Discussion Did anyone not feel masculine enough too?

[Baskol1]

I never felt masculine enough, despite being quite masculine looking for my age. Did anyone else had the same problem? Did you too never felt masculine enough, even tough people tought you are quite manly? Especially because im gay, i felt too i could never be a "real" man. And i had pretty tradionalistic views about masculinity, and bullied even effeminate guys. Yes i have to admit that i have bullied others in the past. I have bullied online and in real life others, and i felt pretty great for bullying others, and put others down. I too tried to prove my masculinity by siimply being violent. But nowadays im pretty confident that im masculine enough. Did anyone have the same problems here?

 

[Luchs]

I've never really had any problems with masculinity. I'm bi, that most likely makes my experience a lot different from yours but anyway, I have a nice jawline and frame. I've also always been quite traditionally masculine. Maybe that's even why I'm here. I always supress my true feelings and never seek help, I see myself as sort of a pillar of my social group where many have psychological problems and I am afraid that if I show weakness that'll demoralize those that look up to me.

 

[Pupuce]

I'm more concerned by being a failure as a human being than as a man, but one of my ex told me I had a feminine charm so yeah...

 

[azucaramargo]

I've never really had any problems with masculinity. I'm bi, that most likely makes my experience a lot different from yours but anyway, I have a nice jawline and frame. I've also always been quite traditionally masculine. Maybe that's even why I'm here. I always supress my true feelings and never seek help, I see myself as sort of a pillar of my social group where many have psychological problems and I am afraid that if I show weakness that'll demoralize those that look up to me.

Wow, Luchs. Seems like you really put it all out there with this post, and that's why I love it so much. And, you are an admirable being, in my humble estimation.

I'm more concerned by being a failure as a human being than as a man, but one of my ex told me I had a feminine charm so yeah...

That's a great compliment!

 

[pole]

i used to get questioned about masculinity, because i trimmed/ would shave my body hair, would have skin care routines, would use hair masks, do my eyebrows, would just take care of myself. it was seen as too "feminine" and "gay" to people and they would then question my masculinity which made me feel wierd.

 

[First loss]

Well, friend, the sad reality is that since you are gay, you will ALWAYS be considered less of a man then you are. Always. It is just the way it is.
It is not just for gay men, though. I am really short and I was always treated like I was not a man at all, bullied and everything.
I actually found a way to solve this problem. Prove that you indeed are a fucking man. Someone humiliating you? Bash his motherfucking head in. I took on lads twice my size because of it and proved to myself and to others that I am indeed a man.

 

[Hexen]

I grew up with women only in my family so I didn't have that male influence that would help shape me into a man. Because of this I believe I became a wuss in my teenage years. Since then I kind of figured that stuff by myself and sort of stumbled into what I believe I would become if I did have that male influence. I am still very afraid of certain things in life and have social anxiety but I did develop that discipline , sternness (don't know if that's the word for it), lone wolf and a slight aggressive attitude that characterizes manliness. I am heterosexual but I think I can understand why you feel that way . Still I do think you can be masculine dude even if you are homosexual.

 

[Meretlein]

Well, friend, the sad reality is that since you are gay, you will ALWAYS be considered less of a man then you are. Always. It is just the way it is.
It is not just for gay men, though. I am really short and I was always treated like I was not a man at all, bullied and everything.
I actually found a way to solve this problem. Prove that you indeed are a fucking man. Someone humiliating you? Bash his motherfucking head in. I took on lads twice my size because of it and proved to myself and to others that I am indeed a man.

The aftermath of putting my hands on someone is one of the reasons i'm here. Don't make the same mistake I did. The reward is not worth the risk.

Last year my sister followed me into my house and called me out of my room to falsely accuse me of hitting her on the phone while talking to the mental hospital. I took the bait and actually hit her like a dumb ass. I won't go into detail but it spiraled and now my life is hell.

I was the same age then as you are now. Just don't end up like me. That brief satification you might get is not worth it.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yeah, in a way. I'm hetero but I've lived in isolation (homeschooling) since puberty began and was put on SSRI's at an early age to combat the misery that it causes. I, too, have always held a traditional view of masculinity and I was deeply ashamed of my psychiatric history which really screwed my life over as soon as I entered into adulthood and understood what it meant to have one especially considering that it could've been dealt with in another way (if only my parents weren't utter fools.) I have absolutely no experience whatsoever with dating and I wanted to have a clear head before I delved into it but that day, when it had finally arrived, came too late to save me. I enjoyed weightlifting when I first discovered it in my early 20's but my depression always killed my motivation so it's been a continuous stop-go-stop-go activity. If I never was put on medication, I doubt I would've been offing myself so early in life (<30).

Of course, I have some physical traits that I was insecure about. Nothing that caused me to lose any sleep but has been the source of annoyance and frustration.
My weak jawline has always been my #1 insecurity, so-much-so that I am compelled to grow my facial hair out to conceal it although my patchy beard doesn't do a terribly good job. In a distant second, I am myopic so glasses are a must and I've always hated having to wear glasses. I am also well-below average height for my ethnicity but that also comes with advantages so I don't consider it a flaw outside of passive social dominance.

With that being said, I also had things that reaffirm my masculinity such as being stocky and barrel-chested so physically speaking it's not all bad. I've also had nothing but masculine hobbies and what I study in school is masculine as well. It's the mental stuff like my regrets coupled my parent's copious failures that had been killing me slowly over the years.

PS: I fucking HATE being sexually mutilated (i.e. circumcised)

 

[Pupuce]

That's a great compliment!

Surely, but it doesn't help with being masculine. At least I have some form of charm i guess.

 

[First loss]

The aftermath of putting my hands on someone is one of the reasons i'm here. Don't make the same mistake I did. The reward is not worth the risk.

Last year my sister followed me into my house and called me out of my room to falsely accuse me of hitting her on the phone while talking to the mental hospital. I took the bait and actually hit her like a dumb ass. I won't go into detail but it spiraled and now my life is hell.

I was the same age then as you are now. Just don't end up like me. That brief satification you might get is not worth it.

I am actually in a country where laws and regulations on violence are laughable so I am not really worried. Attackers do not get punished so I will not either. Also I am familliar with a lad that has been abusing his family for like 10+ years, including beating his pregnant wife and only now he got convicted to 5 years in prison.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Yeah I was always sensitive and weak growing up. Cried pretty much everyday til I was about 12. As an adult I've become a little more masculine and am capable of doing a few traditionally masculine things but I still feel like the same little weak and sensitive kid inside. And stupid too. I can't handle confrontation for shit.

 

[burnedCookie]

I've never been masculine enough in the eyes of other people, I'm a slim guy, pale skin, almost no body hairs, the cute one that teenage girls would introduce to their parents to reassure them about their new boyfriend :)
but it never really bothered me because no matter what girls and boys have always been very attracted to my small androgynous body

 

[Baskol1]

I've never been masculine enough in the eyes of other people, I'm a slim guy, pale skin, almost no body hairs, the cute one that teenage girls would introduce to their parents to reassure them about their new boyfriend :)
but it never really bothered me because no matter what girls and boys have always been very attracted by my small androgynous body

My built is normal, average, not too skinny, but not fat or extremely muscular either.

 

[iiii5555]

Thanks to my overly religious parents, i would say i am. I'm very confused when it comes to my sexuality, so, when i realized how homophobic my parents were, i forced myself to appear as masculine as possible, even if that could come across as harmful. Nowadays, i've repressed myself so much that i don't think i even have a sexuality.

 

[coma-baby]

As a transgender dude. Yeah. Lol.
Sometimes when I'm in public, people will call me a man or sir and it'll be going good until I speak and my voice rats me out.
I haven't started medically transitioning yet, so my voice hasn't dropped.
Hopefully in a couple months time - if I don't CTB first - my voice will match my appearance.
And if I get to that point and people still call me ma'am and she, I'll have to try to figure out what else about me tips them off to me being a self-made man.
A frustrating cycle.

 

[Lucet]

I feel like I've always felt the same way about my masculinity until I eventually learned that what we see/ were taught was masculine, is mostly the definition of toxic masculinity.

I always grew up spending a lot of times with females both in school, and outside of school (online friends) and I've had quite a few male friends who were gay, so I always felt the more feminine energy sort of "rub-off" on me, so to speak. I'm much more comfortable in my own skin now, in regards to that however as now I know that masculine energy really isn't what we are taught and shown, and whether you're male or female, it really doesn't matter which you feel you are.

 

[bea1974]

I am really short and I was always treated like I was not a man at all, bullied and everything.
I actually found a way to solve this problem. Prove that you indeed are a fucking man. Someone humiliating you? Bash his motherfucking head in. I took on lads twice my size because of it and proved to myself and to others that I am indeed a man.

In England this is known as "little man syndrome", pathetic and laughable.

Violence/aggression isn't seen as a sign of masculinity but of machismo, aka insecurity and weakness.

 

[First loss]

In England this is known as "little man syndrome", pathetic and laughable.

Violence/aggression isn't seen as a sign of masculinity but of machismo, aka insecurity and weakness.

So manlets are supposed to stay silent while some loud retards are humiliating them? No wonder Ireland doesn't want to have any business with cunts of your caliber.

 

[bea1974]

So manlets are supposed to stay silent while some loud retards are humiliating them? No wonder Ireland doesn't want to have any business with cunts of your caliber.

The long struggle for Irish independence has more to do with colonialism and violence by the British state, but don't let the facts get in your way...

 

[ALittleBurden]

I generally have problems with my ego, even to this day. Masculinity played a big role in it, especially since I'm technically a girl but always felt more manly. I also started to show a really toxic masculinity, and bulied others for showing any weakness, what became very self-destructive for me - at the beggining I was feeding my narcissism by telling myself how great I am bearing with my problems on my own, but when these problems grew witthout proper treatment I wasn't letting myself to get any help.

 

[Baskol1]

I generally have problems with my ego, even to this day. Masculinity played a big role in it, especially since I'm technically a girl but always felt more manly. I also started to show a really toxic masculinity, and bulied others for showing any weakness, what became very self-destructive for me - at the beggining I was feeding my narcissism by telling myself how great I am bearing with my problems on my own, but when these problems grew witthout proper treatment I wasn't letting myself to get any help.

So you look like a boy?

 

[ALittleBurden]

In England this is known as "little man syndrome", pathetic and laughable.

Violence/aggression isn't seen as a sign of masculinity but of machismo, aka insecurity and weakness.

You're correct but the worst thing about it is that it's a very vicious cicle and you really shouldn't say this to someone with such syndrome. You're being treated badly or feel vulnerable for not being masculine enough, frustration starts to grow inside of you, it turns into rage, rage turns into aggresion, agression makes you finally feel like you have some power, and then someone has the guts to tell you that the power you feel is just a sign of weakness. It does not lead to anything good.

So you look like a boy?

I wish. I dress and act like a boy, but I still have very feminine face and voice.

So manlets are supposed to stay silent while some loud retards are humiliating them? No wonder Ireland doesn't want to have any business with cunts of your caliber.

There's a difference between defence and aggression. Sometimes you have to fight your bully, but if you lose control you can quickly become the bully yourself. Defending yourself is not pathetic, being an aggresor for those who are weaker than you, just to feed your ego, is.

 

[Baskol1]

You're correct but the worst thing about it is that it's a very vicious cicle and you really shouldn't say this to someone with such syndrome. You're being treated badly or feel vulnerable for not being masculine enough, frustration starts to grow inside of you, it turns into rage, rage turns into aggresion, agression makes you finally feel like you have some power, and then someone has the guts to tell you that the power you feel is just a sign of weakness. It does not lead to anything good.

I wish. I dress and act like a boy, but I still have very feminine face and voice.

There's a difference between defence and aggression. Sometimes you have to fight your bully, but if you lose control you can quickly become the bully yourself. Defending yourself is not pathetic, being an aggresor for those who are weaker than you, just to feed your ego, is.

So you dont pass as a boy?

 

[ALittleBurden]

So you dont pass as a boy?

Yeah, unfortunately

 

[Baskol1]

Yeah, unfortunately

Fortunately i dont have gender dysphoria.

 

[19andOverdue]

I never felt masculine enough, despite being quite masculine looking for my age. Did anyone else had the same problem? Did you too never felt masculine enough, even tough people tought you are quite manly? Especially because im gay, i felt too i could never be a "real" man. And i had pretty tradionalistic views about masculinity, and bullied even effeminate guys. Yes i have to admit that i have bullied others in the past. I have bullied online and in real life others, and i felt pretty great for bullying others, and put others down. I too tried to prove my masculinity by siimply being violent. But nowadays im pretty confident that im masculine enough. Did anyone have the same problems here?

I feel like I'm not allowed to be masculine. Every woman I talk to is terrified of men. So I have to pretend that I agree just to be able to talk to them like humans

 

[come to dust]

I feel like I'm not allowed to be masculine. Every woman I talk to is terrified of men. So I have to pretend that I agree just to be able to talk to them like humans

How masculine do you want to be?