the time I was 18 then I should just end it because I'd never amount to anything. Then the date kept getting pushed up until I made a half-assed attempt on school grounds and got committed for a week. That itself didn't make me any less suicidal. However, I hated the experience so much that I worked really hard to avoid it again -- therapy, meds, the whole thing. By the end of high school I was functioning fairly "normally," not thinking about suicide at all. But here I am again now, so...