0xdobalina
Member
- Aug 29, 2023
- 15
Yes. I had everything and destroyed it through gambling addiction. Now I have nothing, no future, the pain is insufferable
Ehhh not really. I had the potential for a really great life before it was robbed from me. The meaning my life had and the glimmers of hope made it okay. I was living for tomorrow. But tomorrow was taken from me. Robbed. Gone. Just today was left which should have been tomorrow... And today couldn't be more miserable. Today needs to not be today or today needs to be last day.
Shiva_Story
Student
- Mar 12, 2023
- 119
yes i'd say, maybe 3-5% of it?
most of my life was a story of an automaton striving to fulfill desires for food, shelter, partner, wealth and power mostly just mindlessly consuming and following basic biological programming rather then creating anything of value.. it's a shame and i wouldn't call that life at all.
most of my life was a story of an automaton striving to fulfill desires for food, shelter, partner, wealth and power mostly just mindlessly consuming and following basic biological programming rather then creating anything of value.. it's a shame and i wouldn't call that life at all.
0xdobalina
Member
- Aug 29, 2023
- 15
Same for me.I had a start to life (0-25) that was really good. Could've set me up for life if hadn't got addicted.. for no good reason. I hate the fact that it was good and now I want to die cause of my own doings.. just this time last year I had it ok, but i just had to fuck it up
Ill Do It Again Goofy GIF - Ill Do It Again Goofy Fucking - Discover & Share GIFs
Click to view the GIFtenor.com
Addiction is the single biggest thing that wrecks lives.
I'm sorry that you're going through this.
People do restart, I don't know how the fuck to do it, but they do.
Yes I did. But now I live with a thousand restrictions so much so that release is the only thing I look forward to. If there was no pain center, I would be long gone. Sometimes I wish I didn't have this pain center. That disorder where you can't feel pain. What a tremendous relief it would be!!
Yes, I had a good life, until I was about 6-7 years old. I look like a completely normal and happy child in my childhood photographs. But this is only because they were made on vacation with my parents who loved me. There were no worries. And then I had to go to kindergarten to "enter society." They began to tell me that it was abnormal not to be friends with anyone and not to communicate (which I absolutely did not want due to my characteristics from birth). Many terrible things have happened since then, but this was the beginning of the end. There is no more and there will never be a free and happy life.
BlazingBob
I'm still here b/c of my dogs
- Oct 28, 2021
- 601
Never. I had a horribly violent childhood, no love, nothing but hostility. It set the tone for the rest of my life. Everything has always been a struggle. I tried. I went to therapy, support groups, took pills, etc etc. The damage was just too much to overcome. Maybe I'm just weak. When I developed a chronic illness in my 30s it was game over. Fast forward to today I'm lower and in more pain both physically and mentally that I ever thought possible. I'm already dead inside.
Blue Elephant
Mage
- Sep 22, 2023
- 519
It's odd, you have either people for who good life = good job + life partner + kids + house + car or people who had mostly a really bad life.
Hmm.. I think I'm sorry for everyone.
I think I had an average life, but really it depends on how you look at it. I would like to be able to breath fresh air, to live near a sea or near an ocean, to see trees and plants around me, to see the blue sky, to work normal hours, to eat normal food, to have at least one good parent and at least one life partner. I don't care about money or children, I let other people worry about those. I would also like to be surrounded by smart people and practice Buddhism with other Buddhists.
At some point (for a few years) I had all (if not most) of these, and it was brilliant! But now I'm down to one good parent, sea and sometimes sky. I would still be ok if only I would be left alone though.
Hmm.. I think I'm sorry for everyone.
I think I had an average life, but really it depends on how you look at it. I would like to be able to breath fresh air, to live near a sea or near an ocean, to see trees and plants around me, to see the blue sky, to work normal hours, to eat normal food, to have at least one good parent and at least one life partner. I don't care about money or children, I let other people worry about those. I would also like to be surrounded by smart people and practice Buddhism with other Buddhists.
At some point (for a few years) I had all (if not most) of these, and it was brilliant! But now I'm down to one good parent, sea and sometimes sky. I would still be ok if only I would be left alone though.
I had a good life until my project of a lifetime failed a few years ago. Since that time it's a constant decline which will lead inevitably to CTB if there's no (financial) miracle happening. Everything else would be great.
Blue Elephant
Mage
- Sep 22, 2023
- 519
0xdobalina
Member
- Aug 29, 2023
- 15
Can't you refinance the debt or something? I dont know the specifics of your situation by any means but 50k is not worth losing your life over.
I'm the same. I need a financial miracle.
I'd do anything and work my ass off to get there if only I could think of something, having lost everything and having no marketable skills and a ruined reputation and no network makes things very difficult.
Maybe we can talk?
EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 928
yeah! :( I miss my childhood a lot! :((( Especially 4th and 5th grade which were the best years of my life! >_< Even 6th grade wasn't so bad in retrospect! :( But I lost all my friends throughout high school and am now here instead~
I had my own business (internet related) but it crashed and now due to age and never been a wage slave and no current education and so on all I can get would be a min-wage-slave job. NO Thx ....
Blue Elephant
Mage
- Sep 22, 2023
- 519
Ah well, at least you tried. This is all we can do really. I tried as well but in the end I realized that money is not worth that much really. Fuck social acceptance if the price is gold and fuck shitty-wage-long-hours as well. I have enough to eat and survive until I CTB. This is good enough for now.
The thing is, I'd prefer to live and I'd like to live my life I have no desire to CTB if I was able to generate the means to be able to live the life I expect again. That requires money but yeah fuck the wage-slave-job. Then there's (not enough) money and I'm still not able to live the life again.
Never had good life but had better life with some quality. Now I have nothing and can't access euthanasia. Everything I've tried has failed and other ways I haven't done because it's painful and not guaranteed, could wake worse off and knowing my luck that's exactly what will happen. I hate life . Financially can't even afford basic needs . Go without power all winter. Disabled can't work. Live with constant pain and all my life all I've had is abuse. Lonely isolated with no family nor anyone friends who really care other than a couple who I can't talk to about this and they can't help .
I am same in fact I would rather be living in the abusive relationship and being unhappy than how I'm suffering now. At least I could manage then financially and even though I got beaten up and psychologically abused that's better than not having any quality of life at all. Pegasos won't help me die because I have no money and I can't ctb with peaceful guaranteed painless end where I go to sleep and never wake. I'm in constant pain. At least being in constant pain and beaten is better than going without most meals and electricity. All I do is cry every day. Miserable pathetic life and the govt here classes me as a bottom feeder as anyone who doesn't eirk is one. They're now going to make it even harder for people like me who are on benefit. As it is I can't afford the things mostly everyone else can and my disability needs heating as I have no body temp regulation due to condition I have. Even tried begging and fundraising , no one helped. Tired of pain, no quality of life, suffering with no hope or quality of life. There nothing I get any enjoyment from at all. I'm old ugly and haggard due to everyday extreme anxiety. Nothing I can do to have any quality of life. If I could work for minimum wage I would but mine is I can't physically.
Exactly story of my life
Last edited:
Blue Elephant
Mage
- Sep 22, 2023
- 519
@seekingpeacefulend That sounds horrible! I'm really sorry that you are in such a situation. A person I know died of cold. Well, the official cause of death was cancer, because he drank, and sure that might be true but he drank because he had a sad life and he got cancer because of his weakend immunitary system and that was because he lived in cold conditions. : (
What disability do you have?
What disability do you have?
Yes. Was pretty much in the top 1% in school and in working life after. Never had to work hard for what i got. Vacationed in all sorts of places, owned fancy cars and chased and got all sorts of women. Lol. Life was probably beyond good, as many said I had the ideal life. But it's all over now
At age 10, my dad owned a LAN party business and my uncle owned a VHS rental store. I remember saying it regularly how my life was perfect and I had all my needs fulfilled.
Then I grew up and I realised that was just the older generation trying to hide reality from us!
[edit: actually I hit puberty and my mental health issues manifested, maturity was part of it but I'd be a wild one to say I became an adult at age 14]
Then I grew up and I realised that was just the older generation trying to hide reality from us!
[edit: actually I hit puberty and my mental health issues manifested, maturity was part of it but I'd be a wild one to say I became an adult at age 14]
I feel like because I'm white everyone in the US expects that I had this wonderful life. The honest answer is no. Very few times has it been good. I don't believe I had a good life. In fact I think it was pretty bad if we are going to be honest.
Fulminare
Read Thomas Szasz!
- Feb 20, 2022
- 231
Yes! I feel like it's even worse knowing how good your life used to be and then you compare it to your current one. I used to be the popular girl in school for a year and then it did a 180 shift to being the most bullied student. Let me tell you, popular kids in school have such a huge advantage in life. At least that's how it felt like for me.
mob
Student
- Jul 19, 2023
- 132
My life's been mostly shit. I didn't have it as bad as others though.
My parents were abusive, my siblings went and actually bullied me for every small thing; I never felt loved as a child. I had unrestricted internet access at the "ripe" age of nine; and was groomed countless times. It's something that's deeply traumatized me. My father would hit my mother, my mother would hit me. Developed an addiction to pills at the ripe age of 13. Parents divorced; and my bad grades led me to attempting suicide at 14. Chaos ensued, lots of family problems. Moved in with my dad who traumatized me even MORE, cops called, taken out of home when I was 17.
I've worked my ass off to get a better life. I got a job even when I was not ready for it. I got my own place, I have two cats I love dearly. I'm on antidepressants, I see my therapist every two weeks. My life is a thousand times better compared to back then, but I still want to ctb. It's no use, really.
My parents were abusive, my siblings went and actually bullied me for every small thing; I never felt loved as a child. I had unrestricted internet access at the "ripe" age of nine; and was groomed countless times. It's something that's deeply traumatized me. My father would hit my mother, my mother would hit me. Developed an addiction to pills at the ripe age of 13. Parents divorced; and my bad grades led me to attempting suicide at 14. Chaos ensued, lots of family problems. Moved in with my dad who traumatized me even MORE, cops called, taken out of home when I was 17.
I've worked my ass off to get a better life. I got a job even when I was not ready for it. I got my own place, I have two cats I love dearly. I'm on antidepressants, I see my therapist every two weeks. My life is a thousand times better compared to back then, but I still want to ctb. It's no use, really.
DEATH IS FREEDOM
Death is the solution to unsolvable problems.
- Sep 13, 2023
- 607
I hade a .very good life. But time and circumstances destroyed everything.
Kta1994
Experienced
- Apr 25, 2019
- 278
Yes before chronic pain i was at my happiest
annointed_towers
Cursed by God
- Dec 9, 2022
- 314
I had an amazing life until I got cursed for cursing the Trinity
NeedAnEscape
awaiting the end
- Oct 16, 2023
- 250
Everything started to go downhill in my preteens. Some shift happened in my brain, and all I could think about were my own inadequacies. I felt like I was at my personal worst, no matter how well I performed on assessments. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, despite my involvement in numerous communities. Everyone in my personal life has found ways to shine and excel, but I struggle to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I see little value in my own existence. I don't understand why I even exist, when I have such little connection to the world around me.
HighFlight
Global Mod
- Jun 28, 2023
- 616
If you feel comfortable, I would be interested in hearing more. What happened?
bridgegirl
life on the edge, I guess
- Oct 16, 2023
- 135
I don't know. I have very bad luck, but in reality my whole life has been weird and hard, full of shocking events that are way out of the ordinary. But I would have said that several years ago I thought I was doing better. But then it all got taken away.
Now I find myself contemplating making a really reckless decision (that's not ctb) because I guess I feel like if I'm going to ctb then it doesn't matter anyway. I may as well jump in, so to speak.
Now I find myself contemplating making a really reckless decision (that's not ctb) because I guess I feel like if I'm going to ctb then it doesn't matter anyway. I may as well jump in, so to speak.
I have never had a good life. Approaching 40 and don't really care to be old. I'll just be old and reminisce about how shitty my life has been. I shot my shot and I fucked up some and the world is cruel and combine those things and I just don't care to go on any more. It won't get better and the only thing that brings me joy is fantasizing about not existing. In every possible scenario all the people that are in my life will have it better and easier. Want that for them, all I do is cause grief because it's all I've ever known. The best gift I could give anybody including myself is to ctb
They say you have to suffer sometimes or you don't appreciate joy. Well joy never comes. It's always out of reach. I have to suffer so others can have joy. That is my purpose. If getting bullied physically and psychologically since 5 years old through adulthood both at home and at school is enjoyable every day of your life then childhood was great. Then being forced into homelessness because "Christians" wanting to teach me a lesson at 18 years old, then yeah my young adult years were great.
Nothing has ever been great and nothing will ever be great for me. Just hate that people expect me to respect this country or those who serve it because they enjoy it. Sure it might be great for you but I am living my life and I'm telling you it sucks and it has always sucked and it will always suck. It's just reality and something you have to come to terms with so you can be fully ready to leave in peace. As I drift off, I will be in the most peace I have ever been in. It will be surreal. Loving myself regardless of fault is the first step and to love myself I have to stop forcing myself to go through hell.
They say you have to suffer sometimes or you don't appreciate joy. Well joy never comes. It's always out of reach. I have to suffer so others can have joy. That is my purpose. If getting bullied physically and psychologically since 5 years old through adulthood both at home and at school is enjoyable every day of your life then childhood was great. Then being forced into homelessness because "Christians" wanting to teach me a lesson at 18 years old, then yeah my young adult years were great.
Nothing has ever been great and nothing will ever be great for me. Just hate that people expect me to respect this country or those who serve it because they enjoy it. Sure it might be great for you but I am living my life and I'm telling you it sucks and it has always sucked and it will always suck. It's just reality and something you have to come to terms with so you can be fully ready to leave in peace. As I drift off, I will be in the most peace I have ever been in. It will be surreal. Loving myself regardless of fault is the first step and to love myself I have to stop forcing myself to go through hell.
Similar threads
Suicide Discussion
disasterplant
