Destined for Suicide

[dear._.hxc]

I feel like my fate is suicide. Like ive known for years that I'm destined to die by my own hand. There's no way I'm dying of old age, or cancer. My current ctb plan is overdosing on opioids. In that drug megathread it said I need to inject it so I won't be able to throw up the pills, but I have no experience shooting up.
I want to live life a little bit more, see if it gets any better (it hasn't and it won't but I guess I'm allowed to have false hope), but I just know I will die by suicide soon. Maybe in the next 5 years. I'm autistic and schizophrenic and I live everyday in fear and hopelessness. It will never get better, and I know my time is coming

 

[watergun88]

how olr r u ?

 

[dear._.hxc]

how olr r u ?

20 about to be 21

 

[kirillbledny]

I relate to you so much. When I first became depressed and suicidal at 13, I didn't even know what it was, I just thought "ah well, some people just die younger, guess I'll be one of them." I always lived with deadlines (until 15, until 18, until 30, etc.), so I guess I really never even faced natural mortality, I just sort of told myself I'll have control over that at least. I feel like I gave life a good shot, but it's time to go.