Discussion Desperately trying to find a purpose in life

[Yllene13]

I feel so empty, like the emotions I feel are just a facade; something my brain randomly conjured so I can feel human.

Imo I dont think life on its own has much of a purpose, it's up to an individual to find their purpose. Maybe it's a hobby, a job, a responsibility or even love.

I've never felt love for anyone (as messed up as it is, I don't think I have ever loved my family) and I crave the feeling so much. I can just imagine how much joy it can give me, how it'll fill the hole in my heart. Unfortunately I can't. Never have I felt romantic nor platonic love before, yet I feel as if love is the only thing that can give my life meaning

When I'm especially desperate, I just choose someone I know and then gaslight myself into thinking I love them, just to give myself a short moment of happiness,,, but then I think about it more and realize that everyone sucks and no one deserves my love :p

I feel empty again, convince myself I love someone, realize that everyone sucks + they don't deserve me and the cycle repeats again, and again, and again

 

[12_Years_Late]

I have become so used to not feeling any emotion for so long that I've become fine with it. I don't want to be happy or successful or anything.

I refused to allow myself to have a childhood and I do not regret this one bit, because it allowed me to think more deeply about this universe than others my age!

 

[CC123]

volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter

 

[absolomonisgone]

This is extremely hard to believe/comprehend. But, try loving God. Try to visualise the love God has for you..., I'm not preaching. Just stating a fact. ... What you are searching for can never be found in another person. Only in God.
Of course they tell you God is a myth blah blah --, because they want you to keep looking for what you need in the wrong places, e.g buy stuff, make you buy stuff for your loved ones, keep you buying services, etc.
I know what I'm talking about.
Really.
Try God.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's so sad- I'm so sorry. I guess I am curious though- only if you feel comfortable talking about it of course. But- did your parents or care givers show you a lot of love or affection? I suppose it's got me to wondering whether it is almost a learned behaviour.

Speaking personally- I'm alone most of the time- for long stretches of time- so- when I am around friends and loved ones again, I can find it hard to open up.

If I'm honest with you- feeling too much has gotten me into trouble. Either obsessions like limerance. Or simply- that people I have cared about have died or left. It's got to a point it's more choice with me- not to be close to people. Still- I doubt that's much comfort! I'm sorry.

I guess there are different disorders that can cause a lack of emotion- not trying to call you crazy. Do you experience other emotions intensely?

 

[Yllene13]

That's so sad- I'm so sorry. I guess I am curious though- only if you feel comfortable talking about it of course. But- did your parents or care givers show you a lot of love or affection? I suppose it's got me to wondering whether it is almost a learned behaviour.

Speaking personally- I'm alone most of the time- for long stretches of time- so- when I am around friends and loved ones again, I can find it hard to open up.

If I'm honest with you- feeling too much has gotten me into trouble. Either obsessions like limerance. Or simply- that people I have cared about have died or left. It's got to a point it's more choice with me- not to be close to people. Still- I doubt that's much comfort! I'm sorry.

I guess there are different disorders that can cause a lack of emotion- not trying to call you crazy. Do you experience other emotions intensely?

i did get neglected a lot as a child and my parents also weren't very affectionate. Most of my childhood is just me playing with myself alone, I never had many friends and my brother and cousins would ignore me. Most of the time they would lock the door so I wouldn't disturb them.

I do experience intense emotions at times. It feels like I'm suffocating under some kind of pressure and I just feel every kind of negative emotion all at once; I'll feel totally fine after a bit tho, the same emptiness I always feel.

 

[Forever Sleep]

i did get neglected a lot as a child and my parents also weren't very affectionate. Most of my childhood is just me playing with myself alone, I never had many friends and my brother and cousins would ignore me. Most of the time they would lock the door so I wouldn't disturb them.

I do experience intense emotions at times. It feels like I'm suffocating under some kind of pressure and I just feel every kind of negative emotion all at once; I'll feel totally fine after a bit tho, the same emptiness I always feel.

I'm not a psychiatrist or anything but it makes sense to me that if you aren't shown a great deal of love- how are you supposed to learn to give it? To feel safe to feel it or express it? I just don't know enough about this sort of thing really or how to get over it I'm afraid. I feel so bad for you though- I'm sorry.

Have you looked at ways to tackle it? People's experiences of therapy have been kind of hit and miss on here to be honest. I have different childhood issues to yours but in the past, I've got something out of watching YouTube channels like: 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy'. Not like it's REALLY going to fix anything but sometimes just hearing the tendancies of others and how they likely come about can resonate with us. Some channels give advice too. It's a little less invasive than actually talking to someone in person but who knows? It might help. I wish you all the best.

 

[Yllene13]

I'm not a psychiatrist or anything but it makes sense to me that if you aren't shown a great deal of love- how are you supposed to learn to give it? To feel safe to feel it or express it? I just don't know enough about this sort of thing really or how to get over it I'm afraid. I feel so bad for you though- I'm sorry.

Have you looked at ways to tackle it? People's experiences of therapy have been kind of hit and miss on here to be honest. I have different childhood issues to yours but in the past, I've got something out of watching YouTube channels like: 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy'. Not like it's REALLY going to fix anything but sometimes just hearing the tendancies of others and how they likely come about can resonate with us. Some channels give advice too. It's a little less invasive than actually talking to someone in person but who knows? It might help. I wish you all the best.

Thank you for the advice, it really makes me a bit more relieved knowing that even one person listened to me