Did anyone else used to have a good life?

[Lauriso]

Oh man, absolutely. I was the extroverted achiever with many friends. Now every day is lonely misery with suicidal thoughts.

 

[obafgkm]

It's great to enjoy the best of life when one is young. Of course it would be better if the whole life is good. But what is the point of becoming powerful (well, symbolically) and rich only when one has become old and physically weak to do anything?

 

[Bluebag]

Yes i remember living with no worries when I was in 8th grade. I wished I was normal like before.

 

[hamvil]

Yup, I made the wrong life-destroying decision and now I'm here.

Same for me, I had a dream job and lost it over some poor post on a social network. What was your life-destroying decision?

I did for a sec. Childhood, meh. Adulthood, meh. University? Super awesome. I got to peak at 35, which I'm satisfied with. Life after uni? Fuck this shit.

I peaked at 39 or 40 not sure anymore, then nothing anymore. I miss my old life and I know I will never be more than that.

 

[Hope:-)]

Mine is ruined by years of antipsychotic and SSRI, i actually figured out a way and got off the antipsych, but i needed to stay on the SSRI, it had clearly changed my brain chemistry but i STUPIDLY tried again and got fucked. Escaped the anti-psychotic with a mild heart arrythmia that mostly went away but i still developed on the drug, but its still there to this day but i accepted it, the SSRI i KNEW i needed to take it and for some reason tried to get off after 2 prev failed attempts, due to side effects of course, and now my brain is fucked. Some other meds in there too but was able to navigate off them too, still furious, psychiatry should be reserved as like last resort 1-2% of the population like it used to be, fucking awful drugs worst than street drugs in some cases or just as bad.

i didnt realize when i was younger, i wish i did

I relate x

 

[hamvil]

The worst thing is I had a good life and didn't even know it.

I can feel this. I also did not realise how great my life was. I kept complaining about everything, picking fights, I was angry at social media. All stuff that led to my demise later, if only life could be lived in the opposite direction.

 

[Hangnail]

Same for me, I had a dream job and lost it over some poor post on a social network. What was your life-destroying decision?

An eyelid surgery that left me disfigured. I used to be attractive.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Mine is ruined by years of antipsychotic and SSRI, i actually figured out a way and got off the antipsych, but i needed to stay on the SSRI, it had clearly changed my brain chemistry but i STUPIDLY tried again and got fucked. Escaped the anti-psychotic with a mild heart arrythmia that mostly went away but i still developed on the drug, but its still there to this day but i accepted it, the SSRI i KNEW i needed to take it and for some reason tried to get off after 2 prev failed attempts, due to side effects of course, and now my brain is fucked. Some other meds in there too but was able to navigate off them too, still furious, psychiatry should be reserved as like last resort 1-2% of the population like it used to be, fucking awful drugs worst than street drugs in some cases or just as bad.

i didnt realize when i was younger, i wish i did

Yeah these drugs are quite dangerous and can completely mess with your head… I found that my Psychiatrists seemed to be satisfied If my mood was positive but they should've been asking much more probing questions about my behavior… Granted, it's very murky terrain But it's easy to gaslight yourself into thinking everything is swell when you're high as a kite on antidepressants

 

[Aboutblue]

I had a loving girlfriend for nearly a decade. She was and still is everything to me. Problem is, I got complacent and took her for granted. My mind strayed and I betrayed her emotionally. By the time I realized how stupid I was being it was too late. I tried desperately to reach out to her but just made it worse.

Nothing in the world is as good as just sitting on the couch with her was. I miss talking to her. I miss her smile. I miss her hands and her headrubs and I miss her "nagging" me about things (it wasn't really nagging, she just cared). I miss her family who were so good to me. I wish I'd been a better partner. I was a fuck up way before this but she stuck around anyway. She's better off now but somehow that doesn't help me. I wish I had killed myself the day she left.

 

[Ceterum]

I also had a loving girlfriend and quite a nice job until recently ... had been struggling with suicidal thoughts before, but I had a decent time inbetween and now ... I am back for good it seems.

Girlfriend gone (also taken things for granted, I can relate ... ), job turned into a nightmare, car crashed and I wonder what there still is to come ...or not

 

[noname223]

Not really my abuse started when I was 5. Life always was hell but it even got way worse. Now for a short time not incredibly horrible. But still quite much. I don't really see a way to avoid ctb. I try to postpone it and hope for a miracle.

 

[freedompass]

'Not incredibly horrible' could describe my current existence too. I was never really on board with life from a young age. I'm grateful that the country I live in looks after its less 'able' citizens. Grateful for the education I received. Life wasn't great ever and isn't great now but nor is it completely unbearable so I get by from one day to the next.

 

[Lookingtotalk]

Yeah these drugs are quite dangerous and can completely mess with your head… I found that my Psychiatrists seemed to be satisfied If my mood was positive but they should've been asking much more probing questions about my behavior… Granted, it's very murky terrain But it's easy to gaslight yourself into thinking everything is swell when you're high as a kite on antidepressants

Thing is i wasnt even high, i was in a good mood most of the time, would have had no issue for life, but every year the sexual side effects got worse and worse i was at a point of partial impotence and a weak pee stream and a numb penis, but honestly, if i could back in time i would stay on and just deal with being impotent, this hell i live in now is torture, if i could go even FURTHER back i would simply not taken the stuff or taken any pills i fucked with as a young man, just all stupid, i went all high school no drugs no alcohol, but i turned 18 and suddenly was curious, fuck me, and fuck ssri and fuck psychiatry most of all, should be last resort not first option

its a long story

 

[4hrs50min]

I had a start to life (0-25) that was really good. Could've set me up for life if hadn't got addicted.. for no good reason. I hate the fact that it was good and now I want to die cause of my own doings.. just this time last year I had it ok, but i just had to fuck it up

Ill Do It Again Goofy GIF - Ill Do It Again Goofy Fucking - Discover & Share GIFs

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tenor.com

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

I did. Now I spend my time lying to try to get last minute meds to help ctb. It's sureeale.

I never had a good life but I used to be much better of than I am now. Without some miracle I think the mental health problems I've had since childhood were bound to worsen with age though.

 

[Blackroom_57]

I had an amazing life until symptoms of schizoaffective disorder started. Now I'm always sad and my brain is destroyed. I can barely focus on my class lectures and I have horrible memory. My life was stolen from me and I'll never get it back. I am so tired of suffering in this way. I am so tired of being a slave to psychiatric medications that further ruined me. I wish I was never born.

 

[Kismet]

I had it made at one point, great relationship, owned a house and rented out another, part owner of a few restaurants, great salaried job where I worked a few hours a week. Fought for most of it, some just was lucky. No matter how good I have it, I am never satisfied and want more. Had some nice vacations in Miami one year, key west another, and a few other very cool places. It took a while to realize, but I fight with the people closest to me. The closer anyone gets, the harder I push back for whatever reason. A form or variant of SPD I think, which I only recently learned of from watching the dahmer show on Netflix. Took to heavy drinking to cope for a few years, and everything tanked. I'm alone now, don't own shit, no big money or things to show for it, still as unsatisfied as ever, just in a worse place. Lost motivation to want anything anymore, just don't see the point. Pretty sure my dog is the only reason I keep going. Positive note, I'm sober for about 2 years or so. I just want to turn it off and be done, life is exhausting and none of it even matters

 

[atewithouttable]

I guess my life was ok until I turned 9. I have no recollection of how my life was before 9 because of development issues.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

Loved? I never felt that loved. I felt like people only gave a shit because they had to, not because they wanted too. No one really wanted to see me prosper and only told me to "be good. Or to do things for people. And when you grow up and move out! But we don't care what you do, we just want you gone" And that I can only have what I want if someone else wants it from me first. I think my parents secretly hated having me growing up, and that they tried to manipulate me instead of understand me. At least when it comes to other people. But that kind of thinking is what really destroyed my life. Physically I'm fine, but socially, I'm vilified for bad choices towards others that had impacts that I may never fully understand. I'm not sucidal because I want my pain to end, it's because I know I can't stop hurting people, and they won't stop hurting from my existence until I'm dead. It's more of a duty at this point to get rid of myself than it is out of pain. And not understanding how or why to love anyone is how I ruined my life before it began.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I had a great life until 2020 or better I had a great job that covered all the shortcomings of my life. Then I ruined everything on the social networks. I am now in a job without any possibility to have a real impact, surrounded by mediocre people and loser students. I have had to move from a city with the highest quality of life in europe to a shitty city. There is nothing worse than knowing what success is and losing it all. I am 43 and I have lost the energies to restart from zero. Too tired.

If you would say loser students then you would surely feel your job isn't worth it.

 

[Euthanza]

I guess so, it stopped at adolescence when I found myself to be gay in predominantly muslim society. Even I can't enjoy myself since they also make cannabis illegal. Life has been awful since then.

 

[treetop.grazer]

I think I had a pretty good life, I have amazing kids, a house , someone who used to be a loving wife but we've drifted apart (not my CTB reason btw). But about 6 years ago I made some bad financial gambles which didn't pay off and for me into debt, I tried gambling my way out of it but as expected that failed. I now have huge debts (about 50k) which pretty much 80% of my income goes on paying. I've got a few months on my life insurance policy left before I can ctb and still pays out for my family, otherwise I'm looking for the perfect accident.

 

[makethepainstop]

I did. Now I spend my time lying to try to get last minute meds to help ctb. It's sureeale.

30 years ago yeah, now life sucks, and not in any enjoyable fashion.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

For half of my 26th year I felt like king of the fucking world. Despite a non-perfect life and growing up with/being exposed to some decidedly fucked up stuff before that, I was a super happy person with friends, ambitions, passions, drive, pretty decent health overall, you name it.

Then, one by one, horribly knock-the-life-out-of-you shit things started to happen, with gradually increasingly insufficient recovery time & resources between them. After six years of it I am mired in a pit of despair beyond my ability to see out of. As others have said, even if I could have all those things back, there's no telling if, when, or how they might all be swept away. And now it's something I have come to fear and anticipate.

 

[Rocket]

I had a great life until 2020 or better I had a great job that covered all the shortcomings of my life. Then I ruined everything on the social networks. I am now in a job without any possibility to have a real impact, surrounded by mediocre people and loser students. I have had to move from a city with the highest quality of life in europe to a shitty city. There is nothing worse than knowing what success is and losing it all. I am 43 and I have lost the energies to restart from zero. Too tired.

Truly understand that. Was blessed to be famous in my field and had everything I could have dreamed of. But then, over a decade, lost everything. Now near 60 and the idea of climbing the mountain again is overwhelming. So many times wished natural causes would have let me go out, I was ready. Now looking into other options. Wishing you well and love your bunny avatar, I had two and they were wonderful friends that made it to 15 and 13 which was really rare for rabbits. Sending you a big hug.

 

[hamvil]

Truly understand that. Was blessed to be famous in my field and had everything I could have dreamed of. But then, over a decade, lost everything. Now near 60 and the idea of climbing the mountain again is overwhelming. So many times wished natural causes would have let me go out, I was ready. Now looking into other options. Wishing you well and love your bunny avatar, I had two and they were wonderful friends that made it to 15 and 13 which was really rare for rabbits. Sending you a big hug.

I am 43 but climbing the mountain you mention is overwhelming also for me. At least you are 60, maybe in a few days you will retire (not sure if this is possible in your country) and then you are over with that chapter in life. Me? I cannot imagine another 20/30 years of this stupid meaningless life, this is a routine that was mean for lesser people without aspirations. But my chance is gone and will not come back.

 

[who doesn't matter]

To be fair, I can't really differentiate between good and livable. But as I look back, it seems the whole game was rigged from the very start. All my life, I had little to no control over things. The only thing I could do was to pick a way that would hurt the least. It was always so tiring, so exhausting but I moved on regardless. But now, I have used every ounce of strength I had. Damn it feels empty.

 

[S like suicide]

Not me.
I had a shit life before and then it turned in a nightmare,now it's just hell.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

The worst thing is I had a good life and didn't even know it.

It's the worst wen u can't really see how good u have it and what your actual opportunities are realistically, so u might fail to put your energies into the right area, or miss out altogether on your potential to have at least an acceptable life outcome.

 

[DeepCD]

I had a great life until 2020 or better I had a great job that covered all the shortcomings of my life. Then I ruined everything on the social networks. I am now in a job without any possibility to have a real impact, surrounded by mediocre people and loser students. I have had to move from a city with the highest quality of life in europe to a shitty city. There is nothing worse than knowing what success is and losing it all. I am 43 and I have lost the energies to restart from zero. Too tired.

this pretty much sums it up w/my former success/great life, with the exception of others framing & using the system against me, while taking everything I had & more.

of course everyone has a different meaning of success; but as for me ... let's just say that I have a full stamped passport, I have experienced many cultures. I have lived in multiple major cities, while also coming from a small town.

you could not have said it any better @hamvil: "There is nothing worse than knowing what success is and losing it all."

sorry to those who have never had that feeling. I wish you could have at least experienced it (assuming you would want to). and if I could give you the same feeling I would in a heartbeat.

but if my circumstances didn't happened to me, I would not have more truth in understanding those who have never been there, and I would not be part of this great community. the sad yet humble truth of the Irony of life, for me that is.