Discussion Did high school make you more suicidal?

[Carrotcake]

I was already depressed and suicidal in high school, but somehow I managed to keep my shit together/living a "normal" life for years.

In my last year I inevitably collapsed. And my life has been collapsed ever since.

 

[Freedom Believer]

It was the only place that made me less suicidal. The kids were pretty chill and nice to me, even the jocks were kind to me there. The teachers were nice as well apart from one but overall they didn't take away from the experience and some made me enjoy their classes a lot. Looking back on it high school was the greatest part of my life and I wish I did more during that time. College on the other hand, well, can only go up from here.

 

[Lmd]

I skipped most part of my school life. I just went for the final exams to get my degrees so school hasn't had much of an impact on my situation.

It's funny because until a few weeks ago I didn't know that people take travel trips when they finish a course or that they throw parties when they finish something big. This is my level of disconnection for everything related to school.

 

[Trisolaris]

High school itself didn't make me suicidal by it was in highschool when the thoughts began.

 

[Prosthetics]

Hi wornoutlife, I've been reading this site for many months and you just keep talking bout suicide and yet you are still alive.

Not to be bitchin but it is something i find hard to comprehend. Do you wanna die but can't or do you want to talk about it and not do it at all?

Again not to be bitching

 

[Symbiote]

Hi wornoutlife, I've been reading this site for many months and you just keep talking bout suicide and yet you are still alive.

Not to be bitchin but it is something i find hard to comprehend. Do you wanna die but can't or do you want to talk about it and not do it at all?

Again not to be bitching

Tone deaf comment, but sometimes people are up and down with their decision, this is not a pro-death/suicide forum. It's more pro-choice. Some people come here talk about suicide, feel better, and then go on to recover while you have some who talk about suicide, recover, relapse, and then CTB. No one should be in a rush to die or meet some forum expectation that they must CTB.

 

[WornOutLife]

Hi wornoutlife, I've been reading this site for many months and you just keep talking bout suicide and yet you are still alive.

Not to be bitchin but it is something i find hard to comprehend. Do you wanna die but can't or do you want to talk about it and not do it at all?

Again not to be bitching

I'd say both! There's nowhere else in which we can talk about suicide and death like SS.

I love being here and talking to different people because we can understand each other.

I actually tried to ctb last year and failed. Only ended up in a coma for 2 days and my life was hell for 6 months.

I really want to die but that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I actually enjoy many things in life but I find existing really absurd.

I don't know whether I'll ctb or not but for the time being, I'll read more about methods and enjoy my time on SS.

That's basically it, pal.

 

[Prosthetics]

Not saying he should. Just can't get my head around this phenomenon... I'm a social worker and I have a genuine interest in the suicidal. Talking bout it is different from doing it and this dude is super active on this forum. Maybe I just want to say I feel sorry for him

I'd say both! There's nowhere else in which we can talk about suicide and death like SS.

I love being here and talking to different people because we can understand each other.

I actually tried to ctb last year and failed. Only ended up in a coma for 2 days and my life was hell for 6 months.

I really want to die but that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I actually enjoy many things in life but I find existing really absurd.

I don't know whether I'll ctb or not but for the time being I'll read more about methods and enjoy my time on SS.

That's basically it, pal.

Thanks for this man. Hope you find your way, whatever way that may be

 

[WornOutLife]

Not saying he should. Just can't get my head around this phenomenon... I'm a social worker and I have a genuine interest in the suicidal. Talking bout it is different from doing it and this dude is super active on this forum. Maybe I just want to say I feel sorry for him

Thanks for this man. Hope you find your way, whatever way that may be

No need to be sorry, pal. I have ups and downs like any normal human being and I love spending my time in this community. Let's say it's some kind of AA meetings but for suicidal people lol. I'm actually trying to live again thanks to the people I met here.
We all will die whenever we want. No rush at all.

 

[Symbiote]

Not saying he should. Just can't get my head around this phenomenon... I'm a social worker and I have a genuine interest in the suicidal. Talking bout it is different from doing it and this dude is super active on this forum. Maybe I just want to say I feel sorry for him

Thanks for this man. Hope you find your way, whatever way that may be

When you don't really have any real life people to talk to about this stuff, an online forum can allow others to socialize and vent about suicide or methods. Kinda therapeutic in a way and lets someone be at ease and themselves here. None of that tip-toe shit that you gotta do in the real world with people unless you want to end up in a psych ward.

So you're a social worker, what's your experience with suicide? And this phenomenon?

 

[Prosthetics]

Came to this site because a client of mine was actively searching for sn. First week I was in complete shock. Methods, tips, wishing someone safe travels.

After this week of reading here I started to question my beliefs. This site gives me another view on suicide. Why are we (social workers) society always trying to prevent prevent prevent. If your life is not worth living and you're in constant emotional? Psychical pain I now believe that is something we shouldn't encourage but we must see this as a serious option.

I can see how talking about this outside of this forum will not give you guys any help cause this world is build on prevention just cause we can't wrap our heads around wanting to die.

 

[RottenApple]

Yes, adolescence and high school were when I started to realize that we are just animals and life has no meaning.

 

[Lucien]

High school was toxic. The teaching staff constantly turned a blind eye to the obvious bullying. I have no idea why I was spared if I exclude locker room sexual harassment. There were small positives like going to competitions through the clubs and getting away from home. I couldn't take the teachers seriously for a second. I turned from highly sociable to detached from reality during that period.

 

[loopylou]

Yep between run of the mill bullying, bullying because my older brother is a fucking dick head and bullying about my alcoholic mother.

I got a Facebook message off a guy yesterday and he put a copy of my profile picture and put ' sooooooo hot'
Then a couple of hours later an apology of the way he treated me growing up.
I just blocked him fuck that. But there's been plenty of people who bullies me who wants to know me these days and I can't get past the bullying to even bother

 

[alown]

from kindergarten to university I have always been sidelined, never accepted by others, now that I think about it, I never kept a single contact from anyone during all schooling, this is probably what also accentuated my depression

 

[lookin4areason]

As for me, it did!
I wasn't exactly "bullied" as people in the movies but I was ignored by my classmates. Going to school for so many years made me really suicidal. I was all alone and had nobody to talked to and to make matters worse, I hated my parents, you know, teen stuff, and I spent my days in the most lonely way ever.

I think that's why I've been suicidal since I'm 12.

What about you? Has your school/high school experience made you more suicidal?

YES! depression/suicidal thoughts started when I was 12 and in 7th grade. I too was alone and hated and bullied. things were fine in elementary and then suddenly from day 1 of junior high everyone turned their backs on me. that was the beginning of it. and yet, here I I still fucking am 30yrs later. :(

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Yeah, I would say this is where things really started to get bad for me. I fit in, yet I did not. I fit in because I was actually friends with some of the popular kids outside of school. Yet, I was definitely unique in a strange kinda way, so, yeah, people liked me, hell, they loved me, but I never really felt understood by anyone really. Not even my closest friends. High-school basically made me realize that my adult life was going to be very lonely.

 

[awfullife]

HS started out tough for me but then I became a sports star as well as being very gifted in music. But when I started partying Junior year is when I found my groove and became comfortable in my own skin.

Amazing how we all have different paths to a CTB....

 

[almaranthine]

Oddly enough, no. I was very motivated in high school. I went in as a freshman with self harm tendencies (was a serious cutter at 13) and was able to quit and overcome that sickness and do well in my studies, College was what made me truly suicidal.

 

[ShutUpEli]

For me high school just made me realize what I was feeling and made it more understandable. As a kid growing up you don't really comprehend the magnitude of events you're in, and when you do grow up you realize what you missed out on. I found myself really questioning things when I noticed every day I began to feel much worse, and the extra load of schoolwork didn't help.

It really climaxed during junior year when we were taking the ACT. I came in unprepared and didn't fill in a single answer. I knew even if I did apply myself and get into college my stress would just get worse, and at that point I was pretty sure I'd kill myself soon anyway, so it didn't matter anyway. I remember walking away and feeling so numb, as if it I'd just filled out my worthlessness certificate.

Sorry for the ramble haha

 

[PaxAmerica]

For me, suicide wasn't even a consideration at any point throughout high school. I had many horrible experiences in high school, and some (but not as many) happy experiences. Suicide just didn't occur to me at the time, for whatever reason. Even though I'm arguably more miserable now than I was in high school, I would not wish to go back there. Too many embarrassing, uncomfortable, painful, and undignified moments.

Wow. This so exactly like me that I cant believe someone else thinks the same. Highschool started okay, went downhill and ended high. Never ever had the idea to ctb despite some horrid times though. It just never came to mind. Maybe if it had come to mind things might have been different. I can kind of see why there is a taboo on the subject now. Bit like guns in the USA. Sure, it's not the guns that kill but having fewer about would make mass shootings less common.
I really cant remember how ctb never occurred to me as a youth.

 

[loopylou]

I was bullied proper bad every single day of secondary school. Mainly because of my alcoholic mum, my shit stirring brother and our house stank so as did I. Not nice. Funny when the people try add you on Facebook who bullied you. A guy tried adding me last week and it was something like hey, your really fit . I'm sorry for being an asshole to you when we were kids, I have changed now will you give me a chance'. .... no... BLOCK.

 

[restforeternity]

I dropped out of Highschool so I can leave home and off myself but that plan didn't go through.

 

[DemonicAngel]

Yes...high school was hell. I was bullied badly. Kids would see the cuts on my arms and would hold mine arm up in front of the whole class and sal shit like she doesn't want to life well we don't want her to either maybe we should find her a better way. If I even tried to eat lunch in the cafeteria they would take it away from me and toss in the trash saying loudly You're too fat to eat. The only way I could keep my lunch was to eat it in a locked bathroom stall. They said I was crazy and trailer trash. Since I was about 9 I've used creative writing as an outlet. I have a low self-esteem but I do think I'm a great writer. Anyways They snatched our of my poems away from me and read it in front of the whole class. Needless to say my freshman and sophomore years I barely passed. Then my mom said she was going to sue them unless they did something. My last two years I checked into each class got my work but did it in the office. Those two years I got all A's. The only thing I liked about highschool was drama, speech,and english. I took drama each year infact I wrote and started (I wasn't in charge of casting the teacher was)in the senior play. In our final for English we had to write a research paper each year it got harder but I loved it. I was suicidal in highschool I graduated in 2006 and I still am

 

[popuoh]

Oh definitely
I nearly succeeded at ctb because the stress from high school caused but I was so stressed that I caught a nasty disease instead and had to go to a hospital for a while and it messed my ctb plan a lot, but now I dropped out of uni to continue the plan

 

[Ch92921]

Here in Switzland highschool is called secundary school. And yes I got bullied entire three years. In the last year I tried to commit suicide. First I tried with overdose paracetamol, it failed. Then I bought castor seeds, but my mother found them.

Then I tried cut of my arteries of my left arm, but I failed.

 

[Ch92921]

I was bullied proper bad every single day of secondary school. Mainly because of my alcoholic mum, my shit stirring brother and our house stank so as did I. Not nice. Funny when the people try add you on Facebook who bullied you. A guy tried adding me last week and it was something like hey, your really fit . I'm sorry for being an asshole to you when we were kids, I have changed now will you give me a chance'. .... no... BLOCK.

I did the same. They invited for class convention. I rejected invitation. And then once I met one guy who bullied me very much he gave me his phone number. But then I wrote him about how he hurt my feelings, but he didnt want to say sorry. After I blocked him.

 

[Meretlein]

I was bullied passive aggressively and wasn't invited to anything. I did have a few friends and I treasure the memories I had with them. High school didn't make me suicidal at the time but looking back at my high school years does now..

I am sorry you were also isolated as a teen @WornOutLife, isolation as a teen is painful in a way most people don't understand since it is a stage of life were we crave experiences with our peers.

 

[Ch92921]

HS started out tough for me but then I became a sports star as well as being very gifted in music. But when I started partying Junior year is when I found my groove and became comfortable in my own skin.

Amazing how we all have different paths to a CTB....

Wow. This so exactly like me that I cant believe someone else thinks the same. Highschool started okay, went downhill and ended high. Never ever had the idea to ctb despite some horrid times though. It just never came to mind. Maybe if it had come to mind things might have been different. I can kind of see why there is a taboo on the subject now. Bit like guns in the USA. Sure, it's not the guns that kill but having fewer about would make mass shootings less common.
I really cant remember how ctb never occurred to me as a youth.

Is gun suicide effective.? Do we have people here who consider suicide by gunshot?

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, certainly. I think schools are designed for neurotypical people so therefore I struggled in that kind of environment. I was constantly treated in an patronizing way by teachers due to my mild autism. I always felt an sense of despair when going in there and had to go in even when I was physically unwell. I hated being around people all day with no break. I always felt the most lonely and isolated in a room full of people. There is too much pressure associated with school - whats the point when we all just die anyway?